A/N: And so, finally got this to a successful end. Hope you enjoyed this lenghty angsty journey (just don't forget there's an epilogue to read too)
Cassian is restless. Technically healthy but still on medical leave, he refuses to get out of the medbay. He's spending the time pacing up and down the corridor outside Jyn's room, stalking medical staff for every single bit of info they may share, be it willingly or forced to. To calm him down, to assure whole team that Jyn's therapy is progressing, it seemed to doctors like a good idea to let all those people keep the patient company during her first bacta tank immersion. She wouldn't see them, but Chirrut is sure Jyn would be able to feel them through the Force. True or not, at this stage it's the least they can do, so they're standing in front of the tank with hearts sinking at the look. Woman suspended in thick liquid is very badly bruised and covered in fresh scars. The wide halo of hair and tubes above her head looks like a bunch of deadly tentacles sucking up remnants of life from the fragile, damaged body. The view is quite disheartening in itself, but things are getting worse when unexpectedly Jyn regains consciousness while still in the tank. Apparently she's able to move around a bit on her own, which is optimistic - but then she slowly takes in her surroundings and something she sees unnerves her enough to try and remove the mask from face. Med droid reacts fast enough to prevent her from inflicting any more harm on herself, but Jyn's actions and the resigned look in her eyes already did harm to Cassian more than anything else of recent events. He finally decides to get out of medbay, extremely tired and void of hope.
Dragged to the mess by the Guardians, Cassian is mechanically stuffing tasteless mush into his mouth. It's not like he's hungry - he is not - but this couldn't be avoided, friends are taking care of him whether he wants it or not. He quietly gives in to their efforts. There's nothing they can do for Jyn directly, but they can help Cassian in making through the waiting in one piece, before he falls apart or does something stupid. All four, Kay included, seem to be pretty devoted to this task, so Cassian is never alone. He is already well used to their presence and has learnt to appreciate it. Letting all of them in was a slow process he wasn't even aware of, until one day he had to travel without their company - and discovered he was actually missing silly banter from the meal time in the mess, or steady support during and between assignments. He was missing friends, that's exactly how he could call them now; assets at first, then brothers in arms, and friends - or true brothers - finally. Kay was first to claim part of his heart, Jyn has taken a huge chunk by storm, but the guys slowly, mysteriously were becoming important too. Now he can't imagine not having them all close by. Even if sometimes they are noisy or troublesome, he wouldn't want it any other way. And so, he's silently taking consolation in their presence.
Traveling down memory lane can be pretty absorbing, so it takes time for Cassian to focus properly on what suddenly appears in front of his eyes. Bodhi shoves datapad right in his face with suspiciously triumphant smile; the more suspicious that the pilot didn't smile even once since their return from unfortunate assignment. Displayed on the datapad is an ad for some kind of jewellery workshop, and benumbed Cassian doesn't know what to make of it. But prior to any questions, Bodhi explains hurriedly that it's a place offering repair services to even most complicated cases of broken jewelry. One of his classmates in Academy had an old family engagement ring destroyed on a drunk venture, and only such a miraculous repair had saved him and his fiancée-to-be a terrible disgrace - so, maybe Jyn's crystal could be repaired too? A deep breath, and, surprising everybody - himself mostly - Cassian traps startled Bodhi in bear hug, then snatches the datapad and runs off from mess hall. Finally with a clear purpose ahead, he concentrates entirely on the idea of returning Jyn her most precious possession. He doesn't even argue when Kay joins him aboard the ship; doesn't argue when Kay supplies full set of fake data to the flight control, something he didn't think of; doesn't argue when Kay follows him on the way to the jeweler through narrow streets of yet another Empire-ridden planet.
It is only there, in a tiny cluttered workshop, where Cassian feels like he's properly aware of the world around, like if he has just emerged from thick fog. He's once again a spy on a mission, doing everything for the cause; the cause though - being more personal than ever - requires much more impersonal attitude than ever. Failure is entirely out of question, failing Jyn once more is out of question. The solution presented by the artisan is not an ideal one: with such tiny crystal specks any amount of glue would deform the final shape, he says, so the parts need to be reconnected using finely woven net of super-thin wire. Cassian helplessly agree, hating the idea of modifying the pendant that much but not having any other way to go. Still in spy mode, he's waiting patiently for the repair outcome, watching with disinterest countless trinkets in surrounding display cases. He would wait calmly for hours, until the end of the business deal, but a simple question from the jeweler triggers a panic attack. He firmly trusts that with help of the Force Chirrut has managed to gather all the kyber shards; and yet, one is missing. Another non-ideal solution to agree upon - filling the gap with some sort of resin - makes return to relative peace of mind even harder and, unlike his usual self, Cassian starts fidgeting around his jacket. That's how he finds the missing crystal fragment: stuck in the pocket where the whole bundle used to be. It's too late now to add it to the almost completely rebuilt crystal structure, the craftsman says, and devastated Cassian stares at the shiny little thing in disbelief. How to tell Jyn that he had tried so hard and yet failed again? How to say such an important "sorry" to his best friend, partner, lover, when they rarely talk even about their relationship? What their relationship really is, anyway?
