Chapter 8:

Beautiful. Something.

The room was small and quiet. It was a backroom in the hotel that had been used as a rehearsal space before the hotel's expansion, Brandon said. The hotel managers' well-known willingness to allow the many music students who had passed through here waiting tables and bartending to practice in this room for free was the reason he had chosen to rent here. Though, he hadn't actually played it since he'd been here.

It was a grey room with an older piano in one corner and a set of drums in the corner. It was so far towards the back of the hotel, that it was quiet enough and felt like a sound proofed room in another building. The quiet was calming to Callie and it felt like a foreign entity in this city of noise and much. Callie sat down on the small stool beside the piano and gently rested her guitar against her knees

"Well, do you know what they want?" Brandon said, turning towards her as his hands hovered over the keys.

"Yes…well…no. I mean. I know the feeling that we're going for, but I can't really explain it in any way other than…like to say the words."

Brandon smiled. "Okay. What are the words?"

"Safety. The feeling of being in a safe space a…haven? Maybe…?"

Brandon paused for a moment and rubbed the stubble against his chin for a moment. Callie felt herself gulping. When had he become so damn sexy?

"A sanctuary?" Brandon asked and Callie nodded and smiled. That was the word she'd been looking for. "Exactly."

Brandon's playing began slowly and cautiously. The melody was light and gentle. Callie began strumming along in tune with him. After a few moments she was thinking that the sound was a little too happy and as if on cue, Brandon switched the notes and played deeper. Now, the tone was more mellow and sad. Callie played along with him, but the tone felt more depressing than it did hopeful. Callie paused her playing and Brandon glanced at her and nodded as he stopped playing. Silently, he seemed to understand her inner critique.

Brandon began again and the notes were better now, heavy but not too heavy and light but not too light. But, still it wasn't right for the site. Callie didn't even bother to play along with him this time, waiting until he waded out of this piece and into something else.

They continued in this way for more than an hour, Callie strumming gently in time with Brandon's piano, giving one another nonverbal cues when they needed to change the notes, speed up or slow down. But, still…nothing came together.

At last, Brandon stopped playing abruptly and said with a shake of his head. "I don't know…I just feel like I'm missing something."

"I know what you mean."

Brandon turned to Callie and looked at her expectantly, "So? Tell me…"

Callie felt so watched and glanced down at the guitar in her hands "Tell you what…?"

"Tell me what it is that I'm missing. You said it once that I don't know what it's like to not have enough. And you were right. I don't. I don't know what it's like to want a safe space or a sanctuary. So tell me what it's like. Make me feel it, so I can play it."

Callie paused easing for a moment into the memory. It was years ago and Stef had been shot. Angry and scared, Brandon had yelled at the twins for having caused 'his' mom to end up on a hospital bed fighting for her life.

Callie told him later that he didn't understand what it was like for the twins and admonished him gently in a way that made him realize that he was wrong. Not to be angry. But to make the twins feel at fault for wanting to get in contact with their drug addicted birth mother-who'd inadvertently led to Stef's being shot.

Brandon then apologized to the twins in a brotherly manner as Callie sat on the steps and listened, beaming with pride in a way that she couldn't fully understand in that moment.

Tuning back into the present, Callie felt Brandon's eyes on her and closed her own again. It had been so long since she'd needed one that she had to remember the emotions herself. What it had been like for her in the system. All those years before she'd finally found the Adams Fosters.

"It's…scary." Callie spoke out shaking her head, "It's like you never really know when you can breathe. Someone else has to tell you when it's okay to eat…to sleep. Learning when you're allowed to laugh…to cry. It's…never knowing what will happen to you but knowing that no one else does either. It's like…you lose parts of yourself to strangers. And so you sort of become a stranger to yourself, even. And you lose trust in everything and everyone. Including yourself. So…even when you finally feel safe…? Feel loved…? You don't trust it. It's not just searching for a physical safeness. It's waiting to feel safe…inside…"

Callie words trailed and she opened her eyes staring into space…that was who she had been and how she'd felt then. So small and lonely. And so afraid. Times two, because she felt all those same things for Jude too. It was a distant memory now, but Callie could never forget those feelings. And now she wanted to make sure she saved other girls from ever even having to feel those emotions. Ever.

Callie almost forgot Brandon was there until she glanced up at him again. His eyes were full and he looked away from her, breathing deeply and composing himself. He paused for a moment and the silence filled the room.

It was soft, cloying, and gentle but slowly the notes began to fill Callie's ears. She looked over at Brandon and saw the look on his face that he got when he was there…in his own musical world bringing life to the passion that flowed so effortlessly from his fingertips.

