One of the scariest moments of my life was when Ayano told me that Ryoba had taught her how to clean up blood properly. I was terrified to go to work the next morning. The thought of leaving my little angel with that psychopath, who was already grooming her to turn out just like her… It was sickening. I felt too sick to move. Nevertheless, Ayano and I had our talk while Ryoba was soaking in the tub.
"Ayano, I know that this might not make sense now, but I need you to promise me something," I began to speak as I tucked her into bed. She looked up at me, hugging her stuffed bunny tightly.
"What is it, Daddy?"
"Please… never forget compassion. Even people we dislike have people who love them, and those people don't want bad things to happen to their loved one. People are people. Please, never see them as less than that. Can you promise me that, Sweetie?"
Ayano looked down at her bunny sadly, not saying a word. She eventually looked back at me with those sad eyes, "I feel numb. You and Mommy are the only ones I feel anything for."
"I know it's hard, Ayano, but just remember that people are people." I insisted. She nodded and hugged me tightly. I held her close to me, happy to just hold my little girl without Ryoba around. Ayano was the only reason I had to live. She was the only thing that mattered in my miserable life. I lied Ayano back down and caressed her hair, accidentally grazing a scar on her forehead. She flinched and hugged her bunny tighter. I sighed and gave her another hug, "It's ok, Baby Girl, you're safe now. There's no need to be scared. I'm right here."
"I don't wanna hurt anymore…"
"I don't either… I'll protect you, I promise."
"I don't want you to be hurt either."
I sighed, "It's better me than you. You'll understand if you ever have children of your own."
"I don't want to have children, because then I'd be a mommy, and I don't wanna be a mommy," Ayano replied darkly. I shivered a bit at that.
"You don't have to be. All that matters is that I will do everything I can to protect you." I kissed her forehead and lied her down to sleep. Ayano held my hand for a while before finally falling asleep and letting go.
"Why won't you just love me?! Why do you make me do this?!" Ryoba screamed as she threw a knife at me. I narrowly dodged it, shaking a bit in fear.
"Ryoba, please, I'll do anything, let me take her to the hospital! She's bleeding, I don't want her to die, please!"
"You love her more than you love me!"
"Please, please, please don't let her die, Ryoba, I will do anything, just please don't kill her. Please, I swear I'll do anything. She's my baby, please don't kill her, she's just a child, please!" I begged desperately, trying to get close enough to take Ayano from Ryoba.
"Fine. Save her yourself then," Ryoba angrily let go of Ayano, who was floating in the tub limply. I dashed in and pulled her out. I immediately went into rescue mode, performing cpr and treating her bleeding wounds the best I could. She started breathing again, much to my relief. I dressed her wounds and put her in a clean pair of pajamas, holding my little girl close to me for dear life. I tucked her in bed and just collapsed next to her crying. I almost lost the only person I loved anymore. My little girl almost died. How could that pain ever go away?
It wasn't long before I felt Ryoba wrapping her arms around me and giggling in my ear. That sickening giggle. It makes me wanna scream. "Oh, Darling, you're sooo sexy when you use that cpr and medical training. I'm almost jealous of Ayano."
"What the hell?"
"It makes me think about when we were back in high school. You were in the medical science club for a while. It was really sexy," Ryoba giggled. "Do it to me now, I forgive you, Darling. That show was fantastic! Oh why didn't I do that sooner?"
My Ayano brought home a dead cat today. It scared me half to death. She had a blank look on her face, but when she saw me she started crying. She dropped the cat on the hardwood floor and ran up to me with her arms out like a little child. I accepted her hug and held her close to me. I was scared, what could have possibly happened? The only thing I could get out of her was "I felt nothing." It took a while for her to say anything coherent. We sat on the floor for a while, both of us cried.
"I wanted to feel something," Ayano explained. "I feel but I feel numb. I feel sadness and love sometimes, but it's weak. It's numb… I wanted to feel something overwhelming."
"What do you feel?"
"Sadness."
"Why?"
"Because I don't care about what I did to the cat."
I gave Ayano a tighter hug and asked, "Why does that make you sad?"
"Because Mom wouldn't care about the cat either."