If I Lose Myself
by EMPG22HoPe

Chapter Twenty-Five: Draco

December 1997

Draco had never been particularly brave. He was determined, perhaps. He was driven by his egotistical tendencies in most cases, yes. But never brave. Being brave meant a reckless abandon for everything he worked hard to protect. Bravery meant doing things without considering the consequences. It also meant throwing his family under the bloody Knight Bus for the sake of doing the "right" thing.

No, Draco Malfoy could never be brave. But he could try to be for her.

Heavy footfalls echoed the corridor leading up to the ugly-looking gargoyle statue standing erect at the end. Draco rarely visited the Headmaster's Office, but for this particular reason, he felt he should have done it after Madame Pomfrey shoved him and company out of the hospital wing to heal Astoria.

Astoria.

The thought of her made his heart twinge in all sorts of ways, though right now, it was mostly in pain. Three days passed before Madame Pomfrey finally allowed visitors for Astoria. Apparently, due to Astoria's weak immune system, it had been difficult to keep her from losing more blood. The infection on her wrist where she had been cut had taken longer to heal than most infections. And even then, Astoria was still bedridden from how her body responded to the Cruciatus curse on top of the damage that was done to her wrist.

He had known Astoria for having a weak immune system. The first time she tutored him, she had been sporting a terrible cold. But he never knew it went beyond the usual norm. It was odd, even more when he questioned Daphne why she was so. The older Greengrass simply froze in fear, as though she had been caught in a lie.

His suspicion grew, but he kept it to himself for now.

When Astoria still hadn't woken up after weeks of being bedridden in the hospital wing, Draco began to worry. It was why he stood before the gargoyle statue now to visit its current headmaster. He muttered Salazar Slytherin to the gargoyle. The statue came alive before it leapt aside to reveal a windingly circular staircase leading up to the Headmaster's Tower.

As soon as Draco reached the top, he knocked thrice before pushing the heavy wooden door open.

Severus Snape stood before his desk, glaring at Draco icily. It looked as if he had snapped up from his seat, papers flying everywhere, surprise fell over him.

"Mr. Malfoy, you've clearly lost your manners." Snape drawled out delicately, but his voice dripped with malice. His cold eyes swept the boy before him, looking unimpressed. "And your sense of dignity. Fix yourself, boy."

Draco's brows pinched together in irritation. He knew he didn't look his best today, simply throwing in his white shirt, his trousers and his Slytherin necktie askew. But he didn't feel the need to look the part today. "I need to speak with you."

Snape frowned. "It appears so."

Once he shut the door behind him, Draco made his way up to the headmaster's desk. "The Carrows need to be… controlled."

The headmaster raised a brow. "How so?"

"Their forms of punishment have gone beyond what is usual." Draco balled his hands into fists, feeling his anger rise at Snape's attempt to look clueless. "Have you heard of what happened to Astoria Greengrass? I don't particularly like listening to her loony-bin friend Lovegood, but I believe her well enough when she says that the Carrows has decided to use a different method other than unforgiveable curses on their students."

Snape studied him carefully, as though he were some magical creature he needed to think on how best to approach. Then, he sat back on his chair reproachfully, picked up his quill and wrote something down on his parchment, likely resuming his work. But as he worked, he spoke.

"Yes, I have heard about what Ms. Greengrass has been through. An unfortunate circumstance, but one that would not have likely happened if she had simply knew her place." Snape said stiffly. The morning light bled through the high windows, illuminating the headmaster's concentrated face as he continued to write. "That is, to say, if she had just done what they'd ask her too."

Draco's blood simmered, his nails digging harshly into the palm of his hands. "So you've spoken with them?"

"They've expressed their reasons behind their actions and attempted to make them justifiable." Snape replied tonelessly.

"And?" Draco nearly yelled, but he kept a tight grip on himself.

The headmaster finally looked up from his work, eyeing Draco curiously. "I do not find it justifiable. But what's done is done."

