He hadn't known when he'd started, but Daryl was searching for Carol.
It had started with a general scout about the camp… checking the church and it's perimeter for strength and weaknesses. Then he moved further out in the circle, convinced he was doing what he should for the good of the group but knowing he was taking a track out to the car he and Carol had found…
And there she was.
Daryl eyed her as she turned his way, a little shaken, and he asked, "What are you doin'?"
What was she doing? Did she even know?
Watching her now… did she have any idea?
Carol looked uncertain, blinking and shaking her head… "I don't know."
He knew what it looked like; he just didn't want to admit it.
Neither did she.
"C'mon…" he urged, turning back in the direction of the church.
And she was following… he heard her footsteps behind him. It felt good… until all the hairs rose on the back of his neck and he whirled around to face the road.
A car screeched past the main road; howling through him as each nerve in his body buzzed with recognition; he scrambled to the sound, desperate to know…
And there it was! A white cross on the back window and he immediately knew; they were the ones who had taken Beth!
Moving without thought, he took the butt of his rifle to the car before them; hearing Carol shriek without understanding him.
No time! They were getting away! And he couldn't let them know they had been seen; the lights had to go as Carol screamed.
"They got Beth!" He shouted back as explanation.
She was silenced.
There was no time as Daryl urged, "C'mon!"
And she didn't argue; they were in the car and speeding down the road in pursuit.
It was good; having her beside him and knowing there was some hope of finding their friend again.
He was so focused that a quarter tank of gas became an eighth… and less still…
What was he doing?
Had he gone mad?
And he'd dragged her along right beside him…
"The others are going to wonder where we went," he said, beginning to feel a little guilty.
Maybe this wasn't the best idea… What were the chances they would find Beth anyway?
What were the chances she was even alive?
Could the others handle that?
Could he?
Was it better to wonder if she was alive than discover she wasn't?
Perhaps he should just turn them around… besides, "The tank's running low."
"We can end this quick," she pointed out, not understanding his feelings, "just run them off the road."
He hadn't expected her to say that… What had happened to her those missing months?
"Nah… we're good for a bit," he shrugged off.
"If they're holding her somewhere we can get it out of the driver."
"Yeah, but if he don't talk we're back to square one," he reasoned, trying not to think that Carol had been thinking of torturing the guy ahead of them for information.
This was the woman who had looked on him like he was a monster back on the farm for beatin' on that kid who was set to bring his gang to kill them.
She and her opinions had changed him; made him stronger and better. Made him realise he was good and worthwhile.
When had she lost that?
"Right now we got the advantage," he went on, almost believing his own words, "We'll see who they are. If they're a group; we'll see what they can do." But he knew that none of that really mattered… "Then we'll do what we gotta do to get her back."
And they were going to get her back.
"They're heading north…" "I-85…"
Daryl nodded, pointing the car north.
()()()
They'd been parked for a while; the street they had followed the marked car to was dark but gave enough light that they could make out the car and the space about it.
Carol hadn't said a word to him for the last few hours; just as focussed as he was in observing their target.
At least, that's what Daryl chose to believe.
He didn't want to dwell on what she may have been thinking before they began pursuing the darkened car.
She couldn't have been trying to run away… could she?
The brake lights of the car before them brightened the street and still… nothing.
"What in the hell is he waiting for?" Daryl wondered, watching the cars lights black-out. "What's he doing?"
And, almost in answer, the driver climbed out of the car and into the street.
"Is that a cop?"
What the hell was going on?
The uniform was similar… but as the man gave a stretch and casual glance in their direction, Daryl felt his heart skip…
What the hell was a cop doing in a car that looked like the one that had taken Beth?
Before the true depth of the question could settle in his head, Daryl was distracted by Carol moving to lose and cock a gun.
He couldn't help the question in his eye, but what was more than concerning was Carols overly easy answer of, "He might have seen us."
No time to think on it at that point; Daryl had to watch what was going on on the street as the cop strode off down an adjoining road.
He had to put his concern for Carol to the side for now; they were here for a reason. And that reason was for Beth.
Smack!
A walker hit the window; he and Carol jumped at the sound.
Carol gave him an eye-roll that lightened his spirit.
This was the norm now… it was expected… even funny.
What had happened to the world?
Well… it had ended… he supposed.
The cop came back into view, dumping a bike on the ground… he was moving stuff about the place… still made no sense. If anything, the walker at their window proved this wasn't a clear area. So why come out to root through the useless junk of the apocalypse.
Was there something he was missing?
Don't worry about that, Dummy, Merle warned him, somebody's drawing attention.
He was right – the cop was looking in their direction.
Daryl held his breath, giving Carol a side glance as the tension in the cab rang up a few more notches…
Nothing.
The cop clambered back in his car; so much for their intuition!
The car drove off; perhaps he had been clearing the road… still made no sense.
Damn.
Daryl turned the key in the ignition.
What?
Carol shifted beside him, knowing there was danger.
He tried again.
The car coughed and spluttered but refused to run, Daryl swore before confirming, "The tank's tapped."
But there was something gained, "They were aiming to take the bypass and they didn't." So that meant only one thing, "They must be hold-up in the city somewhere."
The achievement was short-lived as the forgotten sound of the dead at their doors began to filter through.
"We gotta move," he realised, "find some place to hold up 'til sunlight."
