A/N: Another lengthy wait for a chapter but at least the length of this one semi makes up for it. Honestly, I've had this written for a long time and it's anxiety more than anything else which has prevented me from posting it. This is an idea I had about two years ago and it's not necessarily an idea that I'm as excited about now. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Disclaimer: Any ideas or characters that you recognise are not my own.
Chapter 19 - Exposed
The Christmas Ball was Dumbledore's feeble attempt at reuniting the four houses of Hogwarts once more. The school had never stood so divided as it did now. Even Dumbledore himself, however, did not fully trust the students to behave themselves. He placed great stress on the need for adequate security and even though it was his idea, it was easy to tell that he had great concern for the safety of his students.
The finishing touches to the great hall were applied just a few hours before the ball was scheduled to begin. It looked phenomenal. Lily's eyes lit up with wonder as she gazed around the space. It had been completely transformed. The four house tables had vanished and been replaced with many round tables, draped in champagne coloured fabrics. Holly sprigs and candy canes created centre pieces, framing ornate candelabras while the walls twinkled with thousands of tiny white blinking lights. The sky was midnight blue, littered with stars and charmed snowflakes drifted from the ceiling. Framing the room were twelve tastefully decorated Christmas trees. Paper robins fluttered in flocks, designed to deliver messages from hopefuls proposing a dance. It was more breathtaking than any room Lily had ever seen, and she was so proud of what her and James had achieved in designing decorations.
"It looks good, huh?" James nudged her shoulder.
"Good? It's amazing! I can't wait for everyone to see it."
"The robins were a genius idea, Lily. I can now ask whoever I want to dance, without the fear of an incredibly harsh rebuttal."
"I suppose you're not going with Flora anymore?"
"Nope! I'm a lone wolf tonight. I'm sure some lovely maiden will take pity on me."
"You're James Potter. I doubt you'll be short of a companion."
"So, Garrett Jones. I didn't know he was your type. He's very...Welsh."
"Wales is a nice place, I'll have you know."
"I never said it wasn't. But if he's from Wales then he probably backs the Holyhead Harpies, and lets be honest, if your team isn't the Wimbourne Wasps then there really is no point supporting anyone."
Lily decided to use this tangent onto Quidditch to divert the attention away from her date, "Is Sirius still taking his twins?"
"Ah yes. Tallullah and Rosabelle Ariander. Rather him than me."
"Strange choice, I must admit. Very..."
"High-pitched?"
Lily nodded, "I believe the word I was searching for is shrill."
"He'll have fun, I'm sure."
"Sirius always does," Lily smiled, a little absentmindedly, "Anyway, I suppose I'd better start getting ready..." She began to walk away.
He called after her, "Hey Lily!"
"Yes James?" She looked back.
"Save a dance for me, yeah?"
"Okay," She smiled.
Marlene was regretting turning down so many dates. She had not considered how awkward it would be to walk into a ball alone. Lily had offered that she go in with her and Garrett, but Marlene decided that would be more awkward. Why was she so stubborn?
She took one final look at her reflection in the mirror. She had steered away from her comfortable wine red colour and opted instead for a dark, dusky magenta shade. The dress was perhaps the most beautiful she was yet to wear. The skirt was formed of layers and layers of soft netting and embellished with beautiful fabric roses. A tight floral corset accentuated her tiny waist. The fact that it was such a showstopper made it all the more difficult for her to confidently waltz in alone. She was certain that once she was inside she would find some lucky chap to dance with - but until then, she was apprehensive.
Finally, she took a deep breath and descended the staircase into the great hall. The ball was already buzzing with people. Couples twirled on the dance floor while others lingered by the drinks table. She heard people murmuring in awe about the decor and she smiled to herself knowing that Lily and James were responsible for their wonder. Her eyes scanned the hall for someone she knew, and she was relieved when they finally fell on Emmeline and Remus. She beelined for them.
"Marls, you look incredible!" Emmeline gasped.