"So you're not going to do anything about it?" Draco finally snapped, gnashing his teeth. He had a mental image of the Carrows laughing in triumph after having escaped Snape's wrath and having had their pleasure of using Astoria as their plaything. "You're not going to give them some sort of sanction for nearly killing one of your students? Or maybe you just didn't give a damn at all, knowing how Astoria suffered, knowing how she needs to be taken to St. Mungo's now more than ever after being knocked out for an entire month? The infection in her wrist did more damage than the Cruciatus curse. Did you know? Merlin, do her parents even know—"

"Draco," Snape drawled out his name in frustration. He rubbed his forehead impatiently before finally looking up to meet his gaze. "Sit down."

Draco was breathing fire through his nose now, his entire body shaking with vexation, but did as he was told. He plopped onto the seat before Snape's desk, glaring at the headmaster still as he scratched his nails against the chair's arms angrily, if only to hold himself back from snatching that bloody quill from his professor's hand.

Once Snape made sure Draco wasn't going to act out, he put his quill down and stared at him placidly. "I was told that Ms. Greengrass should wake anytime this week now. The infection is, as it is, slowly healing and needn't a St. Mungo's treatment. By the grace of Merlin, it seems she's been through worst cases than a knife to the wrist."

Draco opened his mouth to protest, but was stopped when Snape raised a hand to shut him up.

"As for the Carrows, I have forbidden them from mistreating Ms. Greengrass or any other student in such a way again. Should they attempt to do so again after she's been released from the hospital wing, I assure you that they will receive the utmost consequence if they disobey me." Snape asserted further, still looking emotionless despite his words.

After a breath, the professor asked, "Is there anything else, Mr. Malfoy?"

There was plenty else Draco had to say, but Snape seemed to have answered most of his concerns, at the very least. Well, all except one he had been meaning to ask Madame Pomfrey but haven't had the courage to.

"Her infection… it's unnatural." Draco said slowly, feeling some of his anger dissolve. "Most weak immune systems can recover from that kind of infection after only a couple of days, give or take. Even with the right potions, it should have worked. But it's taken her a month to recover. It's… concerning."

Snape studied him, his dark eyes so unmoving that it unnerved Draco. He always despised that look from the professor, especially in the last year when he had thought of Snape wanting to take the glory of killing Dumbledore for himself. Then he did remember, and he felt the earth swallow him whole. Somehow, he was grateful it hadn't been him.

He didn't know what he would have done if he had to do what he was told to.

"As it is, Madame Pomfrey has shared the same concerns with me, but seems to be undisturbed when she relayed it. It is likely she knows something about the girl's condition that's not… widely known. Despite my best efforts, I haven't the faintest idea of what she knows, but I have my theories." Snape admitted faintly. "Theories you needn't concern yourself with. I am sure whatever it is, Ms. Greengrass will tell you in due time."

Draco frowned. So the headmaster did have an answer to the burning questions and suspicions he's had all month on Astoria's condition. But even if he tried to persuade his former head of house to divulge his theories, he doubted he was going to get much of a straight answer out of him.

"Draco, I do suggest caution." Snape warned, looking somber now as he spoke. "As compelling as your concern for the younger Greengrass is, the Carrows will talk. They are loyal to one wizard and him alone. Should they let slip of your anxiousness towards Astoria's well-being to the Dark Lord, he may use that against you."

"I know that." Draco replied between gritted teeth. Merlin, does he know that. That's why he had been trying to avoid Astoria in the first place. But it seemed that the more distant they were, the more either of them was getting into more trouble than they're worth together. "But I can't just not do anything about it. I care for her. Despite her reckless behavior, her defiance against everything that's been happening… I can't help it if I…"

Draco stopped all of a sudden. He couldn't help it if… what, exactly?

A familiar look came upon Snape's face, one that looked as though he wished to share in Draco's burden, but said nothing of it instead. It made Draco wonder if the professor might have had a similar experience in the past, though he was not daft enough to ask about it in any way.

"Just keep your head down," Snape warned him gruffly this time. "And do as you're told."

