Chapter 11:

Care. Take.

Callie collapsed into her bed in tears. Her head was throbbing and her heart was pounding and still, still she just wished that she could undo something. So that everyone would be happy.

Well, almost everyone.

"Callie." Lena's voice found Callie in the dark of the room and she tried to calm her sobs and answer.

"Yes…?" Callie said, softly wiping her eyes against the pillow.

"Honey, everyone wants you to come back. Can you please just come back down so we can finish dinner?"

Callie turned over and shook her head, as she dissolved into tears again. "This is all my fault, Lena." She said crying as her face fell into her hands.

Lena wrapped her arms around Callie saying "No, no, no," over and over as she rocked Callie back and forth soothingly "Callie, I know it feels like that sometimes, but this isn't your fault. Everyone, every single person down there loves you. And wants you. And that's what that was all about. We all wanted you." Lena said gently and then paused adding with a gentle shake of her head "…Maybe we wanted you a little too much."

Callie lifted her head from Lena and wiped her eyes gently "What do you mean…?"

Lena sighed deeply and ran her hands through her curls as she often did when she was being thoughtful. "I mean…what you said downstairs? It was very true. Stef and I adopting you or Robert getting custody was never supposed to be the endgame. You and Jude being safe and happy and whole was first. And then us all being together? That's more important than anything else. So, no one had the right to bring up anything else when we were all finally getting what we claim we wanted: to be a family."

Callie nodded gently, but no words found their way out. Finally she said softly "But maybe that's the problem."

"What?"

"That you guys aren't really. I mean you're my family and so are the Quinns', but you're not each other's family. And so it was selfish of me to ask you to all come together for me."

Lena shook her head. "No, Callie. See, this is something else that I wanted to talk to you about. It is not "selfish" for you to want everyone to be able to be civil to one another."

"You know that's not what I mean. I'm saying that I wanted it because I thought it would make me happy. But, I wasn't thinking about how Dad would feel. How Stef would…or the twins or Jude or you. I had no right to ask anyone else to do this."

Lena looked at Callie for a moment and then leaned forward and gripped her face gently between both hands. Looking into Callie's eyes she said "You really believe that don't you? That it's selfish for you to want to be happy?"

"At the expense of everybody else? Yes."

"No, Callie. No. Listen to me, heart. You are always trying so hard to take care of everyone else, make everyone else feel better, do what others want you to do, that you are not taking care of yourself. And Callie, you have that right. Just like Stef and me and our other kids and the girls at your center and everyone. Everyone. Callie, you are not responsible for worrying about how everyone else feels. You need to start worrying about how you feel. And taking care of this-" Lena paused and placed her hand over Callie's heart "Do you hear me, Callie? I want you to promise me. From now on, I want you taking care of your heart and you. That's what I want you worrying about. Do you hear me?"

Callie sobbed softly, but nodded as Lena engulfed her into another hug.

They stayed this way for only a few more moments before Callie heard the familiar knock and her father's voice.

"Mind if I cut in?" Robert asked walking into the room. Callie broke away from Lena and glared at him. She really didn't feel like talking to him.

"If I say yes, will you leave?"

"Callie," Lena said with a disapproving shake of her head. "I'm going to give you two some time to talk." She looked up at Robert with a tight smile and then turned towards Callie informing her "We already have." Lena gave a short nod as she walked out of the room.

Callie turned her back to Robert. "Dad, I really do not want to talk to you right now."

"Callie,' I'm sorry."

"Yea, I know. You said that already. That doesn't change the fact that I told you how important this was to me before they ever came here."

"I know. Callie, honey I'm sorry. I don't even know what came over me. I'm usually so much better at holding my temper, but…"

"That's what I don't understand: why do you even have to hold your temper? Why do you hate them so much?"

Robert looked down forlornly. Although Callie had imagined that he'd been ridiculously drunk, Callie could now see that regardless of how many drinks he'd downed, he wasn't that drunk at all. Instead, he was sober enough to be able to feel shamed at his behavior, but Callie didn't feel even a little sorry for him. "I don't hate them, Callie."

"Then why are you so angry at them? Like I said downstairs, if you were going to be angry at anyone it should be me."

"I am angry at you!" Robert yelled and Callie was taken aback by the intensity of his sudden shout. Robert calmed himself openly as he said in a gentler tone. "Iam angry at you, Callie. But, the thing is that you are my daughter. That's the thing about being a parent. You don't get to shut out your child."

Callie nodded and said with a slow realization "So…you're saying that you're taking out your anger at me on Stef and Lena?"

