He didn't want to talk about it.
Damned book.
Shouldn't have picked the thing up in the first place…
Ain't no harm in facing the truth, kid… Merle reminded him… means you're dealing with it.
But that look on Carols face…
Probably surprised you can read at all…
Shut up!
Merle chuckled in his head as Daryl gave a glance to his side.
Carol had no clue on what he was thinking to himself… perhaps that was for the best… she was just keeping an eye on the road as they headed for the van.
Don't you get that she don't care, Merle sighed, she's been there 'n' done it. She gets it and wants you all the same.
Daryl shook the thought from his head, but Merle persisted, Man! She's right here with you… at the end of the world.
True.
She thinks you love Beth…
That made his stride falter…
But here she is; just wanting the best for you.
Did he love Beth?
Wanting to help you and be with you…
Daryl thought on the young girl…
He had been trapped with her; thinking on her more of a hindrance – at least in the beginning.
But for all the vulnerability… all the simple things she was unable to do… she had hope. And that was precious, especially in this world.
You still with me here, slick? Merle asked.
No.
I'm sayin' that Carol is the thing.
Daryl knew that…
But she didn't need him in her life… he'd only screw it up somehow…
"There it is…" Carol murmured as they approached the wreck.
On this abandoned overpass, the marked hospital van hung precariously through the crash barrier and half off the platform.
Danger tied knots in his gut but Daryl didn't hesitate… he reached out to open the back of the van.
Nothing… and he could see how delicately the vehicle was balanced on the precipice.
But if they were going to find Beth… this had been their only lead since arriving in the city. There was no other choice, "Alright. Let's get this done."
"It's not stable," Carol warned, taking him a little off-guard.
Nothing for it, he reminded himself before throwing himself in.
She followed,,,
…he knew she would. All the same; his heart was racing.
The van around them see-sawed and he made his way to the driver's seat, reaching for maps and clues as to what could lead them to Beth.
Carol was at his side as the motion of the imbalance increased in action; the rocking lengthened… became smoother and longer… more dangerous.
And then he noticed the walkers…
"There's more coming," Carol informed, as though she knew his thoughts. "We're going to have to fight through."
Damn it!
"Yeah," Daryl reached for his knife, "I see them."
Moving into the back of the van, he could see the swarm gathering and wasn't surprised; this was the way of things.
No such thing as luck these days.
He asked Carol about the hospitals… she was from the place so she knew where she was at… and she figured one or other ER had a chance…
Daryl listened but focused on the immediate issue; walkers were all about them when he planted feet on the ground and began to fend them off; it was a natural state these days. Make for the brain and avoid the teeth; easy.
Strange how someone could get used to things…
And still…
There were too many. He knew it.
Carol called his name in the background, bringing some clarity that they had to seek refuge.
Only one thing to do… and as much as he could have easily given in to the rush of killing those undead for the last time… Darly flung himself into the vehicle and clawed at the doors to lock out the oncoming herd.
In that slam of the doors – while he breathed and tried to think on what came next… Daryl admitted to himself… this could have been a mistake.
No.
No, Merle confirmed, there's a way out, brother… always is.
Yeah - there had to be a way out of this…
"Anything we can use?" Carol screamed, sounding hopeless…
"Nuthin' but what we got," was the honest answer as he threw a glance across the relatively bare interior of the vehicle.
Nuthin' in the back… Merle observed… only one option then, little brother…
Daryl made a dive into the cab, figuring the same thing.
…all those safety features in vans these days gotta mean a damn… right?
He was in the drivers seat when he felt Carol following suit and instructed, "Buckle up."
Petrified as she was, Carol followed him; she trusted him.
How much that meant right there in the moment… how attractive that was to him… damn!
Focus!
I know! Daryl confirmed his subconscious… fastening his seatbelt…
The dead clawed at the walls of their truck as Daryl looked to her; terrified and still at his side…
His heart beat that memorable tempo and he wondered as the world slowed and she placed her hand on his, braced on the dash… did she-
The truck beneath them shifted; No time.
"Hold on," he instructed.
Only one way to go.
And Carol knew that.
This was it.
Screeching metal brought him into the moment as the world flipped over itself and the truck toppled over the edge of the bypass.
The funny thing was the silence of release stretched before them; a calm as the fall felt in the eternity it took to reach its end… the jarring crash of their vehicle reaching the ground smashed him back into the all-too-painful reality.
Fuck! Merle squealed in his ear, God-damn! You are set on gettin' yourself killed, little brother!
Wasn't another choice.
He could hear Carol breathing beside him…
They had made it.
Daryl went to move and felt as though each inch of his body moaned…
Told ya, Merle sniffed, derisively, and I do not squeal!
"We're ok," Carol breathed, sounding exhausted.
Yeah… they were ok.
The smash of a walker impacting their screen crashed into the moment with shock, foul blood and brains dripping down their shattered screen.
The first was swiftly followed by another and another and another…
It was raining the dead…
But they had survived.
The rain continued, but it didn't matter – they were alive; it could rain all it wanted.
And once the fall of the dead closed, Daryl unbuckled the seatbelt and pushed his door open.
The stench hung in the air… may have turned his stomach once… but this was a different life. Everything was wrong… as if it had ever been prefect before the reign of the Walking Dead…
And once it was quiet they moved out of the wreck of the van, passed the ruined bodies of the dead.
Carol had made her way to him. The fall had hit her hard… she wasn't walking good, favouring her right shoulder like there was real damage… By the time he had thrown himself about her to offer support, she was all-but collapsing into his side.
Damn, he felt the loathing rise in his throat, that was stupid.