That seemed to be the end of their conversation. Despite everything, he always felt that the professor looked out for him like he always had long before Draco even went to Hogwarts. Having the wizard over at Malfoy Manor back then had always been a delight for him as a child, knowing that one of his soon to be professors at Hogwarts and one of his father's most trusted friends, was there to give him little gifts.

Even if Draco wasn't a child anymore, Snape provided his gifts through sound advice. Something he hadn't listened to last year, having wished he did. His sound advice now, however, he meant to listen to.

Draco rose from his seat and nodded at Snape. "I can't protect her. Not with my name or my position or…"

My dark mark, he wanted to say.

"Just make sure she doesn't get hurt the way she did now. Or any other student in this school. The thought of it, just… the sight of them…" Draco finally said, feeling his resolve peel at the edges. Then, as an afterthought, he added, but meant it in the fullest. "Please."

The headmaster gave him a firm nod, and though it was little he could do, it gave him some semblance of just the tiniest relief. The tiniest shred of hope.

The kind of hope Astoria would have wanted him to have.

He had been in the library when Blaise came stumbling in, looking out of breath and as though he had just seen a ghost. Madame Pince hissed at the dark wizard irritably, but his friend paid the librarian no mind. Blaise came to a halt in front of the table Draco sat before.

"It's Astoria." Blaise announced breathlessly.

Draco bolted from his seat.

Astoria was finally awake.

In all his years, he had never run so fast with such deliberate, lightning speed. His feet carried him in quick strides towards the hospital wing, each step fueled with a purpose he had not possessed in a while until now.

When they finally arrived at the hospital wing, he saw Daphne and Luna crowding the side of Astoria's bed, blocking the patient's view. Between the two witches, he managed a glimpse of Astoria's familiar dark hair move.

His heart did tremendous summersaults.

"How long?" Draco asked his friend. His expression hardened.

"She'd been awake for hours. This morning, actually. I'm surprised you hadn't been there with her when she did." Blaise informed, crossing his arms on his chest, eyes drifting towards Daphne. "Her sister has been selfish with her since. No wonder people didn't know."

Luna moved aside in the slightest, and he finally managed a decent view of Astoria. She was still pale, but not as deathly so from when he last saw her. She was alive, breathing, moving; something that he had hoped she'd be for quite some time now. But there was something odd about her.

Her stance seemed as stiff as a board, as though she were trying to be alert for something. He caught her fidgeting with her fingers, an unusual habit she seemed to be developing as she spoke with the two witches. Though perhaps what threw him off the most was the look in her bright, green eyes. They still retained the luminous colors of fresh grass, but there was something particularly haunting in them. Her eyes were glassy, and she stared far off as Daphne spoke to her, as though distracted into her own thoughts.

His peculiar suspicions grew when he saw Astoria nearly jump off her bed when Luna tried to reach for the young Greengrass's hand. Luna and Daphne looked stricken, eyes wide with shock, but it showed little to no surprise. He saw Astoria's body shudder all of a sudden. And when she dropped her head in her hands and saw her back convulse, he had known something was wrong.

Daphne looked anxious, and when she turned to find Draco, he caught a look of both relief but a contradiction of despair as well. He saw the blonde witch say something to Astoria before she stood up to convene with him and Blaise.

"What's wrong?" Draco asked, his brows pinching with worry. "What happened to her?"

"I—" Daphne started before she closed her mouth. Her green eyes shifted downwards, towards the floor. After a heavy sigh, she went on. "It's not your fault, or mine, or Luna's, or anyone else's. But… she's not… she's not completely herself."

"What do you mean?" Blaise's voice choked.

Daphne looked up, and Draco was surprised to see fresh tears brim her eyes. "She's… she's been through a lot. I can't get to her. But maybe…"

The older Greengrass looked to Draco. "Maybe you will… but don't expect so much of her. I beg of you."

Draco was taken aback. Daphne rarely begged in such a vulnerable state. It made his stomach churn. Something was wrong. He knew Astoria needed time to clear her head, but what could possibly be so terrible that her own sister believed that she was not herself.

