"What. The. Fuck."

I awoke intrigued at Kent's voice, pulling myself upright by gripping his shoulder prompting him to turn and face me with a start. "Evening Kent," I greeted chirpily.

"What are you doing here?" he exclaimed with surprise. Here was the double bed Kent had picked for himself, little concerned with where anyone else might slumber. The prince of Cairo didn't do coffins or sarcophagi, only beds, a modern comfort as he described them. Spare beds were in short supply or so he claimed, I figured he had them stacked high to the ceiling to keep him safe from mummies.

I grinned back at Kent and said sincerely as I kept a tight grasp on his arm, "couldn't have you going for daytime walks without me."

His expression softened slightly and he shook his head. "Malk I wouldn't do that," he retorted seriously, "nor do I want staked by Isaac over some misunderstanding here."

"We are both dressed and I advised the Baron of my intentions," I informed him happily, "and assured him the bond is familial and you have qualms over two men anyway and attractions to many, many women."

"Jesus kid," he began a curse before a loud moan drew our attention back to what had disturbed Kent in the first place.

It lumbered awkwardly in the shadows, a clumsy human form that dared to give me hope. Another groan and then it shambled into the glow of the candlelight. I wondered who had switched off the lights and lit the candles.

"OHMYGOSH MUMMY!" I trilled happily as I released Kent and moved to jump off the bed. I winced as I was grabbed suddenly and unexpectedly from behind and hit the bed with a whoomp as two arms wrapped around my legs tightly.

The mummy let out another groan before twisting about in confusion. It was female, skin a greying-brown, white dress smeared in darkened bloodstains and bandages loose, sloppy and lacking.

The mummy stumbled blind to the world before its foot caught on a stray strand of bandage and it tripped and fell with another moan.

"Aw shit," Dominic's voice called out from the shadows.

The bathroom door opened spilling light into the room and illuminating Dominic and the mummy who continued to moan. There was a click as Romero withdrew his gun and undid the safety.

"Halfway around the world and I'm still getting bugged by zombies," he lamented.

"No!" I protested. "It's a mummy and it's mine!"

"Did you use toilet paper?" Kent demanded. "Seriously, is that toilet paper?" I felt him recoil and took my chance to wriggle free from his grasp.

I crawled off the bed hoping to hit the floor but instead I hit Yukie who had been slumbering peacefully in a nest of blankets and cushions. She awoke with a startled cry and gave me a sharp punch in the face before pushing me off hard and putting a dagger against my throat.

"Evening," I said with a smile.

"Oh it's you," Yukie murmured wearily as she withdrew the sword. "Gomen, I thought you were youkai." She sheathed the sword with ease and pushed back her messy strands of glossy, black hair. With her hair free to spill about her shoulders and donning a tight fitting, flattering, white gossamer night dress she appeared older and prettier. I eyed the blue vein at her neck hungrily.

"What is that?" she quipped tiredly as she glanced past me. "Is that...toilet roll?"

"Well that explains all those empty rolls in there," Romero remarked dryly, "I wondered if someone had shit themselves."

"Who exactly?" Kent quipped sardonically. "Only you and Yukie are capable."

Romero shrugged. "Chinese food doesn't always agree with people."

"I thought she was Japanese," Dominic piped up.

"She worked at a Chinese takeaway, now who's stereotyping?" Kent queried with a wilting stare. "Just because she's Japanese means she can't eat Chinese food, is that it?"

"Chinese takeaway in an Egyptian palace," Yukie commented sardonically, "what an idiot idea."

"Idiotic," Kent couldn't resist a correction. "Also, this is a citadel."

I ignored them and resumed my gaze on the mummy. I stood up and dusted myself down.

"Kid don't go near that thing," Kent warned.

"But it's my mummy," I said with a pout.

"That is not a mummy," Kent snapped.

"Hey," Dominic protested with a defensive look, "I didn't get a whole lot of time with this you know. She wanted a mummy, not my fault they're not what she thinks, I'm just trying to make the Malkavian smile."

"You're a cheat," Kent accused. "What is that anyway? Shit is that the maid?"

"Want not waste not, wasn't like the body was doing much else," Dominic answered carelessly. He waved his hands and gave a clap. The mummy pushed itself to its feet.

"My mummy," I said sternly.

"Kid look at it, the bandages aren't old looking, are they?" Kent commented. "Thin too, it's fucking toilet paper."

"Closest you're going to get to her idea of a mummy," Dominic remarked as he folded his arms, "take it or leave it Malkavian, what is your name anyway?"

