Chapter 5:

Different. Paint.

(December)

Callie stood on the porch and willed herself to knock. Since Thanksgiving when she'd reconnected with Mariana and spoken to Jude, she had begun to feel like maybe things weren't as hopeless as she'd been telling herself. Maybe they could still be her family.

Just Maybe.

But, Callie still had someone else to talk to. To find out how she was feeling about everything and so that's what she was doing here. She was going to sit down like the grown-up she was supposed to be and talk to her…Mom? Guardian…? The woman she still loved like a mother no matter her title.

Stef.

Callie lowered her hand as she remembered the key that she'd never returned. Surely they wouldn't have changed the lock…

…would they?

Calming herself and shaking off the paranoia, Callie inserted the key, turned it and stepped into the house silently.

Gently closing the door behind her Callie walked into the familiar space. Without the intense worry that a room full of people were waiting for her with eager and questioning eyes, Callie glanced around the wooden entryway with a smile. The warm tan walls and hard wood floors, the warm colors and inspirational messages and the various family photos full of sometimes silly, always beautiful faces…

Home.

Callie took a breath and went to find Stef. She chose Friday because it was Stef's day off and a school day, which would occupy Lena, the twins and Jude equally so she knew that no one would be home to interrupt them. Callie wanted to be able to freely speak to her. Really hash everything out and she was really determined to do it this time.

Callie's heart pounded as she climbed the steps and made her way to the small room that her Mothers shared. Closing her eyes and taking a final deep breath, Callie reached out to knock.

Before Callie could connect with the door, a hand roughly grabbed her from behind. A short scream escaped Callie as she was whirled around and then stared up at

"Jesus? God, you scared me! What are you doing here?"

Jesus smiled a little and hugged Callie lightly before pulling away and then saying offhandedly "Isn't that something I should be asking you?"

Callie blushed slightly realizing that this was true. No matter how much more connected she was feeling, this wasn't her home anymore and she had no business asking Jesus what he was doing in his own house.

"Sorry…I mean you're right…" Callie said, tugging at her fingers anxiously and staring at the ground.

Jesus shook his head saying "No apologizing. I didn't mean to-to scare you." he added as he backed up a little and stuck his hands in his pockets. Callie surveyed the tall boy and noted his relaxed wear. A white t-shirt covered in what she could only guess at, but figured was paint and ripped blue jeans. He seemed dressed so casually and messily for a school day. A school day, Callie realized and now she recalled why she'd asked what he was doing here.

"Now I know why I asked: It's Friday. Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Callie said crossing her arms with a smirk, pleased to have gained just a bit of control over the situation.

Jesus's face brightened now "No! Not today, because I am working on my Senior project. F-finally got it approved!" Jesus said and although he was happy, Callie noted that the slight stutter in his speech that sometimes occurred due to the brain injury he'd suffered a little more than a year ago was still present. It made Callie a little sad to think about, but before she could dwell on it too much, Jesus was yanking her arm and rushing her down the stairs "I want to show you! Please?! Come on. Come with me!"

Callie and Jesus made their way to the backyard and when Callie saw the ground she gasped and was immediately in awe of what lay before her.

Newspapers were scattered all over the backyard with paint of every rainbow color on every page. Some spelled out messily scrambled words like Pain, Love, Sadness, Anger and Joy. Others seemed to just be abstract paintings.

Jesus scrambled around the yard and assembled the paintings in a seemingly even more frenzied manner and then rushed back to Callie's side and said "See?" as he spread his arms out widely at the new order.

Callie looked again and saw that this time the paintings, although roughly shoved together, formed a colorful collage of what was obviously Jesus's face.

"Jesus…" Callie said with a gasp. "It's…amazing."

Callie walked over and kneeled down in front of the part of the collage that was Jesus's large brown eyes and brushed her fingers over them lightly. They were so strong and beautiful. Yet also dark and sad.

"I never knew you could paint." Callie said glancing back at Jesus with a smile.

"I didn't either. I can't really. But, I've been going to this art therapy group. And it kinda...it helps me calm down. So I was talking to her about it. Mariana. And we talked about how it can help people with TBIs and Mariana said that's what we should do for our project. So that's it. We're doing it about TBIs and how it can-what happens to the family and stuff. This is my part."

Callie looked at Jesus puzzled "Your part? What's the whole project?"

Jesus smiled and sat down in the grass beside Callie "A movie. It's not that long. Mariana calls it a "mini docu-drama". It's about what happened to me and why. I mean my-" Jesus pointed to his head and Callie nodded,

"About your TBI?"

"Yea. And these different organizations and groups who have ways to help and…stuff." Jesus frowned now as he tugged at the grass. "Mariana is making most of the hard parts," he said with a slight shrug and Callie could see his sadness about his lack of full function. Sometimes Callie wondered how Jesus could remain so resilient. She could only imagine how she would feel if she'd gone through even half of what he had.

