Not-Lesson 8: Always be stocked up on coffee

It was supposed to be a normal day...or so Sekishin liked to think, but truthfully, she had long forgotten what a normal day was even like. Living with Gintoki did that. To be less generic, it was supposed to be a day of tagging along with Shinpachi to watch his idol knock out people. Now if it was a day of watching Gintoki's idol knock out people, Gintoki would sooner join her in the ring than stand on the the sidelines. But no, it was Shinpachi's idol, and instead of jumping into the ring, he was dressing in his Terakado Tsuu Imperial Guard outfit and rooting for her.

And of all the people to jump into the ring, it was Kagura.

And of all the people to run into while leaving the stands, it was Okita.

And of all the things to be shown, with a whispered apology to her beforehand, was an underground fighting ring, where death matches were held.

The name was Rengokukan, the gate of purgatory.

Sekishin didn't know whether to ruin his pretty-boy face or ensure he never would have children. Before she could make up her mind, Kagura beat her to the punch, which wasn't really a punch but a shake of his collar and flying spit.

When all was said and done, she decided to let him go with just a kick to his shin.

"What was that for? I apologized, didn't I?" he asked.

"...Nothing," she replied as she joined her brother and the rest in the small kago.

There were children running around. Sekishin hadn't dealt with children in a long time, not since Okita was ten and already strong enough to land a hit on Hijikata and Kondou and defeat all the other men in the dojo.

He never did spar with the woman in the dojo, but she was sure that he'd defeat her as well.

(Only ten years old and already a certified genius but still a little hellion.)

A child ran up to her, a girl with short dark hair. The girl stared up at her, and Sekishin stared back for less than five seconds before smiling, albeit uncertainly.

She didn't know what to do. Babysitting Okita all those years ago was so easy since there was a certain level of maturity in him that other children his age didn't have. Plus, she had had two arms to keep him grounded to the floor and off the tabletops.

She only had one this time, and all one arm was good for was...something.

The girl returned her uneasy smile with a bright and innocent one, showing off her missing teeth.

The next day, the twins found two bowls of the Hijikata Special in front of them, and Hijikata and Okita sitting across from them. Neither of them dared to even pick up the chopsticks.

"What's wrong? Eat to your heart's content," Hijikata urged as he exhaled smoke.

"Sorry. He found out," Okita said curtly.

Gintoki glance down at the bowl of not-food. "I know I've said this before, but this looks disgusting."

His sister nodded. "If I eat this, I'm going to be haunted by a ghost."

"How long are you going to keep saying that? We already proved that there was no ghost to begin with."

"Until divine judgement falls upon you," the woman answered and joined her brother in ordering something more edible.

Gintoki leaned closer to her sister and whispered loudly enough for Hijikata to hear, "Tenko."

Sekishin's lips curled into a smile that mirrored her brother's as she none too softly whispered to him, "Now, now. There's no need to spoil future arcs."

Hijikata stubbed out his cigarette with more force than necessary. "I. Hate. You. Both."

"Now's a good time to cut down on the calories, Tenko—I mean, Hijikata-san," advised Okita as he poured his bowl of the Hijikata Special into Hijikata's bowl.

"Dear customers, here are your chocolate parfait and your cheesecake," a waitress cut in before Hijikata could retort. "And please remember to keep your voices down, or else you'll bother the other customers."

Again, her expression seemed to add before she left to serve another table.

"Obviously, she knows you well," Gintoki noted while he dug into his parfait.

"An ex-girlfriend, maybe?" suggested Sekishin.

"Wait, don't tell me…" Gintoki started as dramatic lightning struck behind him. "Oogushi-kun is treating us to lunch because he's having relationship troubles!"

Thunder sounded in the distance, and Okita faced the window while muttering something about a storm.

"That's enough! Let me speak!" Hijikata yelled before receiving a death glare from the waitress.

"If it's about Rengokukan, then no."

"Yeah, Oogushi-kun will probably just tell us to forget it."

"Bo-ring," the twins said at once before eating a piece of their respective desserts.

Meanwhile, Hijikata felt his temper rising and rising. "It involves the Tendoushuu. I don't care about you, Shiroyarou, but if they see her," he pointed at Sekishin, "then what do you think's going to happen?!"

"I'm going to get a haircut?" Sekishin guessed as she took the salt shaker and shook it over the Hijikata Special. "I don't really know. Bureaucracy is a strange and complicated matter. I don't want any part of this."

"This isn't a joking matter! Just stay out of this! And don't you dare give me your brother's speech about the soul and all that!"

By this time, all eyes were on Hijikata and the waitress had no choice but to intervene.

