Not-Lesson 2: Spicing things up is so cliche, though
Sekishin's normal morning was to wake up at around eight or nine, get dressed, and go to work. Or, if she had the day off, stay home, brew a cup of tea, and sit on a sofa while waiting for the other occupants to awaken. And so, at a quarter til nine, the woman rose from her bed. She blinked twice, yawned, and crawled out of the futon, tripping over the object placed next to it in the process.
The woman remained one the floor before picking herself up one-and-a-half minutes later, cursing. "Next time, I put it in the closet."
But the closet seemed so far away from the futon, so she never did.
She rolled up the left sleeve of her kimono and strapped the object to her shoulder. Then she walked out of her room to brush her teeth and wash her face. Sometime during that time, her brother would be leaning outside the door, waiting for her to finish.
"Good morning," he greeted before entering the bathroom.
"'Morning," she replied before the door closed. And then she ran a hand through her unruly hair and realize that she forgot to comb it. She opened the door, but by that time, her brother's pants were already off as he was sat on the toilet.
"What are you doing?!" he demanded.
"I'm sorry!" She quickly grabbed the comb and sped away.
"Ah, wait! Close the door! The door! Dammit Seki!"
After the morning routine was done—
"It's not done at all! What about the door! Oi!"
—Sekishin left the building, carrying a bag filled with a change of clothes and some other things, and headed for work.
It was a quiet day in the Shinsengumi Headquarters. Most of the officers were tracking down the culprit behind the terrorist bombings, leaving only a few to take care of headquarters.
"Please let us take that day off!" several of the Shinsengumi requested, bowing their heads to the person sitting at the desk.
"Nope, sorry. You're going to have to speak to Hijikata-san about that," the man, Akatsuki Keisuke replied. He wore the standard, low-ranking uniform with a pair of gloves. His hair was blond, and his eye color was indiscernible due to always being shut. Like most people with perpetually shut eyes, he possessed a perpetually set smile.
"That can't be. Can't you make an exception? We want to go to Otsuu-chan's first live concert!" they begged.
"Mm, that's the problem. Including you three, at least twenty men have requested to take the day off. If I make twenty exceptions, Hijikata-san will get upset at me. And he'll already have another reason to have my head that day," he added quietly before yawning. "You could try asking the commander."
"Tch. Useless as always," one of the men growled as they left the room.
Akatsuki shrugged. "I'm so useless that I'm not allowed to be on the front lines. Instead, I'm here doing paperwork and all that." He grabbed one paper from the stack next to it and glanced it over. "Ah, an here's a written request for a leave of absence. Again, it's for Otsuu's concert. How popular is she?"
It was just another boring day for Akatsuki. At least, until he was called to the interrogation room by Hijikata and Okita.
"Hijika-san, I don't think making me an interrogator is a good idea," he protested softly.
"Who the hell is Hijika-san? Anyway, you're temporarily the interrogator since no one else wants to deal with that guy," Hijikata explained as he lit a cigarette.
"'That guy'? Oh, that guy. What did he do this time? Crash his scooter into a police car?" the blonde wondered.
"Akatsuki, just play this recording, and you'll get it." Okita gave the subordinate a tape.
"I don't really get it, but all right. Oh, but on one condition."
"What?"
"If I do this, then can some of our men take the day off three days from now?"
"As if."
"Yeah, I thought as much."
"And continued, a terrorist attack occurred at the Inu Planet Embassy," a reporter announced on the TV. "No one died in the attack but...Oh, just in! A security camera caught the group who appears to be responsible for the attack."
Three faces appeared on screen. It just so happened that the same three were sitting opposite of Akatsuki. What a coincidence, right?
The scene replayed over and over again until Gintoki could take no more of it and pressed the off button on the TV remote.
"Oi, Fox Eyes. Did you really have to record that scene?" he asked.
"It wasn't me. It was Captain Okita," the blonde corrected. "So today, you were arrested for bombing the Inu Planet Embassy. Should I cook sekihan tonight to celebrate your return as a Jouishishi?"
"First of all, I'm not becoming a Jouishishi again. Second of all, you are never allowed in the kitchen."
"Um, Gin-san, do you know this person?" Shinpachi asked. "Actually, it seemed like a lot of the Shinsengumi knew you back at Ikedaya. Just how many times have you been in trouble with the Shinsengumi?!"
Gintoki waved a hand dismissively at him. "Don't remember."
"My name is Akatsuki Keisuke. I am usually just a humble grunt, but today I am your interrogator."
Gintoki clapped his hands. "All right. Interrogation's over. Time to go back home, Shinpachi, Kagura." He opened the door, only to be blocked by a pair standing outside.
"Who said you could leave?" Hijikata asked.
"Danna, just go back inside. We have free katsudon," Okita bribed.
Free food was something Gintoki was not able to turn down. He sat back at the table. Kagura joined him. Shinpachi was swayed not by the offer of free food, but by the dangerous gleam in the Shinsengumi's Vice Commander's eyes.
"So first things first."
