So.

Hi.

Ellie lifted her head out of her hands. "Okay, let me try this again." She pointed at Sarah. "You're a CIA agent."

Sarah nodded, leaned back in a chair and checking the magazine in her pistol.

Ellie then turned and looked at Chuck. "And you… are also a spy?"

He shrugged. "Basically."

Devon stopped pacing behind his fiancee's chair. "And you're a spy because your brain is a computer?"

"Right."

"Because your old roommate Bryce sent you an email. Because he is also a spy."

"Right."

Ellie huffed. "I still can't believe that Bryce is a spy. And he framed you for cheating on your exams to protect you? That doesn't really make sense, I mean, he completely ruined your career-"

"Stay on topic, El," Chuck interrupted her.

"Oh, right." She shook her head to clear her mind. "So Bryce sent you an email that downloaded a computer into your brain."

"The Intersect," Sarah added.

"Yes, the Intersect, which is the server that holds all of the information for the CIA?"

"And the NSA," Sarah added again.

"Yeah, because Casey is also an agent?" Ellie paused. "Well, that one is a bit more obvious."

Devon was pacing again. "So why did Bryce send everything the CIA and NSA knows to you in an email with absolutely no context or anything to help you?"

Sarah was quick to interject. "What Bryce was thinking is not important. What's important is that Chuck has the Intersect now."

Ellie nodded. "And with the Intersect you can recognize any criminal in the database on sight?"

"Yep."

"And there's no way to get it out of your head…"

"Oh, believe me, we have tried," Chuck reassured her. "If anything had worked, it would be gone by now." Sarah glanced at him. He caught her eyes, but couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"So the CIA sent Sarah-" Ellie continued.

"And the NSA sent John," Devon interrupted.

"To protect you?" Ellie glared at Devon, then turned back around to look at Chuck worriedly. "Why did they both have to send an agent just to protect you? Who cares if you have a computer in your head?"

Chuck and Sarah exchanged glances. "Well," Sarah began, "the Intersect is kind of a big deal. It has a huge amount of information that belongs to CIA and NSA. If someone with less-than-good intentions were to get ahold of it, who knows what they would do with it. Besides, like you said, it also lets us- or, Chuck- recognize them on sight, which isn't good for them. They're willing to kill f-"

"What she means to say," Chuck jumped in loudly, "is that they really want it, but as long as she and Casey are here, I'm perfectly safe."

He was too late. "What did she just say?" Ellie demanded worriedly. "They're willing to kill you?"

"She was exaggerating," Chuck tried. "Kind of like I'd kill for chocolate."

"You aren't chocolate, Chuck," Ellie said flatly.

"You, uh, you have a good point, there," he stammered. He looked to Sarah for help, and she sighed.

"Alright, look, Ellie." Sarah moved over and sat directly in front of her. "The job is a little dangerous, yes, and I understand why you want to keep Chuck safe. He's your little brother. But your little brother, who's not so little anymore," she commented with a meaningful glance up and down Chuck's lanky body, "is under the protection of both the CIA and the NSA, who have been tasked with protecting an entire nation for decades. We're more than capable of keeping one person safe."

Ellie didn't look convinced. "But you're still only two people. Who knows what could happen when you're off doing whatever spies do and someone kidnaps Chuck and you can't find him?"

Chuck considered pointing out that he had already been kidnapped before and Sarah and Casey had proved more than capable of getting him back, but decided that would be less than helpful.

Ellie was still talking. "I appreciate what you're saying, Sarah, I do, but he's still my little brother. How am I supposed to let him walk around with a huge target on the back of his head for every criminal in the country to take potshots at? I'm just not comfortable with this whole-"

"Ellie," Sarah said sternly.

She stopped talking abruptly.

Sarah leaned forward and took her hands. "You're just going to have to trust me, okay? I won't let anything happen to him. I promise."

