And My Heart Goes Boom
"Quiet your heart, it's just a dream. Go back to sleep—I'll be right here.
I'll stay awake as long as you need me to slay all the dragons
and keep out the monsters—I'm watching over you."
~JJ Heller.
*Author's Note: This first section contains references to UNSUBs from the following episodes: Ian Doyle from the Lauren arc (season 6), Benjamin Cyrus from Minimal Loss (4.3), and Joe Smith from In Name and Blood (3.2).*
February 2015. Penelope Garcia's Apartment.
Emily Prentiss wasn't always grateful for the fact that she was an extremely light sleeper, but this was certainly a time when it came in handy. After her soul-searching shower, she'd made herself comfortable on Penelope's couch (smiling softly at the thought that this wasn't the first time she'd slept on this couch, although this might be the first time that she'd crashed here stone-cold sober). The door to Penelope's bedroom had been left ajar, but from the darkness and silence, Emily had guessed that her friend had already fallen asleep.
Except now that sleep sounded less than restful. Even from her place in the next room, Emily could hear Penelope's worried mumblings and small twitterings of fear and confusion. A pang of sympathy pierced her chest when she fully realized that Penelope was having a nightmare—or more likely, reliving one. How many times had Emily woken up in a cold-sweat, heart pounding and body paralyzed with the thought that Doyle was in the very room, ready to take his final revenge, or that Benjamin Cyrus was standing over her bed, reaching to throw her into a plate of glass again, or that Joe Smith was coming for her with a two-by-four, this time more determined to finish the job? Those nights had become fewer and fewer, over the years, but that didn't make her memory of them any less vivid.
She quietly padded on bare feet through the darkness, easily navigating the landscape of Penelope's home without the aid of sight (and silently thanking her friend for not changing the layout of her furniture in the past year). She didn't hesitate, slipping onto the bed and wrapping her arms around the blonde, whose twitching and mumbling stopped the instant that she made contact.
There were a few beats of groggy silence as Penelope Garcia returned to a semi-conscious state, sleepily mumbling, "Em?"
"Yeah, it's me. Go back to sleep. It was just a dream."
There was another incoherent mumble as Penelope easily tumbled back into sleep. Emily found herself smiling—she'd wager good money that come morning, her friend would have no recollection of this whatsoever.
Penelope didn't slip back into her nightmare—Emily could tell by the easy cadence of her breathing, the peaceful stillness of her limbs, the quietness that followed. With another small smile, she curled herself around her friend, closing her eyes and returning to sleep as well.
Emily's mind bubbled through thoughts as she drifted towards the haze of dreams, images and feelings popping before they were fully formed, drifting lazily upwards as she sank further down, like Alice in the rabbit hole.
They both deserved more than this—they both deserved someone who slept beside them every night, who witness every fleeting fear and who soothed it away with ease and care.
Aaron deserves that, too. No one should have to wake up alone, not when their dreams are dark and their reality's even darker.
Superior Suites. Dumfries, Virginia.
Jessalyn Keller was wrenched back into consciousness, her brain muddled by the jarring sound of her cellphone ringing. She reached forward, grimacing slightly as her hand helplessly scuttled across the top of the nightstand—she'd fallen asleep on her arm and now it was half-numb and nearly useless.
She also realized, with a jolt of heart-breaking clarity, that she was utterly alone. She'd fallen asleep fully aware of her solitude, but she had to admit, she'd expected to wake up to find Jude's warm body curled up next to her own.
Dawson glowed across her screen, and she squinted slightly at the sudden brightness before answering, "Hey, what's up?"
"Sura ran the security video footage through an image enhancement program. You'll never guess who's driving Linnea Charles' car—Maura Morrow, the linguist from the Amerithrax case."
"Holy shit, Jack, you've gotta be kidding." Jess was fully awake now, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed so that she was seated upright.
"We've got it all on tape—Sura found where she drove in, with her own vehicle, after she apparently entered the parking garage on foot to block the camera. We've also got clear shots of her leaving the parking garage shortly after Linnea Charles was last seen on camera—and coming back again on foot, and exiting again in Linnea's car."
"She went through all the trouble of blocking the camera—why didn't she think about all the others?" Jess wondered.
"I think her main concern was not having a security guard notice her kidnapping Linnea and reporting it immediately—or coming to stop her. Covering all the cameras wouldn't have been feasible or practical—one camera out is a maintenance issue, but all of them out is a clear sign of something being up."
"So, are we putting out an APB for her car and Linnea's?"
"It's already out. But it gets better—apparently, Dr. Morrow has a rental property in Alexandria."
"I'm on my way." Jess was already wiggling back into her jeans, frantically glancing around for the rest of her clothes.
