2:18 a.m.
Last Cave (Hidden)
You feel a black wind blow through you. All weapons dropped to level 1! the dialog on the screen read.
"Black wind. Metal as fuck," Ian said. "Hey Erik, you want to take over?"
"Hell no."
Jo would have expected Erik to have commented on the metalness instead. She still had the walkthrough at hand, and consulted it. "So that ... black wind stuff ... doesn't happen unless you're on track for the best ending?"
"Yeah. It makes little sense," Ian replied. "Maybe it's the island itself opposing your battle couple."
Quote fought on through the gloomy cave, filled with lava and red-colored variations of the cute spherical creatures.
He certainly would have died countless times, if not for the cheat.
"We're nearing the final battles," Ian said.
It had taken only about five hours, and a lot of absinthe. Fatigue was certainly setting in, but they couldn't stop this close, right?
...
2:30 a.m.
Balcony
Quote emerged outside, what seemed to be the very top of the island. Jo was at the controls now, with Ian consulting the solution.
"Remember that hut you passed. It will give access to Hell. Or Sacred Grounds. However you want to call it."
Interesting, if Hell was sacred. It would possibly make sense in time ... or then not.
...
2:35 a.m.
Misery bossfight
The blue-haired goth tried her best, summoning lightning from the sky, but did not stand much of a chance.
...
2:40 a.m.
Doctor bossfight
Quote climbed up the stairs to the Doctor's domain at last.
His two forms (unmutated and mutated) did not present much of a threat. For just a passing moment, Jo thought that they should someday play without cheats. But no. This was the just the right way to enjoy this game.
...
2:45 a.m.
Undead Core bossfight
Quote climbed further up, to come face-to-face with the island's core again. Misery was still in the game, but was grotesquely mutated by the evil power of the Doctor's crown. Or something. Jo thought that modified slightly, the story could easily be written in metal form. It helped that the music at this point was some kind of horror speed metal, using evil chromatic melodies.
This fight was longer, with the core shooting a huge energy beam that likely would have caused instant vaporization, but finally, it was over too, with the core going down and exploding in a huge flash of light.
And everything started to crumble and shake.
"Load-bearing boss," Ian remarked. "That's what they call it at tvtropes."
Jo remembered the site – during the stay at Vlad's place Ian had been reading it excessively. To categorize everything in minute detail – it was funny, but also somewhat ... obsessive? Reductive?
"OK. Now run, but remember to step inside the hut when you get back to it."
...
2:55 a.m.
Sacred Grounds
It kind of started to make sense. The game was now telling its ultimate backstory – of the tortured magician Ballos who had put the whole story of the demon crown into motion. Jo had her hands full trying to navigate the maze of spiky pits using the jetpack, and again, she mostly zoned out of the text dialogs.
She reached the bottom of the first passage.
"And yeah. We meet Curly again. Makes little sense how she ended up here," Ian said.
To progress, it was necessary to take the apparently unconscious battle robot into tow again.
Going further, the battle escalated with flying ... cherubs? And blocks of falling stone. None of which were a threat against the infinite health.
"So Curly just sits there on your back?" Jo asked.
"No, wait, you need to go a bit further."
Indeed, on reaching the next passage she woke up and began to shoot in the opposite direction to Quote. Not as funny as when she was bouncing around, but perhaps ... more controlled.
"I remember you talking about that. Firing in opposite directions," Jo said.
"Yeah. That was from watching the video. And I think – we used the tactic ourselves at some point?"
...
3:10 a.m.
Heavy Press bossfight
It died.
...
3:15 a.m.
Corridor
Quote and Curly emerged briefly to the outside.
"The ultimate final fight is inside that door," Ian said.
Erik lumbered over to the kitchen counter to fix one last drink of absinthe. "Hey. Wait a bit." His voice was at least an octave down from normal, which was low to begin with.
And it was true, the journey had been long and epic. Erik's decision was certainly the right one.
"I'll fix one for you too?" Jo asked Ian.
"Sure."
...
3:20 a.m.
Seal Chamber
It was a fitting place for the final confrontation. Piles of skulls and spikes lying on the ground. Very metal, again.
Quote walked forward, until coming face-to-face with the huge-headed magician.
He practically asked to be killed.
And naturally, they would gladly oblige.
Jo took a long drink from her glass, pressed a key to proceed from the final tortured line of dialogue, and the battle began.
Fuck.
She had no idea how it could possibly be survivable normally. At first, the magician was just himself, but after being killed once ...
He returned as an absolutely monstrous sphere, with smaller grotesque eye-balls orbiting.
The ground began to fill with exposed spikes, forcing Quote to keep off it constantly.
The screen was so full of smoke and projectiles and bow-wielding cherubs and rubble that the laptop began to slow down.
Finally, the last form of the magician could be injured.
"Die already," Jo growled. There was no actual danger, but still the desperation was real.
One last shot, and Ballos exploded in a burst of white light.
And it was ... over?
The screen cut away, depicting the island still falling, until it stopped at last.
Back in the chamber, Curly was already celebrating the victory.
Until pure fucking doom metal music started, and walls consisting of skulls began to close in. The dialogue (presumably Ballos) was also like from Hell itself.
