Author's Note:
I've enjoyed seeing people's reviews, but I wanna address something. Some people may think I'm slightly idealizing Dib and perhaps unfairly demonizing Zim or Gaz. I could easily make the argument "Have you SEEN how they acted in the show, it's not that much an exaggeration", but...I can indeed be too harsh towards them. And in recent stories I've tried to be easier on Gaz since she's about Dib's age and she doesn't quite know much better. Now, granted, DIB never tried to destroy all human life with an overshook can, but...still. Enjoy!
It had been a very lovely funeral. Tenn had been given a proper sendoff. Skoodge had stayed by Senior's side, watching intently, unblinking, his eyes seemingly sunken as Tak had eulogized former Invader turned Nurse Tenn. She'd been given a beautiful draped-over cloth casket and her PAK removed. It would be preserved along with other PAKs of the deceased, according to Tak, in the "Hall of the Fallen" on the moon of Irk, whilst Tenn's body was burned before them in a big bonfire.
Dib had seen Senior gently squeezing Skoodge's shoulder as the fire softly crackled and burned away Tenn's frame, the smell hitting his nostrils hard, smelling like bad roasted sunflower seeds as he cringed, and Skoodge finally allowed a tear to trickle down his cheek as he hung his head. The last bit of snow from that week's weekend flurries fluttered by Dib as Skoodge headed back to his home, giving the still-imprisoned-in-a-ball Zim to Dib.
"Is that PITY I see in your eyes?" Zim asked, sounding positively astounded at the look on Dib's face as he stood by the bonfire with Tak. "You? Pitying an Irken?! How...how crass! How low! Tenn would not want your pity!"
"Shut up." Dib grunted, stuffing Zim in his pocket with a THRUMPH and frowning as Tak looked over at him. "I just wish I'd been a bit quicker. Tenn might not have gotten hit by that-"
Tak glowered at him a little. "Yes. If you had been a bit more careful, she might still be alive." She grunted darkly. "...nevertheless, though I've lost a good comrade and an excellent nurse and soldier, Senior said you're beating yourself up enough, so I should go easy on you."
She then smacked him in the face. He held his cheek, as it stung horribly, a bit of blood drizzling down from the open cut that now laid across it as she turned away from him to look at where Tenn's body had laid out in the park. "So there. That's my going easy on you. Now get out of here." She snarled.
With that, Dib left her alone, walking back to the Massive with Senior and Gaz by his side, Gaz now having a distinctly metallic eye. It looked rather impressive now, with an onyx frame, a red set of synthetic veins snaking in and out of her blown-open socket, with an unnatural red pupil that seemed to faintly pulsate, made up of a tiny string of ones and zeroes. She had lowered her winter hat over it...the weather made the metal eye chill the inside of her skull. Senior, meanwhile, had been absolutely silent as Dib finally returned to the Massive, and walked with Senior to the bridge as the green-eyed communications officer-turned head of the Irken Empire held his head in one hand.
"...are you going to be okay?"
"I have to be." Senior mumbled. "I have to be strong. Even if this HAS been one of the most unpleasant, awful days of my life. And its even worse for Skoodge. He was...I mean...in love with her. Now he can't act on that like he wanted to." Senior mumbled. "I'm gonna have Darth do some counseling with him. I recommend you take some too."
He chuckled wryly. "Darth, in fact, has recommended some very interesting treatments. He says psychiatry therapy rooms ought to bring a sense of "returning to the womb". People feel safer when that's being simulated. Usually the best way is through nice, big blankets. But he, instead, suggested-"
"Waaaaaait a minute." Dib's eyes went wide. "You don't mean..."
"Well, we've got shrinking tech, and a whole lot of perfectly willing females. So, yes. And, evidently...it works. You would not believe how much childhood trauma was in some of our crew's lives that could be properly worked out thanks to some "special sessions"."
Indeed, Red and Purple were now in GROUP therapy with an orange-eyed guard, Peech, and a red-eyed and yellow-eyed pair of female Irkens who were speaking with Darth as he nonchalantly leaned back against the fleshy wall behind him, the others nodding in agreement. "I just don't understand the stigma attached to relationships like ours." Red sighed as he laid a hand over Purple's own, as the female Irkens nodded in agreement. "I mean, if women want to make out, all these people seem to think its hot! But for us, its...gross. It's so debilitating! It's such a double standard!"