His eyes traveled back to Astoria, who was attempting to wipe the tears that stained her cheeks now with a handkerchief Luna offered. When Astoria's head turned to look at Luna, her gaze bled through her friend as she caught Draco's eyes. It felt like being hit by the Knight Bus, for some reason. There was a look of shock that crossed Astoria's features before they settled to something weary.

For many weeks, he had never been afraid to stay by Astoria's side. He would have slept beside her bed if it meant to keep her safe from the Carrows even past curfew. But now, it seemed as though his feet had been cast with some sort of permanent sticking charm as they stood stuck from where he stood. He was too afraid to come near her.

Astoria whispered something to Luna, causing the Ravenclaw to turn around and catch Draco's eye. Luna replied in the same tone before she stood up and left Astoria. When the blonde witch approached him, there was a haunting look in her eyes.

"She wants to talk to you," Luna said to Draco, pursing her lips afterwards before turning to the others. "Alone."

All three sets of eyes stared at him expectedly, which made the hair on his skin rise. Suddenly, he felt like he was back in Malfoy manor, being stared at the same way his mother and aunt did. The look of expectation, of how they just knew he was going to be the answer to all of their problems. Back then, he had thought he'd be. But eventually, that idea came to pass. And seeing the same expectant look on their faces made him want to run the other way.

Still, he pulled himself together. Maybe he was a sort of last resort. He wasn't going to wait around to find out.

Draco's feet finally moved as they approached Astoria's bed. The covers of her divider were drawn open, but when he arrived beside her, he heard her mumble a request.

"Please close them." Astoria asked softly, eyes downcast.

He heard himself swallow, but he did as he was told; shoving the curtains of her divider shut before he took the seat Daphne occupied earlier, the one closest to Astoria.

Silence befell them as Draco waited. He didn't know what to say. All this time, he still felt the blame on him for not being there on time, for not having done anything to stop what the Carrows did to her. His blame had been bottled up so much; it was all he could do not to fall apart in front of her. It wasn't his time, after all. He had to put Astoria first.

But after a few more breaths of neither of them saying anything, Draco's tongue itched.

"How are you?" He asked gently, shifting in his seat to get a better look of her. Now that he did, he saw dark circles under her eyes, which gave him the presumption that she had been awake long before today, but he said nothing of it.

Astoria finally raised her head to look at him. She was so eerily pale that it made his heart plummet. Was she not still well?

"I'm… recovering." Astoria said slowly, her hands fidgeting with themselves anxiously. Her brows drew together, as if considering something, before they creased back to normal. "It hasn't been easy. But Madame Pomfrey said I should be out of the hospital wing in a few days."

Draco nodded, unsure of what to say next. He ached to touch her terrified hands, but he saw the way she lashed away from Daphne's touch. His would be no different from her sister's.

"Astoria, when Madame Pomfrey was trying to heal your wrist's infection…" Draco started, his gaze shifting towards the wrist that had bled tremendously when he and Luna brought her to the hospital wing. Her wrist was covered in a white bandage cloth, blots of small blood dotting the surface still. "It nearly took weeks… I was told they hit a nerve, but… I'm not sure… Astoria…"

He felt his own voice croak. He could feel the tears come to him, but he squeezed his eyes shut, locking away the waterworks. But even as he did, he felt a tear slip down his cheek.

"I should have been there that day." Draco admitted, unable to meet Astoria's gaze. "Blaise… he and I were supposed to leave at the same time that morning. Him to breakfast, and I was supposed to be at that classroom. But I let him go first, and I waited in my dorm… doing… well, nothing. If I had been there on time…"

"Please don't," Astoria spoke so softly that it felt like a wind on his face. Draco opened his eyes, staring at Astoria's bright green ones, though hers were filled with tears. "It's not your fault. Don't ever think it's your fault. It was out of your hands. I brought this on myself. I…"

Astoria's eyes drifted towards her bandaged wrist, and he heard her choke. Draco hand twitched in instinct, ready to take her hand in his, but he balled his hands into fists to resist himself.

