Hi all!

I just wanted to reach out with a brief note of Thanks to anyone who has favorited, followed and/or reviewed this story. I really and truly appreciate it. Any fellow writers (and probably others) know how much the reviews in particular help to motivate us to keep writing. So, if you have any thoughts about the story itself, the writing style, improvements or anything, I would really and truly appreciate if you shared them. (In other words, I am definitely campaigning for more reviews/thoughts :)! ).

It was really weird because when I first thought to write this story, I really wanted to focus on Callie and Brandon. But, I try my best to find the voice of the source material when I write any FanFiction-which includes intense binge-filled watch sessions for character research, Lol. And the main thing about the Fosters is that it has always been about the entire family and how they impact and influence one another's lives. So, although from Callie's point of view-and dealing with her Brandon feelings, because I am a total Brallie Shipper-this story has evolved, so that it is also about Callie's relationship with the Adams Foster family and the effects that the adoption reversal would have on each and every one of them.

I wanted to make a note before this chapter because it is probably my favorite of the ones I've written and I really hope you enjoy it. (Please review if you do! Shameless campaigning again).

Peaces!

Chapter 4:

Always. Free.

Later Thanksgiving Night

Callie stood in the doorway of the room and scanned the walls with her eyes. Her name was no longer on the door. She was almost positive that Mariana had ripped it off, but she tried not to think about that. Instead she stepped in gently and let the memories wash over her. Memories that pulled her in further with each step.

Mariana painting Jude's nails on her bed…

Mariana telling her for the first time about her birth mother…

Brandon talking to Callie about Liam…

Mariana telling Callie that she thought she shouldn't lie about what Liam had done to her…

Mariana and Callie, side by side in her bed, researching mastectomies after being told about Stef's procedure…

Mariana and Callie arguing…

Mariana and Callie arguing some more…

But more than anything else Mariana and Callie staying up late into the nights, with no one else. Just talking.

Callie told Mariana all about her mother, her father, her dreams, her hopes. All of them.

All but one.

Mariana told Callie about her mother, her fears, her plans, and everything else. Everything that she'd ever wanted to be and do and have. And that she was so happy to finally have a sister.

So happy.

Callie hadn't even realized that she was crying until she heard the voice behind her.

"What are you doing in here?"

She was actually happy to hear it. Even the sharpness of tone was a welcome relief from the silence. Callie didn't turn around, however.

"Just…remembering." Callie said as she smoothly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Remembering…" Mariana's voice had a tone of curiosity now and Callie knew it was in spite of herself. Callie turned to face her and said softly with a shrug and a glance around "Yea. Remembering us." Mariana smiled gently, but almost as if by mistake as she quickly dropped the smile and plopped onto her bed, picking up a magazine.

"Yea. Well, I guess we are just a "memory" now, huh?" Mariana said harshly as she focused on the magazine, flipping a page and ignoring Callie as though she wasn't there at all.

Standing here, staring at her closest girl friend ever, who she loved, missed and wanted to claim as her sister again, Callie could feel herself breaking down once more. But this time, she let herself go. Sadness, anger and fear mixing into a massive pit of regret as Callie huffed out, "Mariana, I'm sorry!"

Mariana looked up at her and was noticeably stunned at the look on Callie's face. Callie crossed her arms and said anxiously as the tears dripped furiously down her face. "Is that what you want? For me to say I'm sorry? For me to tell you how sad I am that I'm not a part of the family anymore? How much I have to force myself out of hating Robert for doing this? For hating myself? Hating Brandon? Is that what you want? Because if it is then you can have it, okay? Anything! Anything you want!" Callie screeched out hoarsely and the tears were falling rapidly now as she was shaking her arms and waving around emphatically. "Anything, just so that you know how much it hurts. How sorry I am. That I'm not happy. That I'm not. That I never am. That I…I miss…everyone. I m-miss you." Callie finished in a pained whisper as she dropped to her knees and sobbed ruefully.

Although Callie was not looking at her, Mariana's movements were immediately felt. The bedroom door was being closed and then she was sitting beside Callie hugging her fiercely and the only thing louder than Callie's choking sobs were Mariana's. Mariana pulled Callie into her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders as Callie reached around Mariana's back gripping at her hair desperately. They stayed this way, rocking back and forth for what seemed hours. And in this moment, Callie knew that they would be okay. But, there was still so much to say. So much.

After a few moments, Callie's sobs were no more than heaved gasps for air and Mariana whispered, sniffing "This is why I hate you sometimes. Somehow even when I'm mad at you, you can make me apologize to you."

Callie laughed quietly, saying softly "But, you didn't apologize."

Mariana squeezed Callie tighter and said with a bitter laugh, "What do you think this is?" And Callie realized that she meant the hug was her apology.