"I've already talked to Jude, she's up and at 'em, too. I'm calling Joe next, the three of you can head straight there. O'Donnell's getting the SWAT team together, we'll leave as soon as possible and meet you there. You'll beat us there, but don't make a move until we're all in place."
"Got it, sir." Jess hung up and flurried through the rest of her dressing.
As she opened the door to hotel room, she saw Jude barrel past, barely checking her stride to whirl around and announce, "We've got vests in the back of the SUV. Jack sent me the location—"
"I'm ready," Jonas' door swung open, his voice pitched with adrenaline. He was still on the phone with Dawson—he quickly informed their unit chief, "We're on the way now. Jude's driving, so we should be there in a flash."
The Englishwoman gave a wry smile, but it was gone like quicksilver—much like its owner, who was already racing down the hall. Jess and Jonas followed, giving each other quick glances of reassurance.
"Just another day in paradise," Shostakovich murmured, his calm, low tone completely at-odds with their hurried pace.
"Yeah, so far, it's been a real cakewalk," she returned dryly.
Her teammate chuckled.
By the time they reached the front door, Judith Eden had already gotten the Bureau SUV and wheeled it around to the portico, her big brown eyes even wider with impatience and sheer nerves.
"Please, enjoy your Sunday stroll," she drawled, feigning a sense of snarky calm that she certainly didn't feel.
"It's four o'clock in the morning," her beloved Vichie informed her as he climbed into the front passenger seat. "Some of us aren't as spry as we used to be."
The doors had barely closed before Jude slammed the car into gear and took off.
No one spoke during the ride, and every time the automated voice of the GPS system issued a command, her voice seemed to surprise everyone with its volume and shrillness.
They ended up on a winding road in a quiet neighborhood. Jonas thankfully noted that the nearest neighboring house was a good three hundred feet away. Jude had turned off the red-and-blue flashers earlier, making sure their approach to the house wasn't quite so noticeable—there wasn't any need to alert Dr. Morrow to their presence quite yet.
Jude parked about a hundred feet from the house, per protocol, and they all got out, moving around to the back of the vehicle to don their vests, slipping the standard Bureau windbreakers over them. They all checked their handguns again, a protocol-induced habit that gave them some measure of reassurance.
Another inky-black SUV rolled up, and Jonas went over to meet it. Jess hung back, waiting for Jude, who was currently propping her foot up on the bumper and retying her shoelaces.
Jessalyn Keller was fully aware of how inappropriate and how ill-timed her next words were, but she couldn't stop herself from quietly stating, "You didn't come to my room."
"No, I didn't," Jude kept her gaze focused on her shoe, as if tying knots had suddenly become rocket science. After a light beat, she added, "I've learned from experience not to go where I'm not wanted."
The younger woman felt a stab of regret—she'd been sullen and petulant around Jude the rest of the evening, after their little hallway spat, but she'd never meant to make Jude question where she stood, in terms of their relationship.
"I—you're never not wanted, not with me," Jess kept her voice low, keenly aware of the dozen other agents who'd arrived right behind Dawson.
Jude dipped her head lower, as if suddenly exhausted. Then she stood straight, bringing her foot back to the ground. Finally, she looked at Jess, her face lined with fatigue. "We would've fought. And my darling, I am too tired and too heartbroken to fight with you."
And despite the dozen other agents, Judith Eden reached out and lightly squeezed Jessalyn's hand, her voice tight with emotion as she quietly added, "You frighten me sometimes, love. You say things…and I think, this is it, I'm losing you, and it frightens me, more than anything else ever has. It's absolutely debilitating, the kind of fear I feel when you turn away from me. And I'm so afraid of making things worse, I can't…I just can't."
Tears swelled in Jessalyn's eyes and clenched her throat, but she found the breath to simply say, "You have nothing to fear, Jude. Nothing at all."
She was still holding on to Jude's hand, squeezing it for dear life. She took it for the gift it was meant to be—Jude's way of proving that she cared more about her than about other people's opinions, the small measure of assurance that Jess had wanted for so long.
Now Jude was smiling, in the shy, shining way that had first taught Jess' heart to flip-flop like a fish out of water, and Jess couldn't have cared less if anyone saw how this woman made her grin like a fool in turn (though she stopped just shy of reaching out and kissing her).
There was a shuffle of feet as Jonas Shostakovich tried to announce his arrival as blatantly as possible.
"Yeah?" Jude pulled her hand away from Jessalyn's again, easily blinking back the tears that had been at the corners of her eyes.
"SWAT's gonna take the lead," he informed them. "The car's in the driveway, so we have to act as if Morrow's home."
