A/N: It wasn't supposed to happen, but I'm writing down alternate POV for this story after all. It does explain some things left out from Chapter 1 - but then probably makes a worse read, it's lenghty with lots of overthinking. That's why I had to split it in two, both to make it easier on readers and on me :P Still, hope you enjoy.

A hunch; gut feeling; intuition; swirling of the Force; it might've been called many names, just not solid data to rely on. That's why they acted as usual, with the same high caution as usual. There is a saying that routine kills, and this time it almost had proven true - their routine alertness was high, but not high enough. It had almost wiped out whole Rogue One: if not directly by injuries, then by emotions accompanying the loss of loved ones. Somehow all of them, five organic beings and a droid, became friends and a family, caring for each other, loving each other, like blood-related families do. And yet, this assignment could end it all.

Like an avalanche, things started going awry very quickly and with something almost common these days: shootout with a group of unexpected opponents. Even though cursing the bad intel under his breath, Cassian was still calm about everything: the mission objectives, the team, their survival. With Bodhi and Kay on the ship, Jyn and Guardians at his and each other's back, nothing could go much worse, he thought. Unfortunately, apart of blasters, the fire exchange quickly involved homemade grenades too. Running towards ruined buildings, towards relative safety, narrowly avoiding harm, they almost made it for cover, when suddenly Jyn got caught in a shockwave of the closest explosion. Was the explosion any stronger, she'd die shred to pieces, but as things were, her body was pushed away from the group and smashed onto the ground with horrible sound, deafening even among the firefight noises. With Jyn laying silent and very still on a pile of omnipresent rubble, Cassian's composure had disappeared without a trace, like if it had never been there. Had he just failed Jyn by letting her suffer injuries, had he just failed his friends and brothers in arms by making them loose a family member on his guard? Responsibility for the rest of team or for the success of the mission wasn't an issue anymore, and Cassian broke into a run; the only thing that mattered now was Jyn and her life. Her life was his life, he wouldn't be able to survive without her anymore. Going back to not loving, not caring, would kill him just as surely as a blaster shot between the eyes; that's what would happen for sure if he'd lost her.

It seemed to Cassian like reaching Jyn took him ages; in reality, it was less than several seconds, too short even for the dust to settle down around her sprawled silhouette. He almost collapsed with relief seeing that although obviously with much strain, she still could breathe and that she was still conscious, even though apparently unable to move or speak. She was staring intently at him, like if surprised that he came back for her; like if he wasn't supposed to be beside her. He instantly understood what she meant - strictly speaking, he was just violating Force only knows how many military restrictions, rules and direct orders by leaving part of the team on their own without a word, just to try and rescue a possibly dead lover. And yet, that was exactly what he instantly found the most important: saving the person that was a part of himself more than he could ever admit. That's why kneeling down to inspect Jyn's condition he shook his head at her: because being in his position, she'd return to him as well, no matter how much he'd resist such an idea. The problem was, his careless stay in the open had exposed him, making them both an easy target. Cassian briefly thought that as dead he'd be of no help to Jyn, but before he could do anything, he felt sharp pain on the side of neck and saw a spray of his own blood covering them both. Falling helplessly over Jyn's sprawled body, he caught the sight of her widely open eyes framed by blood-covered skin and bright sparkles like those of stardust - and then a black shroud came over everything.

Next thing Cassian remembers is the medbay at the base. The lights are too bright and the smells are too strong, but at least he knows he's alive. Familiar sight of K-2's hovering figure is soothing on his nerves, and he doesn't feel like getting up from the bed before acknowledging state of his body. That is, until memory of the explosion and Jyn's limp body switches his mind into panic mode. Kay with lightning fast reflexes saves his friend from falling hard on the floor. Pushing the man gently back to the mattress, droid patiently explains that they all made it back more or less safely to the base; that Jyn undergoes a surgery now, the team keeping guard at the OR door; and that there 18.9% chance she'll make it through. On the other hand, there's a 93.7% chance for a full recovery on Cassian's side of things, but only if he won't try to fight and stays in bed until bacta patches fully mend his stitched artery, nicked by a wall shrapnel from otherwise wide shot. The relief that everyone's alive, that Jyn is still alive, makes Cassian sag into the bed, but the guilty consciousnesses slowly renders him deaf to Kay's further talking. He couldn't care less for the mission objective, albeit fulfilled with K-2's tremendous help; he's already deep in his thoughts trying to figure out what had happened, why it had happened. The recollection of recent events is overlaid with memory of Jyn's green eyes contrasting with dark red blood all around, and focusing on anything else is too hard and too exhausting. Barely conscious due to heavy blood loss anyway, Cassian quickly falls into blessingly dreamless sleep.