"Thank you, Em," Marlene said, "As do you." It wasn't a lie. Emmeline had opted for a slinky silver dress which complimented her perfectly.
"I can't believe you've come alone!" Emmeline said.
"I was making a point." Marlene's eyes scanned the crowd once again, until she found Sirius being lavished with compliments by his two dates.
"So was he," Remus chuckled, "You two are as bad as each other."
"Well, he'll get bored, I'm sure. Are we drinking firewhiskey?"
"Butterbeer," Remus said, thrusting a cup into her hands, "Strictly alcohol free."
"How boring. Can't believe James settled for that," Marlene rolled her eyes. She looked round the hall once more, scrutinising the couples who were twirling around. Dorcas Meadowes danced with her date, Robbie Cochrane. Lily was standing at the drinks table, politely nodding while she listened to Garrett talk. James had picked up some blonde Ravenclaw girl while Flora looked enviously on. It didn't make much sense to Marlene that Flora would be jealous. After all, she did break up with him.
Marlene wandered absentmindedly over to the buffet where Peter was stuffing his face. At the same time, Sirius broke away from his doting twins.
"McKinnon! Looking hot!"
"Wow," Marlene said sarcastically, "Thanks."
"Dance?"
"I dare not. Your dates might crucify me."
"They don't have it in them. Come on, now, I insist," He held his hand out to her. Marlene hesitated before accepting it. She looped her arms around his neck and he circled her waist, gently swaying her round the dance floor.
"So how come you didn't come with a date tonight?"
"No-one took my fancy."
"You mean I was going with someone else?"
"No. I mean no-one took my fancy."
"McKinnon, you might as well admit that you're hopelessly in love with me. Everyone knows it."
"And if I was? Hopelessly in love with you?"
"Well, I'd be flattered."
"It's a shame I'm not then," Marlene quipped sarcastically, "You seem like you could do with some flattery. It's not like your ego is big enough." Suddenly, a girl in a powder blue dress caught her eye over Sirius' shoulder. Dorcas. With a robin.
"So I noticed that Rick Temberly was wearing pink dress robes. Who wears pink dress robes?" Marlene was too busy watching Dorcas to respond, "I was thinking we should just kill him. You know, string him up the weeping willow, then he'll be a goner for sure. I mean, pink dress robes? It's an unforgivable crime. What do you think?"
"Yeah. Yeah, great idea," Marlene frowned.
"McKinnon, you're not even listening to me! You just complacently agreed to kill a fourth year for wearing pink dress robes! If you didn't want to dance with me-"
"Don't be an idiot Black. I'm watching Dorcas. Or I was until she left. She got a robin! It must be from her lover."
"Oh for Merlin's sake, not this again! Just let it go, McKinnon, Meadowes is entitled to her secrets. She doesn't want you to know. Leave it alone."
"If we leave now, we can follow her."
"We?! You crazy woman! I'm not getting involved with your obsession."
"Fine! I'll go on my own!"
"Stop...McKinnon, stop. This can only end badly. Has it ever occurred to you that the reason Meadowes won't tell you anything is because it will hurt you?"
"Hurt me? Who could she possibly be seeing that would hurt me? She's probably being melodramatic. Although I must admit I'm thrown because I was convinced it was Cochrane, I bet it's still only some spotty Hufflepuff.
"And if it's not?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Even if it is, if you follow her you completely betray her trust and lose a friend either way. Don't do it."
"Black, I can't not do it. Not when I'm this close to finding out who he is. I'll see you later."
"McKinnon, stop! Marlene!" He groaned as the beautiful brunette slipped from his grasp and out of the great hall. Running a hand through his hair, he searched the room for Peter. Spotting him across the hall, he cocked his head for him to come over.
"Code red Wormtail," He hissed, "Marlene is about to walk in on Dorcas and lover boy."
"What?! She's going to lose it! Why didn't you stop her?"
"I tried, but that bloody woman...we have to do something."
"I don't want to feel bad for Dorcas but I do...Marlene has such a temper. Can we get there in time?"
