Deciding to do something was a lot easier than actually doing it. Truthfully, Anakin had very few ideas on how to go about fixing the Jedi Order, especially when he wasn't completely sure what was wrong with it. He tried meditating on it, but he'd never had much luck with it when Force visions weren't actively flashing before his eyes, and this was no different. He'd tried talking to Padmé, but she didn't really know the inner workings of the Order that much. Besides, something good had happened during her dinner with her fellow politicians, so Padmé had been in a mood to celebrate, which meant they'd both gotten a little distracted. Ahsoka was still hurting over Barriss, so most of his interactions with her were spent in training salles or watching cheesy holodramas over smuggled ice cream.
"If you could change one thing about the Order, what would it be?" he asked, staring at the actors and pretending as if he didn't care about the answer.
Ahsoka was silent for so long that he though she hadn't heard him, but eventually she said "Master, do you think there's something wrong with the Order?"
"Yes, no, maybe? I'm not sure," he admitted. "I think there are some areas where we could definitely do better, but I'm having trouble figuring out where those areas are. We both heard what Barriss thought, Master Frenn thinks along the same lines, and the temple that gave me the ability to turn into a kitten thinks we need more love, even though attachments are against the code."
"I think you should talk to Master Obi-Wan," she suggested, idly poking at her ice cream with her spoon.
Anakin almost immediately shot down her suggestion, but then he stopped and actually thought about it. Obi-Wan was on the High Council and had been raised as a Jedi, so he'd probably have a better idea of how to go about fixing the Order because he knew its inner workings. Besides, Obi-Wan almost always knew the answers to his questions, so even if he didn't specifically know what was wrong Anakin was sure they'd be able to figure it out.
"That's actually a pretty good idea, Snips. When did you get so smart?" he teased.
Ahsoka tossed her head haughtily. "It's about time you recognized my genius."
Anakin stared incredulously at her for a moment, and then they both started snickering uncontrollably.
"Sssshh," Ahsoka stuttered ineffectively, too busy laughing to properly articulate herself. "The talented Courtesan is going to chose either the rich, beautiful Duchess or the - hehe - fiercely handsome Mandalorian soon."
Anakin stifled his giggles as best as he could and decided to hunt down Obi-Wan once the holodrama was over.
They managed to watch the rest of it with only minimal interruptions to get more ice cream, and both of them were surprised by the end twist.
"I can't believe both the Duchess and the Mandalorian were already married to each other when they tried to woo the Courtesan," Ahsoka said.
"Yeah," Anakin said, a strange feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach. "That was very unexpected. And the twist where Duchess was another Mandalorian the whole time."
"Maybe the Duchess and the Mandalorian are actually the same person," Ahsoka suggested in a ridiculous tone.
Anakin snorted. "I think you've been spending too much time with the clones if you're getting that dramatic."
Ahsoka paused. "Maybe. At least they managed to make everything work out in the end."
Anakin pushed himself to his feet, wanting to stop talking about the holodrama for some reason. "Well, I'd better go see Obi-Wan now. Make sure to clean up and hide the ice cream."
"Sure thing, Skyguy," Ahsoka said, then grinned mischievously. "Make sure to tell Master Obi-Wan you love him."
"What?" Anakin frowned, his mind going blank.
"What what?" Ahsoka asked, blinking at him innocently.
Anakin narrowed his eyes. "I am not in love with Obi-Wan."
"I didn't say anything about being in love with him," Ahsoka pointed out, her brow markings climbing towards her headdress. "Just that you love him and that you probably agree with whatever turned you into a kitten about the love thing. It's pretty obvious."
"I- I have to go," Anakin said, his cheeks burning as he swiftly made for the door. Maybe he could hide in the Room of a Thousand Fountains? No one would notice him there, especially if he was a kitten.
"You project your feelings more when you're a cat," Ahsoka called after him, laughter audible in her voice. She had definitely been spending too much time with the clone troopers if she was seeing drama where there wasn't any.