Callie smiled through her tears and eased herself away from Mariana, turning towards her and saying seriously. "You don't have to apologize, Mariana. I get it. I know you were really angry. And I know why. I'm sorry that I stopped fighting. I'm really sorry."

Mariana shook her head "It wasn't really that. Not that you stopped fighting. It was that…" Mariana blew out her breath as the tears brimmed in her eyes and she sighed deeply "I just…I wanted you to be my sister. So badly. More than I've ever wanted anything. And then you were and you were the best friend I ever had. And then just like that…you weren't. And I was angry. At you. At Brandon. At Robert. At Moms. At that stupid judge. At the universe. I wanted to hate everyone, and I wanted you to hurt like I did. Like I still do."

Callie stared at the girl crying before her with more pained stabs in her heart. In this moment, Callie wished that she could take it from her. All of the pain that Mariana was feeling and all of the hurt that Callie had caused. But she knew that she couldn't. Callie silently tacked this onto her reasons for the guilt and sadness that was beginning to become a well-known friend.

"Mariana," Callie began and she tried to choose her words carefully, honestly. She wanted to undo as much as she could, even knowing that things could never be the same. "I wanted this too. I love you. All of you, everyone. And I know how messy things got. And how…painful. But, I just…" Callie paused again trying to find the words "I just couldn't…I couldn't do it anymore. Even being here and feeling happy and then getting myself into trouble. Even if I hadn't? The lying and the pretending and the…the guilt, the shame. All of it was just too much."

Mariana looked at Callie curiously, her dark brown eyes genuinely, wondrous. "But what lies? What pretense and why should you feel guilty?"

Callie sighed deeply. She often forgot how much her family truly knew so little about her and Brandon's relationship.

"Brandon." Callie said simply.

Mariana frowned a little. "What about Brandon?"

Callie shook her head, closing her eyes as she spoke out "It was never…Mariana it wasn't just kissing or dating or sex...or anything. It was…everything. I…" Callie paused now, as saying that she'd "loved" Brandon felt wrong. "It was love, Mariana. Really."

Mariana's frown deepened and she was silent for a long moment. Waiting for her response, Callie suddenly remembered Mariana's reaction when she had first told her that she and Brandon slept together in the Idyllwild cabin.

"You haven't said two words to me since I told you." Callie had said as she began brushing her teeth as Mariana toweled off from her shower.

"I mean, I don't really know what to say…" Mariana said as she wrung her hair in the sink. "It kinda makes me sick to think that you and Brandon…in the cabin when I was asleep."

Callie felt her stomach falling a little as she listened to Mariana saying that it made her sick. She understood why it might from Mariana's perspective, but it still hurt.

"But, I have no room to talk." Mariana said quickly as she brushed out her hair. "I had sex on a beach with Wyatt at a school party." She added, mentioning how she'd lost her virginity to Callie's ex-boyfriend while still dating her own first love, Mat Tan.

"At least you didn't cheat on anyone… except maybe the family in a way." Mariana added.

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone." Callie said softly as she put away her toothbrush, "And it's totally over." She said, feeling the need to clarify things to Mariana.

"What did Moms say?" Mariana asked.

"Haven't yet." Callie said in a tired voice, but then she mentioned what she felt was maybe the one bright spot in the stressful situation; the release of a burden that had been weighing her down for months. "But at least we don't have to keep anymore secrets."

Mariana's next words stung Callie to her heart, although she'd never told her. Mariana said matter-of-factly. "Some secrets should be kept."

Now, Callie waited for Mariana to speak as she sat still, frowning as though trying to solve some question in her mind. Callie wondered if she had said the wrong thing. Again.

"How long?" Mariana asked suddenly looking at Callie questioningly.

"How long…what?" Callie asked cautiously.

"How long…? Did you love Brandon? I mean, was it when you first came here, before you were adopted? After? How long?"

Callie paused for a moment and thought about it.

How long Callie had loved Brandon, almost felt like a trick question. She'd never stopped. Not really. So she answered as honestly and as simply as she could.

"Always."

Mariana's face softened at Callie's words and she slowly slid backward against the side of her bed, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them protectively. Callie slid beside her, mimicking her position and waited for her to say something.

The quiet surrounded them both and Callie relished it, thinking about how much more it felt like home again. This quiet had been theirs before, as it was theirs now.

"Well, I guess…I…" Mariana started, her voice breaking into the quiet "I never…Never really thought about that…"

Callie glanced at her questioningly "Never thought about what?"

"What it would have been like for me if Moms had wanted to adopt Mat."

For a moment Callie just stared at Mariana and Mariana back at her with a serious expression.

Then the two girls burst into a simultaneous fit of laughter. Their first shared laugh in what felt like ages.