I looked from the mummy to Dominic. "Ariadne," I retorted quietly.

"Hmm well here's the thing Ari, mummies aren't like Hollywood, I raise a dead Egyptian it's via re-animation of the corpse, it's a zombie and they decay pretty quick, how about I summon a wraith for you instead? Not quite the same thing but you tell me what you want it to do and I can make it happen."

"How about you stop playing with the dead?" Kent suggested bitingly. "It's cruel and more importantly that woman is already starting to stink, she needs to be removed."

"Priorities Kent," Romero chided quietly.

"All dead dance on another's string," I murmured.

There was a knock on the door prompting us all to look at it.

"Open this door please," Isaac's voice called out.

Romero moved to the door obediently, pulling back the deadbolt, unlocking and opening it. "Before you ask I had nothing to do with it," he said swiftly as he stepped back.

Isaac, dressed and without a hair out of place, stepped into the room followed by a fed up looking Sebastian and Strauss.

"We were considering an early departure to find breakfast," Isaac murmured coolly, "but first a subtle removing of your new companion. Alas," he added sardonically, "I can see subtle has flown out of the window and burned up in the sun like Icarus."

"Is that toilet roll?" Strauss queried in disgust.

"Yes it's fucking toilet roll," Dominic snapped in annoyance, "I improvised, okay? I didn't have a lot of time with this."

"It shows," Kent chided.

"Sorry it doesn't meet the Toreador standards," the Giovanni snarled. "I wasn't doing it for an art contest!"

"Less shouting unless you want our host to become aware of your newfound freedom," Isaac chided him.

Dominic shrugged. "I just wanted to repay the debt, here's the mummy, now I've got a crown to pilfer."

"Still on that then," Strauss retorted in a droll voice. "Presumably after we leave you to do that you'll only get caught again."

"Can't we help?" I queried hopefully. "The key to our mystery could be with the serpent as the map was."

"Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're using genuine insight or manipulation," Sebastian commented coldly.

"What map?" Dominic queried with a sparkle eyed interest.

"None of your concern," Strauss was quick to answer.

"But he hunts treasure," I protested, "and what greater treasure is there than the ruby droplets in the ancient dead? And all the shiny trinkets they must be buried with."

"Anything else you'd like to confess to the Giovanni?" Kent quipped sarcastically.

"Ruby droplets of the ancient dead," Dominic murmured curiously, "what are you folks up to?"

"Folks?" Kent and Sebastian quipped with equal disgust. They shared a brief glance before turning away from each other swiftly. Sebastian frowned whilst Kent weaved his right hand through his hair awkwardly.

"Well it explains why Beckett's about," he murmured, "course he's looking for something big."

"Let's not talk powerful blood with a Giovanni of all things," Strauss said with a measure of cool disgust.

Kent coughed theatrically, muttering the word, "hypocrite," as he did.

"Oh, oh," I piped up excitedly as I got it, "two clans of diablerie, it is like Snap with clans, a match!"

"Isaac are we ready?" V.V queried as she entered the room followed by the ever fed-up looking Ash.

"Well a very good evening to you," Dominic spoke up brightly. He hastened forward, smoothing down his open bloodstained shirt and taking care to make sure his now healed torso was on display. "Vampires talking of trinkets and hoards and yet they keep their best looking treasure out of sight," he remarked cheerfully.

"Well that's a line," Romero mocked.

"Isaac you really should be making money from her," Sebastian sneered.

"She does make money, she has a club," Kent grumbled. He was still flustering with his hair.

Beckett, Anatole and Aristotle joined us, sharing V.V's desire to go. "Why is the dead maid dressed in toilet roll?" Beckett queried in a dry voice.

"Oh is that a riddle?" I pondered curiously. "Why is the dead maid dressed in toilet roll? Why do the dead listen? Why is the key a crown?"

"Ari wanted a mummy," Dominic answered brightly, "and this was the best I could do on short notice. Since it's not great and I owe her I'll offer some consolidation, help me get my crown Ari and you can take a treasure for yourself."

"I hope you don't cheat on my boon," Aristotle remarked icily. "Do you desire my childe for her aid or as a distraction?"

Dominic shrugged. "Whatever way she wants to play it is good with me."

"No," Isaac said sternly.

"Isaac!" I pouted. "I want a crown." I looked up at him pleadingly. "You're always saying I'm your princess," I pouted, "but how can I be without a crown?"

"Um are they together?" Dominic quipped. "Cause he seems pretty fucking old."

Isaac frowned down at me as his amber eyes gleamed with displeasure.