Ellie looked hard at her for a few seconds, then let out a long breath. "Okay. I do trust you. Don't give me a reason to regret that."

Sarah smiled and sat back. Devon still stood back, watching. "Just for the record," he announced, "you had my trust as soon as you said you were a secret agent. It still sounds pretty awesome to me. And it's been great having this little talk, but I really have to go use the restroom, and I think I saw one back there, so I'm gonna go do that now."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Devon," she said flatly as he left the room.

"I do have another question, though," Ellie said curiously. "If you're an agent and you just came here to protect Chuck, either you two must have really hit it off, or you had already known each other for a long time, because you were already dating by the time I met you."

Chuck and Sarah exchanged glances. "Uh, about that…" Chuck grimaced, waiting for the storm of Ellie's wrath upon hearing that he'd been lying about his love life for the past two years.

Ellie looked at both of them. "You were never dating, were you." It wasn't even a question. Chuck had his face all scrunched up. Sarah was suddenly reluctant to look her in the eyes and leaned against the table.

Ellie seemed confused. "So what have you two been doing in Chuck's room all night all those times I thought you were- wait, have you two even…?"

Chuck practically shot out of his chair at the same time Sarah shoved back up off the table. "No, we haven't!" Sarah protested, almost as if she was afraid of how Ellie would react if they had.

Chuck lost any cool he had pretended to have. "Whaaaaaaat?" he said in a high-pitched voice. "Psssssssh, of- of course not, Ellie, who do you think I am, some stupid horny guy who would just- I mean, we've only known each other for like- and, she's Sarah, I could never- not that she isn't beautiful, she is, definitely, have you seen her in- but that's not the- listen, we have never- and we are not in any way… involved other than for purely work purposes. Obviously. That would be like me and Casey- no, wait, scratch that, please never tell him that I said that."

The corner of Ellie's lips quirked up as she watched Chuck fumble, his face turning a deeper shade of red, and Sarah stare at him, trying to communicate to him through her eyes to shut up. Once he reached the part about Casey, Sarah finally just slugged him in the arm and said sharply, "Do you ever just shut up?"

"No, please continue," Ellie encouraged, sitting back, amused.

Chuck took the non-too-subtle hint from Sarah and shook his head. "No, Ellie, I will not." He looked proud of himself, like he had finally gotten the upper-hand. "I'm a spy who keeps secrets for a living, I can keep my mouth shut."

Sarah dropped her head into her hands. "How have you not been shot yet," she muttered.

"Anyway," Chuck said over her, "Ellie, I would love to keep talking to you about this, but the Buy More is still kind of in trouble, so Sarah and I gotta do something about that." He frowned, then turned to Sarah. "What are we going to do about that?"

Sarah lifted her head to say something, but Ellie interrupted, "What? No! You aren't going back in there! They have guns!"

Sarah slid her eyes over to her tiredly. "We have guns too."

"Well, yeah, but the two of you can't just go in and outshoot them. Besides, please don't tell me that you let Chuck use guns."

Chuck looked offended. "For the record, I am not a bad shot!"

"'Not a bad shot' and 'a good shot while under fire and trying to save innocent bystanders at the same time' are two completely different things," Ellie corrected. "And it doesn't matter, because you aren't going in there!"

"It's my job! What am I supposed to do, just sit here?"

"No, your job is to provide customers with tech support with a smile and an outrageous bill, not to try to save the world with some of the most elite forces in the world!"

"Who says I can't do both? I have been-"

"And it's gonna get you killed-"

"I'll be fine, I-"

Sarah growled and slammed her hand on the table. "Will you both just shut up?" she shouted.

Both Bartowskis shut their mouths with an audible click and watched her warily.

Sarah let the silence hang in the air for a few seconds, meeting each sibling's gaze with a steely glare of her own. She opened her mouth to speak.