After a moment, Mariana paused with a genuine smile and Callie returned it. Mariana leaned into Callie's shoulder and Callie rested her head on Mariana's gently. They gripped hands as Mariana said softly, "I do know how much secrets hurt, Callie. So, as much as I hate to say it, and as mad as I still am, I do understand."

Callie smiled lightly and said. "Thank you for that, for saying that…And I am still really sorry."

"I know."

"But…" Callie added in a stronger voice, "There is something else that I need to clear up."

"What?" Mariana asked with a sigh as she closed her eyes.

"It doesn't matter what they say. The court, the state, the country, the world, the universe. Anybody. You are still my sister, Mariana. And that's never going to change. You are my sister and I will always be yours…" Callie paused briefly with a hopeful gasp as she said along with the tear that slipped out involuntarily. "I mean, if you still want me to be…"

The silence seemed to drag on and Callie felt Mariana raising her head and she lifted hers as well. Mariana stared Callie in her eyes and drug out her answer with a tearful smile.

"Alllllways."

Hours Later

Jude walked beside Callie and she found herself wondering at the way that he towered over her as he had for over 3 years now.

At times like this, it was hard to remember that a little more than 4 years ago, he had been that shy 12 year-old with the sad eyes and the furtive glances. Jude had gone from being a small, withdrawn, emotionally damaged child to a tall, bright, outgoing young man. Callie knew that no matter what else ever happened, no matter how many other people she met, or how many different ways her life rose and fell, she would never be prouder of anyone than she was of Jude.

"So," Jude said quietly as they made their way to the car. "How are you doing?"

Callie stood before her little brother-Well, younger brother, she thought staring up at him-and smiled softly. "You know how I am, Jude. We talk almost every single day."

"Not long, though. Not filling each other in on everything talks." Jude said and tilted his head towards her car, which they now stood in front of. "Like how I didn't even know that you painted your car." Callie smiled as she glanced at the teal colored Volkswagen Beetle. Robert had bought her a red car and as much as Callie appreciated it, the color wasn't her. It just wasn't.

"Yea. You knew I couldn't keep it red." Callie said with a laugh and leaned against the car beside Jude. "I know." He said softly and they shared a knowing look. It was amazing how you could share such history with someone that they would know what you meant, what your thought process had been with just a glance. That was Callie and Jude sometimes. They were on different wave lengths now. Had been for a while. But, still. He was hers. More than anyone else on earth ever had been or would be. They shared war stories, traumas, joys and triumphs. Nothing would ever change this, Callie knew.

"I heard you telling Jesus about your work at that new Girls' Center." Jude said staring up into the star-filled sky "I know that things didn't exactly go the way you wanted them to with the Drop-In Center or Fost and Found. So…I just wanted to say…I mean, I'm really proud of you for keeping it up."

Callie nodded though a little confused as she said "Keeping what up?"

Jude smiled at Callie and said with a short laugh. "Do you remember what you told me the night I told you, like, really told you, that I was gay? When you said that maybe I'd always known it somewhere inside of me but I was trying to…to hide from it?" Callie remembered the conversation well. Of course she did. That was the day she'd realized that Jude wasn't a child anymore. He'd only been 13, but still he'd seemed more grown up in that moment, than he ever had before.

"I remember." Callie said, softly. "I was so proud of you."

"Well, that's what I mean." Jude said quietly and his hand found Callie's in the darkness.

"What…?" Callie asked again, still a little confused. "You're proud of me for keeping what up?" she said again and Jude smiled again

"For keeping up with helping people. After everything that happened, a lot of people, most people, even me. We'd still hide from it. Hide from who we are. But, you? You're not. Even after everything you've been through, you're not afraid to be who you are in a way that can help others. You are still trying to help people."

Callie laughed a little, "Maybe so, but it doesn't always feel that way." She shook her hair loose and using her free hand yanked out the ponytail holder. "Sometimes it feels like the more I try to help, the more I mess things up."

"Yea, well," Jude said as he pushed away from the car and released Callie's hand. "Maybe that's because even though you are doing what you are supposed to, you're still not all of the way out of it yet."

"Out of what?"

"Out of hiding. Once you stop hiding who you are. Or why you are or whatever. That's when you will finally become what you were meant to be. What we were all meant to be, really."

Callie pulled her hair up into a ponytail as a distraction and tried not to think about what Jude could mean. He was always so wise, so knowing. Even as a child, he saw more, knew more. It was like an instinct with him. But, she knew that inevitably she'd have to ask the question, as much as she'd already dreaded hearing the answer.

"Yea? And what is it that I'll become?" Callie finally asked, crossing her arms. "That we were all meant to be, when I stop hiding?"

Jude looked at her with a sadness that Callie couldn't quite understand and said gently,

"Free."