Beckett stepped up to us and said in a low voice, "he's a cartographer and we have a rather complicated map, I wouldn't suggest linking the two but the presence of Tzimisce can only mean one thing, Sascha is close by."

I shuddered at the name and looked up to Isaac fearfully. "We could wander the desert for years without the Giovanni guidance."

Isaac's frown deepened as he looked to Beckett. "Don't you consider this an odd coincidence?"

"Yes," Beckett admitted, "but one I am willing to overlook given our desperate circumstances. He is one, we are many and for a just reward one does sometimes have to take questionable measures."

"Very well," Isaac permitted. He raised his voice and remarked, "we will help you Giovanni but you will help us too."

"Surely not all of us," Strauss interrupted, "we would be caught with so many numbers and I would prefer to leave this citadel on good terms."

"I agree," V.V mused, "and I am thirsty and the prince did promise something sweet for breakfast. May I suggest Isaac that we provide the necessary cover? Most of us go to breakfast with the prince, those that do not we shall say are with the ghouls."

"Great," Romero grumbled sardonically, "so we get the joys of joining the thief because we don't have fangs."

"It's a good plan," Dominic enthused chirpily, "a genius plan even, not just a pretty face then?"

V.V gave him a wide smile. "I just don't want my family perishing for your stupidity," she answered sweetly.

"Aww I didn't know we were family," I remarked as I grinned over at her.

"Not you," she retorted hotly, "Isaac and Ash."

"Don't worry about me," Kent grumbled.

"I agree, it is a good plan," Aristotle commented, "well for a female Toreador anyway. Now, who is helping the Giovanni?"

"Malk stop humming," Kent snarled, "you too mob boy, you're only encouraging."

I ceased with my humming of the Mission Impossible theme tune and frowned at Kent's back. We were almost at the treasure or so Aristotle and Dominic seemed to think. Dominic followed telltale loose bricks in the wall that offered up hidden passageways whilst Aristotle obeyed the fairies in his head. Or was it leprechauns? Probably the little men in green, they knew more about treasure.

We consisted of Dominic, Kent, myselves, Aristotle, a reluctant Romero, and a curious Yukie. I had nicknamed us The Gold Grabbing Gang but Kent, whilst he had grudgingly praised the alliteration, had vetoed it as 'stupid' and 'too obvious'. After my maid mummy had been made to collapse back to a state of stiff undead I had accepted Dominic's offer of treasure as compensation.

Dominic was still humming the Mission Impossible theme, feeling no desire to obey Kent as he crept along the shadows of a narrow staircase full of dust and spiderwebs that he hoped led up to the tower of the citadel Christabelle hid her treasure in.

"How exactly did you get caught?" Romero pried in a low voice.

"Not in this stairwell if that's what you're afraid of," Dominic retorted chirpily.

"That's not an answer," Romero pointed out stonily.

"Got snatched up by the citadel guards before I even made it to the place, it was a racist arrest plain and simple."

"This word racist, I don't think you are using it right," Yukie remarked innocently.

We all glanced back at her curiously and Kent snickered. "Damn Yukie was that a joke?" he marvelled. "She's got your number."

Dominic sighed before fidgeting with the bricks to the right. "Abra," he said as he pushed one twice, "kadabra," he continued as he pushed another three times, "alakazam," he finished as he pushed another once.

"Ooh magic!" I enthused as I clapped my hands and the wall shuddered. "Or Pokémon, either way I'm happy."

"Good be happy in silence," Kent chided me.

"I agree," Aristotle commented coldly.

The wall quivered, shaking off dust as it moved inwards, shifting back to reveal a room.

"Well all that glitters," Romero commented dryly.

I went to skip into the room but was quickly restrained by Kent.

"I don't sense any wards," Aristotle remarked condescendingly, "but then one wouldn't expect a Toreador to know any."

"And a Malkavian does?" Kent snapped.

"Let's not start a Clan debate now," Romero interrupted. "Besides, Indiana Jones there has already proved there's no alarm system." He gestured ahead with one hand to Dominic who was already in the cosy chamber of treasures nosing. "By the way Aristotle this is the modern day and age, she might have cameras or sensors."

"She does," Dominic piped up cheerfully. He was looking up at a small black orb with a grin and waving at it.

"For fuck sake," Kent exclaimed, "we need to retreat."

"Soon as I get my crown," Dominic murmured.

"Yukie what are you doing?!" Kent shouted.

Yukie had slipped past the others into the room. She reached out to an ornate looking sword case and removed the blade to inspect it with glee. "Well if he's taking anyway we should all hmm...rieki, you know rieki um...we should...rieki, gomenasai." She shook her head in frustration. "We should take too because he is anyway," she snapped as she placed the sword back in its golden and jewelled case.

