Vanellope's Bug Problem
Chapter Three
I had just finished the Random Roster Race with my fellow racers, and the racers who would represent the day's avatars had been chosen, so we were free to go about our business as we pleased. I decided to drive around the track for the fun of it.
As I was driving, I heard another kart behind me. I had barely turned around to see who it was before I heard the driver's voice. "TURBO-TASTIC!"
The sight of a dried-up face in a helmet holding out a thumbs up nearly sent me off the track.
I was able to stay on the track and gunned forward, trying to outrun the monster that had appeared behind me. He stayed on my trail all the way to the finish line, which I crossed first.
Everyone else had gone home, so it was just me and the Formula One driver from beyond the grave on the racetrack. I wasn't sure if what had just happened was a race or a chase, but he was definitely not a part of my game.
I could tell he wasn't used to driving through an obstacle course, and he wiped out while driving around a giant gumdrop. That's when I decided it was safe to confront him and ask him why he was in my game.
"Hey, mister!"
He poked his head out of the cockpit of his kart and climbed out.
"Hello."
"Evening." He pulled his foot loose.
"What's your name?"
"I'm Turbo."
"You're not from here, are you?"
"What was your first clue?"
"Alright, bub. You got 10 seconds to tell me what you're doing here before I send you to the Fungeon."
"Fungeon?"
"My dungeon. Get it? It's a play on words? Fun? Dungeon?"
"I get the joke, kid. It just doesn't sound intimidating if you catch my drift."
"That's the idea."
"You must be the one in charge here."
"Depends on how you define 'in charge'."
"The ruler of the game? The main character? The player avatar?"
"Yes, somewhat, one of nine when I make the board."
"Uh... didn't quite catch all that."
"I'm Princess Vanellope von Schweetz, the lead character of Sugar Rush, the sweetest racing game ever!"
"Kinda hard not to notice. I can taste the sugar in the air." He started to walk away.
"Hey." I appeared in front of him. "Are you a hobo?"
Turbo looked back, confused at how I was in front of him. "Why would I be?"
"You drive like a girl."
"Look who's talking."
"As in a girl was driving you."
"Oh. Well, I haven't driven for more than 10 years, especially not on a track of this magnitude."
"Old school racer, huh?"
"An original of Litwak's arcade, actually. TurboTime."
"I see."
"Um... you don't suppose you could show me to your castle?"
"Sorry, I didn't catch that; I was distracted by the sickening shine of your eyes and teeth."
"Look, I'm trying to be nice..."
"I'm thrying to be nithe!"
There was a pause.
"You're mimicking me."
"You're mimicking me!"
"Okay."
"Ahkay!"
"That is rude..."
"That ith ruthe..."
"...and this conversation is over."
"...and thith converthathion ith over! Hey, why is your face so freakishly white?"
"I dunno, why are you so freakishly annoying?"
"Well, why are you so freakishly - - "
Two new voices interrupted me.
"Is everything alright here?"
"We heard a crash out here."
It was Wynnchel and Duncan.
"Yeah, everything's fine. Just interrogating a foreigner about his intentions here."
"Is everything under control, Princess?"
"For now. I'll let you know if I need help."
"Alright. When you're done, Sour Bill is waiting for you at the castle."
"Thanks, guys."
As soon as they were gone, Turbo picked up talking again.
"Well, you should probably go figure out what this Sour Bill fellow is waiting on you for, mademoiselle."
"I think I will. Once I decide what to do with you, that is."
"I just need a place to live. I've been without a game for 10 years, and nobody's taken me in during that time."
"Which is why I'm taking you to the Fungeon to figure out why that's so."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm sure we can just talk things out here."
"Cool your honeybuns, Turbo. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I just want to have you somewhere where I can figure out what kind of guy you are and how much you can be trusted."
"Oh, well, why didn't you say so?"
"I was going to. Now let's go."
I tied our wrists together with licorice and we got into my kart, and then made course for my castle.
"I must say, this is a sweet ride you've got here, Princess."
"They call this place Sugar Rush for a reason."
We both laughed as we approached the castle.