"Watch your back!" A sharp pain in my lower back flew through my senses as Zevran struck me with the flat of his daggers. I sighed, frustrated. Zev had told me that he was willing to help me hone my skills. To put it in his words, "You have only survived this long off of your sheer willpower. You have much to learn and I do not wish to have one of the only Grey Wardens in Ferelden get stabbed in the back by some lowly bandit."
And so, he decided to train me on nights that Wynne and Morrigan took Ashley under their wings. Every now and then, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Leliana watching me intently and giggling whenever Zevran landed a hit on me.
"Pretty girls distracting you, Warden?" He taunted as he tripped me and held his other dagger to my face to signal my defeat. I sighed and blinked sweat from my eyes. I pushed myself up and parried Zevran's blade, noticing that he was getting faster and as he got faster, I grew more and more exhausted. My arms felt heavy to the point where I finally faltered and he took advantage of his opening and kicked me in the gut, knocking the wind out of me and causing me to fall to the ground again and just collapse. Zevran laughed aloud. I didn't listen to his chide, all I cared about was that he walked off.
I laid there like a dead log, just enjoying a moment where none of my muscles were engaged. For a moment, I was going to fall asleep before I felt Shabon lick my face.
"Ok," I said, "ok, I'll get up." I sat up and looked at Shabon, petting him before standing and hobbling to my tent.
"You are improving," Leliana said as I stood at the entrance of my tent, taking off my tunic and setting it by the fire to let it dry. It was drenched in sweat.
I had lost a lot of weight, but I gained all kinds of muscle in the last month or so that my arms were incredibly toned and I had a flat stomach on which bruises and welts welled up where Zevran struck me.
"If you say so," I said. It certainly didn't feel like I was improving, you'd think I'd be less sore if I was.
"You really are!" She said, desperate to encourage me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her staring at my muscles.
We had been on the road for a few days, traveling north to the capital city of Denerim. Bann Teagan and Cayne had discussed this thing that could actually cure Arl Eamon; the Urn of Sacred Ashes. The mythical ashes of the prophet Andraste, as Leliana explained it to me. I didn't understand why we were even trying to find it if it was a myth, even in this world where literally everything I thought couldn't ever happen did happen. I sat beside Leliana, leaning back and resting on my elbows. Shabon laid beside me with a huff.
"So why exactly do we have to go to Denerim?" I asked. "I don't really understand that part."
"Cayne and Alistair say that a scholar named Brother Genitivi lives there and is a scholar on the Urn of Sacred Ashes."
"So he can lead us to this Urn thing?" I asked. Leliana nodded. "Do you think we will find it?"
"I cannot say," she said.
"Have you ever been to Denerim?" I asked. She laughed, but it was not a real laugh. I looked over and sat up, drawing myself closer to her as if on instinct. "Bad memories?" I asked when she didn't say anything. She smiled sadly.
"A few," she whispered. She looked over at me with a sideways glance and chuckled. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were making advances on me." I smiled.
"You are so cute when you're evasive," I said with a flirtatious smirk. She laughed, erasing the sad smile from her face.
"Denerim harbors bad memories for me, yes," she said.
"Been there often?" I asked standing up and reaching into my tent for my journal as I was suddenly inspired to sketch.
"Numerous times," her short answers told me that she didn't really want to talk about it, but I pushed her anyway.
"So, you were a bard, yeah?" She nodded. "What exactly does that mean?" Leliana laughed as if I had said a bad joke.
"Bards sing songs and tell stories," she said, "I know that you know this."
"Well yeah," I said, "but is there more to it?"
"Bards are often for entertainment of the nobility of Orlais," she said. "A bard also acts as a spy and a master of the Game."
"Game?" I asked.
"The Grand Game is a necessity in Orlesian nobility. To demonstrate one's skill in the Game, is to demonstrate one's status. It is a Game of intrigue and diplomacy."
"So it's a way for rich people to prove to each other that one has a bigger cock, yeah?" She blushed at my euphemism. I shook my head. "Rich people play games while the poor struggle beneath them. It's like back home. The rich don't care about the grunts in the street, fighting for their rights to eat and for a good home. It's disgusting."
"Do your kings mistreat you?" She asked. I laughed.
"We don't have a king," I said. "Where I'm from, we have a president." I shrugged. "The president we have now seems to be a good man. He faces much opposition and can't get anything done."
"Do other countries have kings?" She asked. I felt a chill in the air and put my shirt, that was now dry, back on.
"Some of them." I said. "It's not all that popular nowadays." I grabbed a piece of charcoal that had cooled from the fire and looked over at Leliana and smiled. "Stay still, will you?" She laughed.
"What for?" She asked.
"You'll see," I said.
"C.J., what are you doing?" She asked. I locked eyes with her blue orbs that looked at me in wonder.
