If I Lose Myself
by EMPG22HoPe
Chapter Twelve: Draco
December 1996
Draco had been dragged out of Slughorn's party by Snape. He was then led down the narrow corridor down to the last classroom at the very end. Tonight had been one of those nights where he decided to put a bit more effort into fixing the Vanishing Cabinet, just right before the holidays. While he had given much thought about staying at Hogwarts for Christmas to maintain his focus on fixing the cabinet, he didn't exactly have the heart to leave his mother at the manor all alone for the holidays. It just seemed too cruel despite himself.
Right down to when he decided he was far too tired to get anything remotely done out of the broken cabinet, he sneaked out of the Room of Requirement wearily. He knew he shouldn't have gone off into it alone at this time, especially before everyone went off for the holidays. Usually he had Blaise around now that he's decided to leave Crabbe and Goyle out of it momentarily, but he had to attend the Slughorn's Christmas party and with Astoria, no less. But he felt restless, as he's quite often been since the start of the year. And much to his dismay, his restlessness coupled with his arrogance caught him on a tight rope with Filch.
An argument broke off between him and Snape. His head of house reprimanded him of his recklessness with the incident of Katie Bell being cursed. While he was clearly suspected of it and he knew deep down he had done it, he denied it aimlessly despite the guilt that ate him. The man even tried to attempt to penetrate his mind, but he smirked valiantly at this. He had mastered that now that he had gotten Astoria out of the way – and for once he was thankful for his strength on the matter.
Snape hissed at him lowly, "I am trying to help you. I swore to your mother that I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow, Draco—"
"Looks like you'll have to break it, then, because I don't need your protection!" Draco sneered at him. "It's my job. He gave it to me, and I'm doing it. I've got a plan and it's going to work, it's just taking a bit longer than I thought it would!"
"What is your plan?"
"It's none of your business!"
His professor raised a brow. "If you tell me what you are trying to do, I can assist you—"
Draco shoved him off infuriatingly. "I've got all the assistance I need, thanks. I'm not alone!"
They went on this banter for a few minutes, Draco's irritation increasing ten-fold. It was like being reprimanded by his governess for when he was home-schooled as a child. A repetition of things he already knows, and he rolled his eyes every once in a while at the psychological method that Snape was trying to pull.
But when Snape tried to make mention of his father's imprisonment, he resisted the urge not to cast the Cruciatus curse on him. With a troubled frown, he strode off towards the door of the classroom and swung it open harshly – his hard footsteps striding their way down back the corridor towards Slughorn's office. There was a loud cheer from when he passed and ignoring this, walked off into a new corridor – away from Snape and away from everything else.
As if he needed constant reminding of his father being in Azkaban. As if he needed being told that his recklessness would not merit anything well off due to his emotions. As if he needed any of that bloody talk at all. He was sixteen, by Salazar. He much preferred it if anyone older than him didn't always have to tell him what to bloody do.
His angry thoughts were then interrupted by a small figure bumping right into him.
Oh, for Merlin's sake. Draco thought to himself as he tried his best not to be too harsh on whoever just bloody barraged right at him. He blinked twice and was surprised to find that it was Astoria. She was beautifully clad in a simple, yet elegant emerald dress. Her heels made her just a foot or two taller than she normally was which made it far easier – much to his dismay – for him to look into her green eyes.
Oh, Merlin's soggy balls.
"Draco!" Astoria's face lit up, a cheeky grin gracing her sweet red lips. "Fancy burmpin' inte ye' here!"
Draco frowned at the sound of her slurred voice.
Just ignore her and go off. You've been doing so well. He thought to himself as he balled his hands into fists. Just leave. Just bloody leave—
"Little Greengrass—" He started, but he was interrupted by a soft finger being pressed against his lips.
"Shush!" Astoria giggled uncontrollably before her fingers trailed softly down to his chest. He ignored the familiar tug at his heart at her sweet laugh and touch. "What er you doin' at this time of der night, Draco?"
"I should ask you the same question." Draco told her a little coldly, and he was surprised to find that she giggled at that then hiccupped. Realization dawned on him as he examined her just a bit. Her pinned up hair – which he assumed used to have been in an elegant bun – now had hairs sticking out in certain areas. The apples of her cheeks were severely flushed, well, in fact, most of her skin was, actually. And her muddled words… "Astoria, are you drunk?"