The notes bounced around the room and wrapped Callie in them. That one was a hug. This was a reassuring touch. A blanket draped around her shoulders. A nod. Freedom to smile. Freedom to breathe. Someone's arms wrapped around her protectively.

Callie watched Brandon in awe as he played the notes over and over until she'd memorized them along with him. And she knew that this was what she'd come here for.

This was the song Callie knew because in this moment, the feeling of safety encompassed her. She was home. She was safe. She was loved.

This was what the girls who came to the site for center would need to feel.

This was "Sanctuary".

Later On That Afternoon

"It's perfect, Brandon." Callie said, taking the USB drive after he'd loaded it for her from the computer. "Thank you."

Brandon smiled lightly "Thank you." He said quietly. "I hadn't played in so long…I thought I'd forgotten how."

"You could never forget that. It's a part of who you are." Callie said.

Brandon's room was small compared to the rest of the hotel rooms Callie was sure, but its simplicity was charming she thought. She sat down on the bed that was right in front of the small desk he was sitting at.

"It was nice to play with you again." Callie said softly. It had been so long. The last time was when she'd thought she was going to prison for years. She'd wanted to say goodbye to him without saying it and had played with him as her way of saying this.

"I know. You too." Brandon said. "It's so…"

"Easy." Callie finished, nodding.

"Right." Brandon said with a wondrous shake of his head. "It's weird because playing with you is different than playing with anyone else. It's like…I know what notes you're going to play before you play them."

Callie nodded in response. "I know what you mean. I feel the same way."

"You know what's funny?" Brandon said with a slight smile.

"What's that?" Callie said softly as she traced the comforter with her fingertips.

"If we had met under…different circumstances…I mean, no matter what else we were, I think we would have been…musical soulmates." He said in tone so serious that Callie looked at him. Brandon's expression was deadpanning and she smiled gently for a moment before they both broke into a familiar laughter.

"Maybe." Callie said quietly. In her mind, meeting Brandon in another life, "musical" soulmates would be the least of her thoughts. But, of course, she couldn't voice this.

"Hey…so how are you?" Brandon said suddenly and Callie glanced over and seeing him staring at his hands, she could tell that the topic was about to be serious.

"About…?"

"The reversal." Brandon said in a near whisper. Callie was more than surprised. It had been nearly a year and she hadn't imagined that he would ever speak to her about it.

"I'm…" Callie tried to find her feelings about it. They were so settled in her that she found trouble bringing names to their descriptions.

"I'm just…okay." Callie said quietly and Brandon looked up at her and smiled gently.

"How are you? …About the reversal?" Callie asked cautiously.

Brandon sighed deeply and twisted his fingers hard. "I, um,…I hadn't ever really…before the judge was saying all of that, I wasn't ever thinking about it. That there were lies or illegal things involved in it, or whatever. I'm so sorry for being a part of that." Brandon said and Callie could hardly take his statement, but she allowed him to finish "I think, I was just…" he paused before continuing in a heavy tone "I was just so focused on making sure that I didn't ruin things for you. That you were able to have what you wanted…to be a part of the family. So it was never occurring to me that anything was wrong with how you became a part of it, you know?"

Callie nodded softly and remembered that day in the court room when Brandon's eyes were the only ones she wanted to find and the only ones she couldn't.

"I'm so sorry, Brandon."

"Sorry, for what?"

"That I made you…a part of it. A part of the lies. I never meant to-"

"Callie…"

"No," Callie said softly, the tears rising again "I mean it. I never wanted you to feel like you were a lie. Or that we were. I wish I could take it back."

"Callie," Brandon said placing his hand comfortingly on her knee as he often did. Callie stared at his hand and her tear fell on his fingers before he used his other hand to lift her face and look into her eyes.

"I am so proud of you for being that brave. For being able to get on with your life and stand up in the truth, even though it wasn't what you wanted. I know how hard that was for you. I know it. I'm just…I'm saying that I'm sorry that I was a part of the reason that you aren't part of the family anymore…"

Callie swallowed back her tears and then looked up into his eyes with a sad smile. "We can't apologize for that though, Brandon."

Brandon looked at her with a curious smile and asked with a tilt of his head "Why not…?"

"Because…we said we'd never regret it…and I still don't."

Callie's fingers found Brandon's and she clasped his hand easily and glanced up into his eyes "I don't either." Brandon said and they stayed in this way for a few moments too long. Callie could feel the mood in the room shifting and she suddenly felt so dizzy.

