Chapter 13:
Denial. Running.
"Congratulations!"
"We regret to inform you…"
"Congratulations!"
"We regret to inform you…"
"We regret to inform you…"
"Congratulations!"
The two stacks of letters sat on either side of Callie. By now, she'd received acceptance or rejection from every school she'd applied to. Welcome letters were always thick, as they included that large admissions packet, catalog and various things to do before and for orientation.
On the other hand the rejection letters were mostly confined to a single piece of paper. As if the people writing the letters didn't like the idea of using more than that single page to deliver their bad news. Callie was mostly happy with the results. She'd gotten into San Diego Community and one of her top choices which was a San Diego Art School. Another school near Calabasas that had a well-known photography program, she'd gotten into as well. The majority of the rejections were from her safety schools. Which, when she thought about it Callie found kind of ironic.
Altogether there were 8 acceptances and 12 rejections.
The rejections were easy to take for now because Callie didn't really have her heart set on any of these schools. Except…
Callie glanced at her side table where the unopened letter remained. She walked towards the dresser and toyed with the idea of opening it. What's the worse it could say? She thought, though her hands shook a bit as she imagined opening it and reading "We regret to inform you…"
Before Callie could even muster up the courage to open the drawer, her phone rang. Callie sprang for it with a feeling of relief.
"Hello?" Callie answered and smiled as her friend Daphne spoke about a mile a minute about some babysitting emergency. Callie smiled and didn't even let Daphne finish speaking. "I'll be right over!"
30 Minutes Later (Daphne's Apartment)
"I'm sorry; I was in the middle of something!" Daphne called out as Callie walked through the unlocked door that Daphne hadn't been able to open for her.
"It's no problem!" Callie called back as Daphne's four year old daughter Tasha ran and jumped into Callie's arms.
"Cal-Cal!" she called, yelling out the pet name she had for Callie. Callie scooped the small girl up into her arms and kissed her god-daughter on the cheek. The little girl held up a small purple pony and said "Look! Mama got for me!"
"That's so pretty, Tasha." Callie said, pretending that the pony was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.
"So sorry! She cancelled at the last minute!" Daphne called, out of breath as she raced around in a back room somewhere.
"You don't have to explain!" Callie called back as she walked with Tasha hand in hand into the living room. "I'm happy to do it, you know that!" Callie called, as she sat on the ground to help Tasha with combing out one of the pony's full heads of rainbow colored hair.
"Yea, but still…You finally got things back together and I am not trying to be pulling you back down!" Daphne yelled out in between breathes and Callie could tell that she was hopping across her floor putting on a shoe.
"Asking me to baby sit is not 'pulling me back down'." Callie said dismissively as she carefully combed a yellow pony's hair. As she did this, Callie glanced around the apartment and couldn't help but shudder at the memory of when she'd first come here over a year ago.
Callie could hardly hear herself, but she knew that she was banging on the door hard because her fist was throbbing with every pound. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't feel. All she wanted was for her friend to open the door and let her in so that she might have some small sense of relief.
It had been over a month since Daphne had first given Callie the address. They had met up at a Girls United event and Daphne excitedly told her all about how she'd finally been able to afford her first official place on her own. It was oddly only about a week before Callie would endanger her life once more and follow Diamond to the pimp. Callie had promised to visit, but of course she'd been a little too shaken up and consumed by the following court cases to have ever done so.
Daphne banged opened the door along with a harsh-sounding "Who is it?!" and Callie barely registered her friend's stern look or the bat in her hands. It was 2:00 o'clock in the morning after all.
At the sight of Daphne, Callie could hold herself together no longer and about collapsed into Daphne's arms.
"Callie?! What's wrong, girl? What happened?!" Daphne asked, as she pulled Callie into her house. She had seen Callie cry before, but never with the intensity with which she was sobbing right now.
It took a few minutes for Callie to finally compose herself enough so that she could pull away from her friend and say "They know."
