Do you know what we are?
We're investors.
Well, at least I am because I invest my time with the people that I care for. Now, I have gone through many life-altering experiences and changes in my life, and I am eternally grateful for them. Self-consciousness, regret, life, death, you name it. Through it all, it's been a challenge, but I can either over come all of them or I can sit and wallow through them. I'd rather take the former because now I have kids of my own with the man that I love.
Now, there was a point through this journey that I simply harped on for a moment, and now I would like to go deeper into it. Remember when I used the word special? How we all have the need to feel special? Well, let me tell you something about that statement. It's definitely a true sentiment to everyday life because we are human beings that have out own wants and needs. It's crazy, complex and true because that's human nature.
Ooh.
The last two words made me want to listen to MJ's Human Nature.
Why, oh why, did that man have to die so young?
Damn, Dr. Murray!
Anyway, sorry for the tangent.
This is your tangent and my tangent…..never to be had again.
Possibly. 😉
So, let's run through the things that make us feel special as human beings.
Get ready because this is a long one.
Acceptance – I have always grown up knowing that most people are judgmental and critical. Sucks right? I try not to do that because at the end of the day, we are all human beings with feelings. Ok, some more than others, but there's nothing that I can do about that at all. I think that stems from our need to be unconditionally accepted by another person raises that person's self-esteem, reinforces his or her self-image, and makes that person much more likely to accept you and follow your lead.
Appreciation – When you appreciate another person for anything that he or she has done or said, they will like themselves and you more as well. The simplest way to express appreciation is to simply say, "Thank you" for an idea, some good feedback, time spent together, or an order. The problem with that is….NOT EVERYONE WILL APPRECIATE YOU! I cannot stress that enough, and it is horrible. You can do the most simplest of things, and it goes unnoticed. It's like "Bitch, where are you appreciation skills? Don't get mad when someone isn't appreciative of you." What goes around comes around, and in some cases, it isn't necessarily karma….
Agreeable – The most welcomed people in every situation are those who are generally agreeable and positive with others. Some people out there…..let's just say that they are the ones who like to be argumentative, complaining, or disagreeable. My belief in that? Some of them will have a hard time agreeing on certain things. The best thing for me would be to agree to disagree because my life is too precious for some petty matters, or say that I am right, even when I am wrong.
Hahaha!
Poor Jackson always being "wrong" even when he isn't.
I guess that it sucks to be a man sometimes.
Thank God I am a woman.
Moving on.
Admiration – People invest a lot of personal emotion in their possessions, traits, and accomplishments. I have found that when you admire something belonging to another person, it makes him or her feel happy about themselves. Everyone has positives, and it's up to you to find them. In turn, these positives will be reflected back on you. Now, that is hard because in my opinion, those traits are self-imposed standards that one sets for themselves and it makes them…..confident, which can either be good or bad depending on how you carry yourself. Let them know what you admire about the challenges they've overcome.
Paying Attention to Others – We can go about this a couple different ways if you sit and think about it. Let's go with something….simple. The most powerful way to pay attention to someone is to listen attentively first, even ask questions, before you launch into a monologue answering every question they might never ask. Believe it or not, before you even say a word, you will become a more interesting and intelligent person in their eyes. For me, paying attention also means that the listener tries to understand what the other person is feeling or experiencing and attempting to see things from the speaker's perspective.
Next, give them a compliment. I wake up everyday giving myself a compliment. Hell, I even give Jackson a compliment, because I can. He doesn't expect it, but I think that it's important because it shows that I am paying attention to him as a person, not just as my husband or the father of our two kids.
Never criticize, condemn, or complain. – No one wants those kinds of abuse in their personal relationships at all. Trust me. I would know, and it isNOT pretty at all. The most harmful force of all is destructive criticism. It lowers a person's self-esteem, makes him or her feel angry and defensive, and causes him or her to dislike you. Fat pig, skinny bitch, whore, slut, so on and so forth. The list goes on and on, especially for us women, which isn't really fair, but many of us are used to it because that is human nature. When the people that care for us ask us the question"How are we taking it so well?" or "How did you recover from that?" the answer is simply "We've been in training for years." If your target is someone not present, it still causes a loss of trust in you, since your listener could be the next target.