It hurts... So... hot... the pain...
Had it not been for the absinthe, it certainly would not have been as effective. But experienced in this state, it was certainly the pinnacle of horror.
"Whoever wrote this ... understood doom ... perfectly," Erik slurred.
The advancing walls of skulls got ever closer.
"And it's also ... a literal wall of death," he added.
At the last moment, when being crushed was imminent, the toaster – Balrog - appeared to whisk the heroes to safety.
And Jo could make only one mental connection. It represented the Ka.
Particularly, when in the next scene they were flying away on top of it, wondering what destination they would choose. That fit just too perfectly.
In all, it was a perfect ending to the epic battle. Jo couldn't even properly describe what she was feeling now. Probably something fluffy.
The credits rolled, with more upbeat music playing, and the three of them got up from the laptop at last.
"Well, that was it," Ian said. "It was ... an experience."
Jo could do nothing but agree. But she also thought that the night itself was far from over. Being still high from the absinthe ... eventually she would have to come down. That was possibly even scarier than the wall of skulls.
...
3:33 a.m.
Jo didn't even remember who had gotten the idea first. It wasn't possibly the wisest ever right now. But yet, like playing the game, of course it just had to be done. To act out Quote and Curly in reality while the high still lasted.
The night air felt pleasantly cool as they hurtled through the sand in the dark, Jo riding on Ian's back. She vaguely remembered that Iron Maiden had done something similar – Murray playing guitar atop Dickinson's shoulders, while he also sang.
At least they didn't have guns firing in opposite directions. That would have been likely fatal.
"Fuuu -"
Guns or not, that didn't sound good. And suddenly they were flying through the air. Ian had possibly tripped on a rock or something.
A second later the two of them landed in a chaotic heap. Jo couldn't immediately tell who was on top, but any severe hurt did not register, at least immediately.
For some reason she thought – macabrely - of the last part of the Matrix trilogy, with either of them having something sharp protruding through their body.
But no. It was just sand all around. Rather pleasant, actually.
"I don't want to get up," Ian almost whispered from somewhere close to her.
"Me neither."
By now Jo had some sense of direction, to know which way was up. At least judging from the stars high above.
Ian leaned closer to kiss her. Just at the moment it was hard to not think of him as Quote. And if a kiss could be described as peaceful, this was probably it.
Until Jo realized it was a bit too peaceful. Ian had met his match from the absinthe at last, and fallen asleep.
For some time, Jo held on to him, listening to the sound of waves from some distance away. There still was no especial need to get up.
Finally Jo realized that eventually she'd need to get him back inside.
"Erik!" she shouted, making the almost immediate Nargaroth connection. One of their songs started with a very similar shout.
...
3:45 a.m.
Back inside. Ian was on his side in the bed, not vomiting or anything so far.
By now, Jo recognized the unmistakable onset of hangover. It was time to pay for the unforgettable evening. She drank some water in preparation.
Erik's condition was surprisingly sharp now. Possibly helping to haul Ian inside had allowed him to focus.
"You're probably bored to death with the 'what do you remember' questions, but I have to ask one more ... remember when I had just joined, and it was the first time we talked properly?"
Jo didn't have to think for long. She did.
"Sure. That's when I got the introduction to your ideology. Survival and shit."
"It was so simple then. Just talk. Fuck."
Back when they still just had a band, when they had no idea there even were Agents and SCEPTRE running around. Certainly, it was worth of a "fuck" or two.
But Jo thought to turn the discussion to something else. Though she was not sure if Erik would just refuse the subject.
"So, I caught you saying Curly reminded you of that – night guard who shot you with a stun gun and then you went for drinks? Did it go like that?"
"It did. Exactly. And -"
Erik sunk into his thoughts for a moment.
"It's like, she had some crazy stories. Which I don't want to dispute. And I have mine. And we got along. But you and Ian - you have your shared shit. So that's different. But it's not like I envy you. To tell the truth, everything you've gone through is unsafe to even think of while sober. But in my case ... what I'm kind of afraid is, that if I have flown a fucking IAC, and Kim has seen the fucking Longcat duking it out with its evil twin, then it's like ... the merging of two universes which don't make any sense. Something very messed up could happen. Fuck. I'm not making any sense. Forget what I said."
"No worries. I think the absinthe will take care of that."
Somehow Jo thought Erik had now revealed more of himself than he had ever done before. And it would possibly not repeat, for a long time at least.
"I don't think you need to be afraid though," she added. Though it was not like Erik at all, she just had to imagine Erik and the night guard doing their similar Quote / Curly impersonation, and falling on their asses just the same.
"Thanks. Think I'll go to get some sleep in the truck now."
"No need -"
"Yes, there is. Back at my cabin Ian needed heavy-duty ear protectors, and you don't have any here."
"Whatever you say. Good night."
With that, Erik left the cottage, and Jo was left as the sole conscious person inside. What to do now? She thought that trying to get sleep immediately could possibly not be successful.
She decided to return to the laptop, thinking of the other site Ian had browsed a lot. Not tvtropes ... but what was it?
Fanfiction dot net?
Was there Cave Story fanfiction? She would find out.