The two women nodded in agreement. It was a long shot, the idea that Morrow had kidnapped a woman and then hung around town, but the ghost of a chance still held enough hope and apprehension to infuse the situation with intensity. Jonas hurried towards the house, where Dawson was already setting up a perimeter with O'Donnell, and the SWAT team was swiftly and silently assembling. They followed, guns ready and hearts revving up with adrenaline once more.
"You think she'll come easily?" Jess asked.
"I don't know. It's only our first date—but I'll find out soon enough." In true Judith Eden fashion, the woman gave a wicked grin and a knowing wink—a total show of false bravado, but it made her partner laugh.
Jesus. Only Judith Eden could turn a question about apprehending a terrorism suspect into a sex joke.
"Don't get too friendly," Jess reminded her, playing along. "You happen to have a very jealous girlfriend."
"Oh, do I?" Now Jude's eyes were twinkling with mischief.
"Yes, you do." Jess transferred her gun to her right hand, freeing up her left to gently brush against Jude's hip, a silent affirmation of her possessiveness that made the older woman bite back a girlish grin.
However, Jess became slightly more serious, her gaze fixed on the dark house ahead of them as she quietly added, "And I meant what I said earlier."
"About what?" Jude was genuinely confused.
"All of it. You won't ever lose me, and I'll never not want you beside me, no matter what we've said or done." She wished that she knew a more eloquent way to say it, but there it was, unvarnished and entirely true. "I want you always. I love you, even when I don't like you."
Judith gave an amused hum at that last part. "Well, I love you even when I don't like you, too, Agent Keller."
"Good." Jess gave a curt nod. "So it looks like we're stuck together."
"Yep," Jude drawled, her tone laced with equal parts amusement and affection. "Looks like it."
They had finally reached the perimeter, where Dawson, O'Donnell, and Shostakovich stood, all focused on Maura Morrow's house. Smiles and all other thoughts were quickly dropped as they returned to the world of the chase, veins humming with possibility and perturbation.
There was a solid crack as the SWAT team took out the front door. The house's interior became a rave, flashlights bouncing and moving from room to room.
"All clear," came the news, crackling over the radio.
Dawson gave a frustrated sigh. He'd always known that there was a good chance that Maura Morrow had already flown the coop, but he couldn't deny that he'd nursed the hope that she'd still be here.
"Well, Guv, can't win 'em all," Judith Eden was already tucking her gun into her holster, readjusting her windbreaker so that the weapon was still easily accessible.
"I'd just like to win one," he informed her drolly. "Is that too much to ask?"
"Apparently, it is," Jonas sighed, moving forward to enter the front door, which was now barely on its hinges, thanks to the battering ram.
Dawson turned to Jess, "Call Sura."
To O'Donnell, he announced, "I'll have our analyst look into any other properties with Morrow's or Fuller's names. Morrow's credit cards haven't been used in over 48 hours, and she isn't listed on any flight manifests, so she has to be in the area."
Jess gave a slight nod, understanding that his statement to the Quantico SAC was also her instructions for Sura. She turned away from the house, slipping her phone out of her back pocket.
"She's had a twenty-four hour headstart," O'Donnell pointed out. "You can make a lot of miles in a good car with that."
Dawson's grim expression implied that he'd full-well considered such a thing, and wasn't pleased by the thought in the least.
"Speaking of cars," Judith was moving towards the garage, which was opened to reveal Dr. Morrow's SUV. She raised her voice, turning towards the house. "Hey, Vichie, see if you can find the keys to the car. We need to see if there's any trace of Linnea Charles in here."
A noise came from the house that sounded as if Vichie were agreeing to her request, and Jude stalked over to the garage, her long legs easily covering the distance of frost-covered lawn.
Out of sheer force of habit, Jude reached forward, testing the SUV's back latch to see if the car was already unlocked.
The second that she fully pulled at the latch, she knew something was wrong. She took a step back, but the SUV's back hatch was already moving upwards, pulling at whatever trigger had been set. She sensed the wire before she actually heard it, and she bolted, knowing it was a lost cause all the same.
From the perimeter, Jude's sudden flash of movement caught Dawson's eye, and he looked over, just as flames ruptured from Morrow's SUV.
The explosion was dull, odd sounding, self-contained. Jessalyn's head whipped back towards the house, her heart and blood stopping as her stomach dropped and her lungs seized with a single word.
"Jude."
She was certain that she'd whispered it, but if you asked anyone else, they'd tell you that she was shrieking at the top of her lungs.
"When I´m with you baby, my whole world starts to bloom
All I ever want to do is to spend my time with you
My heart goes boom boom boom…
And my heart goes boom boom boom."
~Miss Li.