Jaal gets a wonderfully spontaneous lesson about human female biology.
It was still very early in the morning, about when most of the Tempest crew woke up for the day, though most of them were still fast asleep, save for the earliest of risers. Vetra was stretching out on her way to commence her morning routines when she heard a gasp and an immensely annoyed groan from the bathroom.
Knocking on the door, she asked with concern, "Cora, are you alright? Is something wrong?"
"I'm fine," she sighed. "But I just learned that it was probably a bad idea to go off my bio blocker when I don't plan on having kids anytime soon."
Vetra winced at the implication. She'd been around enough human women in her time to know what Cora meant. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked.
"Go get Suvi. She might have what I need," she replied.
Luckily Suvi was already up at this hour, and with the mention of the words "female trouble", she immediately sprung into action. Awoken by her shuffling through her belongings in search of a small bag and Vetra and Suvi's subsequent march to the bathroom, Peebee yawned and was immediately curious why there seemed to be a large female gathering at the bathroom at this hour.
"Are you guys having a traditional 'girls meeting' in the bathroom without inviting me?" she asked.
"We're not having a meeting," Vetra replied. "Suvi just needs to help Cora with something."
"Ah. That human biology is finally catching up to her, huh?" Peebee nodded.
"What about her biology is catching up to her? Is she pregnant?"
Peebee looked over her shoulder and saw that Jaal had just gotten up for the day too and was waiting for a chance at the bathroom. "No, she definitely is not," she snickered, realizing that this was probably his first encounter with this kind of situation. "Cora is just bleeding out in a very inconvenient area right now."
"Why did you tell him that?!" Cora shouted from the bathroom.
Jaal suddenly looked incredibly panicked. "Cora's bleeding? Is she dying?!"
"What? No!" Suvi replied. "She's not dying!"
"Yeah, she'll be fine," Peebee said nonchalantly, ignoring the angry glares from both Vetra and Suvi. "Her insides are just turning into sludge, like that guy who got covered in toxic waste in that old vid we watched the other day, and falling out of her."
"Peebee!" Cora shouted from the bathroom.
"Her insides are what?! Does she need help?! Should I go wake Lexi?! I'll go to the medbay and get her some band aids!"
"No, Jaal, get back here! Cora doesn't need band aids!" Vetra shouted after him.
Drack, who'd been asleep in the medbay just moments earlier, was in hysterics by the time he figured out what was going on. "I'm glad you think this is funny!" Cora shouted from the bathroom.
"I've been up all night worrying that another kidney was failing. Let me have this just this once," Drack replied.
Vetra sighed. "I'm so glad my ovaries don't betray me like this once a month."
"Well hooray for you and your bizarre alien biology!" Cora snapped.
"Jaal, put that sponge back in the sink! She doesn't need that either!" Suvi shouted to the kitchen, almost as though she knew exactly what he was doing in there.
Jaal charged back to the bathroom just as Cora was emerging and handed her a dish towel. "This was all I could find!" he said as he thrust it into her hands. "Does it help?!"
Cora stared at the towel in her hands before finally asking, "What exactly am I supposed to do with a dish towel?!"
Scott wandered out of his room at the sound of all the shouting and looking like he'd just woken up about five seconds ago. In all likelihood, he had. "What's going on? Why is everyone screaming?" he asked.
"Nothing's wrong," Vetra tried to say before Jaal cut her off.
"Cora's leaking blood! I think she's dying! Is she going to be okay?!" he asked frantically.
Scott stared at Jaal and looked at Cora, who had her face in her hands, and turned around, proclaiming, "Nope. It is way too early for me to deal with this shit," before going back to bed.
"Okay, what is going on?" a stern, motherly voice demanded.
Cora was so glad to see Lexi was now up. She turned Jaal around to face her, shoved him forward, and proclaimed, "Here. Go explain human female biology to him so he stops thinking that I'm dying."
"That's...awfully specific," Lexi replied. She sighed and took Jaal by the shoulders and led him to the medbay. "Okay. Come with me for a moment, Jaal. I think it's time for 'the talk'."
A few moments later, Jaal was sitting at the breakfast table with a bowl of nutrient paste and a thousand yard stare. Gil sat down next to him with a plate of toaster waffles. "What happened to you?" he asked.
"There was an incident this morning with Cora, so Lexi had to have 'the talk' with him," Peebee replied before stealing one of his waffles with a fork and dropping it onto her plate. "There were pictures involved."
"Oh...that would have traumatized me too," Gil stated sympathetically.
"Let's just say I now know why you only like men," Jaal replied, still with a thousand yard stare.
I got the idea for this from my roommate's six year old daughter, who let's just say discovered that her mother is a woman the other day and started crying because she thought she was dying.