"I'm good." Billy turned away from Ashley extended hand as she tried to hand him the cup of hot hospital coffee. He heard the curt tone of his own voice and tried to soften it slightly. His eyes raised to look into those of his sister. He knew how Ashley felt about Phyllis and about their relationship. It said a lot that she was here. "Thanks, but I can't right now."

Ashley sighed. She knew Billy was going through hell. Waiting was some of the worst kind of torture. She'd waited for her own medical tests not too long ago and it was far worse waiting for those of someone you loved. She could still remember how long the waits had been for Jack and even for Billy when they'd spend the endless nights in these very halls, hoping and praying, and trying to convince themselves that no news was at least a form of good news. "Why don't you sit down?" she asked softly. "You're gonna wear a rut in the floor."

"I can't. I feel like my whole body is on pins and needles." He glanced at the clock on the wall. He'd swear he could hear it ticking. "Didn't they say it should only be four hours. It's been longer than that, right? Have you seen anyone come out of there?"

"I haven't." She reached out and rested her hand on his shoulder. "You know how doctors are though. They're always running behind schedule. I'm sure if something was wrong someone would have come out and told us by now."

Jack stepped up to the two of them. "Any news?"

Ashley shot him a look. "Nothing yet. They haven't come out." She could see the quick flash of worry cross his face and she hoped Billy hadn't noticed it as well. "Did you get to talk with Summer?" She hoped the change in subject would bring Billy some relief.

He nodded. "I did. I told her Phyllis was still in surgery and that I'd call her when they were out. She's getting a little restless."

"We all are," Billy said, the stress obvious in his voice, his eyes focused on the clock still. The hand seemed to stick in place.

"Billy, I'm sure it's just taking a bit longer than usual, that's all. Sometimes these things take time, that's all."

"What if that's not all?" He couldn't stop the thoughts that seemed to assault his brain. All this waiting simply gave him more time to think, more time to wonder if he'd made the wrong choice, if he shouldn't have pushed her the way he did. "If anything goes wrong … If anything happens to her, it's my fault. I did this. I pushed her into this."

"Don't do that to yourself," Ashley said. "Jack told me about what was going on and it was the only logical choice. The surgery could fix the problem. It would have been crazy not to do have done it. Not doing it would have almost certainly have shortened her life expectancy by tens of years. That's huge."

"And what if this ends it?" He felt sick as he said the words. For so many hours, he'd been sitting there, trying to keep the thought from flashing in his brain, but now he could no longer keep it at bay. The longer he waited, the more he worried, and the more he had to face the fact that his selfish need to 'fix' her, his desire to have all the time in the world, could cost him the precious time they had now.

Jack nodded at Ashley, his subtle gesture letting her know he wanted a moment alone with his brother.

"I'm gonna go check in with Abby," Ashley said quietly.

Billy could sense the real reason behind her sudden departure. "You can skip the pep talk, Jack."

"No pep talk." Jack followed him over to the chairs in the corner where Billy finally collapsed. "Just dishing out some facts. I've done this a few times before. I've been right where you are. Phyllis is strong and better than that, she's stubborn as all hell. If those doctors tell her she can't get back to 100%, that's exactly what she's going to be determined to do."

"But she wasn't. She wasn't determined to do this, Jack. She wasn't even sure she wanted to do this surgery. I'm the one that convinced her to do it. I'm the one that told her we had to roll the dice, to bet on us and now … what if we gambled more than we can afford to lose." He knew Jack was uncomfortable talking with him about Phyllis, but he needed to talk to someone and his brother was here. "I can't lose her, Jack. I just can't."

He could hear the pain in his little brother's voice and he recognized the helplessness he felt. "I know," he whispered. "You won't. She's gonna pull through this. I know she will."

"Family of Phyllis Summers?"

Billy jumped up and rushed across the room to meet the woman holding the clipboard. His insides trembled, his feelings waging an internal war. The waiting had been torturous, but what if the answers weren't what he wanted to hear.

"Is she okay?" His voice was hoarse with the emotion of the moment, the sound of his heart beating almost overwhelming the sound of his own words.

She nodded. "She's out of surgery, but she's still in recovery right now. We're having a little bit of trouble keeping her blood pressure stable, but we wanted to give you an update."

His stomach lurched. "What does that mean? Is it dangerous … I mean is she … Is she in danger of …?"

"It's not uncommon especially after a lengthy procedure. For some patients it just takes some time to stabilize." She flashed him a sympathetic smile. "I'll give you another update as soon as I can."

He tried to relax a bit as he watched her walk back through the swinging doors. Jack's hand clasped onto his shoulder as he stood there, staring at the barrier between him and the woman he loved, the one he still couldn't cross. All he wanted was to go to her, to hold her hand, to let her know he was there and he couldn't. Billy closed his eyes and prayed that somehow she knew he was here just waiting for her and he would stay right there … as long as it took.