I scurried in with an agreeable nod. "He takes we're in trouble anyway," I enthused, "so we should all take."

The room consisted of a plush queen sized bed with gold silk bedsheets and cushions and a curtain of pale gold gossamer currently open, a wardrobe carved of pale ornate wood that was a natural shade of honey, a table made of a solid gold kneeling ram with a glass top, no windows and a shit ton of treasure. Even the walls were painted gold and the floor, what I could see of it, was a pale golden wooden. I hunted through trinkets and jewellery, tossing aside rings, bangles, boxes and ornaments looking for a crown.

"Got it," I announced happily. I tugged out a circlet of gold with an angry looking serpent at its centre, reared and hissing. There were red and blue stones engraved in it and gold beading dangling from it but I no longer desired it, the serpent was frightened, mouth open and fangs ready to strike. "I want a different one," I protested as I tossed it aside.

"Good," Dominic remarked as he caught it before it hit the crown. He placed it on his head, turned up to the camera and gave it the finger. "Got your crown bitch," he said happily.

I plucked up another, a little more tarnished, it was ebony with gold outlining, a dog mask with pointed ears, the ears were painted gold and the eye sockets and just above the nose were highlighted with gold. I put it on with delight and turned back to the others. "Woof," I called out, "woof, woof Kent I'm a doggie."

"You're an idiot," he scorned, "now come on. Romero I think your pockets are quite full."

I looked over to the graveyard who had come into the outskirts of the room to pilfer coins and a couple of gold bars. He shrugged. "It's the Giovanni who's going to get the blame for it all anyway and think what kind of wom...er wonderful things I can get with it," he finished lamely as he rubbed the back of his head and glanced from me to Yukie awkwardly.

"You are as translucent as a jellyfish," Aristotle scolded him.

"Well that one stung," Romero retorted sarcastically. He started to move and then paused with a sigh. "Shit, these bars are too heavy for running with." He unloaded the bars again and kept walking.

I followed after Romero with Yukie and Dominic close behind.

"Perhaps we could use haste now?" Aristotle suggested sharply.

"Well the Toreador could," Dominic responded sarcastically.

"Aren't you going to close the door?" Aristotle demanded.

"Is there any point?" Dominic retorted hotly. "Come on madman, less chat more escaping."

"I hope you know a way out of here," Kent grumbled, "and I hope our friends have finished breakfast, so much for subtly."

"Just keep going," Dominic suggested, "I'll get us back to the rooms where your friends should be."

Dominic was as good as his word and had us back to the rooms as Isaac and the others returned.

"Oh good," Ash remarked mockingly, "you're dressed as a bitch."

"Are female jackals called bitches?" Romero pondered.

"Wolf," Beckett corrected in his usual dry manner, "recent evidence suggests the jackals of Egypt are actually wolves. At any rate, you all look more alarmed than successful," he raised his dark eyebrows and queried, "is there something you need to share?"

"There were watchful eyes," Aristotle commented loudly as he strode forward and away from us, "and the necromancer made sure they saw him."

"Watchful eyes," Sebastian mused, "does that mean cameras?"

"Yes it does, the Giovanni is an asshole, he got the crown and showed it off, we really need to go."

"Back to the dungeons?" I suggested with a glance at the hidden doorway I had found.

"Correct," Dominic retorted, "there's a way out down there, I can find it."

"How convenient," Sebastian sneered. "You have trust issues with me but this thief, a member of a clan well known for exploiting zombies, draining the blood of other vampires for power and fighting amongst itself as well as other base acts I will not go into, him you trust?"

"No," Strauss answered coolly.

"He is a cartographer," Beckett reminded us, "I would say, confidently, that he memorised a plan of this citadel before he chose to invade it for that crown, which does look authentic but has nothing to suggest it belonged to Meretseger by the way," he added with a nod in Dominic's direction."

"Fucking scholar," Dominic grumbled, "yeah I got the blueprints of this place but they were old, been a few renovations since then, still you got time to debate it?"

"No," Isaac answered firmly. "We need to go." He gestured to the passageway I had found.

"Fleeing like rats from a sinking ship but I am called the coward," Sebastian commented airily.

"We could leave you for a scapegoat," Strauss suggested with a glare.

Sebastian grinned in retort. "That would be beneath you," he said quickly.

"Move already," Dominic snapped as he waved us over to the passageway.

"How exciting," I enthused, "another tomb raiding adventure!"