The cool night air washed over Clarke's face, willing her back to alertness. She had lost track of how long she ran, but the position of the moon in the sky told her it had been far more than she was used to. Fighting off sleep had been hard enough, but now her legs threatened to cramp with every step she took, the lack of water taking its toll on her body. She had to keep moving; stopping now would mean not getting up again until morning. The serene forest had transformed into a turbulent storm of noise, the sources ever shifting. Perhaps I should have stayed in the roots, Clarke thought. For all she knew, she had been traveling in circles since the sun had set.
Another step sent excruciating pain through her thigh, feeling like a drill were being pressed straight through it. Cries of pain leaked out as she fell to the ground, clutching her rebel leg, desperately trying to stretch it out to relieve the sensation. She focused on breathing deep while she pulled her leg back towards her as far as she dared, sighing at the immediate relief she felt. Once she was confident the cramp would not resurface, she released her grip and let her sore leg fall to the ground. Exhaustion started to rear its ugly head once again, and this time her body betrayed her willpower and remained where it lay.
Relaxing her heavy head, Clarke shifted her focus to the stars glittering the night sky. For so long, her only focus had been the mysterious blue and green marble that was ever present on the Ark, desperately wanting to experience life on the ground. Now, she enjoyed the true beauty of the stars above, something that had always been there, yet she chose to ignore. They're so beautiful and peaceful, she thought, marveling at the vast elegance of space. In that moment, Clarke felt at peace, and her fatigued eyes slowly started to close, only to be interrupted by a crow flying dangerously close to her face.
With a groan, she forced herself into a sitting position, her peace now disturbed. Behind her, a sharp snap of a twig being broken caused Clarke's blood to chill in her veins. Something is here, she thought, and this time she cursed herself for traveling at night. Head on a swivel, she looked for any sign of movement, not daring to rise any higher for fear of being detected. The forest stood dead still everywhere she looked, save for the gentle sway of the trees. Her ears told a different story, with branches and leaves being smashed all around her. A thud started to quicken in her chest, and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Where is it coming from?!
Clarke opened her mouth to shout at whatever waited out there, but snapped it shut immediately. It's dark... maybe they can't see me. Wishful thinking on her part, but calling out would only hurt her situation at this point. Lowering herself to the ground as silent as she could, Clarke closed her eyes, hoping whatever was out there wouldn't find her. She doubted she could move much right now if she wanted to, her legs extremely heavy from fatigue. Sound slowly faded away until nothing but silence remained, the air in the sky seemed to just halt in place.
Clarke knew she shouldn't open her eyes, yet she did anyways. The forest around her stood eerily still, save for the rise and fall of her own chest. The silence disturbed her more than the noise ever had, and she prayed for anything to make a sound. Her heart dropped when her wish was granted and laughter began to ring out through the air. Such a joyous tone brought a smile to Clarke's face. There's something familiar about that laugh, she thought, but couldn't for the life of her place it.
Just as suddenly as the smooth and jolly tone emerged, it morphed into something much more rugged and saddening. It's not laughter anymore, it's crying, Clarke realized. "Hello?" she dared to call out. She couldn't let someone in pain suffer alone, even if it meant her own safety. The sobs drifted slowly away, replaced only by an occasional sniff. "Hello? If you need help, please speak up!"
The sniffles died out completely, replaced by an agonizing scream of pain. Coarseness laced the cries of agony, and Clarke's heart broke for whoever was making them. "Please, let me help! I can save you if you just tell me where you are!" All regard for her safety dissolved at this point, standing up and looking for the person in distress. Her search was fruitless, as the yelling stopped as soon as she spoke.
"Clarke."
Her heart stopped for a second, the voice piercing through her. Finn, she thought. She would never forget his voice, not after what they had been through together. She thought Finn's ghost had stopped haunting her, yet now he resurfaced to torture her again.
"Clarke."
Finn's voice drew nearer to her, yet no matter where she looked, she couldn't see him. Her chest pounded as she felt Finn's presence all around her. "Love is weakness!" Clarke shouted out. "I told you that, why are you back?!" Dizziness overcame her and she fell to the ground, holding her head. The world spun around her and it felt as if her brain were tumbling within her head. Footsteps drew near her, and her gaze shifted up to see Finn standing before her, the same depressed expression he always wore when she pushed him out of thought. His hand reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair from her face. The realness of his touch frightened her, and she recoiled back from him. "You're not here! I am not weak," she said, slamming her eyes shut, willing with all her being to banish the ghost before her.