Problem was… how the hell would he start? He didn't have a clue…
"I know a place…" Carol admitted, looking decidedly grim. "Just a couple of blocks from here; we can make it."
Daryl appreciated that but wasn't quite at ease with the way Carol casually wound the glass and stabbed the walker at their window in the brain.
No other way, Merles voice told him.
And he guessed that was right.
But it wasn't her… that cold.
They made their way through the abandoned streets to the building she told him was safe…
It seemed clean and empty.
A few corpses in the entrance… women… nothing too horrific for these days.
The place was alright. How did Carol know about a place in the city; "What? You used to work here or sumthin?"
She was on edge… even for her… The way she darted her eyes and kept her body rigid… the way she twitched at each slight noise and gripped her blade handle as if ready to pounce.
"Or sumthin'…" she mumbled…
So he kept moving, knowing she was at his side, shifting furniture and making safe their home for the night and moving deeper into the building.
Daryl couldn't fathom it.
The place was deathly, even without the threat of the dead.
And as Carol passed through safety doors and white-washed walls, Daryl found his thoughts turning to the type of places the social tried taking him and Merle when they was kids.
They found a room… and he had to ask, "What is this place?"
Her shoulders tensed… "Temporary housing."
There was stuff all over… picture frames and wall hangings… a bunk for the night… hair brushes, leaflets and books…
There was one… Treating survivors of childhood abuse…
He tried to ignore it.
"You came here?" When she was desperate… after Ed had beat on her and Sophia…
Sophia…
"We didn't stay," Carol admitted.
'Course they didn't, Merles voice sounded in his head, too scared and hopeful for change.
What was he supposed to say?
Nuthin', Merle suggested, time for some shut-eye…
And he supposed he was right and moved the crossbow off his shoulder as he heard Carol say…
"I'll take the top bunk…" and she shifted her bag to sling it on the bed and added, "I think that one is more your style…"
Shit! Merles voice sounded in his head, She so wants to be ontop!
Daryl shrugged off the thought.
"You should sleep," Carol said crossing to the window, "I'll take first watch."
That made no sense… "Place is locked up pretty tight…"
She grudgingly agreed.
So… "We're good then…"
Carol turned back to him, "I'll keep first watch." And she shrugged, "I don't mind."
Probably have trouble sleepin' anyways… Merle was right, she'd have last been here with Sophia.
Too many memories.
"Suit yourself," he said, moving to the bunk-bed.
But all he did was sit there, looking about the room and wondering if there was anything to say to help somehow.
"You said we get to start over," Carol mumbled, not looking his way…
"Yeah…"
She turned to him… wide, beautiful eyes picking up the hint of moonlight… "Did you?"
How was it she could do that?
Any other of them would have taken it all in and thought the advice was all for them… but she saw he was hurting and she knew he wasn't whole…
Damn it; that made her everything in that moment.
Gonna answer her then?
"I'm trying," he said, turning his palms in surrender. But that second of honesty hit… how could he come back from where he had been completely?
Sure… he thought he could fit with those low-lives… but when it came to it he knew they were dogs… no, not even that… they were lower than even the dirt on their boots.
But he hadn't hurt no one.
That had to count for something.
Didn't it?
Carol was in her own thoughts…
And he had to know, "Why don't you say what's on your mind?"
Silence.
She would talk to him in the end. He knew it.
And sure enough, "Do you think we get to save people anymore?"
He hadn't been expecting that…
Hadn't she saved all of them back at Terminus?
Hadn't she saved people back at the prison?
They were always saving people…
Like Beth right now?
"Why are you here?" He asked her.
She looked so lost… staring out at the moon… "I'm trying."
God! This was a mess.
And as he ran his hands through his hair in a physical reaction to trying to clear his thoughts, he heard her move toward him, felt her weight on the mattress beside him and looked to see she had laid herself on the bed…
So she was saving Beth to save herself? Or was she there for him? Or was she running away?
It made no sense… "When we were out by the car… What if I didn't show up?"
There was a moment when she looked at him… before she admitted, "I still don't know."
Hell.
She was running.
Ain't running from you though, Merle observed… You're tired… Why don't you lay yourself down right there beside her?
And, Daryl supposed that was a good suggestion; so he did.
They lay there; so close that their breath sank into the air and he could feel her body heat.
It was good.
Could always reach out an arm to offer her comfort…
Shut-up.
Just sayin', Merle sniffed.
He supposed he could.
Perhaps he should.
A friend would do it.
A friend would offer support like that.
And the idea of Carol I his arms was warming…
So he took a breath…
The slam of something hitting the secured door to their corridor broke the moment and they were up and out of the room in a hot-second.
Their passage was swift and stealthy to find the source of the noise was a previous inhabitant…
She looked thin; like Carol.
They both hesitated.
This could have been her.
He stole a glance and knew she was thinking the same…
Oh shit…
A smaller body joined the woman at the window.
A little girl.
Sophia…
Carol hefted her dagger and moved forward…
He couldn't let her… "You don't have to…"
Her face was hard.
And she moved…
His body was suddenly between her and the door.
"You don't," he insisted.
And she knew she didn't have to… but the look in her eye was that she felt the need.
Was this an exorcism?
Was the idea she was killing that last part of herself and closing the book?
That book…
She moved away and went back to their beds.
You know what you're gonna do, dontcha? Merle asked.
And he had to… for her.
For her… he would find that strength.