Daphne was confused and told Callie to hold on as she walked her over to the couch and then rushed into the kitchen to get her friend some water. Being a mother for a few years, Daphne's maternal instinct took over in this moment as she urged Callie to calm down and rubbed her friend's back. Callie shakily accepted and then drank down the water.
"Callie, just calm down, alright? Calm down and then tell me what you're talking about. 'They know' about what?"
Callie shrugged and her forehead creased as she sucked in the tears and then said in a shaky voice "About me and Brandon. They're going to reverse the adoption."
Daphne paused for a moment and then shook her head "Callie? You told me a few months ago that your Mom's found out about you and Brandon. And they said that they would never reverse the adoption, so what are you-"
"They wouldn't. But he would." Callie said, before collapsing into tears again.
"He who?"
"He, Robert Quinn." Callie choked out and her voice was laced with a chilling pain, "I hate him, Daphne. I hate him so much. He's not my parent and I'm almost 18. He shouldn't be able to-to do this." She added before she began to sob again.
"Wait a minute. Callie look, I know you're upset, but can you please tell me what you're talking about? Why would Robert be able to reverse the adoption? Even if people are saying that you and Brandon slept together, can't ya'll just deny it like ya'll did before?"
Callie shook her head, although within something splintered at Daphne's statement. She was right. They had denied it before and that's the only reason why Callie was able to be adopted. By denying Brandon as her first love and claiming him as her brother.
Callie shook this feeling off and sat up as she steadied herself enough to explain. "Not this time. It's on tape."
Daphne shook her head "So, after all this time, Rita gave them the tape? What the hell is wrong with her?"
"Not Rita." Callie said as she hung her head a bit, "You know how after…after everything happened, we would talk about it sometimes? Me and Brandon? Well, someone got it on tape and we were both talking about how we slept together and th-that it would ruin things and so we wouldn't tell anyone."
Daphne shook her head at Callie but said nothing out loud. Inwardly, she couldn't help but to wonder why Callie and Brandon would have continued talking about this in a way that someone could get them on a recording and ruin things. But this line of thought brought up another question for Daphne.
"Hold up. Who would get ya'll on tape? And even if they did, how did Robert find out?"
"No one knows who." Callie said, mostly together, now although tears still slid steadily down her cheeks. "But whoever did it sent the tape to Judge Ringer's office and to the Quinn's house last week. Then the Quinns' contacted my social worker and opened up another investigation. Carmen told the truth and that Rita was the one who convinced her not to tell and-" Callie gasped for air "Now Robert is seeking to reverse the adoption and Moms said he'll probably win."
As the last words trailed out, Callie began to cry again and Daphne pulled her into her arms once more. "Callie, I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay." Daphne said as she rubbed her friend's back again. "Ya'll got through this before, I know you can get through it again."
Callie began to shake as she said quietly "But it's not the same. I heard the tape and…it's definitely us. And on the recording, Brandon even started…started crying and said that if he hadn't really and truly loved me, he never would have let the adoption go ahead after that. And…I thanked him for it and…I started crying too and…" Callie began to tremble as she recalled one of the many times Brandon and she had lied in order to allow the adoption to take place "I just don't think we can lie our way out of it this time."
Tuning back into the present, Callie found her eyes a little misted as she glanced around Daphne's living room. So much had happened since that night, but she had never forgotten how Daphne had taken care of her. No judgement and no admonishment. She'd made up her couch bed and stayed by Callie's side until she fell asleep, promising her that she would be okay no matter what. And of course, she'd been right.
Daphne was Callie's close friend of about 3 years. The two had first met in Juvie and oddly enough Daphne had attacked her on her last day in. After this however, they had met up once more in the Girls United group home. Afterwards, they built and maintained a solid friendship. Daphne was Callie's closest confidante outside of the Adams Fosters and she was Daphne's as well.