"There's no way..."
"What about the cloak? The map?"
"Left em in James' dorm," Sirius cursed, "If you were a Voldy lover wanting to get off with your muggle born girlfriend in secret where would you go?"
"Room of requirement?" Peter suggested.
Sirius shook his head, "No...no, he's more romantic than that."
"They always meet up in the abandoned classroom on the second floor. There?"
"Too obvious...where would no one else go at this time of night which has enough appeal for someone to want to go there?"
Peter frowned before it dawned on him, "The Astronomy Tower!"
"Wormtail, you are a genius."
Lily was dying of boredom. She had decided that she hated Garrett Jones. All he had done all evening was talk about himself, and she just couldn't tolerate that level of arrogance. In accordance with James' prediction, he did in fact support the Holyhead , himself, hailed from Holyhead so he was a fan, despite the fact they were an all female team. After forcing herself to bite back a remark about his blatant sexism, she decided she'd had enough of nodding her head and smiling politely. Her neck was starting to ache and she was having to stifle a yawn every now and then. Lily started glancing around for an escape route and was elated to catch James' eye. As if on cue, he began to make a beeline towards her.
"Sorry Garrett, do you mind if I steal your lovely date away from you for a few moments? Important heads' business to discuss."
"Is that okay with you Lily?"
"Yes!" She said before clearing her throat, "I mean...er...yeah, I'm sure it won't take long." James smirked, placing his hand on the small of her back and guiding her away.
"Thank you," Lily gushed, "I thought I was going to fall asleep standing up."
James chuckled, "I could see that."
"So there's no heads' business to discuss then?"
"No. But now I have you, we might as well dance."
"Wait," Lily said, glancing back at Garrett who now appeared to be mumbling to himself, "Do you want to go...somewhere else? I can't risk getting whisked away by him again."
"You...you want to go somewhere else? With...with me?"
It was Lily's turn to smirk, "That's what I said, isn't it?"
"Right. Well, um...okay then!" James beamed, "Let's go!" He started charging out of the hall, leaving a bemused Lily to follow him.
"Have you got a plan of where to go?"
"Erm..." James scratched his head.
"I've heard the grounds are quite picturesque at night."
"Right. The grounds it is then. Don't suppose you want to go flying do you?"
"In this dress?" Lily glanced down at her gown, "Perhaps not."
"Always worth a shot," James smiled crookedly. They wandered, in amicable silence, out of the hall and out of the main doors. Gentle music floated through the air magically enhanced to carry from the path was lit with twinkling string lights and ornate benches lined the walkway, strategically placed for those who wanted air. James gestured for Lily to sit and she complied.
"Tonight has turned out really well. I'm proud of us," James said.
"Yeah. I guess we make a pretty good team," Lily smiled, nudging him gently.
"Huh. Who would've guessed it?" He paused, "You look really pretty tonight Lily."
"Thanks. You look nice too," It was her turn to pause, "Hey...do you want to dance? There's music out here and you asked inside so I thought mayb-"
James chuckled, "I want to dance, Lily." He stood and offered her his hand which she gratefully accepted. She felt safe in his arms, she had decided. And as he twirled her round, his arms round her waist, hers around his shoulders she decided she liked being there.
"I am sorry. About you and Flora. I know you think I'm not but I am."
"It's okay."
"If I'd have known that she would react like that, I would never have spoken to her. I didn't think that what I said would affect everything so much-"
"What?" James' arms tensed.
"I definitely didn't think she'd break up with you. She was so happy, I feel responsible but-"
"What the hell are you talking about Lily? You spoke to Flora?" He stepped away from her.
"Yeah. That night I bumped into her in the heads' common room," Lily gulped, "She didn't tell you?"
"No," James looked angry, "Merlin's beard Lily, you're just so selfish! You couldn't bear to see me happy, could you? You had to fucking ruin it!"
"James it wasn't like that-"
"No! You don't want me Lily. She wanted me. She actually wanted me. She laughed at my jokes, she talked to me about quidditch, she listened when I talked-"
"I listen when you talk!"