"Katsudon," said Gintoki.
"It's still being delivered."
"I'm not saying anything until I get my food," Gintoki stated, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on the table.
"Me neither," said Kagura, mimicking his actions.
"You two do realize the situation we're in, right? This is a police station! We're under arrest! Shouldn't you be a bit more worried!?" Shinpachi exasperated.
But Akatsuki paid them no mind and looked down at the clipboard in front of him. "Well then, please state your names and occupations please."
"Why are you asking when you already know?"
"This is just a formality. You can at least say that much before the food arrives, can't you?" Akatsuki asked.
"I'm Shirogane Toki, a chef at a bakery."
"Eh?"
"All right. Sakata Gintoki of the Yorozuya, was it?"
"And this is Kamita Tamoka, the owner of the convenience store across the street from us."
"Eh?"
"Why do I have to own a convenience store?"
"Just Kagura, also of the Yorozuya."
"And this here is Megane, a NEET."
"Got it. Megane the NEET."
"Hold it right there!" Shinpachi bellowed. "Why are you coming up with fake names? Why am I the only one with a name like Megane? Why am I the only one that doesn't get their name corrected? Just what the hell is going on here!?"
"Megane-kun, we appreciate your enthusiasm, but unfortunately, your occupation is not a straight man, so please settle down and try not to steal jobs from the other straight men," Akatsuki tried to appease. Or maybe he wasn't really trying. "If you're that desperate to get a job, become a paycheck receiver. I hear it pays good money."
"Stop calling me Megane! My name is Shinpachi! Shimura Shinpachi! And a paycheck receiver isn't a real job!"
Okita opened the door. "Katsudon's here." He set the delivery box inside and closed the door.
Once the door closed, Kagura and Gintoki jumped out of their seats and opened the box. Inside were three steaming hot bowls of katsudon and three pairs of disposable chopsticks.
"Look, Kagura! This is the only good thing about Japanese interrogation, and that's the free katsudon!" Gintoki exclaimed, not bothering to wipe his drool.
"Itadakimasu!"
After a few minutes three empty bowls were put back in the delivery box. Kagura was patting her bloated stomach, Gintoki was patting his full stomach, and Shinpachi was just looking at the empty bowls with a feeling of disappointment.
"Kagura-chan, did you have to eat my bowl, too?"
"I'm a growing girl!" she replied happily.
"And now onto the next question. What were you doing at the Inu Planet Embassy?"
"Um, let me think. A postman crashed into the old lady's shop and made us deliver a package there."
"Were you aware that the package was a bomb?"
"Do you think I would've gone there if I did?"
"Also, I heard that you charged at the Shinsengumi with a bomb in your hands. Please elaborate on this."
"That's because someone pressed a switch on the time bomb, and I was requesting for the bomb squad to diffuse it."
"Bomb squad? Did we have one again?" Akatsuki wondered. He walked to the door and asked her superiors such a thing.
"Huh? Of course not. You think some country guys like us know the first thing about bombs?" Hijikata answered, eating his own bowl of katsudon topped with mayonnaise.
Akatsuki went back to his seat. "And there you go. We don't have a bomb squad, so you're on your own the next time you have a bomb."
"What kind of police force are you guys!?" Shinpachi had to ask.
"Oh, as this guy says," he gestured to Gin, "we're just a bunch of tax robbers. Next question. What is your relation with Katsura Kotarou?"
"Why don't we skip the boring questions you already know the answer to?" Gintoki suggested.
A moment of silence passed as the officer filled out the clipboard. There were no more answered questions on the clipboard, but one made-up question never hurt anyone. "Then, last question. Suppose, in three days, a prisoner breaks out to go to his daughter's first concert. Would you help him?"
"That's not related to this incident at all, is it!" Shinpachi yelled.
"Ah, I guess you wouldn't answer. Oh well. Thank you for your participation." Akatsuki stood up and opened the door. "Hijikata-san, the interrogation's done."
"Your job's over. You can go home for today."
"Roger."
"But if there happens to be a jailbreak in the next three days, I'm holding you responsible."
"Don't you always?"
"And continued, a terrorist attack occurred at the Inu Planet Embassy. No one died in the attack but...Oh, just in! A security camera caught the group who appears to be responsible for the attack."
"And continued, a terrorist attack occurred at the Inu Planet Embassy. No one died in the attack but...Oh, just in! A security camera caught the group who appears to be responsible for the attack."
"And continued, a terror—"
Gintoki turned off the TV and turned to his sister. "Oi, Seki, I spent three days stuck in that interrogation room and this is what you put on to welcome me back?"
"Hey, Gin-chan, was that interrogator a fortune teller?" Kagura wondered as the TV was turned on to the news channel. The current story was about a prisoner who broke out that day and then turned himself in a few hours later.
"Huh? There's no way. Fox Eyes was just asking a hypothetical question. It was just a coincidence," he answered, shooting a sideways glance at his twin.
"Yep, a coincidence. Though I don't know what you're talking about," she lied. Inside her closet was a couple kimonos, a couple of uniforms that looked suspiciously like the Shinsengumi uniforms, and a wig of short, blonde hair.