Daphne had truly solidified their friendship when she covered for Callie on several occasions-many of those having to do with Brandon-and Callie had been instrumental in helping Daphne regain custody of her daughter, by testifying on her behalf and securing her a job that showcased to the courts her ability to remain stable. Their bond was very much unbreakable because of their shared and troubled backgrounds.
Daphne finally appeared in the doorway and Callie gasped up at her friend in awe.
Daphne was dressed in a sleeveless midnight blue dress that ruched at her waist and then flowed out in tattered fabric beneath, stopping at her knees, her dark wavy hair pulled back by a matching blue flower. On her feet were black boots with an opening at each tip. It was the most beautiful that Callie had ever seen her friend looking.
"Daphne?! You look amazing." Callie said with a shake of her head and Tasha clapped in happy agreement.
"Mama looks pwetty!"
Daphne stood back and did a little model pose, "Oh this? I just threw on a little something-something!" she said as she laughed with a twirl.
Callie laughed along with her as Daphne walked over to the couch and sat down gingerly.
"So, might I ask, what's the occasion?" Callie said turning to Daphne.
"Well, as you know I've been going out with Darryl."
"Yea, I remember. So you guys are still…?"
"Yes, we're 'still'!" Daphne said with a laugh. "Maybe more." She added, blushing slightly. Darryl Moore was a sophomore college student Daphne had met at one of the many foster care events she volunteered at. Although he himself had never been in foster care, his mother was a social worker who had been and so it was a matter close to his heart.
"That's great, Daphne." Callie said, smiling but feeling a familiar longing in her heart. Callie often wondered what a true loving and lasting relationship could feel like.
"It is. He is. He's so great with Tasha and he's-he's stable and he's steady and he's just…he's just wonderful." Callie smiled at her friend. Daphne was almost always vocal about her feelings to the extent that most never had to wonder what was on her mind, but Callie had never seen her like this. Daphne had been dating Darryl about 8 months now and although she had yet to express it to her, Callie knew that her friend was in love.
"So, we got about 10 more minutes 'til he's supposed to be here." Daphne said, checking her phone for the time, "And now we're all caught up on me. What about you? What's been going on with you lately?"
Callie smiled and shrugged glancing down at her grey overalls, suddenly feeling exceedingly underdressed.
"Nothing really. You know about the Dreams. Girls. United Center that's opening soon. And staying with Robert. Not much has changed for me…"
"Oh!" Daphne said suddenly, hitting Callie's shoulder with a jolt of remembrance "What about school? You told me that you were finally going to open your letters now that you got all of them back. Did you? And did you get in where you wanted to?"
Callie smiled and nodded at Daphne "I did. I actually opened them tonight. I got into San Diego Community and one of my top choices: that San Diego Art School we talked about. And like 6 others. "
"That's so good, Callie." Daphne said with a genuine smile, but the smile quickly dropped as she added "And…?"
"And what?" Callie said shaking her head a little too innocently. She added a confused squint for even more plausible deniability.
"And what about New York?"
Callie froze and her eyes focused on Tasha. Why had she told Daphne? It had been months ago and she was waiting for the letter and had needed to tell someone. She'd forgotten that Daphne never forgot anything.
"What about New York?" Callie said finally focusing on another of the dolls that Tasha was handing to her.
"Did you get in?" Daphne asked and Callie shrugged,
"Not really sure yet."
"So they haven't sent you a letter yet? That's messed up."
"No, they have," Callie said with a groan as she couldn't muster up the will to lie about it. "I just haven't opened it yet."
"Why not?"
"What do you mean, why not?"
"I mean is there a reason why you haven't opened up the letter for one of the schools that you were most excited about and wanting to get into?"
Callie was frustrated now and so she shot back defensively "I don't know, Daphne. Is there a reason why you haven't started attending your night classes at San Diego Community College which you got into last month?"