"She was everything. Everything. And you ruined it. Because you've got some kind of weird misplaced jealousy...because you don't like me, Lily, so why the hell would you care? Is it because you missed the attention? I wasn't kissing the ground you walked on anymore and you didn't like it."
"James, stop! Why are you being like this?"
"Because you've been a bitch to me!" James was practically roaring, "And I keep forgiving you for it. But this...this is a new low. Why did you do it? You...you ruined it. Why?"
"Because I do like you James! And I told Flora that, okay? She...she thought she wasn't enough for you. She thought you weren't satisfied and she asked...she asked me if I liked you and I couldn't lie. I like you and I know it's too late now but I'm sorry. I've said it." She looked at him for a long time, waiting for his reaction. His gaze softened momentarily before it hardened back to a stony glare.
"Fuck you."
He left.
Dorcas Meadowes ascended the stairs to the astronomy tower, her heart thudding against her chest. There was something more exhilarating about this meeting. Something less forbidden, something more romantic. The robin had since unfolded but she'd tucked it in her clutch bag to read over and over when the night ended. Finally, she found herself on the balcony. As she opened the door, her lover turned around.
"You look so beautiful tonight," He said, "It's been torturing me watching you dance with Cochrane."
"Imagine how I've felt watching you with Aurelia Greengrass. Now, she is beautiful."
"She's nothing compared to you," He shrugged, "I swear if she told me one more insignificant detail about her brother's wedding, I would have had to hex her."
"Flower arrangements aren't your thing?"
"I can't say they are."
"I'm surprised," Dorcas smiled. She glanced around the balcony, really taking in her surroundings for the first time, "Merlin's beard...is that...is that a record player?" The top of the astronomy tower had been transformed, lined with tiny candles and there was a distinctly muggle record player standing, the faint tones of The Beatles filling the air.
"Yeah...I erm...I got some of that muggle band you like on vinyl. The Bugs, is it?"
She laughed, "The Beatles! How?"
"Would you think badly of me if I said I bullied a third year? I couldn't get caught in a muggle store."
"Understandable," Dorcas said, "Thank you. This is perfect."
"Dance?" He offered, as the track changed to Yesterday.
"This is my favourite," Dorcas said, as she leaned her head against his chest. It wasn't so much of a dance as it was an intimate sway, a moving embrace.
"I remember," He responded, "Do I need to worry about you running off with that John guy?"
"John Lennon? I don't think you need to be concerned about that. He wouldn't look twice at me."
"I wouldn't be so sure."
They settled into a comfortable silence. Hand to hand, cheek to cheek, heart to heart. And in that moment, Dorcas felt invincible. She was deluded into believing that this thing they had could perhaps survive when they graduated. They could protect each other. She never felt as safe as she did when he held her, and as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear, she knew that there would never be anyone else.
Apparently, he felt the same.
"Marry me," He murmured, placing sensual kisses on her neck, "When this war is over, marry me."
"Say the words first."
"What words?"
"You know what words. You can't marry me if you can't say them," She glanced up to meet his grey eyes.
"I love you," He didn't hesitate. Her heart skipped a beat. Her eyes pricked with tears. "Hey," He brushed away her tears, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I love you too."
"And that makes you sad?"
"It makes me scared. It wasn't supposed to happen like this."
"I'm going to keep you safe. I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
He brushed her hair away from her face, caressing her cheek before pressing his lips to hers. She responded, her tears melting against his chiseled face. Everything was messed up. So, so messed up. Their embrace was interrupted by a loud scream.
"Merlin's beard! It was Rosier? Evan Rosier? Dorcas, you've lost it! You've lost the bloody plot!"
Dorcas jumped back like she'd been burned as she turned to see Marlene standing at the top of the stairs, a horrified look on her face.
"Marlene, I can explain-"
"Dorcas, there is no way you can explain yourself out of this! Holy shit!" She laughed humourlessly, "I can't look at you. I cannot even look at you. Fuck, Dorcas...how could you be so stupid?"