Astoria howled in delight at this as she spun around in her dress, nearly tripping at her own carelessness had he not gotten a hold of her from falling off. Every part of him screamed that he should just leave her there. He didn't need this. He can't have this. He was doing so well already, getting rid of the memory of Astoria Greengrass off his mind. And yet, the cruelty of fate and destiny seemed to disagree with his current life choices. Bloody bitches, fate and destiny were.
"Oooh!" A nasally high-pitched voice cooed from above them.
Draco cursed under his breath as he looked up to find Peeves the Poltergeist, bouncing about against one wall after the other – a maniacal smile gracing his puckered lips.
"Draky and Tori sittin' in a tree—" Peeves sang rather off-key as he cackled aimlessly and floated about playfully. "K-I-S-S-I—"
"Oh, look, clown!" Astoria giggled childishly when Draco finally had a firm hold on her shoulders, and smacking himself mentally when he met her green eyes. "Draco, look! CLOWN!"
"—first comes marriage then comes kids—" Peeves went on aimlessly, cackling so loudly that it resounded down the corridors.
"Scramble off, you filthy poltergeist!" Draco hissed at Peeves as he continued to tighten his hold on Astoria, finally pulling her up to his chest so tight that she could hardly move. "Scram or I'll call the Bloody Baron, you hear?"
"Ay, not very friendly, Malfie-poo!" Peeves laughed before continuing his ridiculous song.
Draco decided he'd deal with Peeves later. He'd probably be gone long before they reached the dungeons for the Slytherin common room. After all, Peeves had always been terrified of the Bloody Baron.
"Where's Zabini?" Draco looked down at Astoria as he pushed her and held her at arm's length. "Astoria, where's your bloody date?"
"Ooh, Blaise?" Astoria asked wondrously, a sweet smile gracing her lips. "I left him somewhere ovah der! I didn't like him. He wanted to take me bark to the cocoon room but I didn't wanna! I wanted to look for ye'."
Draco shook his head at this. He made a mental note of smacking Zabini in the head later for leaving Astoria off on her own, and in the middle of the night, no less. Had it been any other person that Astoria went with, he'd have probably killed.
There was utmost surprise when he found out that Blaise was taking Astoria to Slughorn's Christmas party, with very little luck on asking Astoria's older sister, Daphne. Not that he should mind, though he did feel a slight pang of jealousy when he heard of it. Had he not ignored her, would the green-eyed witch before him ask him to come? He shoved the possibility off heatedly. There were more important things.
"Well, we should really take you back there, then." Draco told her simply as he strode them towards the stairs leading down, one of his hands holding onto her arm firmly. Peeves, much to his dismay, followed; as the poltergeist continued his taunting song – now about him and Astoria have five thousand kids. "It's late, and I don't trust you lurking the corridors while drunk. You could have bumped into anyone, for Merlin's sake, little Greengrass."
"But I don't wanna! Oh, please, Draky-poo. It's such a pretty bight – er, night!" Astoria started to complain, though she made no notion to wriggle free of him. "We should go for a walky or a talky! Or... or how about—"
"No." said Draco a little harshly this time, but he carefully guided Astoria down the steps. It must have taken them at least ten minutes to get to fifth floor. Another ten minutes to get to the fourth when Peeves decided to get in the way. They went on like this for what felt like half an hour or even more, and Astoria went on and on about this story on her aunt loudly, countering with Peeves' loud singing. Some of the portraits frowned and told them to shove off as they went down stairs noisily, despite his many attempts to shush the girl up in her tirade of stories that made little to no sense and Peeves with his incessant cackling.
"—and then, she was snogging some random guy!" Astoria yowled now that they've gotten down to the dungeons. Then, he felt her loop her arm around his shoulder for better support. "Draco, my head hurts."
"Peeves!" came the harsh voice of the Bloody Baron as Draco saw the ghost come out of the entrance of the Slytherin common room – where at that moment was merely just a stone wall. "Bugger off now, you foul little—"
"Yes, Mr. Bloody Baron, sir!" Peeves squeaked fearfully all of a sudden. He stopped bouncing about and straightened up as one would when a soldier was at their captain's attention. "Right away off, Mr. Bloody Baron, sir! So sorry, Mr. Bloody Baron, sir! Oh, please, don't take away my stuffings, Mr. Bloody Baron!"