"Yeah!" Purple proclaimed, his expression mournful and dejected. "It's like they think men can't have real, strong emotional ties! They don't know that strong men also cry. They don't know our love for each other can be just as beautiful as any woman's love. It's not fair that OUR relationship is "gross" and "unnatural" whilst yours gets looked at as hot." He told Dite, as the red-eyed elite guard nodded a bit, and the white-eyed Darth warmly smiled, balled antannae bouncing up and down.
"There, there. Hug time." He announced, everyone leaning in, giving each other a big group hug. "Remember; its not your fault you are who you are, and there's nothing wrong with loving who you love."
"Thank goodness I'm used to having Irkens inside me." said their "patron" as the female Irken glanced up at the wall clock. "Hurry it up, your group session's almost over!" She announced to the party tucked away within her most private zone. "Then I have a family therapy session to prepare for."
"Wow, that's...really weird." Dib mumbled. "I, uh...don't think I'd be alright with being shrunk and stuck inside someone's privates."
"That's alright. I think, honestly, his OTHER treatment idea would work well for you. And the Plooskians agreed to it as well!" Senior offered as Dib's eyes went wide behind his glasses. Wait. The PLOOSKIANS? That could only mean-
"You mean our old Counselor Dwicky's gonna be called in? You got him working for you?" Dib asked as Senior smiled, nodding.
"Yes. He's a very kind man. I've actually decided to schedule a few sessions with him myself. I'll set up some appointments for you." He went on with a nod. "But I'd like to enjoy a little snack first."
Dib had a feeling he knew what Senior was going to ask for. "Um...you mean some...c-comfort food?" He inquired with a nervous laugh as Senior chuckled.
"Yes, I can't help it. I just do so love the taste of humans." He admitted. "But you're probably hungry yourself. So I'll let you go to the Massive's cafeteria for something of your own. But be sure to come to my room in half an hour." He added with a nod as he rose up from his chair, heading for his room.
It wasn't long before Dib found himself back in Senior's room, AND in his palm, as the green-eyed Irken gently patted his head. A large tray of full-bellied human kids laid nearby, all looking as stuffed as Dib was, from Zita to Gretchen to Keef. "I "ordered out"." The new head of the Irken Empire said. "I'm going to swallow you down last, Dib."
Dib watched as Senior gently, tenderly lifted up Sara, smiling warmly at her. "Have you been enjoying your time with Darth?"
"He is a very kind master, admittedly." Sara confessed as Senior nodded.
"He is a "great holy man" indeed." He told Sara. "He has great respect for your world's faiths. And I thank you for helping him in Bible study. He's told me you're his best pupil in the group."
"Well, I try!" Sara said with a little nod as Senior parted its jaws and chucked the child straight into them without a moment to lose. GLORMPF. He snapped it shut, the tongue softly shifting and licking all over Sara, tickling her, slathering her in saliva within the warm maw. Senior let out a soft moan, clearly enjoying the taste of Sara before he gave a GLA-GLUG of a gulp. He easily sucked Sara down his throat, her body making a little bulge in his throat that slid down into his waiting stomach, plopping on down as Senior chuckled happy, patting over his belly, Sara's voice faintly coming out from within. "Should I squirm about?"
"If you'd like to. I don't mind. I find the struggling actually quite pleasant!" Senior sheepishly admitted. "It sort of ties into my Irken instincts of wanting to be powerful over others to feel you in there." He blushed a bit, turning to the other children. "Down the hatch!" He added.
One by one, each of them were swallowed up before only Dib was left, but instead of swallowing HIM down, Senior just held him in his palm. "You know, I'm also worried about Lard Nar coming soon. He's supposed to give me a report on the adjustments made to our fleet's ships. The adjustments your sister recommended? I saw all the tech specs, so much of it flew over my head."
"She's really smart when she wants to be. She was just bored in school. She never felt challenged, I guess." Dib said with a shrug. "So she withdrew into stuff she felt DID challenge her; video games."
"I just hope the ships won't unexpectedly explode or anything." Senior remarked. "It'd be humiliating to be preparing for this big battle, then, when you try to access the robot transformation sequence...the whole thing just blows up."
Dib laughed. "No, no of course not! That'd just be ridiculous." He snorted. But, inwardly, he knew that was exactly what Gaz had designed the ships to do. And since the VORTIANS were the ones overseeing the repairs and the work on the ship, they knew perfectly well that was what would happen. They'd all go kaboom...right after turning into big, gigantic genitals as a final "fuck you" from Gaz.