"Not exactly. Look, I was blindsided, Callie. I Ok'd the adoption because I didn't want to be like my father and force something on you that you didn't want. But, that doesn't the change the fact that things were kept from me. You knew things were being kept from me. And you let it go ahead anyway."

Robert's eyes misted as he stared towards the window. "And it's not lost on me, that you wouldn't even legally be my daughter right now if it weren't for the fact that the judge had forced you to be."

"But that's just it: I'll always be your daughter. Just like I'll always be Sophia's sister. A piece of paper doesn't change that."

"Well, if a piece of paper doesn't change that, why was it so important that you got a piece of paper saying that you were theirs?"

"Because, I told you…"

"'They felt like home.' Yea I know. But…you never even gave me a real chance, Callie and neither did they. So, yes, I was angry at you. And then to find out about this thing with you and Brandon?" he paused and seemed to think better of his word choice "I'm sorry…finding out about your feelings for one another? It was just the last straw for me. No one thought I was even important enough to mention it to. Let alone the fact that you were…intimate with him."

Callie shook her head and sighed. She was honestly getting tired of talking about this, but Robert did make some fair points, so she still felt the need to defend Stef and Lena against his assumptions. "They didn't know about that before they adopted me."

"I know that! But after-"

"After?!" Callie said in shock and then paused for a moment to get her thoughts together. Then she began calmly, "Let me just ask you this Dad: If it were me and you…as much as you love me, as much as you care about me, or…or Sophia. If this exact same kind of situation happened, and you were Stef and Lena, would you have said anything? Would you have made sure that the adoption that you had tried so hard and fought so hard to make sure took place was reversed? Answer honestly, Dad. As a good man and as my father. Would you have reported it?"

Robert didn't even take a breath before answering sullenly, "No."

"Then how can you not understand why they didn't?"

"It's not that I don't understand Callie it's that it wasn't their choice! Ok? I get it. I understand that you want Stef and Lena to be your Moms. And I understand that they feel like home. But, I am your father. It doesn't matter how it feels. That's who I am. For the rest of your life, whether I sign abandonment papers or you cut me off or I cut you off or die or anything else. I'm still going to always be your father, Callie. That's what you don't seem to get. That's what you never seem to get! So I had a right! I have a right to be able to make decisions about what's best for you."

"No, Dad…not anymore you don't. I'm not a child. I may not be much of one, but I am an adult now. And I am telling you, as your adult daughter, that the things you are doing are not what's best for me. I don't understand; you got what you wanted. Why did you have to pick a fight with Stef? In front of everyone. You ruined everyone's Christmas. Mariana, Jude, Jesus, Grandma's…Sophia and Jill. They don't deserve this. And dad, neither do I." Callie was near tears again and she turned her back to Robert. "So if you came up here to explain away and make excuses for your behavior, please just leave."

"No, Callie that's not what I came to do." Robert said and cleared his throat before continuing in a genuine tone, "What I came to say is that, I come from a family or repression. We hold things in like it's an Olympic event and let me just tell you, it's a really bad way to live. Maybe if I had just sat down and talked with Stef and Lena and sat down and spoken to you, things wouldn't have happened the way that they did.

"We did just now, downstairs. I apologized to everyone and I spoke very briefly but honestly with Stef and Lena." Callie turned towards Robert, fighting the hope that was rising in her chest. "We're going out for dinner next weekend. We're all going to have a talk about how things will be moving forward. We're going to work things out. Because you were right. We have in common that we all love you." As he finished his statement Robert leaned over and hugged Callie "I am so sorry, Callie."

Callie stared off out the window as she wrapped her arms around Robert too.

"I'm sorry too, Dad. I know I wasn't fair to you before."

In response, Robert only hugged Callie tighter. They stayed in silence for a moment before Callie said "But, I did love them so much…I still do. I couldn't betray them like that, after everything they'd done for me." Pulling away from him, she said earnestly "In my entire life, other than Mom? Stef and Lena were the only adults who ever fought for me."

Robert hung his head a little with an acknowledging shake of his head. "I understand."

Realizing her error, Callie added, "And you. You fought for me too. But, sometimes in all the noise, it gets hard to remember that. But, I do remember it, Dad. And I'm sorry for everything that happened that made you feel like I didn't want you. Because it was never that I didn't want you. It was just that I never knew you were even there for me to want. So when you showed up it was…it was just too much. But, I never meant to make you feel like I didn't want you."

"No, Callie, I understand." Robert said rubbing Callie's shoulders caringly, "I promise you, nothing like this is ever going to happen again." As he said this, Robert stood and kissed Callie's head lightly before holding out his arm and nodding his head towards the door.

"So, since I have promised to be on my best behavior will you come back down now?"

Callie laughed a little and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I will."