"When I woke up, I panicked…" Astoria went on, sniffling. "I saw Madame Pomfrey that night. She tried to touch me, to dress my wounds but I…"

This time, Astoria looked far off, staring at the curtains of her divider. "I nearly lost myself. I was so scared of her. I thought I was still back in that classroom. I thought that if I woke up, I'd see their faces again. I know Madame Pomfrey meant well, but… I couldn't bear it."

Astoria shook her head as she wept. "I couldn't bear to be touched. Every time someone tries to, instinct just kicks in and… I feel as though I might get hurt again. Be tortured the way the Carrows did. You have no idea, the things they did to me."

Draco felt his heart constrict in the most painful way. He felt a surge of anger, of something so unadulterated, he would have considered murder. But his hurt overpowered his vexation as he watched Astoria helplessly.

"Draco, I'm so sorry," Astoria pleaded as she hugged herself. "You told me to be careful, to be keep quiet of the things I thought wrong… but I couldn't. Every time I look back, I wish I had. I wish I had never said anything, never defied them… yet I couldn't do what they wanted me to. They… they wanted me to hurt Luna. I couldn't hurt Luna!"

Her outburst shocked him as Astoria sobbed fretfully.

Draco's hand reached for hers, and regretted it immediately.

They both jumped in surprise, Astoria edging as far away from him on her bed as possible, and Draco sat frozen on his seat, unable to move an inch. He felt like a monster.

"Please, it's not you. Don't ever think it's you." Astoria begged as she tried to muffle her sobs with her hands. "I want you to hold me. I do."

He felt her desperation within him as much as she did. Draco would have given anything to hold her in his arms, to protect her and stand in the way of any harm that would try to get to Astoria. He wanted to soothe her dark locks back in comfort, the way his mother did after a nightmare. Merlin, he wanted her to cry in his chest, and take it all out on him. But even as those wants lingered, his regret surfaced even more.

It was his fault.

Draco tried to find his voice. "What do you want me to do, Astoria?"

He could think of many things she could ask for.

Protect me, Draco. Keep the Carrows away from me, Draco. Avenge me, Draco.

But he did not expect the next.

"Just… stay by my side?" Astoria asked carefully, as though the very idea was so foreign, and that she was afraid that if she asked, he'd reject her. "Talk to me… anything to keep my mind off of…"

But he didn't. He nodded as he swiped off the tear that fell from his cheek earlier. Astoria had always been so strong for him, so brave. It was about time he tried to be just that, despite knowing his efforts would fail him. Yet, it was better than nothing at all.

Astoria slowly eased back to the middle of her bed, and for a moment, he caught her hand twitch and reach out to him, but she pulled back as fast as it had happened.

"I won't let them hurt you again." Draco proclaimed strongly this time, even as his voice wavered. Though now, there was a fire in them he hadn't had earlier. "I promise."

In that space of time, he saw Astoria smile at him sadly. "I know you won't. Please don't let them hurt Luna too."

He hadn't thought much about Luna Lovegood. But if Astoria was insistent on him protecting Luna—even though he was not particularly the right man for the job, given the circumstances—he would give her that kindness. It was the least he could do after everything he's failed to do.

Draco has failed a million things, but he'll be damned if he failed Astoria again.

Late December 1997

Malfoy manor felt as though it's become a prison far worse than Azkaban. During his time at Hogwarts, his own home had been converted into a sort of prison for some of the more personal victims of Voldemort. Some, like Luna Lovegood, were imprisoned in the manor's cellars where they usually kept their wines. The place had been transfigured to hold bars to keep the prisoners in. Often, they were given little food and proper shelter, which made Draco sick to his stomach.

He felt a sort of anguish after he found out that Luna had been taken by the Death Eaters for questioning. It was for how her father had been writing about the new order of the Ministry through that bloody Quibbler work of his. The Ravenclaw girl had been taken from the Hogwarts Express during their departure for the holidays, and it didn't make Draco feel any better.

The look of shock and disbelief in Astoria's face when she saw her friend get dragged away pierced his heart. Draco had been too late when the Death Eaters took Luna away. Luna had been long gone when he arrived, and the only semblance of her being taken away was the sight of Astoria sobbing into her sister's arms.