"Away with you!" The Bloody Baron said coldly before attempting to float a step forward towards Peeves.
Peeves yelped and began bouncing his way up the stairs, away from the dungeons – the Bloody Baron in tow.
"Clown's gone. Bye-bye, Mister Clown." Astoria said disappointedly, a ridiculous pout gracing her lips as Draco dragged them towards the stone wall. "Draco... my head... it hurts."
"I know, I know." Draco cooed at her irritably before looking up at the stone wall. "Toujours purs."
At the mention of the password, the stone wall immediately faded into a large door, swinging inwards. Before Draco could move further, Astoria had let go of him and began running down the narrowly dark length cheerfully, her loud whoops resounding throughout the passage and into the emerald common room.
"Come back here, you little wench!" Draco yelled after her as he ran in and tried to catch up to Astoria, who ran remarkably fast for such a tiny figure.
"Come and get me then!" Astoria said playfully as she hid behind one of the sofas, her green eyes lit up with so much enthusiasm that he had to resist the urge to smile at how ridiculous this was.
"Astoria, for the love of Salazar, this is not the time for dillydallying." Draco groaned miserably as he ran up to her, and she squealed delightedly as she simpered off towards the part of the common room where table set ups were used for studying.
"Is that really the best you can do, Drakey-poo?" hooted Astoria as she giggled, took off one of her heels and threw it at him before running off just as he had missed the shoe, nearly severing his head. He was flustered after hearing such a ridiculous nickname. How bloody hammered was she?
"How many firewhiskeys have you drank?" asked Draco and cursing loudly when he was merely an inch from Astoria before she had gone off again, now pressing herself against the middle wall that separated the stairs between the girls and boys dormitories.
Really, he should be frustrated – well, he is; more frustrated than he could possibly have been. And yet, a small part of him was enjoying the horrendously childish joy of it all.
"Hmm…" Astoria hummed thoughtfully as she panted, her chest rising and falling considerably. He was thankful to know that the little Greengrass had the capability of getting worn off by all the running. He was pretty worn off himself as he slowly made his way towards her. "Nine…teen! Or was it ninety? Merlin, I've forgotten how to count. Ooh, now my head hurts."
Draco chuckled breathlessly and felt his luck when he finally got to her on the wall. Astoria had one hand against her forehead now, a look of confusion that crossed with what seemed to be pain lit on her face. He put both of his hands on either side of Astoria's head, trapping her before him.
Astoria gazed up at him, her green eyes full of wonder.
"Tired now?" He asked her lowly as he leaned in the slightest.
"Very." She said in reply, the smell of firewhiskey wafted out of her mouth as she tried to move out of the way. Now more prepared, Draco took a hold of both of her hands and pinned them firmly against her sides, his fingers filling the spaces between her own.
Astoria inhaled before saying, "You smell nice."
The memory of the Amortentia incident suddenly flashed before his eyes. There was the sweet smell of vanilla and roses, the same smell that wafted from the very witch in front of him. Draco attempted to block that out, but he found it considerably hard now that he's gotten in close contact with Astoria after what felt like a horrifying eternity.
"Like vanilla… from cookies and sweets." Astoria drawled on, her green eyes never leaving his grey ones as her voice turned seemingly heated, almost seductive. "And tart apples… like freshly baked pie just straight out of the oven…"
Draco was speechless. He really didn't know what to say, having very little experience in handling drunk girls and the one time he did – he ended up snogging with her. That was Pansy Parkinson. Astoria was a different matter. She seemed to be coming to her senses now, as she can form less muddled words.
"Why did you start ignoring me?" Astoria's voice cracked this time, the headiness of her voice disappearing. Her green eyes now lingered with absolute sorrow, and he felt his stomach drop. "You… you just stopped talking to me. You stopped talking to me and… you were dreadful every time I tried to. You shoved me off into corners like I was nothing, like I was rubbish. What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?"
He couldn't deny it when he felt his heart quite physically break at what Astoria was saying.