"Dear customer, may I request you to please quietly, quietly leave the restaurant? You are bothering our other customers." Softly so that no one else could hear, she added, "If you choose not to leave, we will cease adding mayonnaise to any of your food."

Hijikata looked like someone had just shot him. Clearly, he was debating in his mind whether it was worth being banned from consuming mayonnaise in one of his favorite restaurants to try to convince someone who was too stubborn for his or her own good. Knuckles white, he turned back to the other three, glaring, and begrudgingly left the restaurant.

The waitress smiled and nodded approvingly before returning back to her work. Activity in the restaurant resumed like normal, and certain trio was staring at the bowl of dog food still sitting on the table.

"So what do you want to do now?" Okita asked as he pushed the bowl towards Gintoki.

"Isn't it obvious? Shut down that fighting ring so I can finally sleep peacefully at night," replied Gintoki, passing the bowl to his right.

"And avoid the Tendoushuu's eyes while we're at it. It's not that hard. Hijikata's making a big deal over nothing." Sekishin gave the bowl to Okita and the cycle began again.

After a full minute, Gintoki asked, "So why are we just sitting here passing around this disgusting thing?"

"Danna, don't you know wasting food is bad?"

"Are you kidding? Just leave it outside and someone will eat it."

"Why don't we give it to Sadaharu?"

"Hey, Seki! What do you think Kagura's going to do when she finds out we fed him this? Even if it is dog food, it's the shittiest dog food in the world!"

"I offer my condolences in advance," said Okita, passing the bowl once more to Gintoki.

"No way in hell!" Gintoki yelled as he flung the bowl away.

The good news? He successfully removed it from the table. The bad news? It landed on the waitress from before.

"Dear customers," she began, the bowl still sitting on her shoulder, "please leave."

When that smile was directed at him, he suddenly didn't blame Hijikata for being scared of her. She was scarier than Sekishin when she lost her patience.

And so, minutes later, the trio found themselves kicked out of the restaurant.

"Funny thing about this is that we didn't have to pay for lunch."

As she left the office and opened her umbrella (the kind that you could open with just the push of a button), Sekishin stared up at the sky. The dark grey clouds had a foreboding feel to them, and she wanted to hurry up and go to work.

Only, it seemed that work came to her. She spotted Okita walking by the door to Otose's bar and up the stairs. Despite the rain, he had nothing to keep him dry. He lifted his head, and their eyes met.

"Morning, Sannan. Going sunbathing?" he asked light-heartedly.

"Morning, Sougo. Taking a shower?"

"Turns out the showers back at headquarters are broken. You might not want to come today."

"Really. What did you do this time?"

"I was testing out a grenade launcher on Hijikata-san, but he dodged, so now the shower room has a hole in the wall."

"You got kicked out, didn't you."

"Unfortunately."

"Um, that didn't really happen, did it?" Shinpachi asked later after Okita sat down and was given a towel and a cup of coffee. Sekishin was the one who let him in, retelling his story.

"No."

"Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if it does happen at some point."

"Sannan."

Sekishin closed her mouth.

Not liking the tone the boy used, Gintoki turned around so that his back was facing everyone else in the room. "And? Don't tell me you came here just to bother us."

"As much as I'd like to say that, no. It's about Kidoumaru."

"Doushin-san? If it's about him being missing, then we saw him leave Edo last night," explained Shinpachi.

"Don't worry. We watched him like Gin-chan told us to," Kagura added. "And then we beat up the guys from Rengokukan!"

Suppressing a sigh, Okita turned to Gintoki. "Yeah. He's gone all right. He left not only Edo, but also this world."

In an instant, the air became too heavy, and they could hardly breathe.

"Left this world? You mean he's dead!?" Shinpachi asked in disbelief.

"Seems like some of those Rengokukan guys slipped past you. One of our men found the wagon and the kids while on patrol," Okita stated. "...And the body."

As they listened to the rain, Kagura hugged her knees, and she and Shinpachi were looking down. Sekishin had her eyes closed, and Gintoki was as still and silent as a statue.

Eventually, Gintoki let out a sigh. "I hate rainy days. Did you really have to tell me this today?"

"Sorry. I thought you would have wanted to know as soon as possible."

"Sorry, Gin-chan. We should have stayed with him until the end," Kagura apologized.

"It wasn't your fault. He was a killer. He knew he couldn't have met a good—" Gintoki cut off abruptly. "No, never mind." To himself, he murmured, "Seki would kill me if I finished that thought."

The said woman raised her hand, as if she was at a meeting, out of habit. "What about the kids?"

Okita replied, "They're with us for now, but we'll have to find someone to adopt them soon. I'll have Akatsuki work out the details when I see him at work."