Still, at least someone thought this was funny.
Anakin decided against going to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Instead, like he always did when he was trying to avoid thinking about something, he went to the garage to work on damaged ships and speeders. His mind might have been a mess, but at least he could do something valuable with his spare time. No matter what he did, though, he kept going back to his conversation with Ahsoka, prodding at it like a sore tooth.
He wasn't in love with Obi-Wan, was he?
Sure, Obi-Wan was smart, talented, strong, and had been there for Anakin when no one else had, but they also fought all the time. Except, that was a little more like bickering than actual fighting, and they were the best team in the Order, there was no doubt about that.
Anakin cursed under his breath when a loose wire burned the back of his hand because of his inattentiveness. It wasn't that bad of a burn though, so he forced his mind back to the task at hand and continued digging through the innards of the speeder for the other half of the wire. He knew he should have had Artoo with him, but he wasn't in the mood to listen to his friend's snarky commentary.
That was another reason he couldn't be in love with Obi-Wan: too much sarcasm for any one being to handle. It was kind of funny when Obi-Wan used it against someone else, though, even if it did often devolve into flirting, which was just another reason Anakin couldn't be in love with him. Obi-Wan flirted with practically every adult except him. Why did he do that? What was so great about those people that made Obi-Wan flirt with them? Force, he even flirted with Ventress of all people. Clearly, Anakin couldn't be in love with him because he had poor taste.
Well, Duchess Satine hadn't been that bad. She seemed to have some of the same scary competence that made him love Padmé so much, so he could understand how Obi-Wan had fallen for her. She hadn't seemed to appreciate what Obi-Wan felt for her though, which was pretty foolish in his opinion. If Obi-Wan was in love with him, Anakin would have refused to relinquish him for anything. Of course, Obi-Wan wasn't in love with him, so that was kind of a moot point.
Sure, Obi-Wan was supportive, but that was his job. He would work himself to death for anyone who needed help. It was very annoying, actually, and sometimes it made Anakin want to just bundle him up in blankets and sit on him for a while until he slept.
The speeder switched off beneath his hands, which meant that there was something else wrong with it other than some loose wires.
As he ran a software check to make sure the source of the problem wasn't there, Anakin idly wondered what it would be like to kiss Obi-Wan. His beard looked like it would feel soft, but there was no way of knowing unless he actually touched it. It might feel bristly and stiff against his face, his neck, his -
Anakin abruptly broke that chain of thought, his eyes widening in shock. Had he just been fantasizing about kissing Obi-Wan?
Oh Force, he had.
Why had he been thinking about kissing Obi-Wan if he wasn't in love with him? He knew that people could experience attraction without feelings involved, but he'd never been that way.
The more he thought about it, the more Anakin realized that he wanted to imagine kissing Obi-Wan, of pinning him to a wall and leaning down just a little, not as much as he needed to with Padmé -
Oh kriff, Padmé. She was going to be so angry with him, and for good reason. He was her husband, and he had been thinking about kissing someone else, was possibly in love with -
Anakin set down the scanner and sat down, arms propped up on his knees and his head in his hands.
She was never going to forgive him, and Force, he was going to deserve every ounce of her scorn. He couldn't lie to her though, go on pretending like everything was normal when it wasn't. Anakin knew he would have to tell her, and if she told him to get out and never come back then he would do just that. He hoped he'd get a chance to beg for her forgiveness, but he wasn't counting on it.
Was this another aspect of what the creature meant about how love destroyed things? His relationships falling apart because he was too stupid to keep from falling in love all over again.
Anakin had been in love with Padmé in some way, shape, or form for thirteen years, since he was a precocious nine-year-old who thought she was an angel, and now it was all about to crumble into nothing.
He checked the newly repaired speeder for any more damage and, finding none, started it up. His heart heavy, Anakin climbed on and steered it towards the Senate building so that he could confess to Padmé that he might be in love with Obi-Wan.