"I know I may have said some terrible things to you at first." Astoria whimpered, sniffing a bit loudly as tears started to roll down her cheeks. "And I'm sorry. You know I don't mean them. I only said them because you were provoking me, but deep down I would never… I would never call you such things. I'm sorry if I had done something to make you ignore me. I'm so sorry… I've never been quite the social butterfly. Not a lot of people like me and I understand if you don't. But I thought that… after all of the tutoring and that you've been so kind as to even consider a day out with me… I was just… I was shocked and hurt but… I believed it had had to do with me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
After all this time, he seemed to forget how small and innocent she was. Astoria was certainly feisty in her own manner, but at the end of the day there were things she probably had never gone through, dark things that he'd been through but she hadn't been cursed to. There were things he'd done that she probably had never imagined doing, and that's what painfully separated them.
Astoria's world was bright, an epitome of absolute happiness and all light – something he had craved for a very long time now. And still after all this mess of ignoring her and distancing himself away, she still had the heart to blame herself.
"Stop that." Draco couldn't help but hiss at her angrily. Salazar be damned, she's crying. He instinctively began to wipe off her tears, his fingers trembling madly. "Astoria, don't you dare blame yourself, do you understand?"
"But Draco—"
"Don't blame yourself." He cut her off a little harshly than he had intended. A look of fear crossed her green eyes, and he sighed miserably as he continued to caress the tears off her flushed cheeks. "Look, it's not your fault, okay? I'm… I'm sorry I had to all of a sudden. You wouldn't understand if I told you why…"
"Then help me understand." Astoria said desperately as she heaved, trying to control her tears though they seemed to flow more freely now. Her hands found their way onto his, so that they were now both holding on to her face.
She squeezed his hands softly, her green eyes ablaze as she went on. "Draco, for the past weeks, you've changed. I'm worried as I'm sure your friends are too. Whatever this is, whatever you're pulled into… I want to know. I want to help you. I… I care about you. You're my friend."
Draco looked away almost immediately once he started to feel his eyes brim with tears. Astoria didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her. At one point into all of this, he had considered Astoria as a road block – something to simply get out of the way towards his goal. But she was more than just the little Greengrass that used to tutor him now, more than just the younger sister of Daphne that was so overshadowed, more than just the girl that lurked in the libraries and befriended even Loony Lovegood. She had, in her own way, become even more to him than any of that.
Astoria had been his friend. Someone, at a certain point, he'd felt confident enough to tell about everything. If only he could… if only he could just reach out to her… just tell her.
He suddenly felt her soft hands hold his face, and he turned to her helplessly. It would just be easier to give in, to just be damned with it. But it was now a matter of whether one was right or easy, and it was only right that he left her out of the world he lived in. Astoria deserves so much and more, and he was neither of those.
"Astoria." Draco uttered her name, the sweetest name that's ever left his lips; pressing his forehead firmly against hers. It made him wonder why he even called her little Greengrass in the first place, when she had a perfectly beautiful name.
"Draco." Astoria whispered softly as her fingers caressed his cheeks.
By Merlin, her voice could rattle the stars.
The haze of what felt like a dream before him dispersed at the sound of someone clearing their throat.
Draco immediately moved away from Astoria, trying to regain his composure of vulnerability as he looked over towards Blaise who had a half smirk, half irritated curl on his lips.
"Trying to steal my date, ey, mate?" Blaise said jokingly as he jutted his chin towards Astoria. "You alright there, Tori?"
A small whimper came from the witch pressed against the wall before she said, "I think I'll just go now, then."
He whirled around to find her already walking up the steps towards the girls' dormitories. Astoria stopped at the third step, looked towards them – though her gaze lingered a little longer on Draco. "Goodnight, you two."
And she was gone.
When her distinct footsteps can no longer be heard, Blaise began.
"What was that all about?"
"It's nothing." said Draco miserably as he sat down on one of the cushions, running his fingers through his white blonde hair in frustration.
"Now you know what it's like," Blaise said just as. "—to have someone so painfully out of your reach."
It crushed Draco how remarkably right he was.
January 1997
Draco could hardly believe that he's made it into another year. Not only months ago had he thought that the Dark Lord would kill him the minute he stepped into Malfoy Manor. It seemed so long ago, and yet the weight of the mission the dark wizard had given him seemed to torture his senses from time to time.