In his violent life, Cassian had heard plenty of screams, of all volumes and sorts: some quieter, some louder, screams of pain, fury, agony. None had been as blood-curdling as the one that wakes him up now though. Echoing through medbay corridors, drum-piercing howl contains so much pure fear and anguish it doesn't even seem to come from anything else than a dying animal. And yet, Cassian instantly recognizes the voice, he just knows it's Jyn who's screaming. All his instincts tell him to go to her now, to take care of whatever is causing her such a great distress. There's no Kay around, no-one else to stop him, so he scrambles up from bed, rips IV cords, and just runs bare-chested and bare-footed in blind search of the sound source. He runs in search of his - girlfriend? lover? soul mate? the most important person in his life? And why for Force's sake does he care for names or definitions right in this moment?

When he finally reaches the right room, silence already takes place of the horrid cry. Jyn was suffering too much, her mind and body too strained to keep her conscious so sedatives were the best solution, the doctor says. Witnessing her outburst had to be a terrifying experience, judging by pale faces of Rogue One members and medical staff, especially when even hearing it from a distance was painful. However, in this very moment what's most painful to Cassian is the look of the person in bed. Usually full of rattling energy even when not in actual move, Jyn is now unnaturally still. Because of that seems so small she's barely visible beneath the wires and tubes. She's almost completely wrapped with bandages and various types of medical dressings, the skin that rarely shows from underneath is either dark, in bruises and scratches, or so pale that doesn't even look like belonging to a living person. The sight knocks the wind out of Cassian's lungs, he immediately loses his momentum and sinks down to his knees exactly where he stands. Yes, Jyn is alive and that's already a lot, but will she ever get out of this? Will they ever talk? May he ever get a chance to explain her what she means to him? They never discussed their connection, their relationship, the desire and all the things apart of it. Instead, they preferred to be just right where needed, always within reach, be it in bed, in mess hall, in the battlefield or anywhere else. Was it a mistake they never wanted to use overblown words before running into their physical or mental battles, but were just sharing assuring embraces or kisses instead? What if they have already missed their chance because of his stupidity and she never wakes up to learn the important truth? Cassian feels completely and utterly useless, weak and vulnerable like never before, not in past twenty years or so.

Warm hand on his shoulder drags him back to reality from the depths of hopelessness. It's not like he's ready to face his family that he has failed so horribly, but surrounded by them he has no choice. The hand belongs to Chirrut, and his blind eyes reflect Cassian exactly as he sees himself, as a puny man drowning in guilt. The monk's face bears no such expression though, nor do faces of Baze and Bodhi. The three men look genuinely worried about both of their friends, no judgement attached, and Cassian feels a tiniest spark of hope embarking in his chest. Maybe not all is lost yet? That thought gives him strength to get up from the floor, but before he decides on the course of action, the spark dies because of what Chirrut handles him. Tiny bundle, scrap of fabric that used to be a part of red sash, reveals a handful of sparkling shards. The recognition hits Cassian with pain and shock, because it feels like shattered kyber pendant symbolizes Jyn's life: what was pure and strong once, now is a crumbled mess, covered with dust and blood. Never being a superstitious person, he takes this as a very bad omen, a gruesome prediction of Jyn's and his own future. He's so detached from reality that easily gets ushered back towards his own medbay room by Kay, who this time - strangely - does not comment on Cassian's shaky legs or bluish complexion, nor does say a single word on the odds of anything. Instead, the droid takes guard in front of the room, keeping all the visitors, even including medical staff, away from his friend. In a tiny corner of his mind Cassian is thankful for that, he does need all the time alone he can get, because even the slightest noise brings back Jyn's inhuman screams back to his mind, again and again and again...