Alive, Merle countered, ain't ya?
Carol shifted as he pressed himself to her and took her weight.
They were good for now… but they needed to get somewhere safe…
Walkers didn't seem to bother them as he half-carried her through the stench-filled streets; they moved with caution, eventually finding an alley to rest in as Carol took breath.
He got them into an alley where he could lower her, gently, to the ground.
Daryl rummaged for the canteen, but Carol hadn't wanted water, insisting she was fine.
So he made her prove it… and she drank.
Gave him a chance to check on her – how much hurt she had taken in the fall… bruises and swelling were already distorting her…
She's not lookin' good, little brother.
Daryl agreed.
She offered the canteen back to him and he had to ask… "How bad is it?"
"I've had worse."
Jeeze – she's talkin' about that dead beat, woman-beatin' ass-hat of a dead husband… shoulda put a spike in his head all the sooner.
But Daryl had been a different guy back then. And he knew what it was to take a beating… should have noticed the signs… he'd been too focussed on himself.
Hadn't they all?
Carol moved to crane her neck and shift her clothes and he couldn't help but look and check…
God! What had he been thinking? Throw a damn van off the bypass and hope to hell you survive… Reckless idiot!
Worked, didn't it?
A swell of guilt rushed over him as he looked to Carol… Not for her.
The mottled purple marking her shoulder and neck proved the dislocation.
"Damn, that was stupid," he chastised himself.
"We made good time down," she joked.
The bruised eye took the humour straight out of it.
He sat next to her and wondered on how to even begin to make things better.
"There's only three blocks between us and Grady," she said, getting back to the reason they were in this damned place…
But she had a point.
They needed a safe place to rest… "We should find a place nearby."
And where could he think of?
Useless.
Stop beatin' on yourself, Merle reminded him, that's my job.
Why was everyone being so easy on him, Daryl wondered.
'Cause you ain't easy on yourself.
"I'll scope it out and see what I can see," he said, looking down the alley to pick a direction.
"You really think we're going to find out what we need to know just from watching?" Carol asked… an air of doubt in her question.
Daryl swallowed a mouth of water and answered all he could, "It's where we start…" No other option and so they should move on it, "C'mon."
Carol waited as he moved to check their supplies.
He wasn't blind to how slow she moved.
She was hurt.
And it was his fault.
But she followed him as they moved through the city, stealing weapons as they could.
They were in another nameless office, stuffing diet bars into their mouths as the sun shone over the deserted streets and derelict high-rises.
Life was this now.
Peace was finally here – at the end of mankind.
And maybe this was what mankind deserved.
There was never a less respectful, more arrogant being.
And while Carol sat on the far side of the window as they devoured every scrap and crumb of the stale nutrient bars they had managed to scavenge… Daryl wondered on her words.
So ask her…
"You said," he began, chewing on some oats and spitting out the bad, "I ain't like how was before…" Which was enough as he looked on her and braced himself against the window for response.
She didn't even turn to him to answer, "Yeah."
Damn it.
"How was I?"
There was a pause.
This wasn't going to be good, her realised… perhaps he shouldn't have asked the question in the first place.
Pussy.
But Carols eyes flickered and she breathed in.
This was it.
Daryl felt his heart murmur.
"It's like…" she began, flicking her eyes to him but not catching his gaze as she looked back over the city, "you were a kid…"
Childish and immature… he knew…
And he breathed against the glass as she looked on over the dead streets…
"Now," she continued… surprising him and yet not looking in his direction.
"You're a man."
The revelation took a moment to sink through.
He was a man.
A good man was the implication… and he knew Carol believed that…
Was it possible for him to believe it?
And if he had come so far… "And you?"
Startled, sky-vulnerable eyes shot his way before she recovered herself and confessed, "Me and Sofia stayed at that shelter for a day and a half before I went running back to Ed."
Jeeze… Daryl felt sick but listened all the same.
"At home I got beat up," she said, "Life went on and I just kept… praying for something to happen…" and Carol looked out to the city… "But I didn't do anything. Not a damned thing."
Daryl knew it wasn't that easy.
She had to know that too… right?
But as he watched her look out on the torn buildings and ruined roads, he noted her look harden and she said, "Who I was… with him; she got burned away."
And it was true.
"I was happy about that," Carol explained, "I mean… not happy but…"
He got it.
"And at the prison I got to be who I always thought I should be."
Made sense… she was a leader and a care giver and a mother… Daryl remembered her shining in those months… remembered how she smiled and smelled and how they touched in brief moments that could have been…
"Or I should have been," Carol continued, bringing him back to the moment as he remembered those days… "And then she got burned away."
It was a cold truth.
Those months in the prison had left him with scars too – probably left all of them.
He had found what was missing and made himself better; saw how it could all work out and how a slight touch of the hand or smile could make all the darkness and horror melt away.
But it wasn't meant to last.
Nothing did.
"Everything now just consumes you," Carol said… and there was no counter to the conclusion…
He had to think of something to say as they remained.
Because that was the point, wasn't it?
They remained.
And they were together…
Not everything ended in fire.
And maybe, just maybe, there was a chance.
"Hey…" he reminded her, "We ain't ashes."
Because they were more than the walking dead… they had to be…
And as Carol looked at him, he remembered what it felt like to have that rush through his veins… that heat pass through him.
It was such a shock that it was hard to concentrate and remember that it wasn't the time for those feelings… not here and not now…
Especially as a creaking, groaning sound disturbed them and sounded the end to their break in this particular building.
Perhaps Daryl was glad of that.
So he went back to what he knew… time to kill something.
And Carol had his back.