Christmas was a blur as he went back home for the holidays. He and his mother had a quiet holiday, which seemed so rambunctiously odd. Never since he was old enough to understand what went on with the world had he had a quiet Christmas. The manor always held the most grand of Christmas balls or galas. It was a custom that has been held from one generation after another; except for this generation. Since their family name had been terribly tainted with his father being sent to Azkaban, his mother thought it wise not to throw a ball in the event of such. Not only would it further defile their family name, but it would also feel wrong without his father there with them.
The many lot in the Sacred Twenty-Eight weren't surprised of the sudden lack of grandeur from the Malfoys. He's read the Daily Prophet quite enough to read the articles that titled; Malfoy Manor, after 85 years of tradition, discontinues annual Christmas Gala; according to Narcissa Malfoy (nee Black).
And really, the intent of the articles said quite enough as they read, "Well, I'm not surprised the young Mrs. Malfoy would withhold such extravagant events in her manor. After all, the horror and shame of the Malfoy name's falling from grace at her husband, Lucius Malfoy's imprisonment in Azkaban says quite enough, don't you all think? The woman has a right mind not to. And who would, anyway? It doesn't seem like the Malfoys have enough continuing allies or ties with anyone in the pure-blood society with their name now so tarnished."
It took most of his self-control and his mother's coaxing not to march his way right over to the Ministry and shove their hateful articles up their ass.
To his surprise, he still got presents for Christmas despite their family name now so "tainted" as most people would put it – though not as many as he'd normally get. He had one from his mother, the Zabinis, the Parkinsons and oddly enough, one of each from Crabbe and Goyle. Although the pile was few on Christmas morning, it felt more real to him than anything. At that point, he knew who his real allies were.
But what really shocked him, and his mother, the most was that the Greengrasses having extended an invitation for them to attend the family's annual New Years' Gala. This made Draco very nervous, though nearly not as nervous as his mother. They had hoped that at least someone from the pure-blood society would invite them to a Christmas party at the very least in December. The fact that the Greengrasses would still do so even if it were a tad month late was a revelation to both of them.
"It's only proper that we do." Narcissa hummed as she continued to stare at the emerald invitation at hand, sipping her cup of tea from the other. "After all, the Greengrasses have been a family friend for generations now."
The last sentence that his mother produced had a tinged of hesitation to it. Draco always knew that the Greengrass family's a kind, though quiet allies of the Malfoys. Their families met very occasionally, and were only ever together during important gatherings. It was in those very rare events that he actually met Astoria, though he tried not to think about it too much. Had it been her idea to continually invite them to her family's annual gala?
But what bothered him, though, was that whenever his mother, or even his father, discussed the family relations between them and the Greengrasses; there was always an air of uncertainty – like there was a secret Draco knew nothing of. Whenever he questioned his suspicions about it, his parents would so often wave it off as if he didn't deserve to know anything going on in the matter.
"Are you sure it's wise, rather than proper, for us to go, mother?" Draco questioned, fixing his emerald tie prominently before turning to look at his mother. "We can always decline."
"Oh, darling, don't be ridiculous." Narcissa totted as she set her tea cup down with a light clank. "It's a miracle we're even invited in the first place. We must make an appearance. It's only right we continue to uphold the Malfoy name, no matter how… Anyway, we can't be sufficed to stay behind closed doors while everyone's enjoying the frivolity of the New Year. It's only best. Yes… only best."
"I meant if it's wise for you," Draco reformed his intentions. He walked over to where she sat and kneeled before her, taking his mother's hand warmly before squeezing it. "I can handle pulling up appearances. It's you I'm worried about, mother."
It wasn't a secret that his mother was still upset about his father's imprisonment. The first stage was constant anger, mostly because only ministry officials were pardoned to visit their relatives in Azkaban. And seeing as neither of them were, his mother hardly involved just as much with politics, weren't able to visit his father in the dunged prison.
Then, often he'd hear her cry herself to sleep every night. Sometimes he went in and comforted her, and other nights he just wallowed in his own pity – not bothering to join hers. His mother wasn't exactly… stable, if there was a better word for any of it. She's lost the light in her eyes and she often looked so defeated, and yet; she never failed to try making certain things positive on occasion. Like now.