"Do you trust me?" I asked. She blushed again and I couldn't resist smiling, knowing that I was going to integrate it in my sketch. She swallowed.
"I trust you," she said. I smiled and situated myself so that her face was illuminated by fire.
"Can you look into the fire?" I asked. "You can talk if you want." I set to work drawing the woman in front of me.
"Do you only draw?" She asked me. I shook my head. To this day, I can't even paint while talking. "What all can you do?" I stopped.
"Mostly painting," I said. "but I can definitely sculpt and sketch pretty well. I even tried my hand at spray painting but that didn't work all that well."
"Spray painting?" She asked. I sighed at gave her a look with a smirk. "Sorry."
"It's ok," I said. "Yes or no questions, please." She laughed and I went back to sketching.
"Did you always want to be an artist?" Of course she starts with the most complicated question. I sighed and looked at her, seeing that she was staring at me expectantly.
"Simpler yes or no questions, please," I laughed. She laughed as well.
"Are you always this picky when you are asked questions?" I shook my head.
"My perfectionist nature comes out when I'm making art." She stopped asking me questions and just started talking.
"You know," she said, "in Orlais, they treasure art and music. I remember seeing great paintings as large as houses." I smiled and just let her ramble on and on, admittedly only half listening. My sketch of her was rough at best. I was out of practice. About halfway through the sketch, I kinda wanted to give up. Eventually, she asked me the question I had hoped that she wouldn't ask me. "May I see it?"
"It's not finished yet," I said quickly. The sketch was of her full body and her staring into the fire. Her face was done, yes. But her clothes weren't detailed enough and I hadn't even started the fire, let alone the shading.
"Let me see what you have so far then," she said. The look she was giving me made me want to say yes. I sighed.
"Alright, alright." I said as I handed her the journal. She gazed at it and then looked over at me. I couldn't deduce the look on her face as surprised or impressed. Maybe it was both.
"This is incredible," she said. I smiled and took the journal back when she held it out to me.
"Thanks," was all I could really muster in response. I had always gotten compliments on my art, but somehow, having it come from Leliana made it more genuine. I fought hard to find something to fill the growing silence.
"I always enjoy the nights at camp," Leliana said looking back into the fire, "the night always seems more peaceful to me. Safer." I smiled and scooted closer to her and stared at the fire with her.
"I know what you mean," I said closing my journal and setting it aside.
"I feel the night grants us a reprieve from the troubles of the day." She laughed and it sent butterflies raging in my stomach. "Silly, isn't it? The darkspawn never sleep, and they lurk in the shadows."
"I don't think it's silly," I looked over at her, she was looking at me, ice blue eyes almost looked white in the firelight.
"I enjoy those nights when we stand guard together, talking to pass the time in those small hours. Well, I'll talk and you listen." She giggled again and looked down at the space between us. "Sometimes, I succumb and fall asleep, and wake to find you still watchful. And I know you're watching out for me." My words seemed to fall out of my mouth before I could stop them.
"You never have to feel afraid with me." Leliana sighed.
"What I am trying to say, is that I trust you. I am comfortable around you. I know that you will be there when I need you." She looked at me again, a new spark in her eyes. "You are our leader, and my friend, and sometimes," she stumbled, "I think that maybe we could be more than that," she stopped herself before she could say anymore, "Maker… look at me, stumbling over my words like an ill-educated peasant girl. Some bard I am…" I laughed.
"Has anyone ever told you that you are adorable when you're embarrassed?" I asked.
"I'm not embarrassed!" She exclaimed defensively. "I'm just… flushed because," she was stumbling over her words, "of the heat." I let words fall out of my mouth again.
"I've wanted us to be more than just friends, Leliana." I swallowed, knowing what I said and what may come of it. Leliana didn't look surprised, we'd talked about this before, but never actually expressed it like this in open conversation so close to one another, yet her voice sounded shocked.
"Really? You felt the same way and let me say all those things? Why couldn't you have said them first?" I laughed.
"You still like me, right?" I asked with a wicked grin on my face, I knew I had her.
"Oh, why am I being such a baby about this? I must be a sigh-." I didn't let her finish. I grabbed her shirt and pulled her to me in a moment of fierce bravery and kissed her.
The kiss had a certain fire in it, the kind of kisses that stop time for a moment and just let you simply exist in that moment. It was deep and passionate and she returned it fully. I didn't want the moment to end. I wanted to stay there for the next eternity and forget about darkspawn and magic urns and archdemons. Just this moment was all that mattered to me.
I forced myself to pull away from her. I knew she didn't want me to because her hands were braced on my shoulders, afraid to let me go an inch more away from her. She took a deep breath.
"Well," she stumbled, "that settles it then."