Chapter 9:

Of Me. Parts.

Anchor Beach was different now.

A private school with a paid tuition.

The hallways were different. The entire school had a stuffy, uppity feeling to it that Callie had no care for.

But Lena was still Lena.

And Callie was happy to be spending her lunch hour with Lena. Mama, as Callie and the Adams Foster kids referred to her. As much as she was trying to train herself out of it, she still slipped up every now and then.

When Callie returned from New York, she had a letter waiting on her from Lena, and it was an open invitation to eat lunch with her any time.

"I am actively trying to find a way around it, but I am not sure how I can." Lena said as she bit into the chicken salad that she'd made for her lunch today.

Callie smiled at her and ate her chicken wrap nodding "I mean it's not really in your control. So just don't be too hard on yourself about it." Lena nodded and smiled at her.

"I know. But, I am still having trouble with wrapping my head around excluding children from attending. Being Assistant Principal, I am in charge of this vetting process, before the list gets to Drew."

Callie shook her head. It was still hard to believe that this man had come in and stolen their school out from under them. Callie was glad that she'd been able to graduate while it was still in its original form, but it didn't change the fact that there was a sting in knowing what had become of it against Lena's will. "I wish there was something I could do to help."

Lena looked over at Callie and smiled. "Honey, that's not your job. It's mine."

They continued eating and having what Callie determined was supposed to be small talk. It felt so wrong to be having small talk with a woman she considered her mother. Whom she'd lived with for nearly two years.

But nonetheless here they were.

As though reading her thoughts, Lena looked up at Callie and smiled softly before starting cautiously "What I'd really like to know is how you are in general," Lena said, putting down some of her papers and looking at Callie.

"How I am in general…?"Callie said curiously, swallowing her mouth full of food.

"Yes, how you've been. We don't see you a lot. And I know that Robert and your…" Lena paused as if the next word pained her to say and then bit out "Stepmom, Jill and Sophia all love you. But, we love you too. And, I hope we didn't…" Lena trailed off shaking her head "I still feel badly about the way we handled things right after."

"What do you mean?"

"After the adoption was reversed we-I just don't know if we did enough to pull you back in and let you know that you were welcome at the house anytime. That you're still a part of our family. I hope we didn't make you feel like you weren't."

"No, no I knew I was." Callie said, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable "I think I just…I needed some space to- to kind of…work things out. I just felt really…guilty and ashamed."

"Ashamed? Of what?" Lena said standing from her chair and walking around the desk to sit beside Callie.

Callie stared down at her hands and continued. "I don't know…That I just let the reversal go through…That I didn't fight it…"

Lena shook her head and looked Callie in the eyes "Callie, when it comes to that reversal we definitely all made mistakes. And you certainly had nothing to do with Stephanie blackmailing Robert. Or Rita withholding the information that you gave her. Or Carmen lying to the social worker." Lena said all of these things with a clear pain in her eyes, but also an understanding warmth that Callie knew was genuine.

"So, of everything, I guess the whole…thing with Brandon. That may be something that you feel ashamed of, yes. But, we're all human and we've all done things that we're ashamed of." Lena looked at in Callie's eyes as the tears welled up in them and Lena pulled her close hugging her and saying "Callie? I will say what we have always said. A piece of paper doesn't make you more or less of our daughter. You are our daughter and we will always love you."

After a few moments, Lena gave Callie a gentle squeeze and walked back over to her desk with an air of relief that she'd finally said to her daughter what she felt needed to be said.

Callie was silent as she thought about all that Lena had said. She wasn't mad at her. Hell, she'd said what Callie was sure that most people would have said in a situation like this. Callie missed the Adams Fosters. In just about every waking minute. And especially every minute she was with Robert and the other Quinns'. And yes, in her heart she was still their daughter.

But, the thing was that Callie wasn't ashamed about "being" with Brandon. She never had been. She'd known that she probably should feel that way once she was adopted, but when she'd thought that Brandon regretted it, even for a day, it about destroyed her heart. So Callie would never regret that night with him. How could she? Callie would never take it back and she would never want it to have been different. To want someone besides her first love to be her first time. Because in her heart, Callie knew that loving someone and being loved by them was not something to be ashamed of. And maybe the saddest fact of all was that she learned this most by the example her two moms set for her.

Callie breathed deeply and pushed away her thoughts for the moment, refocusing on Lena and turning her thoughts to someone else who had been weighing heavily on her mind

"So, Lena. How's Stef?" Callie asked and Lena's hand paused for a moment above the papers that she was grading. Callie took this as her trying to think of the right answer and she felt her stomach drop a little.

Regardless of the pause, Lena looked up at Callie brightly "Stef is Stef, you know?" Lena said with a short laugh. "She's doing okay. Working a lot." After a moment of the awkward nod they shared, Lena said "So are you saying that you two haven't…I mean, are you not speaking?"

Callie thought of the multiple awkward phone calls they'd had. The small talk conversations when she'd stopped home to see Jude. Funny how they still feel like home. She thought. Thanksgiving. It had been so painful waiting for Stef to see her, but when they'd hugged it didn't feel warm or like normal it felt cautious and almost obligatory. Callie shook her head a little "We have and we haven't, you know?"

Lena shook her head "No, I didn't really know, but I did suspect."

