Chapter 12:

Anyway. Love.

(January)

Callie walked out of the ice cream shop and held the door for her not so little brother as he walked out with the large triple-scoop ice cream cone.

The two walked together in silence for a while on the uncrowded sidewalk, as the sun shone down on them brightly, in strong contrast to the slight chill in the air. Callie pulled the brown leather jacket around her tighter and glanced over at Jude. He wore only a jean jacket that matched his jeans but he clearly wasn't as bothered by the chill as she was. Callie had picked Jude up from school in an effort to spend some time with him outside of the Adams Foster household.

Since Christmas Eve, things had been less tense when it came to talking about the Adams Fosters with Robert and the other Quinns', but Callie still felt a bit uneasy around…well, everyone since her outburst at the Christmas Dinner. Callie and Jude hadn't spoken much since, although he seemed rather un-bothered.

It made Callie feel good to be able to take a walk with her brother without having to worry about…anything really. She was in a good mood generally, although she did still have a few things to talk to Jude about.

"So," Jude said suddenly and Callie glanced over at him, shocked to see that he was already almost halfway done with his ice cream cone. "What did you want you to talk about?"

Callie shook her head with a laugh, "First, I want to talk about how you were able to finish that cone so quickly? And also why in the world you insisted on getting ice cream when it's got to be like 60 degrees out here."

Jude laughed in response, "Callie? First of all, 60 degrees isn't that cold. And secondly, I already told you: it's never too cold for ice cream."

Callie rolled her eyes at Jude's usual nonsense arguments when it came to ice cream and sipped on her peppermint flavored hot chocolate before saying, "You're ridiculous."

"I know." Jude said with a smile, "But, still. What's up?"

Callie shrugged innocently and shook her head "Can't a girl just take her brother out for a walk without something being "up"?

Jude tilted his head at her, "I'm sure "a girl" can. But I know you too well for that to be what's happening here."

Callie didn't respond, instead sipping her drink again as she glanced innocently around the increasingly brightening afternoon. Jude gave her a suspicious look, but went back to eating his ice cream for the time being.

"Well," Callie said finally as they neared the small park where they were headed "School is starting back soon. How are you feeling about that?"

Jude shrugged "I don't know. I feel kind of bad about still going there now that it's private and whatever else. But, Mama says that I shouldn't feel bad because it's not my fault and all. Besides all my friends still go there so…"

"She's right, Jude. That has nothing to do with you."

"I know, but still. I never wanted to go to a private school. Mom said the bright side is that I will probably have more colleges to choose from than I did before. So that's good, I guess."

"Right," Callie said nodding, her mind drifting to her own college choices. Anchor Beach wasn't a private school yet when she graduated and she wondered if that would have had any impact on things.

"Speaking of colleges," Jude said, as he tossed his now demolished cone into a trash can as they entered the park "What about you? I know you're still in your gap year and you needed a break after the whole…adoption thing," the sadness in his voice was unmistakable, but Callie knew he meant no harm. "But, it'll be over before you know it. Have you started applying or at least looking into them?"

Callie sipped her drink again and her eyes found ducks waddling on the sidewalk as she avoided Jude's. "I don't know yet." She said pensively.

"Well, do you know where you want to go when you do go?" Jude asked as he pointed to the nearby gazebo that overlooked the large lake that the park surrounded.

Callie nodded as they began walking in that direction. "I mean…I have some ideas…" Callie didn't want to lie to Jude, but she also wasn't sure how happy he'd be to think about her wanting to go to a school clear across the country.

"Okay. What are your ideas?"

"San Diego Art, University of Cali, LA City College, San Diego Community…I applied to a lot." Callie trilled out, ending with a nervous laugh.

Jude looked noticeably puzzled "Hmmm. That's a little…odd."

"What? Why is that odd?" Callie said as they reached the large gazebo which was thankfully empty.

"I mean, it's just that," as he spoke, Jude sat on a small bench beneath the large outdoor roof and Callie sat down beside him. "Ever since we were little, you always talked about going somewhere else. Away from Cali. You always talked about wanting to "escape"."

Callie nodded, but said in response "But, I mean I don't really need to escape anymore, you know?"

"I know," Jude agreed "But, I never ever heard you talk about wanting to go to those schools. I mean I know when you got in trouble you were worried that you wouldn't even be able to go. But, whenever you were just talking about college, you always talked about going somewhere else. Like maybe somewhere far away."

Callie gulped and turned to look towards the lake. Why was Jude always so able to read her heart? It made her kind of sick honestly. Wasn't he supposed to be the little sibling here?

"I mean, yea," Callie said softly "I did want to go somewhere else. But, I mean, that was when we were still in the system. And I wanted us to go somewhere. Together. I never wanted to leave you, Jude."

Jude reached down and gripped his sister's hand earnestly and then looked over into her eyes, "Callie? You don't have to protect me anymore. I'm okay now and I don't ever want you to hold your life back because of me."