Be courteous, concerned, and considerate of everyone you meet – At least say a simple hello to a person on the street. You never know what someone is going through. If they respond to your greeting, then you have achieved something. Now, there have been times when I haven't gotten a response from others, and I will admit that I cussed them out, and I feel a lot better when I do that. It's wrong, but you can't hunt me down. When you treat a person with courtesy and respect, they will value and respect you more. By being concerned, you connect with their emotions. Consideration is the discipline to do and say things to people that are important to them.
Potential – When someone says that they have a dream, tell them you believe that they can achieve their dream—and why. I feel as if there are things that you recognize within a person based on their talent, then it is best to acknowledge their skills and talents. Ask them questions to help them uncover how they can leverage their strengths to make a difference in the world. Encourage them to go for something they want but are scared to pursue.
Comfort – Comfort them after a failure or misstep and let them know it isn't representative of who they are or what they're capable of. Sometimes there is no right or wrong answers, but what can you do? I think it's simply best to ask them to teach you how to do something to reinforce that this is something they excel at. Offer to teach them something you know they've wanted to try, and let them know why you think they'd be good at this.
Guidance – Give them something to help them get started on their dream—like a journal for an aspiring writer, or a design book for someone interested in fashion. Tell them you want to be the first one to buy their product or service when they inevitably start making a living off their passion. Give them a hand-made card and write inside what you see in them. You'll be helping someone more than you could even know.
Give Generously – Give your time to listen, to support, or to just enjoy each other's company. I know that I enjoy Jackson's company, even when we are mad at one another after our necessary fights. Yes, I am crazy for saying that but I have to let him know what I am being generous with my time with him because tomorrow isn't promised. Give generously, even for the most simplest of things, such as when someone is looking for a job. Give them a job referral and say, "You're the first person I thought of when I saw this—no one could do this job as well as you!"
Give an introduction to someone they'd enjoy knowing—and introduce them with a compliment. Say something like "This is my good friend Avery, and-"
Hold on.
I am not bringing my Jackson into this. I'll change that to someone else.
Let's start this again.
Give an introduction to someone they'd enjoy knowing—and introduce them with a compliment. Say something like "This is my good friend Robin, who's a fantastic chef and one of the funniest people I know.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Instead of assuming they've done something thoughtful or insensitive, remember their goodness, and let them know. Give them your approval—nod your head when they're talking and commend their thoughts and ideas.
As I said before, space is something that everyone craves. We need time for our hobbies, time with our friends, and time to toil away on our projects to feel fulfilled. Space to work through thoughts and ideas out loud, even if you're tempted to bring the conversation back to yourself.
Give them credit for something they were right about.
Let one have the opportunity to shine in front of others when you're tempted to dominate the conversation.
Be honest – Honesty is the key. Give an honest opinion and say, "I value you too much to tell you anything but the truth." Honestly, I would rather put up with an honest person in my life because I don't have time to put up with anyone's bullshit. Share your honest opinions instead of censoring yourself to show them you're comfortable enough to be authentic with them. My belief is that honesty makes us trustworthy and sincere to those close to us. None of us are perfect though and being honest all the time is not always possible. If you need to tell one lie to cover up another lie, then you're not worthy of being honest to yourself.
Be affectionate – See, I don't know about you, but Jackson always gives me a hug when I am feeling down, and hold me just a little longer than usual. That alone makes me feel special. The playful nudges when joking around to show he and I are tight like that. All those pats on the back when offering praises, even for the small things.
The squeeze of a hand when I am very anxious. Cuddling up to him instead of maintaining distance on the couch. I still find it funny when I try to be the big spoon and fail, but he appreciates it. Offer to give a massage to someone you know would be comfortable receiving it. Well, that goes both ways. I could go on and on, but I don't want to bore you.
Show affection by actually kissing someone on the cheek instead of giving an air kiss. Air kisses are lame. Well, I think that depends on the person, but overall, I am not really a fan of those if they aren't coming from my kids. Hold hands with your partner when walking outside. Now, if you have friends who enjoy holding hands, go for it! Never be afraid to show affection with your friends because they are some of the most important people in your life. You can do that by sitting close together or one another, to show you're not avoiding physical connection at all costs. If you know they don't enjoy too much affection, give them a handshake when greeting them to show you understand and respect their preferences.
Share yourself – Sharing your fears with your significant others or a friend is vital. It lets them know you're not afraid to be vulnerable with them. To me, that means that you should be able to your feelings with them and let them know you value their guidance and support without judgments. Talk about your dreams with them and let them know you appreciate their advice and encouragement. It's a challenge, especially when you aren't an "out there" kind of person, but it always helps to talk.
