"I had a dream. " He whispers. "Shuck, that's stupid." He tries to stand up and leave but I put my arm on his shoulder and hold him down.

"As long as it's important to you, it's not stupid." He chuckles.

"You were gone for too long." He smiles, but his eyes show me his pain.

"Don't change the subject!" I scold him but I know he meant what he said. I shiver because maybe our situation's irredeemable but at least we've got each other.

"I dreamt of this girl. I've dreamt of her ever since we left the maze." He looks at me but I don't think he sees me. He imagines her or tries to remember. "She never says anything but-"

"-you feel like you know what she's saying?" He chuckles again. Even know he can't be fully serious.

"Yeah." He stays silent for few seconds. "She looks… kinda like Newt, you know?" I gulp. "She has this blond hair, the exact same color. And her eyes-" I'm afraid he cough the fear in my eyes. "Julia, are you okay?"

"D-do you…?" I try to say. "Do you remember her name?"

"I…" He frowns. "Nicole." I swear I do everything not to faint. I feel like I forgot how to breath. "Julia?" His hands are on my face, but all I feel is water. Everywhere.

I hear screams but I don't pay attention to them. I just try to remember how to inhale.

Natalie, Nicole… They died because of me.

"Love?" Someone pushes me down to the ground, or helps me to lie down. "Shh…" I hear. "It's okay, love, I'm here. It's okay." Newt whispers.

I close my eyes because I'm too scared to look at him. I'm too scared to tell him. I'm so shucking scared.

"Just breath with me." I do as he says. I listen do his steady and calm breaths.

When I calm down and manage to open my eyes I find myself or rather my head on Newt's thighs. "It's alright, love. You'll be okay." He strokes my head slowly, tenderly.

I nod and close my eyes again. He must think I'm asleep because he asks Minho harshly "What did you do to her?" You should ask me what I did.

"I-I'm not sure."

"What's that supposed to mean? You saw how she reacted! What did you do?!"

"We just talked and she started freaking out!" Minho tries to defend himself.

"Just talked? This is not the reaction someone gets after just talking!" The way Newt treats Minho is not right, yet from his perspective… I would be mad, too.

No matter how bad I feel for putting Minho on the spot, I can't get rid of the warm feeling that creates in my abdomen.

"Newt, please stop." I get myself together and rise from his thighs.

"Love,-" I shut him up by raising a hand and turning to Minho.

"Can you give us a second?" I ask him politely, yet nervously.

"Ju-" He starts.

"Minho, please." He nods and leaves the two of us. I'm so sorry for him. I made everything so difficult, so… worse. He feels bad now, but when he learns about Nicole's death… What have I done?

"Love?" Newt whispers softly.

This situation is weird for both of us. He's not used to not seeing me smile, not seeing my face because I cover it with my hair.

"I'm fine." I reassure him, but I doubt he could believe me.

"I know you're not." He slowly raises his hand and puts it on my cheek, cares it carefully with his thumb. "You can talk to me. Whatever bothers you, I hope you know I'm here to listen." When I lean into his touch he goes on. "I won't judge."

"But you'll hurt." Ugly cry escapes my lips, my eyes cover with tears. I move away from Newt, but he finds his way to me and hugs me from behind.

"I'm not a little boy, Julia. Some pain can hurt me, and if it helps you it's definitely worth it." And then I do something he doesn't expect. I turn around, stand on my toes cups his cheeks in my hands and kiss him. I kiss him hard.

Our lips are rough from dehydration and when I lick his bottom lip it almost feels like dragging it on the edge of a knife.

He puts his hands on my hips and brings me closer. His lips part. So does mine.

For few seconds I can imagine us in the Glade again. When everyone was alive, our only problem was – how to get out. Why did we even bother to try and leave this place? We had everything there.

Everything, but freedom.

"Not that I mind the kiss, but… Can you tell me what is going on?"

"I just needed to do that, in case…"

"In case what?"

"In case you never wanted to kiss me again." I confess. The thought scares me. I've been without Newt for months, I cannot lose him now.

"Why wouldn't I want to kiss you, love?" He chuckles, and I try, too. Just to calm him, but he doesn't buy that crap.

"Newt, when I left the maze… I left it because Ava told me to do so. She made me work for her and the WICKED.-" He thinks I'm done, when there is much more he needs to know.

"You shouldn't be scared to tell me that, love. I know you've been through a lot, I know you had to do things you're ashamed of, when you shouldn't be, because you didn't have any other choice but to submit."

"Newt, you don't understand-"

"But I do, love, and I'll be here for you to help you get through your nightmares."

"Newt-"

"Guys!" I swear Thomas I am going to tear you to peaces if it isn't important.

"What is it, Tommy?" Newt to turns around to barely breathing Thomas .

"It's Winston. H-he's c-changing."

I am so so so sorry it took me so long to update, but if there's still someone out there interested in this story then please let me know, because if there's not I will stop righting, but as long as there's someone who wants to read this story I have a reason to write.
I am sorry I disappointed you with a long break when I said there wouldn't be more but I just lost all my interest in the story and wanted to wait until it came back instead of writing shit. I hope you enjoyed the chapter ;)