Callie couldn't help but think of Brandon in this moment, but she shook him from her thoughts and smiled back at Jude, squeezing his hand tighter. "I know you're okay now, Jude. You have…Stef and Lena now. And I know how much they love you. But that doesn't change the fact that I still love you and I still want to be with you for the important things. Like seeing you graduate; high school and college; seeing you getting married? Your kids…?"

Jude laughed with a thoughtful shake of his head, "Callie, I'm kind of 16 and I kind of think you're getting ahead of yourself, don't you? Besides, you can still come back for all of those things."

Callie glanced down at her brother's hand and shrugged gently, "I guess, but it's not the same thing as just being there."

"Well, that's fine. But, I just mean please don't not consider it because of me. I don't need you to look out for me anymore, because I can look out for myself. And if not, I have Mama and Mom to keep me straight and Mariana and Jesus and…" Jude stopped short and Callie could see the annoyance in his eyes as he said "And Brandon."

"Now see?" Callie said as she slapped Jude's hand lightly "That is something that I wanted to talk to you about."

"What?" Jude asked innocently, rubbing his hand as if Callie had really hurt him.

"Brandon."

"What about "Brandon"?" Jude said with air quotes and Callie laughed in spite of herself.

"First of all, Brandon really is his name, Jude, so just stop. Secondly, you have to stop being so…I don't know, strange with him."

Jude gave a dramatic gasp holding his hand against his neck "I am not "strange" with him."

"You are." Callie said with a sad smile, "Ever since the reversal you are really different with him…It's like you blame him."

Jude was silent for a moment before saying quietly "I guess, I kind of do."

Callie didn't really know what to say, because she hadn't expected Jude to admit this. "But, why?" as she asked this, Callie recalled Robert's words about how he was angry with her, but redirecting it to Stef and Lena, "I'm to blame too, Jude. It's not fair for you to treat him that way and not treat me any differently."

Jude smiled slightly "So you're saying you want me to treat you differently too?"

Callie laughed and pushed Jude with her shoulder "Noooooo. I'm saying I want you to stop treating him differently."

Jude squinted "I'm not trying to treat him differently, really. He just-he really annoys me sometimes. He's…I don't know. He's just so…normal."

Callie widened her eyes saying with mock shock "He acts…normal? The nerve of him!"

Jude sighed a bit and searched for words "I don't mean normal, normal. I just mean. He acts like nothing's changed. He still treats me like I'm his brother."

Callie was completely confused now "You are still his brother."

Jude shook his head, "But that's just it, Callie. I don't want to be. Not anymore."

Callie was so saddened by his statement, she almost immediately broke down, "But, why not?"

Jude looked sad as well as he answered quietly "I don't want him to be my brother, if it means that you're not my sister."

Callie shook her head and squeezed her younger brother's hand. In this moment, Jude wasn't the wise younger brother who towered over her. He was the scared little kid who Callie had been taking care of for most of her life.

"Jude, listen to me," Callie said as she looked into his eyes, "You know that you're my brother no matter what. I didn't think I had to tell you that."

Jude smiled as he leaned over and hugged Callie "I do know that, Callie. I know. It's just its hard sometimes. It's like we spent so much of our lives wanting a family. And we finally got one and then…? Now…? It's just not the same anymore."

Callie hugged him back and nodded remembering her talk with Jesus, "But, not being the same doesn't have to mean that it's bad."

"That's true." Jude said, but Callie could hear the tears in his voice. Callie hugged him tighter. And just like that, she understood why Jude was being different with Brandon.

"I love you, Jude." Callie said softly, "But, I don't want you to feel bad about loving them, being happy with them just because I'm not-well, legally at least-a part of them anymore." Jude tensed up and Callie knew that she'd stumbled upon his reasoning, "You got the family that you deserve, Jude. Just because I messed things up…or Brandon messed things up…or whoever you think is to blame, I don't want you to stop letting yourself love them. All of them."

Jude seemed to relax into the hug and squeezed Callie tighter as he breathed a sigh of relief. They stayed in this quiet embrace for a few more moments and then Jude whispered "I guess I can be easier on him."

Callie laughed gently and then pulled away from Jude and smiled, "Good."

"But," Jude said as he picked up Callie's hot chocolate, taking a long sip, before finishing "He still annoys me."

Callie laughed. "That's OK. I know I've annoyed you a lot too."

"Let's not add the past tense…and "A lot" is a bit of an underestimation." Jude said and leapt from the bench before Callie could swipe him. "But, I love you anyway."

Callie stood up and reached out for his hand saying with a short nod "Then, I think we've finally discovered the true meaning of family."

"Really?" Jude said swinging her arm back and forth just as he used to when he was child. "What's that?"

Callie paused and swiped out ahead of her as if writing out the words "Family: We Annoy You, But You Love Us Anyway!"