I have also learned that sharing your resources with them—especially if they're scarce—shows that they're worth the sacrifice. Try to give something you cooked for them to show them they're worth the effort. I guarantee that they will appreciate the effort.
The rough one.
Spirituality.
Share your spirituality with them, and invite them to join you in practicing yoga or going to church. Now, yoga isn't a problem at all. Church on the other hand in this household….that is left to be desired.
Sometimes, when you tell someone a secret, it shows that you trust. I am a little iffy on that because some secrets are meant to be fun and other times…..a secret should just be a secret. Sometimes these secrets can cause you a world of trouble, like my predicament with that one, but sometimes, secrets that are spilled can be a good thing. After all, Jackson inadvertently discovered a secret, which not a lot of people knew about that moment that I would like to delete from my life.
Inside joke between just the two of you for laughs, sharing something you value with them to show them you value them more….it can literally go on.
Together.
Now let's split this in two ways.
Do things together – As friends, I think it is important to spend whatever free time you have when the occasion calls for it. The suggestions that I can come up with? Invite them to join you in doing something important, like picking out something for your partner's birthday. In my case, that would be football on Sundays. If you can help with something important they're planning to do, then I think that you should ask. Planning a surprise event for them, either to celebrate a tiny victory or just because you care. Invite them to something that will be a bonding experience, like a spa day or a sporting event. Buy an extra ticket to something you know they'd enjoy, and offer it to them.
Ask them to join you in doing something regularly, like joining a bowling league, and let them know why it would be way more fun with them there. Include them in a group event to show you consider them part of the gang. Ask for their input in planning a group event to let them know you value their thoughts and ideas. Devote a weekend day or night (or both) to spending time together instead of squeezing them in for a quick lunch. When you've been busy, say, "I haven't had much time lately, but I miss you! When can we get together and catch up?"
Being together – Invite them to sit around with you, just to relax and enjoy each other's company. Ask them if they'd like to enjoy the outdoors with you, whether that means lying in the beach in the summer, or drinking hot chocolate near a snow-covered window in the winter. Ask them if they want company when they feel drained after a long week, to show you don't need a formal plan to be there for and with them. Offer to come over, while they're home, so you can be an extra set of eyes to watch their kids. Sit in comfortable silence instead of needing to fill the air to show you're comfortable enough to do this. Offer to stay with them when they're sick, just in case they need anything. Invite them to join you in a technology free day—one without any distractions from simply being, together. Ask them to share their favorite way to relax on a day off, and then ask if they want to do this together. Invite them to join you in meditating. If you don't meditate, invite them to try it with you, at home or in a group environment.
Whew! I told you that it was long!
I've said a lot about this topic. If you get it, or don't get it at all, then maybe you need to look deeper within yourself. I didn't say all of this just because I wanted to teach you something at all. The point for me at least, was that being special consists of many things that we tend to overlook. It goes beyond personal needs with your significant others, plus having the need to feel special goes a very long way. I don't have to always have sex, hang out with my friends, reminisce on my best friend's death, relive the past that had been filled with abuse and look for the meaning of life. All I have to do is work on myself, pray to the Good Lord that I obtain health and strength, have an abundance of love and blessings, and most of all, live life to the fullest. We only have one life to live, and I tend to live mine through the good times and bad times.
We need to
Remember
That love lies deep within ourselves
We have to
Want it so
It starts with us and only us
We must learn
We're all born
With specialness inside of us
I have the need to feel real special too
Through it all, I can tell you one thing though.
I will ALWAYS be a work in progress, and you know what?
April Kepner is alright with that.
Dear April Kepner,
Remember when you used to paint the words: triumphant, successful, conqueror, undefeated, victorious, faith, hope, love, strength, and dreams all over your bedroom when you were younger? I do. Those words gave me such joy whenever I felt down in the fucking dumps. I tell you man, those words always made me smile and keep the faith whenever someone had been casting stones in my direction.
Through life, I have always been told that I don't belong by people who were crass or just didn't care for me at all. I sit there are just ask "Really?" There have people that have tried to stop me from achieving my dreams. Useless, bastards! Who are they to tell me that I can't achieve my dreams? Who are they to have the last say so in my life? The last time I checked, God has the final say in my life. Sure, I question my faith at times, but I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, everything happens for a reason by God himself, and there is nothing that we can do about it other than ride this rollercoaster ride that we all life.
