A/N: I never really forget about this story but it is certainly a work in progress. Probably had this chapter saved for about a year now, it has undergone countless edits and I'm still not happy with it. I'm really trying to work on improving this. I can't even remember how old I was when I started it but I'm a lot older now. Weird, huh? It's kind of been like my literary journey. Anyway, this is about as much of a filler as filler chapters go. Next one should be good though. (That said, I haven't written it yet so I can't make any promises. See you in about, six months? Yeah?)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise. Blah, blah.

Chapter 18 - Marmean

Lily was hurrying to bed, after a long day of school. Her arms were piled with books as she paced the short distance from the heads' common room to her room. It was days like today where she was grateful she didn't have to put up with sharing a dormitory with other girls. She couldn't be dealing with conversation tonight. Lately, Lily had become a recluse. She preferred her own company. Even Marlene irritated her. She would never admit it, but James' words at the party that whole month and a half ago now had struck a chord with her. She had been reminded of her estranged friendship with Severus, which had now - in a bitter twist of events - became an estranged acquaintanceship with James. Regardless of their differences, her and James had maintained a professional relationship. The Christmas Ball was fast approaching and the head boy and girl needed to put on a united front. Lily had a date - a Ravenclaw boy named Garrett. And James was, naturally, going with Flora. Marlene had decided to take a stand and go on her own. Sirius, in response, decided to also make a stand and take two girls; Hufflepuff twins. The lighthearted bickering between Marlene and Sirius had rapidly become Lily's only amusement of late. Everything else seemed to be stressful. All she wanted was to stay in bed all day, and speak to no-one.
Lily had very nearly made it to that fate, when she collided with someone. Her books fell from her arms.
"Oops. Sorry Lily," Lily glanced up to see a sheepish Flora, wearing nothing but a shirt which belonged to James. The sixth year quickly knelt down to gather up the books.
"Leave them," Lily crouched on the floor, "I'll pick them up."
Flora hesitantly moved on. Lily could sense her presence though, standing by the door. Her cheeks were growing flushed and she refused to turn around. Although she was well within her rights to be there (arguably more so than Flora was), she felt like she was intruding on some kind of private moment. It made the pit of her stomach burn. The burn intensified when Flora broke the pause with speech.
"He talks about you, you know," Flora said, "In his sleep. He talks about you."
Lily still wouldn't look at her.
"I know that I'm never going to compare to you. I'll never be what he really wants. But it's nice to pretend...even for a little while."
Lily was clenching her fists, biting her tongue.
"I love him so much it hurts. I've always loved him. Ever since I joined the Quidditch team in my third year, I've fancied him. And it was summer of fifth year that I realised I loved him. He'd just found out that he'd been appointed captain of the Quidditch team, and he owled everyone who was in the team to invite them out for dinner and celebrate; he paid for everyone. It was that moment that I realised that although his head may have been big, his heart was bigger. He actually cared about the people around him, unlike any other sixteen year old boy I'd ever met.
"I'm not stupid though. I know you think I am. Stupid, naive, whatever. But I know he'll never look at me the way he looks at you. I could've probably lived the rest of my life knowing that as well. But I won't have to. Because he'll choose you. He'll always choose you."
"That's not true," Lily finally spoke up, "He loves you."
"He loves me," Flora repeated, "But he's not in love with me. He loves me as a friend, a member of his team. He loves me like he loves Marlene and butterbeer. He doesn't love me as much as he loves Sirius or firewhiskey or Quidditch. And he isn't in love with me. I think he wants to be. But he can't. Because he's in love with you."
Lily didn't know how to respond.
"Merlin, I hate this! I hate you!" Flora exploded, "You're so indifferent. You couldn't care less about him, and you hurt him over and over. And yet, he loves you. I give him everything! Everything! We're text book compatible, so why can't I win Lily? Why do you get to win?"
"Flora, I'm...I don't know what to say-"
"Well, I'm sure whatever you say will be Lily bloody Evans perfect!" Her face was bright red and her hair was everywhere. She let out a peal of frustration before sighing, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be angry at you. This isn't your fault."
"It is," Lily said quietly, "You're right. James should want you. He should choose you. I've hurt him in ways that you never would."
Flora paused for a painful length of time, "Do you want him?"
"What?"
"Do you want him? Do you love him?"
"Flora..."
"I need to know Lily."
"I do."
It was a whisper - so quiet, Lily barely heard it herself. Flora did. It was all she needed to hear.
"Flora, what is taking you so lon-oh...Evans. Hey." James emerged from his room, hair more mussed than usual, and only wearing boxers.
"I'll be off to bed now," Lily said. She rushed into her room without another word, but she didn't sleep at all that night.
Because every time she closed her eyes, the only face she saw was the one that belonged to James Potter.