When she dared to open her eyes, Finn was gone with no trace of him having been there. Clarke let out a sigh of relief, thankful that she could bury the dead once again. Suddenly, a chill ran up her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She felt something behind her, but was too terrified to satiate her curiosity. Love is weakness, she repeated to herself over and over, clinging onto the phrase as if her very life depended on her believing it.
She felt a cold embrace her from behind, wrapping it's arms around her and taking the very heat from her. Clarke tried to escape, but her efforts proved futile. She felt something slowly leaning in on her left side, almost to the side of her head. She screamed when Finn's voice returned, much more malevolent than before. "Clarke."
Clarke took in a sharp breath as she shot up to a sitting position, her heart feeling like it was going to explode. Her cheeks were damp with tears, and she had a splitting headache. It was all a dream, she thought. It had felt real to her, feeling every touch as if it were actually happening. Blinking out the weariness in her eyes, she looked up at the noticeably lighter sky. While not quite dawn, she slept far longer than she liked. "On your feet, Clarke," she muttered to herself. Standing, she winced at the soreness in her thighs. A few quick stretches allowed her enough comfort to begin walking.
The dryness in her mouth and the grumbling in her stomach reminded Clarke of her basic needs, begging her to satiate herself. A river or creek would be her best bet, as the water would be drinkable and could contain fish as well. The way to the mountain had a giant river from what she remembered, though that held dangers as well. The giant monster that almost killed Octavia could still be lurking there, and the area was completely wide open. The only other major body of fresh water she knew of was at the dam she and Anya used to escape Mount Weather. I don't like it, but it might be the only option I have. Looking around the forest, she supposed she could wander and hope to stumble upon a creek she didn't know about, but the odds of that happening were slim. She would need to find water by the end of the day, and if she wandered too far from the water sources she knew of, she might not be able to make it back to them.
Clarke sank to one knee, already feeling drained from walking for what must have been an hour or two. I hate it, but that dam seems like the best option. She had no guarantees that fish would be in the shallow creek, but it had plenty of water and no monsters to guard it. Every fibre of her being told her to stay away from the area, but her survival was more important. Going back there also meant abandoning her plan to not get caught, but she didn't have much of a plan to begin wtih. Gathering her strength again, she rose to her feet and made off in the direction of the dam and towards her shame.
The grim reality of her situation started to kick in for Clarke, realizing how little thought she put into everything. Every moment since she left Camp Jaha has been spent trying to stave off the all consuming despair clawing away at her insides. Her hallucinations and dreams only helped to unsettle her more. She already had limited supplies and weapons. The last thing she needed was to be questioning her sanity. Leaving was the right choice, she told herself. I'm in no position to tell anyone what to do.
Her hand shifted to the back of her jagged pants, feeling on the smooth, cold surface of the pistol holstered there. Just the touch of it brought a wave of unease on her, but it was all the protection she had at the moment. When she found fish she would need to make herself a spear, but a spear wouldn't do her any good in combat. The bullets in the pistol would only last her so long, and after they were out Clarke only had the Commander's knife to defend herself. The fact she needed a weapon saddened her, and she wondered if she even had it in her to kill anything again. The thought of it made her stomach turn. Killing for food would be one thing, killing in a fight would be a whole different matter. The fear and despair began creeping up on her, and she released her grip on the pistol. Just focus, Clarke. One thing at a time, that's how you get through this. A few deep breaths brought her back to being as close to calm she could get, and she turned her attention back to the biggest task she had; getting to water.
Another day had passed since Clarke decided to head in the direction of the dam. The lack of food and water had begun to take a toll on her body. Her head throbbed from the lack of nutrients and her fatigued legs were almost at the end of their strength, but she kept pressing on. The gentle roar of crashing water in the distance let Clarke know she was close to her destination. The morning sun had begun to peak through the clouds, and the forest around her came alive again. When she really took time out to appreciate her surroundings instead of just running around doing tasks, she found the colors beautiful. She felt oddly in balance in nature, having so much life surround her while so much death swirled within her.
The closer she got to the dam, the better Clarke felt. Her legs had more of a spring to their step, promises of nourishment just moments away. As the noise from the falling water intensified, she found herself able to relax more. The sounds of the water pushed all unwanted thoughts out of her, leaving only a peaceful silence in wake of her stormy thoughts. Ascending a hill, the irony of her situation dawned upon her. The last time she was here, she was running from the mountain and to her people. Now, she fled from her people and sought refuge at the mountain.