Later that night, when Kagura was sound asleep, the two adults shared a bottle of alcohol.
"You're a sucker for family reunions and all that," Gintoki muttered. "And a too good shitty actor. Why work at the Shinsengumi as a cross-dresser when you can become a movie star, travel the world, and leave me alone?"
Sekishin giggled, a sign that she was already drunk, and pulled the cup away from her lips. "Because, Gin, if I leave you alone, you might just die."
"What am I, a rabbit?"
His only response was another giggle.
An hour later, Sekishin was on the couch, passed out from the drinking. Gintoki, though his vision was becoming somewhat impaired, was still conscious enough to drape a blanket over her. Something fell from her left sleeve and hit the ground with a clatter. Gintoki looked at the object sadly.
"Sorry," he apologized softly as he struggled to put the object back in its rightful spot without rousing her.
The Sakata twins had gone through a lot, especially during the war and the first few years after its end.
But he's lucky to still have her, he thought, brushing her bangs back and planting a kiss on her forehead.
Red eyes opened, looking as if in a trance. "Incest…" the sister mumbled.
Gintoki smothered her with a pillow. "Shut up, you're drunk."
Like the summary says, Seki has gender issues and uses them to become the fox eyed Shinsengumi officer(grunt). So meet Akatsuki Keisuke, the guy who has the kanji for respect in his name yet has absolutely no respect. It appears I'm all for names that contradict a character's personality.
Fun fact 1: Katsura was supposed to be in this chapter, but I replaced his scene with the interrogation scene.
Fun fact 2: Rabbits die when they are lonely, in case you didn't know.
And there's a scene I really want to put in, but I don't know where to put it, but that's why we have omakes.
The Seven Mysteries of the Yorozuya Solved! (Not really)
The Yorozuya office and its inhabitants were full of mysteries. First, there was Gintoki, who apparently fought in a war, and his sister Sekishin, who was oddly evasive when answering questions about herself.
But mysteries were meant to be solved—or revealed, but that wasn't any fun—and one such mystery was about to be cleared.
Shinpachi was digging through the cabinets one day when he found a tea kettle. That wasn't so strange. A tea kettle was a vital object when heating water. And that was exactly what he used it for.
The next day, they had a client, a woman who was looking for her pet—a normal dog and not a man-eating Amanto pet like the one Prince Hata had had. Shinpachi was tired that day from staying up all night playing a newly-released video game. So Sekishin went to the kitchen to prepare the tea. A stove was turned on, water was poured in a tea kettle, and dead fish eyes widened in horror as he ran to the kitchen just in time for the smoke detector to go off. And in a matter off seconds, black smoke billowed out of the kitchen, filled up the room and the neighboring rooms, and rendered the visibility to zero.
"Why the hell are you using the stove!?" Gintoki demanded as he turned off the stove, smashed his bokuto into the blaring smoke detector, and opened the windows to let the smoke out. "Shinpachi, open every window and the door!" Gintoki ordered between coughs.
"What? What's going on?" their client asked, panicked.
"Ah, um, we're having a minor problem. Just wait outside for a moment," Gintoki advised.
Shinpachi opened the front door last and watched as the smoke flowed out. Their client stood outside with Otose next to her. The older woman exhaled a small amount of pale smoke as she observed the scene, shaking her head.
Shinpachi was about to go back inside when a yell stopped him.
"Seki, you bastard! How many times does this make?! For God's sake, quit using the stove!" It was rare for Gintoki to have such a furious tone. "Gin-san doesn't need lung cancer on top of diabetes! And look at this mess! You broke another smoke detector!"
"No, that was your doing," Seki protested, her voice a mere mumble compared to her brother's.
"Shut up! Goddammit, we have a thermos pot for a reason!"
"Um, Otose-san, do you know what's going on here?" Shinpachi asked.
Otose let out another stream of smoke before answering. "That's simple. Gintoki's yelling at Seki for using the stove again. That girl's a work of art. She can create a smokescreen just by trying to boil water. That's why Gintoki needed to buy a thermos pot. Though I wonder what happened to it since Seki obviously used the tea kettle."
And instantly, Shinpachi felt a pang of guilt because after he found the tea kettle, he figured there was no use for the thermos pot and stored it away in a cabinet.
Gintoki walked out, scratching the back of his head and looking as if he aged at least five years. "I'm going to go bald. I really am. If I lose all of my hair, I won't be Gintoki anymore, just Hagetoki." He looked at the client. "So, you're looking for the dog, right? We' re get starte on that right now so you can wait...somewhere that's not in there." He pointed at the entrance-now-turned-chimney.
"Where's Seki-san?" Shinpachi asked.
"In here, finding the thermos pot. Don't worry too much about her."
Shinpachi never did tell Gintoki that he was the cause of all the trouble.
On that day, one mystery was solved. It was the mystery of why Sekishin was not allowed in the kitchen and why a tea kettle was never to be used.