Just as quickly, Jesus's mood brightened again and he said with a smile "But I got to help with the filming and interview kids with TBIs and talk about how we can help and maybe change things later on. For other kids too."

Callie smiled and nodded "That sounds wonderful, Jesus. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks." Jesus said and the quiet settled over them. The sun was shining brightly, but the day was a bit overcast with clouds too. It was a shaded sort of brightness.

"So, you didn't say." Jesus started and Callie glanced over at him. Jesus was now sprawled out with his legs spread wide and leaning back on his hands.

"I didn't say what?"

"Why you're here?" Jesus shrugged "I know you didn't come to see me." He looked down and tugged at the grass gently, "You never do."

Callie felt a pang of guilt and felt so badly in this moment. She couldn't dispute what Jesus was saying because it was true. Although Callie had bonded to every member of the Adams Foster household in some way, Jesus was definitely the one with whom she had the least of a relationship. It wasn't something that was intentional, but she and Jesus had never really had anything to talk about or connect on. So their relationship was advanced more through their connections with the other siblings than anything else.

"I'm sorry, Jesus." Callie said softly and scooted backwards so that she was now sitting beside him. "I haven't really been to see anyone much since…"

"You and Brandon had sex, yea I know." Jesus said and Callie could have fallen over from the bluntness of the statement. Jesus had limited impulse control ever since his TBI, but it was still no less unsettling to hear him make a statement in this way.

"Not…exactly." Callie said and her cheeks burned brightly "But, since it…came out and the adoption was reversed, I mean…I haven't felt as…I don't know comfortable, I guess."

Jesus looked at her now "Then why did you come today? Jude isn't here."

Callie felt another pang of guilt but she tried to ignore it and said "I was hoping to talk to Mo-…Stef."

"Oh." Jesus said and shook his head "Mom's not here a lot now that she's always working on those sex crimes. She's really busy. All the time."

Callie nodded, "Even on her days off?" she said and felt her heart dropping a little thinking about Stef sinking into her line of work. Diamond. The pimp. Callie suddenly felt sick remembering what she'd put herself through. Put Stef through.

Tuning back into the present, Callie silently scolded herself for being so stupid. Stef was a detective after all. She didn't exactly have time to sit around all day waiting for Callie to come to her senses and decide she wanted to talk to her.

"Yea, even on her days off." Jesus said with a nod. "But this isn't her day off anymore." He added and gave Callie a strange look "And why do you call her Stef now?"

Callie shrugged and gulped as she stared down at her fingers feeling guilty suddenly. She had been away so long she didn't even know Stef's days off anymore. "I mean that's what I called her before…so, I mean…" She glanced up at Jesus and shrugged "You know…?"

Jesus leaned forward and rustled his hand through his hair. "Actually, I don't really…no one has ever asked me what I…what I think about it. About you. They didn't even let me go to the hearing remember?"

Callie didn't want to look at him because the guilt was starting to consume her again. She didn't like to remember that day and her mixed feelings about it, but Jesus seemed determined to talk about it. "Yea, I remember…but Jesus it wasn't…I mean it wasn't a good experience or something. It wasn't that they wanted to leave you out. They just didn't want it to affect you. I mean, they made the right call."

"I know." Jesus said quietly "It's just, I felt really bad that I wasn't able to be there for him, you know?"

Callie squinted in confusion "There for who?"

"Brandon."

Callie was incredulous now and she wasn't sure if she had the right to be, but she was a little hurt. "So let me get this straight: I was about to have my adoption reversed and you wanted to be there for Brandon?"

Jesus looked at Callie with an odd expression and then seeming to realize something he laughed a short laugh before his solemn expression returned, "No. I wasn't talking about for your adoption reversal. I just meant period. As a brother."

Callie shook her head and glanced over at Jesus's project again "You were, Jesus. I mean just because you didn't com-"

"No, you don't get it!" Jesus shouted suddenly and hit the ground with his fist. Callie jumped slightly, but stayed steady on the ground. She knew that when it came to Jesus's sudden mood swings and angry outbursts it was always best not to react emotionally.

"Okay, so I don't get it." Callie said calmly "So tell me what you mean: make me get it."

Jesus closed his eyes and breathed out gently "I'm sorry…" he said and surprised Callie when he glanced at her with tears in his eyes "It's just that now, I mean there's a reason…a reason why I'm not…well that I can't do a lot." He said quietly and nodded toward the newspapers spread across the ground.

"Jesus, that's not true-"

"No, it is. But it was okay back then, you know? I was never good at a lot of stuff. I wasn't gifted or whatever like Brandon or smart like Mariana, but one thing I was really good at? Even if no one else knew, it was like having a secret superpower. I was really good at being a brother." He said quietly and Callie saw the look of pain in his eyes and reached out to squeeze his hand.