Daphne had looked at Draco apologetically, as if to tell her that there was nothing he could have done.

He hated that idea—that there was nothing he could have done. There was nothing he could have done to save Dumbledore. Nothing he could have done to save Astoria from the Carrows. Nothing he could have done to save Luna. It was as though the world was forcing him to show his incapability of protecting the people he needed to. Every bit of the thought frustrated him.

His thoughts were jarred when he nearly stumbled down the steps leading to the cellar, the tray of food in his hands nearly fell to the ground had he not caught himself. Today, he would have the displeasure of bringing food to the prisoners. But it was an opportune time, he supposed, to speak to Luna.

After delivering plates of mercilessly cold meals towards the others, he found the cell where Luna, the Goblin and Ollivander were. Within the dim and damp place, he could see the Goblin sit at the edge of the cell, muttering to himself. Ollivander and Luna had been conversing, seated in the middle of the space. When she heard his footsteps, Luna looked up with bright blue eyes.

"Mr. Ollivander, Mr. Griphook, our food's here." Luna announced dreamily as she stood up to meet Draco.

Draco edged the plates of the cold meals through the small opening underneath the cell's bars. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he watched Luna hand out the meal to the frail wand maker and the reluctant Goblin, who refused the meal given to him. When Luna managed her own plate, she plopped before the bars to face Draco.

"Thank you kindly, Draco. It was hard to be deprived of a meal yesterday. I swear, the nargles had been whispering that my insides simply eat themselves." Luna told him nonchalantly as she scooped a generous amount of her meal into her mouth.

He stiffened for a moment, still not quite used to Luna's bluntness, but recovered himself as he sat across from her on the other side of the bars.

"Astoria wanted to know how you were." Draco began, looking quite feverish knowing how Luna truly was. She has been on the receiving end of some of the more prominent Death Eaters like his aunt's curses.

It's not to say he hadn't tried to do his best to lessen the blow on Luna's tortures. He negotiated much with his aunt Bellatrix, and to a terrifying fault, but there was no getting to her. Also, it would seem that she looked a bit crankier and more pressed than usual, but he supposed that was just her frustration of hardly getting any information out of the prisoners as to Potter's location.

"As well as I can be," Luna replied plainly, playing with her food now as her hands shook. "I suppose I can see how Astoria must feel. The nerve damage is very potent. I can't imagine what she must have been through."

Draco stiffened considerably, feeling guilty. "Merlin, I forgot. I could get you a potion for the nerves—"

"It's okay," She interrupted in a small voice, finally meeting Draco's gaze. "It's very dangerous enough that you're speaking to me right now."

It was dangerous for him to talk to her, but whenever some Death Eater or even his aunt caught him conversing with Luna, he reasoned that he was trying to coax information out of her on a daily basis. When his aunt thought it was strange he hadn't been using any torturing methods towards Luna, he presumed that perhaps she'll talk better if she was given a false sense of security.

Of course, it was all a lie—a perfect excuse to check on Luna, slip her and the others some potion for the possible for their trembling nerves from their days of being tortured. Also, it made it far easier to keep an eye on Luna. He's failed Astoria once in the train, he wasn't about to do it again.

He had been hesitant, at first, to speak to Luna; mostly because he felt the immense guilt of having to see her imprisoned in his own home. But when the Ravenclaw girl felt more open to speaking with him without any hint of anger against him, he felt he could relax in the slightest around her. Luna, apart from Astoria's sneaked in letters, was one of the very few things that was keeping him sane throughout the holiday.

"I appreciate your trying to help me, Draco." Luna told him solemnly. "I know Astoria's asked you to look after me."

He pursed his lips at this. "How did you know?"

"Astoria's a very caring friend. She wouldn't have taken what the Carrows did to her if she wasn't. Sometimes I wished she didn't have to. Given Astoria's condition and all…"

His ears perked up at the sound of Astoria's condition.

"What about it?" He asked disinterestedly, despite his obvious interest.