Dorcas couldn't speak.
"And I suppose you think he loves you? Merlin, you are so naive. He's using you!"
"McKinnon-"
"Don't you dare address me," Marlene spat in response to Evan's interjection, before focussing once again wholly on Dorcas, "Do you honestly think that when it comes down to it he won't use you for information?"
It seemed Marlene was prepared to wait for a response this time, and so Dorcas spoke, "I honestly believe that."
Shocked, Marlene withdrew, her tone cold, "Then you're more stupid than I thought," She paused, "This ends. This ends right now. You hear me? You're going to walk away from him right now."
"Marlene, I can't do that," Dorcas said, "You know I can't do that."
"Don't you get it? You don't have a choice!" Marlene was tense and red, nearly screeching, "Dorcas you leave him now! Or I swear to Godric, I will tell everyone about your sordid little affair!"
"No! You can't do that. You'll get him killed. You'll get me killed! You cannot breathe a word of this to anyone!"
"Then end it!"
"You will jeopardise everything-"
"You have already jeopardised everything!" Marlene interrupted, "You know what, I don't want to see you until this - whatever this is - is finished. And by that, I mean I don't want to share a dormitory with you, I don't want to eat at the same table as you and I don't want to be in the same classroom as you. So make your choice Dorcas, and maybe I'll see you again." She kicked over a lantern before turning on her heel and descending the stairs, leaving Dorcas standing there speechless. She stood, staring at the door, her eyes tearful but with nothing spilling over.
Evan stood back a little bit, "McKinnon will come round."
"Marlene is the most stubborn person I know. She won't. She meant every word of what she just said," Dorcas responded, before she started to panic, "Evan, what if she tells people? What if Mulciber finds out? What if...what if-"
"I'll take care of it."
"You're not powerful enough-"
"I said I'll take care of it Dorcas," Evan snapped, leaning away from her and running a hand through his hair. He was cursing under his breath. Dorcas anxiously paced the astronomy tower.
"Are we too late?!" Suddenly, two more figures burst through the door.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Evan groaned.
"I think we're too late mate," Sirius nudged Peter.
"Black?!" Dorcas gasped, "What the hell are you doing here? How...oh god..." She looked at him properly. He looked angry. Angrier than she had ever seen him.
"Meadowes, you need to come with me."
"What?"
"Look...I've known about this for a while and I was going to leave it...but now McKinnon knows, it has to end. It's too dangerous."
Evan shook his head, "That's not your decision to make Black."
"She's one of us. And unlike your lot, we're not cowards. We protect our own."
"The only people she needs protecting from are the people like you! You say she is one of you and yet her biggest fear is being shunned and rejected by you. What kind of protection is that?"
"Please don't talk about me like I'm not here," Dorcas interrupted, frustrated, "Black, I don't need saving. It's okay. He's not going to hurt me." Sirius levelled the wand he didn't realise he'd drawn.
"Meadowes, come back to the common room with me. Walk away now, please."
"I can't risk Marlene telling people about this," Dorcas gestured helplessly.
Sirius shot her a crooked grin, "I can deal with McKinnon. But she doesn't matter...you have to do what's right. And this...it isn't right. You can't surround yourself with people who have completely conflicting views to you. Trust me, I would know. If I can walk away from my entire family, you can walk away from him."
Dorcas turned to look at Evan, and when she spoke, it came out as a whisper, "Evan, he's right."
"I know," He responded quietly, "But I want to believe that the right thing is us."
She approached him slowly, and took a told of his hand, "We always knew it was going to come down to this. This won't be the end forever. Just for now." She hesitated before standing on her tiptoes and kissing his cheek. She brushed away a tear threatening to fall, and cupped his face with her hand, "Take care of yourself. I'll miss you every single day."
Dorcas pecked his lips once, her salty tears staining his ivory cheeks as she stepped towards Sirius and Peter.
It took her until she got to the bottom of the stairs before she broke down.