Narcissa smiled at him kindly as she put her hand on top of his. "I'll be fine, dear. I think it's about time we try to… turn a new leaf, if that's what you call it these days. It's a new year, after all. It's only wise to simply pick ourselves up and… well, make do with what we have."
Draco nodded stiffly at this as he rose and offered his mother his arm. They were already dressed for the Greengrass New Year gala, both in matching colors of black and the darkest shade of emerald they could find. Sprightly colors weren't quite their thing.
They made their way down the foyer, his mother setting instructions for their new house elf Poppy to keep the place at top condition despite very little people in the manor. When Poppy the house elf nodded, she immediately scrambled away from them to set off to work. His mother tightened her hold on the loop of his arm as they exited the manor, walking several feet off towards the iron wrought gates.
"Ready, dear?" Narcissa asked him, a small, though nervous smile gracing her red lips.
Draco merely nodded, and he felt a quick jolt around the nape of his neck – as if he were being pulled elsewhere. Every second was a blur as he side-apparated with his mother. Then in the blink of an eye, they landed with a soft thud against trickles of powdery snow under their feet.
The Greengrass manor was not as big as theirs, but it was certainly a strong contender. Structure-wise, the manor was elegant in whites and golds lined everywhere, two high towers bulging on either side of the building. Daphne had told him once that their manor looked much like the Esphigmenou monastery in Greece, though he could hardly imagine most of it for he had never traveled that far out of the European continent.
They strolled airily towards the double doors where two Aurors stood guard. His mother handed over their invitation, and once checked, let them through the polished doors. Two high-rise stairs rose on either side of the foyer and they were led by a servant dressed in whites towards the ballroom.
Soft, classical music played heavily as they entered. The event seemed to already be in full swing, with numbers of prominent pure-blood families scattered everywhere – laughing and toasting to the New Year. Servants walked around aimlessly, trays of small appetizers in hand.
Everything seemed to be a color of white, gold and emerald – curtains, droppings, tablecloths – all manner of furniture. Somehow, he felt oddly overdressed in his all black apparel. Quite literally the lot of the people was dressed in remarkably sprightly colors.
As if there was anything bright to celebrate, he thought to himself darkly.
"Narcissa! Young Draco!" came the cry of Cassandra Greengrass clad in an emerald gown. From behind her trotted Astoria – who he tried very hard not to make eye contact with – and Daphne Greengrass, both their arms looped around a man between them who happened to be Cepheus Greengrass, their father.
"Cassandra, a pleasure," His mother beamed at the woman, slipped her arm away from him and went right off to sharing cheek kisses with the other blonde woman. "Thank you so kindly for inviting us. It was quite a shock when we received your invitation."
"Oh, nonsense, Narcissa." Cepheus chided merrily as he slipped his arms off his daughters, making his way towards Narcissa and taking her hand in his. He kissed the back of her hand briefly before holding it in both his hands. "Our families have been friends for years. In fact, I consider it an honor that you and Draco came."
Draco greeted Cassandra in the same manner that Cepheus did to his mother, and then shared a warm shake of a hand with Mr. Greengrass.
"Astoria, Daphne," Cassandra called to her daughters from behind her. "Come say hello to Draco."
At this, he swallowed whatever nerves that seemed to rise up in his throat like bile. Astoria and Daphne neared him, but not nearly close enough for a greeting. He stepped towards them, their hands slightly outstretched for the common greeting.
"Daphne." Draco placed a brief kiss on the back of Daphne's hand. The blonde was dressed in a gold gown, the reflection of such a sprightly color nearly blinding his eyes. He looked up to find that she smiled at him placidly, well, almost threateningly, actually. A sudden flashback of the time Daphne Greengrass smacking the living daylights out of him made him shiver.
Then he moved stiffly towards Astoria's outstretched hand.
He took her soft hand in his and planted a kiss on the back of her hand. His grey eyes searched her green ones longingly, his kiss lingering a little longer than he had with Daphne and Mrs. Greengrass. By Salazar, she looked absolutely beautiful – even more than when he had found her drunk after Slughorn's Christmas party. Astoria's hair was tied up in a bun, pinned with sparkling diamonds and jewels, capturing her soft face well. She was sheathed in a lace white gown, a silver belt accentuating her divine curves. There was that common air of gentleness to her as she stared right back at him just as longingly.