Whereas others would have taken her bait, Daphne just laughed at Callie's feeble attempt to change the subject. Callie sometimes forgot that just as much as Callie had seen, as many therapists and group sessions as she'd been a part of, Daphne had been too. So she knew a manipulation attempt when she heard it. Callie hated this about her.
"You wrong for that!" Daphne said with a laugh, clearly not bothered by Callie's statement. "Well, I'll be starting school in the summer for your information. But, back to the point! You always trying to change the subject and deflect by turning things around on me. But we both know that there's only one reason-"
"Daphne?!" Callie said with a slight panic and warning tone in her voice, but Daphne ignored her completely.
"-why you are even thinking about going to NYU-"
"Daphne?!"
"-and his name starts with a B and ends with an N! Okay?! Okay!" Daphne finished with a dramatic nod and crossed her arms triumphantly.
Callie turned towards Daphne now, her cheeks burning as she tried to diffuse the topic at hand. "Daphne, that is not true."
"It's not?" Daphne asked skeptically.
"No!" Callie said feeling more than a little defensive "For your information, NYU has been a dream school of mine for a long time now."
"A long time? Meaning, ever since the first time you laid eyes on Bra-"
Callie interrupted her friend with an incredulous laugh, "Daphne, just stop okay?! How would I have even known that he wanted to go to Juilliard?"
Daphne gave an incredulous look of her own "Well, I mean…he's a musician. Don't they all want to go to Juilliard?"
Callie laughed, "Look! You know what I mean. And besides that you know me. You know I'm not the kind of girl who would go to a school across the country just because her boyfriend went there."
"Oh!" Daphne nearly screamed and Callie realized what she'd said too late, "So, now he's your "boyfriend"?!" Daphne said and leapt to the floor playfully, nearly knocking Callie over in a school-girlish manner.
Callie shook her head and rolled her eyes although she couldn't help but smile at her friend's antics. "Would you stop using my words against me, like you don't know what I mean, Daphne."
Daphne calmed herself a little but the smile faded from her lips as she said in a more serious tone. "Callie, look. I know I tease you and I know I'm biased cuz I "ship" ya'll or whatever. But, you got to remember: I've seen you with Wyatt and AJ and Aaron."
Callie wondered why Daphne was conjuring up the Ghosts of Boyfriends Past "And…?"
"Annnnndd. I have still never seen you the way that I saw you when you were with Brandon. There's just no comparison. So, now that you aren't adopted and ya'll aren't legal siblings or foster siblings or anything siblings, why exactly can't you be with him?"
"It's not that easy, Daphne. It's complicated." And was it ever. Callie didn't even know how Brandon felt about any this. Or his family or her family or their family. On second thought, complicated was an extreme oversimplification.
After a brief silence in which Tasha got to her feet and rushed off to her room to get some toy that she wanted to show Callie, Daphne slid closer to Callie and gripped both of her hands "Lemme just say this," Daphne said and Callie listened to her friend intently, "If you do get in and you realize that you want to go to New York to run away from something, don't go. But, if you want to go because you are running towards something, go. And don't ever look back."
Less than 15 minutes later, with Daphne off on her date with Darryl, Callie sat on the couch with Tasha in her lap and wondered about her friend's words. Was her desire to go to NYU another way of running away from something? And if it was, why did she still have that unopened envelope in her drawer? It was as if she was waiting on someone's permission to be denied or accepted. Happy or unfulfilled. Was she banking too much on New York equaling some unrealistic happily ever after?
Callie shook her head and rustled her hands through her hair with a deep sigh of exasperation. She blocked out her own thoughts and instead focused on the little girl who was going on and on about her princess adventure story.
Inside, Callie longed for the days when she was just like Tasha. Before her mother had died and her life had been thrown into a life-altering whirlwind. Back then, her biggest concern was wondering when the prince would be coming to rescue her.
Or, Callie thought with a smile, when she was going to have the chance to rescue him.