Confession

Disclaimer: Do not read if you are a sane, decent, person. Characters in this story is owned by some person. I didn't look them up.

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"The thing is, I've had really bad depression for a while now."

For a few moments, Sirius was stunned. His mind couldn't produce any thoughts, beside the words "what?" over and over again. How? How could Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the richest boy in the entire wizarding world, the boy who was always perky and happy and carefree, be depressed?

"I… I… huh? No.. That's not possible!" Sirius exclaimed.

Harry shrugged. He honestly didn't care who he was talking to, and what he was talking about. At this point, his feelings just went numb, and he just blurted out every word that came to mind.

"It's… It's true." Harry mumbled. "Why do you think I wake up so late in the mornings? Because on some days, I can't even find a reason to get out of bed. Why eat? Why go to school? Why make friends? Why make others worry and care about me, and waste their sympathy on me, when they could be doing better things with their lives?" Harry sighed, while Sirius had restrain himself from shaking Harry and telling him to stop thinking this shit.

"That's what it feels like." Harry continued, his voice quiet. "It feels nice sometimes, but it also feels like my chest being hit by the cruciatus curse. That's why I just want to make everyone happy. Without anyone worrying about me. That's why I just came up with the conclusion that the world just wanted to torture me. I'm selfish. I'm just weak and selfish."

Sirius blinked, his mind trying to make sense of this situation. "Harry, why didn't you tell me any of this?" He said, his voice dangerously calm. It took all his willpower not to scream at the top of his lungs. "It feels like I've been betrayed as your godfather."

Smooth, real smooth… Harry thought, smiling inwardly.

"Because if I knew," Sirius continued, his eyes tearing up. "I would've done everything I could to make everyday just a little bit better for you! Even if there was so much that I could do! That's why I'm your godfather! All you had to do was tell me!" Sirius was almost screaming now, but he couldn't, since the others would be awake.

Harry sighed again, and shook his head. Why is it so hard? He's always wanted to talk to someone about it, but how come he can't explain it? "You don't understand, Sirius!" Harry stated calmly. "You don't get it! Why do you think I didn't tell you? Because if I did, then you would have wasted your time and effort trying to care for me instead of doing important things!"

Harry took a second to gather up all his thoughts, and Sirius could almost rip all of his bushy hair out. How could he not see the signs?! HOW?! How could he miss the signs?! This was his godson, for Merlin's sake! James and Lily would be furious with him.

"That's why I wanted so badly for you to hang out with Remus and everyone else… Helping people be happy together makes me feel good. It's the best thing for me." Harry said. "But then I realized something too… Seeing you make friends with everyone, and spending more time on the, than me… It felt like the killing curse going through my heart." Harry had to take a deep breath to stop himself from laughing. He was going insane, he knew it. Slowly, but surely, he was sure he was going insane. "So that's why. That's why I just decided that the world just wanted to torture me today. Every path leads to nothing but hurt. I've tried so many times, and nothing worked. Haha…" This time, Harry couldn't stop himself from laughing softly.

Sirius almost wanted to crucio himself because of how dumb he was not to notice earlier. He gulped, and then opened his mouth. His brain was trying to work out a calm response. "You're….. You're right that I don't understand your feelings at all, Harry…" He said slowly and carefully. "But… But I don't need to understand! Whatever it takes for me to help you stop hurting, that's what I'll do!"

For about the millionth time in his lifetime, Harry shook his head. "No, Padfoot. There's nothing. I finally showed you how much of a horrible person I am." Harry stopped talking for a second. It was either continue or just say, 'Haha! It was just a prank!' He realized quickly, though, that he was way too deep into this to claim that it was a prank. "I asked to live with you because I was being selfish. And I was punished by my heart hurting in a way I couldn't understand. And now you came here and I made you hurt, too.. I'm just useless and selfish.. That's all I am. And so that's why I'm going to accept these punishments! Because I deserve every last one of them."

Sirius blinked and then pulled Harry into a hug. A big, long, quiet hug. It took a few seconds to realize that Harry wasn't hugging back.

"S-Sirius?" Harry mumbled, confused.

"If you're selfish, then you have to let me be selfish. I'm never letting you go." Sirius said simply.

Harry's breath started getting shaky, and soon, he started crying. He finally wrapped his arms around Sirius tightly. The two remained at that position for quite some time.

Soon, Harry's arm starts to loosen.

"I'm confused…" He said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"I… I thought that if I confessed all these feelings to someone, I would finally be happy… I thought I wouldn't be sad anymore." Harry's eyes started tearing up again. "Why won't the rain clouds go away?"

"It'll take a while," Sirius told him soothingly, rubbing circles with his thumb on Harry's back. "But it's going to be okay."

"It hurts…" Harry said brokenly. "It hurts so much… Everything hurts… The only time I'm not feeling anything is when I'm feeling pain… I don't understand any of my feelings, and it scares me."

"It'll be okay…" Sirius repeated, and he couldn't tell if he was saying that more to himself or to Harry. He was still hugging Harry.

"Your hugs are so warm…" Harry said, laughing slightly and smiling. "And that's scary too."

Sirius frowned.

Soon, Harry let go of his godfather.

Reluctantly, Padfoot did the same.

"I don't have any plans tomorrow." He told his godson. "How about I spend the day all on you?"

Harry gaped. "Y-you would do that for me?"

Sirius smiled. "Of course, my treat. You can bring anyone in our plans with us if you want."

Harry thought about it for a moment, and then smiled. "Sure, I'd like that…"

He layed back down on his bed, sighing happily.

"Would you like me to sleep beside you?" Sirius offered.

"I think I'm good…" Harry said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah… I don't think that it's going to be very good for me, you know?"

"I don't really know, but I'm trying my hardest."

"Thanks." Harry smiled. "Go sleep, alright, Sirius? If I find out that you've been crying your eyes out because of me, I will personally curse you of having short, ugly hair for the rest of your life!"

Sirius gasped dramatically. "Not my precious hair!"

They shared a laugh, and then Harry closed his eyes. "G'night, Siri…"

Sirius walked up to him and kissed his forehead, then closing the door behind him. "G'night, pup."

Harry fell asleep with a small smile on his lips, which then was replaced a frown from his thoughts invading him.

Meanwhile, Sirius was trying to be comforted by Remus John Lupin.

OoF… Well… That's it! Next chapter is coming soon. Sorry for the late update ;-; Sorry I left you guys hanging... I hope you'll forgive me! As always, flames and reviews are always appreciated! I'll also have you know this is based off of DDLC, sorta.

Question- How old do you think I am?