Before anything else could come of the moment, Callie's phone buzzed and broke them from their gaze. The name Dad - Robert, flashed on the screen and Brandon released her hand awkwardly and glanced at his computer. "Oh. He's probably calling you for the flight. It's almost 12:00. You've got to be going." He said and stood up gingerly. Callie had almost completely forgotten about her "Robert's here" lie and took a few moments to process what Brandon had said. Oh, yes. The flight. The plane did actually leave at 2, but Robert wasn't waiting for her at the airport as she'd told Brandon when he asked earlier.

"Oh…yea." Callie said as she stood up slinging her small bag over her shoulder. Their moments together had always been like this. Small interrupted spaces that Callie would go back to when she began to feel those waves of longing again.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Brandon asked as they walked down the stairs to the hotel lobby "I mean, I know Robert's there, but I mean…in this traffic, it's maybe an hour ride to that airport. Won't you be bored?"

Callie laughed. "So you'd ride with me during an hour-long uncomfortable cab ride, just so that I wouldn't be bored?"

Brandon looked at her as though the answer was obvious and said with a shrug. "Of course."

Callie caught her breath and turned away from Brandon, steeling herself for the memory of that look. "No. Thank you, but I'll be alright."

Always. Brandon was always there for her. Even when he didn't want to be, he was always there. Sometimes, Callie felt like such a horrible person compared to him. He seemed always willing to sacrifice something for her. Callie only hoped that one day she would be able to repay him.

They'd reached the bottom of the stairs and Callie turned to look at Brandon as she thought of the conversation they'd had the other day about why he hadn't been playing music anymore.

"Brandon?" Callie said seriously as she looked up into Brandon's eyes "This," she said pulling the USB drive from her pocket. "This is what you are supposed to do. Music. Piano. Composing. Everything. I know you're scared and you messed up. And believe me, I get it. I do. But…you said that you were proud of me for being brave. For standing up. But you're the one who first made me feel safe enough to do that. So, you…you can't let fear keep you from becoming who you were meant to be, Brandon." As she said this, Callie slid her hand down Brandon's arm reassuringly and finished saying determinedly "It's okay to be afraid, but it's not okay to let fear stop you from doing something amazing…From becoming who you were meant to be."

Brandon smiled at Callie's words and nodded as he shook his head and glanced at the ground. "Okay."

"Okay? So you'll try for it…? Juilliard…?"

Brandon shook his head and laughed a bit as he said carefully "I wouldn't say that just yet, but I will start practicing. Getting ready to try again."

Callie smiled and nodded at him happily. "Good."

They hugged and Callie captured the memory of Brandon's arms around her, his hair swiping across her ear, his hands tightened around her as though she was something precious and rare.

When they backed away from the hug, Callie felt different. Something had happened this weekend. Something that she couldn't quite put a name to yet. But she knew that it was the beginning of something.

Something beautiful.

A Week Later

Callie had known that there would be no question as to whose song would be on the site, but she patiently waited as Rita and Mary played the instrumentals that they'd gotten from their artists for the room. Mary's was by her nephew. It was a nice effort, but the sound was too much. Intrusive and impatient.

Rita's artist was better. But, the sound was still overwhelming. Too soft and forlorn. As though the safe place wasn't yet found and was still needed. Still wanted.

When it was finally her turn, Callie queued up the song on the computer and said turning towards the room. "This piece is called "Sanctuary".

The room fell silent as Brandon's piece flowed up and out of the computer. Again Callie could feel his arms around her. His heartbeat pumping through the melodies. Safety. Home.

Callie glanced around the room and saw that most of the room was immersed. Eyes closed, silent. Involuntary smiles, involuntary tears.

As the song finished out for maybe the 16th time-as Callie had it on a loop-Rita opened her eyes and said definitively "That's it."

Callie smiled and Mary wiped an involuntary tear from her eye saying "Yes, that's the song."

"Great." Sela said. "I'll have it on a loop on the site by tonight."

"Good." Mary said as she checked a box on her clipboard. She glanced about the room. "I think that was the last thing we needed right?"

"It was."

"So we will be ready to launch by next week. Just in time. We all know that suicides go up during the holidays so this is the perfect timing. Alright everyone. Get to work and let's get this site ready to launch!"

Mary's voice carried throughout the room as the volunteers dispersed into their own separate groups to put the finishing touches on whatever part they played in the site.

Rita looped her arm through Callie's and said quietly. "Very beautiful, Callie. Let Brandon know that we appreciate it."

"I will." Callie said thoughtfully, absently wondering if she would see him over the Christmas break.

"He really is quite the musical genius, huh?" Rita said.

Callie smiled softly and said feeling a familiar swell of pride. "He really is."