The chair made a small noise when Gintoki leaned back on it. "I'm telling you. Just quit your jobs and start a daycare. Now's the perfect opportunity."

Okita managed a bitter smile. "I'll think about it." Slowly, he stood up and grabbed his sword. "Sorry for dragging you into this."

But just as he was about to leave, the door opened. And standing in the doorway, with tear-stained faces, was a group of all-too-familiar children.

"You guys! Didn't I tell you to stay with the Shinsengumi?" Okita asked.

Gintoki turned ever so slightly when one boy called out to him. He was fully facing them after hearing them say:

"Please help us avenge Sensei!"

He was surrounded by idiots. Not only were his men idiots, but so were the people he interacted with on a near daily basis (he was reluctant to call them as anything more than acquaintances).

Or rather than being idiots, they lacked any self-preservation instincts for their physical state and paid more attention to their souls. And the most suicidal person of the bunch was standing in front of him, wearing the Shinsengumi uniform, a blonde wig, and a mask depicting the face of some cutesy anime character.

"How the hell did you get changed so quickly?" was the first thing out of his mouth.

As Akatsuki answered, he led Hijikata out of the office so as to not bother the children. Outside, the rain had let up, but the skies were still overcast.

"When you grow up with a master of disguise and when you live with another master of disguise, you pick up on things, whether you have two arms or not." The voice was slightly muffled behind the mask, which brought Hijikata to his next question.

"Why are you wearing a mask?"

"Because it strikes terror into the hearts of many!"

Hijikata sighed. "You're an idiot."

"And you have obviously never read 'Mahou Shoujo of the End,'" retorted Akatsuki. "So when are we leaving?"

Hijikata raised an eyebrow. "'We'?"

"Tenkata, if you say you aren't thinking of being an idiot, too, then I have every right to assume that you picked up a cursed sword that you aren't supposed to pick up until later in the series."

"I have a perfectly normal sword with me! And quit spoiling the series!"

"The sooner you start following the storyline, the sooner we'll be at that part so it won't have to count as a spoiler anymore."

"Fine. But you're staying here!"

"Eh~. Why?"

He shoved a stack of papers in Akatsuki's hand. "Because you have to do all this paperwork."

As he watched Hijikata descend the stairs, Akatsuki clicked his tongue in a rare display of annoyance. Or maybe, by that time, Akatsuki had been replaced by a different personality. "The bastard had an excuse ready."

From inside, she could hear the joyful barks of Sadaharu as he played with the children. However, outside, she could hear the soft pitter-patter of the rain as it resumed its journey from the skies to the ground.

The next day, Shinpachi walked into the office to see all three of the other residents crowding around the TV screen.

"Wow, Ketsuno Ana is pretty as always today," Gintoki admired as he brushed his teeth.

"Hey, Gin-chan, are you a Virgo?" Kagura asked.

"No. And I don't have a stubble either."

"Hmm. I hope Kondou-san isn't brushing his teeth right now," said Sekishin, taking a sip of her tea.

"He's a Virgo?"

She nodded. "His birthday actually isn't that far away."

"Should we send something red to him for a birthday present?" wondered Kagura.

"Maybe. It depends on whether he lives past today," Gintoki grunted before returning to the bathroom.

"What's going on?" Shinpachi finally asked.

"Oh, Megane-kun! Good morning! According to the horoscope Virgos are doomed today. And Kondou-san is a Virgo, so… I"m going to call Hijikata-san!" Sekishin announced in a sing-song tone as she placed her teacup on the coffee table. As she left, the boy noticed the dark circles forming underneath her eyes.

Minutes later, Sekishin gave her report. "A couple minutes ago, Tottsan, that is, the Police Superintendent, crashed through the door, and now he's taking Kondou-san to the Tendoushuu because of what happened with the Rengokukan."

Shinpachi's face paled. "Um…"

"Don't worry. It's not your fault. He's a cockroach. He's not going to die that easily," Gintoki assured in a gruff tone of voice.

"That's good. Did Hijikata-san say anything about the kids?"

"Huh? Oh, the kids." Sekishin swirled her cup and emptied its contents into her mouth. "Let's see… He talked to Akatsuki, and Akatsuki told him that it was a lot more work than he expected. Mainly because Edo lacks an orphanage for some reason, and the kids don't want to be split up. We've...They've put up ads for foster parents in the newspaper, but not many people are willing to take care of more than one or two children."

While she rubbed her eyes, Gintoki gave her another cup of tea.

"And then there's the problem that the kids don't have proper identification or immunization records. I don't know how Doushin managed to take care of all of them. So far, Takeda suggested setting up an orphanage, but that's so much work, and the Shinsengumi doesn't have the funding or the space to make that happen, and it's just…" As if each sigh deflated her like a balloon, her head drooped onto the table.