"That's not a "was", Jesus. You are a really good brother."

"But, how could I be? I mean, Brandon always gave me advice about girls and life and stuff and helped me but I was so caught up in my own shit, that I didn't even know what was going on with you guys." He said empathetically.

"But, Jesus, you have your own things. You have your own life and it's not your job to take care of Brandon or to know everything."

"Yea, but I mean, I just feel like I failed him, you know? Like he didn't think he could t-trust me to help him."

Callie wasn't sure what to say. How could she console Jesus about not having known about Callie and Brandon? She didn't even know that he wanted her to console him. Maybe he just wanted someone to finally listen to him. Or ask him how he felt. Callie didn't want to, but she still decided to give him what he seemed to be longing for.

"But how could you have helped him, Jesus? I don't think he…expected you to."

"I know, but he never gave me the chance to. No one did. No one ever does. No one really cares what I think about anything anymore."

They were silent for a few moments and then Callie said "Well, I want to know what you think."

Jesus looked at Callie with a cautious smile, "Really?"

Callie gulped and tried not to look as nervous as she felt with her nod "I do."

Jesus pulled away from Callie's hand and sat up a little straighter. He seemed to be thinking for a moment and then he said bluntly "I think that Moms should have never adopted you."

The tears welled up in Callie's eyes instantly and she was shocked at how hurtful Jesus could be. For a moment Callie just blinked at him and wondered why he would ever think that this statement was something that she would ever want to hear.

"And I think that you and Brandon should have never done that, but once you did you should have never lied about it. And instead you should've gone to live with Robert and just you know, moved on from it or whatever."

Callie closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. So, Jesus didn't want her adopted…or with Brandon. Hurt and confused, Callie breathed out softly… "Oh,"

"Yea," Jesus said and he seemed to have a gentle satisfaction in his voice. Callie was more hurt by Jesus's statement then she'd been in a long time and she was honestly speechless.

They sat in the silence for a few moments and then Jesus said "So…what do you think?"

Callie chose her words carefully and wiped the tears from her eyes as she glanced at Jesus "I think…I asked you what you thought and you told me what you think." Then she very ungracefully got to her feet and began to make her way towards the house.

Why did I come here? Callie thought. If Jesus, gentle giant, kind-hearted Jesus could be this cruel what could she imagine that Stef would really have to say? That she wasn't angry at Callie and Brandon? That she wanted her to be a part of the family again even after Callie had betrayed her and gone to live with Robert? Not likely.

Before she could reach the back door, Callie felt Jesus grabbing her hand and pulling her back towards him "Callie, what's wrong?" he asked with what sounded like a genuine concern.

Callie turned to him and shook her head a little "Nothing." She barely squeaked out. "I just need to go."

"But…you didn't- I mean we didn't…" Jesus paused and looked a little confused "Did we finish talking?"

"I think you just told me all I can take hearing for now, Jesus." Callie said and pulled her arm away from Jesus and crossed her arms. "You never wanted me to be your sister and you wish I had gone to live with Robert before. I get it."

Jesus squinted at Callie, "I didn't say that I didn't want you to be my sister."

Callie was flabbergasted "Jesus…? You just said that. That I shouldn't have been adopted and should have gone to live with Robert."

"Well, yea," Jesus said. "But, I just mean…I didn't not want you to be my sister. I just didn't know he wanted you to be in a different way. But since he did, that's what I want too."

Callie wasn't sure if she'd ever felt angry, sad, hurt and confused in such a short span of time, but that's how she felt in this moment, because Jesus was throwing her for several loops.

"Jesus…you completely lost me. What are you talking about?"

Jesus shrugged "I just mean Brandon didn't want you to be his sister. He wanted you to be my sister-in-law. And that's okay too. 'Cuz you'd still be my sister, just in a different way."

Callie gasped in shock and just as quickly her cheeks were burning red again. "Jesus…no one ever said anything about getting married."

"Yea, but I mean that's what could've happened. That way you would still be family. Just in a different way." He said again and smiled as he eased his hands into his pockets once more.

Callie turned back towards the backyard and looked out at Jesus's project "So…when you said before that I shouldn't have been adopted…? You meant…?"

"So that you guys could be together. You could've moved past the adoption thing and stayed with Robert. And then things wouldn't have had to be the way they were. And everyone wouldn't have had to get hurt."

Callie was quiet for a moment and then said "Except for Moms…and Mariana and Jude."

"Well…do you think it hurt them all less this way?" Jesus said matter-of-factly.

Callie felt the stab of guilt again but admitted quietly, "Not at all."

"Right," Jesus said and shook his head a little, as he turned so that he was facing the painting again and standing side-by-side with Callie. "So what was the point…?"

Callie's eyes misted as she leaned over and Jesus pulled her into a side-hug, and then Callie said in a pained whisper,

"I'm kinda still working on that part."