Her thoughts drifted to Anya, who once had the Commander as a second. The two of them had escaped here together, and subsequently betrayed each other as well. Perhaps Clarke had been foolish to think the Grounders and Sky People could co-exist. Their entire, blood history screamed in opposition of the sentiment. Shaking her head, Clarke let out a smooth sigh. No, there's always a chance for peace. The Commander may have spit in the face of that peace, but Clarke refused to believe it to be knew war would only continue to tear everyone apart, and by the time it was done she shuddered to think of the destruction.
Unease still swept through her at her proximity to where she had committed genocide, yet she pushed that aside in the name of survival. Images still flashed across her vision occasionally, but for a few hours she could allow herself to be undisturbed by them. Perhaps there are no good guys, her mother had told her once. She didn't know if she believed that statement or not, but she honestly couldn't place any label on herself. She had always tried to do what was best to keep her friends, her family alive. She always tried to be the voice of reason and someone to lean on in times of need. The realities of the world had also made her into a murderer and she had to face that fact. The complicated thoughts started to make her head hurt and she pushed them aside for another time.
Excitement replaced those feelings as she reached the crux of the hill and laid eyes upon the water she had been so desperately trying to reach. Running down the hill, Clarke began loosening the straps of her backpack, letting it drop when she reached the rocky shore. Her jacket and pistol dropped beside the discarded bag and she ran into the stream, the icy cold water soaking her in the process. She let out a yell of relief and let herself submerge completely in the stream, the wave of coolness refreshing her mind.
She let herself remain floating underneath the water for a moment before emerging with a joyous cry. For these few moments, all of her worries and pain were washed away. She knew the noise could attract those searching for her, but in the moment all of that concern was ignored. Her entire body dripping, she cupped her hands and drank greedily as the water nourished her parched mouth. All her previous fatigue and weariness drained from her, and Clarke let herself be free. With a laugh, she splashed back down into the water. Rising to the surface once again, she waded to the shore and grabbed her canteen and filled it to the brim before returning it to her pack.
Satisfied, she sat next to her pack and moved her hands backwards to rest on them. Her soaking wet cloathing and a gentle breeze made her slightly chilly. The view of the area minimized the effect. Once again, she was blown away by the beauty the forest kept revealing to her. Clarke could paint a thousand pictures with the visuals surrounding her, and for the first time in three days she felt like the girl who fell from the sky in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Perhaps coming here wasn't a bad idea after all, she mused to herself. Apprehension still clung to her, but it stayed quiet enough to allow her to enjoy the moment.
Movement in the water had Clarke leaping to her feet, running to the shore to see the source. Careful not to disturb the water, she let out a small gasp when she saw schools of fish swimming at the bottom of the water. She would need to craft a spear to fish with -and knew she would struggle - but at least she knew there would be food for the taking.
Glancing at her surroundings, there was plenty of tree cover to keep her safe and it looked like beneath the water flowing from the dam was just enough room for a person to hide behind. She had access to plenty of wood and loose leaves to create a fire with, which she knew she would struggle with as well. She wished she had payed more attention to the lessons on survival while still on the Ark; she could have used those skills now. She would just have to improvise and hope at this point. Finn would know how to do these things. The thought of her former lover threatened to bring tears to her eyes, and she fought them back desperately. Thinking of him had been a mistake, and Clarke listened to the flow of the water to clear her head once more.
Her need for water out of the way, the pain in Clarke's hand returned to the forefront of her attention. Removing the sweat covered bandage on her hand, she examined the wound. Though there was no obvious sign of infection at the moment, she still needed to take precautions. Dipping her exposed hand into the water, she hissed a bit when she scrubbed the dirt off the scrapes that covered her palm. Once satisfied with her cleaning, she wrapped a new bandage around her hand and gathered her supplies. Spotting a long, sturdy looking branch on the ground nearby, she grabbed that as well and headed towards the man-made waterfall. For now, this will have to be home. Smiling, she took off, ready to explore the secrets her new dwelling held.
A/N: Thanks for reading! I just wanted to make a note that since Season 3 premiered, this will now be considered an AU fic. You may see some similarities to Season 3, and some of them will be inspired by it, but some just happen to be happy coincidences. I hope you enjoyed and look for another chapter next week!