Callie tried to play off her true disappointment "I mean, I know she's busy and all and I am too so I don't really-"

"Being too busy is no excuse when it comes to family, Callie. You have to talk to her. And vice versa. I'll be sure and tell her you-"

"No, please!" Callie said and her own desperation caught her off guard. Why was she so afraid of speaking with Stef? She'd gone to the house to have a face to face with her, although she'd had one with Jesus instead. It felt like she was trying to delay some inevitable disappointment and she herself wasn't even sure why. "I mean…" Callie said, trying to clean up her sudden outburst "I just…I still need more time. I don't want her to feel like she has to…"

Lena scoffed, "Callie, wait a minute." She said as she walked back over to Callie's seat and faced her again. "You know that Stef loves you, right?"

Callie's tears were resurfacing but she did manage a truthful nod, "I know."

"I mean the letters I write you, every ending I always say I love you, Callie and Mom said to tell you she loves you too." Callie was honestly shocked. Yes, she seen this, but hadn't thought that Stef was actually saying it. It seemed more like something Lena was tacking on to make her feel better.

"You know how you two are. You both are so…so strong and silent. You always process things in your own ways, in your own time. So I have been doing my best not to force it. But, guess what? Stef knows that too. She has been trying to make sure that she doesn't hurt you. That she doesn't come on too strong, or say the wrong thing and upset you but she…she misses you Callie. We all do. And if you think that staying away from us is going to change that, you really need to rethink things. Because it's not."

"You're not going to get rid of us, Callie," Lena finished and pulled Callie into her arms. "And that's a promise. Okay?"

Callie was crying happy tears now and nodded at Lena's words as she whispered into her hair

"Okay."

A Few Nights Later

Callie glanced at Sophia who had been raising her eyebrows at her all night…motioning to their parents. Callie could almost see the words in Sophia's very unsubtle gestures

"Ask them! Now!"

Callie had already silently considering it for a while but she was afraid to voice the thought. After Lena had suggested it at their lunch however, she could think of nothing else. Finally, when she could hold back no longer, she told Sophia, who of course was all for it and agreed to help convince them.

"So…" Callie said clearing her throat after Sophia had kicked her under the table for about the tenth time. "I have something I wanted to ask…"

Callie tried to remain calm as she stated all of the facts clearly. The Quinns' wanted a family only Christmas, unlike their Christmas parties of years before, or last year when they had a party the night before and a quiet dinner and morning together. This year, Jill had said that Christmas was going to be peaceful and calm with just them. As it should be. And Callie knew that the Fosters would be doing the same. Callie had really enjoyed Thanksgiving with the Adams Fosters and Thanksgiving with the Quinns'.

And this time she wanted to spend it with both of them. Both halves of her family together as one.

And who could say no to that?

"Absolutely not." Robert said coolly as Jill gently squeezed his hand.

"Robert? I think we should at least think-"

"I don't need to." Robert said, standing abruptly. "I am not spending Christmas with those…those people."

Now, Callie was angry. As hard as she tried to remain calm, she couldn't let Robert, or anyone else for that matter, speak like this about the Adams Fosters.

"Dad, "those people" are my family," Callie said and Robert looked pained, as he often did when Callie spoke about the Adams Fosters in this way "And they took care of me when no one else would. They loved me then and they love me now. And I loved them then and still love them now. So, you don't want us all together for Christmas? Fine. I'll just do what I did Thanksgiving. Spend part of it here and part of it there. But, just know that I will never not want to spend time with them. Because like it or not they are always going to be a part of my life."

With that, Callie shoved her plate away and marched up the stairs slamming her room door shut.

It was about 30 minutes before Callie heard the knock and soft open of the door. She knew who it would be before she even spoke. "Jill…please. I'll tell him later, okay?" Callie said hugging her pillow tighter. She knew that she needed to apologize for going off, but she didn't feel like it at the moment. She was tired of being strong and pretending to be happy for everyone else's sake. For now, she just wanted to be sad.

"Tell me what, later?"

Callie gasped at the sound of Robert's voice and turned to look at him.

"Oh, Dad. I thought you were-"

"Yea, I know." Robert said as he pulled up the soft beige chair near Callie's bed and sat down. "Jill was going to come up, but I told her I wanted to."

For a moment, Robert just looked at Callie and then he smiled giddily. "Do you know how happy I get when I just think about the fact that you are up here in this room?"

"Dad…"

"No, really. I mean I know you're going off to school soon and maybe even if you don't you'll want your own apartment, but just…just knowing that you're here with me in any way. It makes me so happy, Callie. It really does. More than anything else ever has."

"I know, Dad." Callie said feeling bad about her outburst earlier "And, I'm sorry about earlier, about how I acted-"

"No." Robert said holding up his hand "No…I get it, I do." He shook his head a little and then looked up at Callie again saying "They still feel like "home", don't they?"

Callie smiled slightly knowing his meaning. It was what she'd told him about the reason that she wanted to stay with the Adams Fosters even after finding out about him.

"Yea…they do. And…I don't think I've been fair enough to them…to you…after everything that's been happening. But, I don't really know how to. So, I thought that maybe if we could…I don't know all be together, we could see that it's not impossible. Not really."

Robert shook his head and Callie could see that he was holding something back, but when he looked over at her, he only smiled and simply said "Alright."

Callie looked at him cautiously, not wanting to get her hopes up. "Alright?"

"Yes, alright. I'll have Jill call Stef and Lena and we will make it official. We'll have our first full out "Callie's Family Christmas." "

Callie leapt from her bed and hugged her dad, loving him more in this moment then she'd ever thought possible.