Merlin's soggy balls, he thought to himself desperately as he couldn't possibly take his eyes off her.
Her pink lips were shaped in a small 'o' now, as if she intended to say something. He'd nearly forgotten that they had company around them and it only reminded him of such when he heard someone clear their throat. The connection between him and Astoria broke as he pulled away durably.
"Yes, well, do enjoy the party, Narcissa, young Draco." Cassandra chimed rather forcefully as she quickly pulled Daphne and Astoria towards her husband. "Dinner will be about in a few minutes. Do join us at our table with the Parkinson's, Zabini's and Nott's?"
"But of course. Thank you again, Cassandra, Cepheus." His mother regarded them brightly before she looped her arm around Draco's once more and they strolled away from them.
Draco didn't bother to look back as he took two glasses of champagne from a passing servant and handing one to his mother. There was a small silence between them, only then realizing that a lot of people began to stare at them. Some sent them nasty glares, others looks of fears while everyone else remained placid; neutral, if you will. It didn't do well for either of them.
"Mother," He started conversationally. "I've always wondered… why you seemed so nervous around the Greengrasses. So did father a few years back. Is there something I should now?"
Narcissa pursed her lips into a tight line as she looked around the ballroom, trying her best not to make eye contact with him. "It's nothing for you to worry about, dear, alright? Now, why don't you go off and find Pansy or Blaise. I'm sure they've greatly missed you. It's not polite for us to stay huddled like this, after all."
"Mum," Draco said a little forcefully now, but his mother sent him a rather cold smile before trotting off towards Theresa Parkinson, Pansy's mother.
Not wanting to feel alone at a party full of people that hated him and his mother, he set off to find Blaise and Pansy. By the time that he found them, though, dinner was announced. They went off towards one of the larger tables in the room, where seated in a circular manner were already his mother, the Greengrasses, Theresa Parkinson, Amelia Nott and Theodore Nott and Blaise's mother, Donatella Zabini. Wide greetings went around the table as Draco took his seat beside his mother and Blaise. Adjacent to them were Astoria, Daphne and Theo.
"May I have your attention, please?" Cepheus's baritone voice boomed greatly around the large ballroom. Silence ensued as the classical music toned down to barely a whisper of a sound.
"Thank you all for coming to this marvelous gala, as we celebrate another New Year for the pure-blood society." Mr. Greengrass went on, and loud cheers erupted from the other tables at the mention of the word pure-blood. "Now, another reason why we've come to celebrate certain grandeur today is due to a union we have very recently acquired. Despite dark times that are sure to come our way, I'd like to shed a little light into this as I announce—"
There was a deafening silence as they all waited in bathed breath for Cepheus to go on.
"The engagement of my eldest daughter, Daphne Laurel Greengrass," He went on as gasps and cheers of delight sprung suddenly at Daphne standing up from the table, looking green. "And Amelia Nott's nephew, Theodore Archius Nott."
A loud round of applause broke out; gasps and boisterous cries of delight boomed throughout the entire ballroom as Theodore Nott rose alongside Daphne, a beetling smile gracing his lips. Draco pursed his lips at this announcement, though the look of absolute shock was most likely apparent on him. He immediately turned to Blaise who sat beside him, and he physically felt his heart sink at the sight of his friend.
Blaise looked like he had just lost his entire world.
Within the room, it would seem that only him, Blaise, Pansy and to his surprise, Astoria, were the only ones barely beaming at the sound of such "grand news".
"Yes, yes, marvelous pair now, aren't they?" Cepheus said with a radiating smile as the cheers slowly died down. "We have arranged for them to be married immediately after their sixth year at Hogwarts ends. I know it's completely short of notice, but I assure you – in dark times, there will always be light. And in that light, we shall have a wedding!"
Now Draco felt sick. Understandably, Daphne would be seventeen by the time their sixth year ends – but it felt all so horribly wrong. Given, he and Pansy were already engaged literally even before they were born – but the plan of marriage came after their seventh year at Hogwarts. He couldn't possibly imagine what it would feel like to already be married by his seventh year. Daphne probably felt terrible, despite the wide smile she produced beside Theo.