All these feelings churning in Cassian's mind are visible on his face - or maybe it's only the artisan being able to read them without effort, because in concerned voice he asks whether to put the rediscovered shard into some other jewelry piece. The initial response is negative, soon Cassian reconsiders the offer though. It'd be a logical way to keep the final kyber piece safe, Jyn could always carry it with her just like she always wears the pendant. But isn't creating another pendant a bit nonsensical? And whatever else trinket he can think of, would be laughed at by Jyn as impractical in the field. The last item he takes under consideration is a ring - which is strange, given that his visit to this place has started with a story of a ring. But, a ring? Like in a marriage proposal? Wouldn't that be weird to offer Jyn a ring? On the other hand, the ridiculous idea may be not so ridiculous after all - and Cassian suddenly finds himself warming up to it. Maybe a ring and a proposal could be the very thing needed to show her how much he cares, how much he needs her in his life, how much he wants to be with her. Because he truly wants that: for better and for worse, in sickness and in health indeed. If only she would want him too, after his recent horrible failures; but there is just one way to find out. Cassian orders a ring, earning himself a most surprised look from Kay the droid could silently muster. It's baffling to not hear any sarcastic comments from his non-organic friend, but Cassian continues the order with demand for a simple band to mount the crystal piece on, from same metallic substance the wire keeping the rest of kyber together is made of. He is easily able to provide the crafter with Jyn's ring finger size: he knows her palms as well as his own. It may have something to do with him being an incredibly observant spy, but most probably it's simply because he knows well and loves every aspect of her - even if he had never told her that, a kriffing fool.
Just as the duo reaches the ship, the comm crackles and gruff voice of Baze informs Cassian that wherever he is, he should hurry and be back at the base as soon as possible. The doctors think it's a right time to stop flooding Jyn's body with sedatives and wake her up instead, so in just a couple of hours she may be conscious again. The process of going out from the medically induced coma, being fully controlled, this time should not lead to panic attack and Cassian's presence alone should further calm her down. That may not be entirely true, Cassian suspects, but he can't ignore the news of Jyn's condition getting better. The entire way back to the base he keeps on checking the pocket where the two jewelry pieces safely lay and imagines countless means of returning all the crystal fragments, now that he knows he will be able to face their owner again. He checks the pocket for the last time at the landing pad, where he meets all the friends. Their greeting is short, as they rush him toward medbay, so he just leaves them behind and runs.
Cassian storms into medbay, hoping with all his might that waking Jyn goes smoothly, that after the trauma and the drugs she's still going to be the same person he is missing so much. He was trying to prepare a speech, some kind of explanation to the whole situation, to reasons behind her being wounded and the crystal destroyed. They were never good at spoken communication though, he's painfully aware of that, so he just believes in their shared ability to correctly fill in blanks where words are not enough. He knows he's facing a heavy task when he can finally see Jyn conscious: there is recognition in her eyes, but there's also confusion and fear. It's unbelievable she could ever be afraid of him, but it's exactly how it looks like and Cassian realizes with a pang that he has to be exceptionally careful, more like approaching a trapped animal than the trusting woman Jyn usually is to him. It seems like there had been ages since the last time he was unsure of her reactions; a painful reminder of how close and easy to read they became to each other. That's why he slows down his movements to almost a crawl, and so carefully perches on the very edge of the bed. The terrified look Jyn gives him almost breaks his heart again, but Cassian is not able to back off anymore: not when being finally close to her again. He cautiously reaches out to cup her cheek, to convince himself she's warm and alive. Luckily, she's not trying to move away. She willingly leans into his touch instead and the fear from her eyes is gone in an instant, replaced with joy. Cassian feels like the weight of the world is lifted from his shoulders and is almost blinded by the tiny and pained, but familiar and sincere smile Jyn gives him. Warmed up by her reaction, he's ready to face the consequences and decides it's now or never, there won't be a better time to hand over the pendant. He pulls it out and watches in amazement first the shock and then the happiness shining in Jyn's eyes.
Since it's not the complete crystal, it's not all he has to give her, Cassian grits his teeth and presents her the ring. He puts it in on flat palm and stretches hand towards Jyn, staring intently in her surprised face. Now it is he who is afraid, unable to make a sound, awaiting for her to make decision, to understand what he'd say if he could find the words. And she does understand: it's still Jyn, the one that always understands. With apparent effort she moves her hand and reaches unsteadily to him with gauze-wrapped, battered palm. It doesn't matter that the only finger Cassian is able to fit the ring on is her non-bandaged pinky - he softly, tenderly puts the ring on it anyway. And it might look funny to someone else, but to him it's the sweetest view in entire galaxy and it just steals Cassian's breath away. He tries to choke back the tears that suddenly are on the verge of spilling; he tries so very hard to cover the giant wave of affection with casual smile, but fails when room resonates with Jyn's hysterical giggle mixed with sobs. As always, they feel the same, there's no need to pretend or hide anything, and so the man allows his tears to flow freely. Overwhelmed with emotions, at first he doesn't notice the gentle squeeze of Jyn's hand, still cradled within his. Of course she understands, she may be weak at body but her spirit is still strong. She just gave him a clear sign: his fiancée is with him, as always. And he's with her, all the way.
In just few minutes, or maybe hours, Cassian is going to tell Jyn about their friends, how much they've done for both him and her. He's going to tell her the story of a real family they are part of. But for now, he'd rather enjoy this moment in silence, a moment of a quiet but powerful agreement between two people. The two of them are so different yet made for each other, determined to stay together until the end of their days. Words, even most sincere ones, can be misleading. This time the deeds told the whole truth, forming a silent - but stronger than many wordy ones - oath. This time even such delicate matters could be expressed voicelessly, because this is what happens when two people understand each other so well. No elaborate vocabulary is needed to add to what they already have together: a perfect union of bodies and souls, with ring as a wordless seal to it.