"Well, she gets very sickly you see. I don't know if you remember, but Astoria had gotten very sick during her first year. It was very concerning that when she came home for the summer, she spent most of her time in St. Mungo's." Luna said as she continued to shovel some food into her system. "It's curious, isn't it? There was no telling the cause of her sudden illness. It's as though it just… happened."

"That can't be possible." Draco shook his head in disbelief, hardly seeing the logic in all of it. "All illnesses have cause, whether it's through the weather or some allergy. It can't have just appeared for no apparent reason."

Luna sighed as she put her cutlery down. "That's exactly the very thing I thought when I first heard of it. It has me thinking that perhaps it's something beyond the norm of a normal immune system problem. Something like, perhaps a curse."

Draco blinked at her twice before choking out, "A curse? Who on earth could possibly want to curse Astoria?"

"It's the most reasonable theory I could think of." Luna's shoulders sagged, her face etched in concentration. "Think about it. The Greengrasses have no history of any considerable illnesses whatsoever. But it's also concerning how not even St. Mungo's has a record of any former Greengrasses who have been confined in the hospital. It's like Astoria was the first of them. Not to mention their family tree chart had been burned down during the first war."

The ideas began to form inside Draco's head. There was some sort of foul play that seemed to have happened. "So you think it has something to do with her bloodline?"

"I can't say for sure, but what other possible reason could there be? Her mother's bloodline, the Shafiqs are clean of any illnesses. And if there was any curse in that bloodline, it was merely the curse of producing only female heirs." Luna stated curiously. "Astoria only knew so little of her relatives beyond her father's parents. It's as though the Greengrasses beyond Cepheus Greengrass were simply wiped off the face of the earth when half their manor burned down in the first war."

Draco knew little of the Greengrasses during the first war. He knew that Atlas Greengrass, Astoria's uncle, had failed a mission that Voldemort had entrusted upon him. In return, he had tried to destroy the manor. Had it not been fortified with the most powerful enchantments, it would have burned down the entire place. But as such, he only damaged a part of the manor. It almost felt too coincidental, but his mind could be playing tricks with him.

His thoughts were interrupted when Luna went on.

"But you needn't worry about it for now. I assume Astoria wouldn't want you to be so occupied by the thought of it." She insisted before finishing the last of her meal. It surprised Draco how quickly the lithe girl had eaten it. "I'm glad she has you."

Draco's head snapped up to meet Luna's gaze. "What do you mean?"

Luna shifted where she sat. "I'm just glad she has someone looking out for her. Not that Daphne hasn't been, and the Carrow twins, and Blaise, and me. But… just someone who never seems to give up on her. I saw that much when you helped me get her to the hospital wing."

This time, Draco couldn't help but scoff at the Ravenclaw. Sometimes, it was unbelievable how naïve Luna was as Astoria was sometimes. They were absolutely clueless. "I'm not a good man. Not for her, anyway."

"You're a good man to her, Draco," Luna said with a soft smile. "It only takes one person to believe that so for it to be real. And I think her believing in you is more than enough."

A part of him wished that Luna was right, that he deserved to be seen in a way no other had ever seen him. But as the days grew on, and the severity of life in the manor became darker than anything he's ever had the displeasure of going through throughout the year, he started to wonder if he will ever be deserving of it after all of it ends. No matter which side wins, it won't matter what Astoria thought of him to be good.

He will always be Draco Malfoy. He will always be suspected. And there was no escaping the choices he made to get him to where he was now.

Fanfiction Writing Month: 5,854 words

AN: And here is the 25th chapter! I did say it might take awhile to get the new chapter out, and I might be able to say the same for the next one. I'm terribly sorry for such infrequent updates, but I will always try my best to give you guys content at least twice or thrice every month.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter! What did you think of Astoria's reaction to not being touched? Does it feel like a natural reaction after a traumatic experience? I wanted it to be as realistic as possible, even using Mary Stuart's reactions post-attack from Reign as a way to write out Astoria's stance.

Overall, I hope you enjoyed reading! Please don't forget to follow/favorite or simply post a review for more updates!

See you all on the other side,
EMPG22HoPe