I am a lot of things, but a quitter? I don't think so. See, when life can be a little too much, it feels like I can't see or breathe at all because sometimes, life can be too much for me to handle. That's when I need a minute just to breathe, want a glass of wine, and remind myself that no one can stop me from achieving my goals but me. When I feel like the world is about to be crumbling, I have to remind myself that there's a light inside of me that shines so brightly. That light isn't a blow torch or anything, but it burns bright and it's like my own internal meteorite. No one can stop me from living my dreams, chasing my ambitions nor tell me how to live my life.
Whenever I hear the word triumphant, I think of how one should never give up under bad circumstances at all. One should always remember that whatever curve ball life throws at you, you should stay on your toes, and never let anyone count you out. Even though sometimes I want to stay naïve to some situations, I believe that all things are possible, and in my heart, I know that I can be the greatest roll model to someone. I will always reach for the start, and wish upon them as well, be all that I can be, and make all of my doubters fall down. No chains will bind me from reaching all of my potential because the high point of the mountain is all that I can see.
Victorious is another word that I absolutely adore. I don't know why, but it is a damn good one, and I love it because it seems so….fitting when you have conquered something. Maybe it's because I was victorious in finding friends for life and keeping them around. Or maybe it was learning how to live life without Reed and our crazy antics. It could have even been dating him and learning that I can do a lot better than that. Perhaps finding Jackson was what made me victorious because I am living a wonderful life with him and our two noisy calendars that we call children. Who really knows, but I am quite victorious at the moment and I am eternally blessed for that.
It's so crazy to think that for all the people who doubt you are the ones who are usually trashy. Ugh! I hate saying that, but from my experience, that is what they are. Trash. Should I feel bad for saying that? Eh, this is my story, so at this rate, I'll answer my own question and say fuck no.
Fucking society man.
It's a bitch and it is a goddamn hassle.
You know what? Fuck them. Fuck all of those people who told me that I won't make it. I maybe an old soul at heart, but guess what? I have heart. I love being passionate about unpopular things that make others think about. Sure we all have our differences and people used to tease me for it, but where are they now? Being told that I have an old soul during my adolescent years had been painful, making me feel like a misfit who doesn't have a place in this world.
All that matters is that I made myself fit in this broken world, and I think that I might change the damn world by doing so. It doesn't matter that for one minute I was drunk and thought that I saw myself and my best friend on a TV show, but that is what it is, especially when I was in mourning. It probably wasn't even Grey's Anatomy, but those two girls looked like Reed and I. Maybe it's because I just miss her so much, but she's one of the people that I credit for changing my life. She helped me believe that I am a voice in this world, and dammit, I am a voice in this world. Granted she'll never physically be here as my children's God Mother, she one told me something that I have engraved in my heart and my brain.
"We may not be blood, but you are my family. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise because they are not us. You are a monument in my life. We may insult and bitch at each other, tell each other some hard truths, make fun of each other, but you are the best person to ever come into my life. Thank you for being a friend."
Reed may not be here, but I am happy that I have Jackson by my side. It was an unimaginable trade-off that I didn't see coming, even when it felt like time stopped. I became stronger.
Better.
Healthier.
I'm everything that I am all because I didn't let anyone or anything deter me from living life the way that I am living it. Even though we all come from different places, speak different languages and have different beliefs, our hearts beat as one. We are all riding this roller coaster ride called life, and life is what you make it. Someone is always around to guide you and help you when the chips are down. When you feel like wrong is right, right is left and there's no where left to turn, there is always something there to remind you that the impossible is possible and that you can break that equation. All I have to say is that you should never give up on yourself, keep positive influences around you and when someone goes low, you should go high.
Nothing's gonna stop us
We can't be stopped
I know that it's not been easy
Trying to make it in this crazy world
People 'round you try to stop you
Stomp you saying that you don't belong
You must remember that
We were born with blood of kings and queens
And can't be stopped
Stay stronger my sister you can't be stopped
No, you can't be stopped
I know that sometimes
You get to feelin' I've given up on you
The pressure seems to, to defeat you
Beat you when you feel you can't go on
You must remember that
You were born with blood of kings and queens
And can't be stopped
Stay stronger my brother you can't be stopped
No, you can't be stopped
Don't ever let nobody tell you you ain't strong enough
Strong enough, don't let nobody tell you you ain't
Strong enough, don't let nobody tell you
Keep the faith and remember to never let yourself be degraded by someone who tells you that you need to stop.
We are all infinite.
Love,
April Avery