"You know, for a secret spy base, I would've thought you'd have super cool spy toilets too, at least like those Japanese ones, but the bathroom is actually kinda-" Devon slammed to a halt as soon as he entered the room. His eyes darted to each person, then he stepped back. "You know, I think I saw an exercise room, I'm gonna go… check that out." He backed out of sight slowly, and quick footsteps echoed down the hallway.

Sarah never even looked at him. "I need you two to listen to me," she said in a calm, yet somehow scary, voice. "Ellie, I can't do this by myself. It's a matter of numbers. If I weren't outnumbered ten to one, I might cuff him to the wall and handle it alone, but I'll probably get myself and everyone in there killed in the process. Trust me, I've already tried that today. I've dealt with Chuck for almost two years now with an almost perfect record, I can do it again."

Ellie held her eyes for a few seconds, then slumped. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Just don't get him killed."

Sarah nodded, then turned her attention to Chuck, who was picking at the bandages under his shirt. He glanced up and noticed her, but looked back down immediately. "I know," he said sulkily, then continued in a Sarah voice, "'Don't be stupid, Chuck, stay behind me, be quiet, and don't do anything that Casey or I wouldn't. Actually, just don't do anything. You might accidentally shoot me in the foot.'"

Sarah cocked her head. "Actually, I was going to say that we're gonna need to go get another couple of pistols."

Chuck's head shot up. "Really?" he asked ecstatically, a huge grin creeping across his face.

Sarah couldn't hold back a grin in response. "Yes, go. Don't choose anything bigger than a pistol, though!" she called over her shoulder as he ran past her toward the armory.

Ellie looked surprised. "Really?"

Sarah shrugged. "Well, that wasn't what I was going to say at first, but he basically covered it all. I've already had the same argument with him today at least twice, and I don't want to keep fighting with him. Besides," she added with a nod toward Chuck capering around in the armory, "he looked so sad. If we're gonna go in, I might as well make sure he's happy while we're doing it."

Ellie had her eyes narrowed. "Sure," she said.

"What?" Sarah asked defensively.

"Nothing," Ellie said as she leaned back again. When Sarah pushed her, she relented with a coy grin. "You say you two aren't dating?"

Sarah nodded suspiciously.

"Just partners, huh."

Another slow nod.

Ellie laughed. "Whatever you say, Sarah. Just let me know when you two are past this awkward stage, mkay?"

Sarah straightened. "What awkward stage? What are you talking about?"

But Ellie would say no more on the subject. "I guess Devon and I will just stay here while you two head off?"

Before Sarah could answer, Chuck stepped out of the armory. "Sarah, I just realized I have no idea what I'm doing."

"You two have fun," Ellie tossed over her shoulder as she left in search of Devon. "I'm going to go make sure Devon doesn't get himself killed. You two do the same."

Sarah watched her go in confusion. Chuck looked at her. "You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered absently. "Just something she said." After a pause, she shook her head. "But I have no idea what she was talking about. Let's go."

"Okay." Chuck moved to let her by, then followed after her. "Hey, can I use one of the AK-47's?"

"We don't have an AK-47."

"Oh. Nevermind. Wait, what about an M16?"

"No."

"Any assault rifle?"

"No."

"Oh, what about a shotgun?"

"Absolutely not."

"Do you have a Needler? I can take out some serious baddies with one of those."

"This isn't Halo, Chuck."

"Doesn't mean I can't have any fun."

"That is exactly what that means, as in this version of using weapons you can actually die."

"Way to ruin the excitement, Sarah."

"I'm not even going to respond to that. Come on, get serious."

"You know what, you're right, forget all the assault rifles and shotguns. I want a grenade launcher or a flamethrower and I won't go without one."

"You get a 9mm."

"Oh."

"Yep."

"Well, I guess that will work."

"It had better, you're not getting anything bigger."

"Not even a 10mm?"

"Just shut up and take the gun, Chuck."

...

Hi there.

[insert excuses for extreme laziness/writers' block]

Thanks for reading!