"She broke up with me. She bloody broke up with me. She, broke up, with me."
"Mate, I think you're in shock," Sirius looked at his friend, with confusion in his eyes. They were sat in the Gryffindor common room where James had wandered to in a daze, like a man hypnotized. He'd plonked into the seat directly opposite the fire and was now staring into it intensely, shock carved in his features.
"Should we take him to the hospital wing?" Peter asked Remus - the first one of his friends to show something that even bared a slight resemblance to concern.
Remus studied the Quidditch captain. His elbows were on his knees, his mouth wide open, and his eyes staring blankly ahead of him, as he repeated 'she broke up with me'.
"He doesn't need the hospital wing," Remus rolled his eyes, "Do you Prongs?"
"She broke up with me. Me!" James responded.
"What he needs is firewhiskey!" Sirius concluded, whipping a hipflask out of his pocket, "Here." He thrust it into James' hands.
James hesitantly unscrewed the cap, and took a large swig.
"Better?" Sirius asked apprehensively.
"No," James shook his head.
"Crikey," Sirius snatched the bottle back, "Don't waste it then." He glanced up, and then elbowed James sharply, "Brighten up sunshine, McKinnon is on her way over."
Remus and Peter glanced up to see the dark-haired beauty marching towards her, face like thunder as she took in James' condition.
"What the hell is wrong with him Black? Have you drugged him?" She demanded, waving a hand in front of James' face to see if he was with it.
"No! Why would I drug him?"
"Oh I don't know, you tell me! I was just walking down the corridor when I heard some second years gossiping about how James Potter 'looked like he was dead' in the common room!"
"And your first thought was that I, his best friend, had drugged him? You think I'd kill my own best mate?"
"I wouldn't put anything past you Black," Marlene rolled her eyes, and promptly sat on the edge of James' chair, poking his face, "What is wrong with him anyway?"
"Flora broke up with him," Remus said.
"Don't say it out loud!" James cried, covering his ears.
"What? And you're seriously upset? Over that?" Marlene laughed, "Pull yourself together, James Potter, people are dying out there!"
James stared at her in disbelief.
"I mean it. She was only ever a distraction from Lily anyway," She continued, "And don't look at me like that, you know I'm right."
"I liked her!"
"You didn't love her though, did you?" Marlene said, smartly, "Don't get me wrong, I like Flora. She's a lovely girl. But she's hardly worth moping over. There's hundreds of sixth year girls you can go for if that's what you're after."
"Wow Marlene," Peter said, "You sure know how to kick a man when he's down."
"Tough love! That's what you men need. Get off the fucking arm chair Potter, and grow a pair."
"Why are you being so mean?" James frowned.
"It worked, didn't it?" Marlene demanded.
Remus nodded, "It worked."
"You're bloody talking!" Sirius said, "I'm outraged! You wouldn't talk for me!"
"I'm not talking!" James said, "Not for Marlene. She's mean. Marmean."
"Now you're making puns!" Sirius gasped, his tone melodramatic, "It's a miraculous recovery."
"I'm still sad about Flora. I just can't believe she broke up with me!"
"Get over yourself Potter," Marlene rolled her eyes, "Your head's already big enough."
"Right. I suppose there's only one thing to do then really, isn't there?"
"And what's that?" Marlene asked.
"Get wasted."
"Woo! Now you're speaking my language," Sirius cheered, throwing the hipflask back at him, "Drink up Prongsie. We're in for a long night."

James stumbled into the heads' common room at three am. Lily, bizarrely, was still sitting up. She was staring into the fizzling fire clutching a letter in her hand.
"Lilyfloooooweeeer!" James sung, throwing himself down onto the sofa, uncomfortably close to her, "What have you got there?"
"Nothing," Lily said quickly, screwing it up into a ball.
"It doesn't look like nothing."
"It is," She tossed it into the fire, "See? Nothing."
James paused, "I'm sad too."
Lily frowned, "You don't seem very sad."
"Well I am," said James, "Flora broke up with me."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."
"Are you really?"
Lily deadpanned, "No."
"So why are you sad?"
"What?"
"I've told you why I'm sad. So why are you sad?"
"I'm not sad Potter."
"Okay," James paused for a long time, "But if you were, would you tell me?"
"Probably not," Lily stood up, "Well...goodnight, Potter."
"Lily wait!" James said as she walked towards her dormitory.
"Yes?" Lily said.
"I...er...well I'm sorry. For being a dick at the after party. I know it was over a month ago but I just...I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You were right, anyway. You don't owe me anything."
"Right."
"I'm sorry too."
"What for?" James looked confused.
"For everything," Lily sighed, "For everything I've ever done to hurt you."
James stood up and walked towards her, holding out his hand, "A truce. A clean slate?"
Lily shook his hand, "A clean slate."
James smiled crookedly, "Will you tell me what the letter was now?"
"It wasn't a letter. It was an invitation."
James looked at her questioningly.
"To my sister's wedding."
"Oh."
"I don't talk to her much. In fact, on the invite she'd written at the bottom that she'd rather I didn't attend but our mother forced her to invite me."
"Wow."
"Yep," Lily shrugged, "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I probably won't even go."
"No way!" It seemed that James had miraculously sobered up, "You have to go. If she wants to act like a bitch, that's her prerogative but imagine how your mum would feel if you didn't? And she'd regret it later on - so would you."
"She doesn't want me there. It's her wedding. I don't want to spoil her special day."
"Lily, you couldn't spoil anyone's day. Seriously. You should go."
Lily looked amused, "Thanks Potter. I'll consider it."
"Anytime," He yawned, "Anyway, I'd better get off to bed. G'night Evans."
"Goodnight Potter."
Lily retreated into the safety of her dormitory. As she closed the door, and sat against it, she pressed her eyes shut. And once again, her mind was filled with the Quidditch player she'd just shut out.

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