Now he heard Blaise attempt to rise from his seat, but Draco and Pansy took a firm hold of either of his shoulders and sat him back down. They didn't want their friend to make a scene, no matter how purposefully hurt he was. Draco felt for Blaise though. He can't imagine what he would have done if he'd heard Astoria was engaged either. He'd probably bust out of there with Blaise within the blink of an eye.
Cepheus Greengrass then announced dinner. The classical music amped up and immediately, the servants clad in white were now coming out from several doors with plates upon plates of food on hand.
Cepheus, Daphne and Theo all sat back down as warm congratulations circulated the table – their first meal, Pesto Arugula Wraps, were set before them.
"Oh, Daphne, dear, congratulations!" Narcissa dotted onto Daphne as she took a bite of her meal. "Cassandra, Cepheus – how extremely lucky, really. They do make a fine pair – perfect genes for bearing children, yes?"
The parents within the table agreed cheerfully as Cassandra beamed into conversation.
Draco heard Blaise choke on his arugula, and he instinctively patted his friend's back as he drank his entire glass of champagne. He's going to need something stronger than champagne to go through this bloody dinner now that the adults began it all with the mention of children.
"And how about your youngest, Cassandra?" Theresa Parkinson raved. "When are you sending off little Astoria?"
This piqued Draco's attention.
"Oh, Astoria is well-reserved for someone!" Cassandra said with a secretive wink. "Though that's a secret still to come. Besides, my little Tori's young. She still has so much to learn, doesn't she? How about your daughter, Pansy?"
"Oh, Pansy's already well-off to a proper pure-blood engagement before she was even born!" Theresa chortled with a wave of her hand as their main course arrived. "She's already engaged to Draco, if you recall."
"Ay, it's official then?" Cepheus interjected as he moved his eyes crossly between Narcissa and Theresa. "I always knew you already had Draco and Pansy down before they were even born, but I've merely heard it all rumors."
"Well, it's definitely no rumor, Mr. Greengrass." Pansy commented with a playful smile on her lips, trying to divert the conversation elsewhere; as far away from the engagement at hand as possible. "We're set to be married right out of our graduation from Hogwarts."
Draco wished he could be anywhere but here right now.
"Oh, Cepheus, keep up, old man," Amelia Nott laughed. "But of course Narcissa's had it down. It's been made official two years ago! Surely you should have known."
"Well, I'm an old man now, aren't I?" Cepheus wiggled his brows, and the adults erupted in laughter.
Draco now felt close to vomiting. His head spun even more when he accidentally crossed his gaze towards Astoria. She was looking at him, and he didn't know how long she had but he felt like it had been awhile. Her mouth was slightly agape now, and to his surprise, so was Daphne's. Astoria bit her bottom lip harshly before finally looking away, almost vehemently as she continued with her meal. Daphne sent him a crossed look before trying to poke her way through her younger sister.
Bloody hell. Hadn't he ever told Astoria? Hadn't her parents already told her about it? If Cepheus didn't know, then surely his daughters…
Salazar's soggy balls, now.
Draco was troubled throughout the entire dinner, perhaps even more troubled than Blaise was – who looked far too depress to even go on with dessert. Then, for a moment, he was mad at Daphne Greengrass. He'd seen her with Theodore Nott and thought that it was merely out of spite when really, she was already engaged to him. The least the bloody woman could have done was to tell Blaise the truth: why she declined him one too many times, why she didn't further a relationship between them. The truth.
Then he suddenly felt even more ill than he possibly could now. The truth. He's never told Astoria about him and Pansy's engagement, arrogantly assuming that she already knew because her family was in the Sacred Twenty-Eight and nearly all those that were non-blood traitors knew about it. And yet, he'd led her on.
He hasn't talked to her since the incident of her drunkenness. The next day after the incident, everybody was already boarding the train back to London for the holidays. Draco didn't know if Astoria even remembered what happened. Maybe she did, but only the parts where she'd sobered up and confronted him about his distance. He hoped to every saint that she'd forgotten. He didn't want to hurt her any more than he already has or still is.
Draco wanted out of this gala, out of this place and moreover, out of this world.
He warned his mother this would be a bad idea, and as always; he had been furtively right.