"I need sleep."

"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"The night before, Gin kept me up to go gambling, the irresponsible prick. Gambling while you send your employees to do the work for you. Have you no shame? And then last night, I couldn't go to sleep. And welcome to the present, where I have to break out the ginseng tea leaves because we ran out of coffee four days ago and no one's gone shopping for it, and…"

She yawned.

"I never want to stay up two nights in a row. Could someone go to the florist for me and order red spider lilies to send to Kondou-san? I'm going back to my room."

"Wait a moment, are those flowers for his grave!?"

The door to Sekishin's room was shut.

"Should I offer him sukonbu? The wrapper is red. Nonono. I'm not giving the gorilla any of my sukonbu."

"Then what about an empty wrapper? I plan on giving him this empty carton of strawberry milk."

"Oh! Gin-chan, good idea!"

Listening to this conversation, Shinpachi shook his head and could only hope that Sekishin was enjoying her sleep.

(Of course, she wasn't sleeping because she still needed to fill out more paperwork. And then she pulled another all-nighter.

"I'm going to die," Sekishin later confessed to Yamazaki when the came to hand over the papers about setting up a fundraiser to help set up the orphanage and the papers for buying a plot of land where the temple once stood.)

A/N: I'm starting to hate coincidences. No really. The daycare thing last chapter was a completely random idea, and guess what happened this chapter. Daycare.

On another note, I'm writing sleep-deprived Seki when I'm also feeling sleep deprived. Could go for coffee right about now.

Happy early birthday, Gorilla. Try to not brush your teeth when you're checking your horoscope and do survive until your next birthday. And (sentence censored due to manga spoilers(Why do you do this to us Sorachi)).

Omake is a bunch of little snippets of chapters I've skipped. And after this I'm going to sleep, and after this chapter is the memory loss chapter and that's...

Omake

When Sekishin heard that Gintoki had been carried off my an okama, she wasn't too worried. In fact, she was already planning a trip to the club to take a picture of her brother dressed up as a girl. Unfortunately, Katsura was also there, dressed up as a woman—a very realistic woman as opposed to everyone else—and chatting away with Gintoki.

While she wanted to get a good picture of Gintoki in drag, she also didn't want to be seen by Katsura for some odd reason. Deciding that the latter outweighed the former, the woman was prepared to leave until she heard Katsura talk.

"I don't understand," Zurako said as the duo danced horribly. "Why do you not look like Sekishin?"

"Huh? Because I'm not Seki. Do I look like a woman? ...Don't answer that. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question," Gintoki quickly said.

"I see. So you have seen your mistake and stopped dressing up as her."

There was another shout for them to move their hips, but it was ignored.

"I've never dressed up as her. If anything, she's the one always dressing up as me!" Gintoki growled.

"I know it is a shameful part of your past, but you can lean on me whenever you want."

"Listen to people when they talk!"

It was an interesting conversation that was cut shirt when a customer complained about their dancing. Holding in a laugh, she left the area.

.

.

.

Breakfast a few days later was another interesting affair. Sitting next to Gintoki was a woman she had never seen before with a hair color she had never seen before. Really, who had lavender hair? Apparently she was in Gintoki's bed when he woke up after a night of drinking, and Gintoki decided to take responsibility for something that was assumed to have happened.

Later, when the misunderstanding was cleared up, Sekishin brought her futon over to Gintoki's room.

"What are you doing?"

"You have a new stalker, and she seems to have mistaken me for you," she replied. "I think you're turning into a stalker magnet."

"I don't attract stalkers. Now shut up and go to sleep."

.

.

.

As she stared at the pot of nabe sitting on the kotatsu, Sekishin turned to Gintoki. "Gin, can I—"

"No."

"But—"

"No."

"But it's just—"

"Seki, we aren't letting you even touch the pot. The last thing we need is lung cancer."

"Now I wish you didn't get rid of the cult. I would have wished to be able to make proper food."

"Seki-san, you can't call this proper food. Gin-san dumped everything in the fridge in here again," Shinpachi pointed out.

"Should I put Haagen Daz in again?" Kagura asked.

"No, just pour in all the strawberry milk," Sekishin suggested.

"Why you vindictive little—" Sekishin yanked Gintoki back by the collar of his yukata while Kagura ran to the fridge. "Just because I wouldn't let you add soy milk?!"

"Yes."

"Is every single one of you vindictive?!"

"Gin, you've know me for most of our lives. You should know the answer to that."

"Here's the strawberry milk!"

"No!"