He wondered if, as he was tenderly tossed into Senior's maw if, perhaps, Gaz would do well in therapy.
Definitely not in group, that was for sure.
GULP!
...
...
...
... "So. Tell me about how you tried to bring the dead back to life."
After years of not seeing Dwicky again, and weeks of waiting, Dib was, at last, meeting with the old school counselor. Mr. Dwicky's black hair was slightly a mess, a five o'clock shadow on his face as he sat in a big leather chair, wearing a longsleeve white shirt with blue jeans. He was smiling cheerily, Dib looking up at him, a clock softly ticking on the wall in the office they were in. None other than DWICKY's old office, now immensely improved, along with the school. The kids didn't have to worry about homework or the like, and their classes were much shorter, and on specific types of topics best suited for what their families now did, a fairly welcome change to most of them...since it meant less time in school.
Of course, they DID have to sit through that irritating teacher, the olive-green-skinned Irken named Wiyn, a hooded, dark green-eyed, terrifyingly imposing Irken who wore thick gloves and boots and had a a manner about her that filled Dib with fear almost as bad as Bitters could be. But at least with Bitters he'd somewhat known what she was. The Devil he knew. Wiyn was new, terrible and terrifying, and enjoyed informing the students far, FAR too much that the proper place for humans was under the boots or in the bellies of Irkens...
And if anyone spoke out of turn she'd swallow them. Nobody spoke up, of course. Not after what happened to poor Tommy Chestnut! There was only one real crime left on the Earth now...disobeying the Irkens. And the punishment was unspeakable if you were on Wiyn's bad side.
"Stooop! STOOOOOPPP!" Iggins sobbed out, poor Tommy Chestnut's punishment having been meted out in front of them all, Dib's eyes bulging behind his glasses. "HE'S ALREADY DEAAAAD!"
"I can't feel my legs. Or my face. Or my butt." Tommy squeaked out.
"Yes, filthy human, and your head was also facing 90 degrees to the right for...hmm." Wiyn checked the clock. "9 minutes straight."
"That explains my sore neck." He squeaked out.
"You'll get your other rib back when you apologize, and write 100 times on the board "I Will Not Interrupt My Irken Superior, Wiyn". In your own blood. Which you'll clean up later in Detention. Luckily, you're bleeding so much, you'll have plenty of it to write with! Hopefully before you pass out from blood loss."
"Yes."
"Yes MA'AM."
"Yes, Ma'am!"
Still, Dib wasn't sure he'd rather be here than in Wiyn's class. Zim been forced to go to therapy sessions and he had evidently been deeply, deeply shaken by whatever Dwicky had said. He was now, at the moment, banging his head into his little capsule cage, stuck at Skoodge's house because he wouldn't stop repeating "I hate myself! But I only like me! I hate myself! But I only like me!" Not even Lik A Maid candy could cheer him up or get him to say anything else.
If Dwicky could break Zim...
"I'd rather not talk about it. It involves the one time I used Gaz in an experiment and she didn't forgive me for it-well...she HASN'T forgiven me for it. I think it's one of the reasons she hated me for so long. But it's not a big deal to me, really. Can we talk about about something-"
BOP.
Dwicky had brought a NERF gun, and a bullet bounced clean off Dib's face. "...what the?" Dib stared stupidly at the counselor.
"Every time you won't be honest with yourself, or me...I'll shoot you." Dwicky cheerily intoned.
"C'mon, really, it was just a dumb bit of alchemical necromancy." Dib mumbled quietly, head slightly bowed, looking to side.
BOP-BOP! Two shots bouncing off his face as Dib grunted, looking back up.
"Come on, Dib. This is a safe space. Nobody's going to insult you. Nobody will make fun of you. You can talk to me about this sort of thing."
"I don't think I-"
BOP-BOP!
"...alright, look!" Dib threw his hands in the air. "I was trying to bring Mom back, okay?! I used Gaz's blood to try and make up this alchemical seal and tried to summon Mom." Dib groaned out as he folded his arms over his chest and crossed his legs and looked churlishly off to the side. "When she was gone, we were hurt. REALLY, really hurt. So I came up with the idea after doing a buttload of reading into magic stuff and I said that if we used Gaz's blood, since Gaz was basically HER clone like I was Dad's, well...well then we could call her back. The problem is the door it opened brought just about everyone BUT her back!"
Dwicky took some notes upon a metal clipboard he was using, scribbling away before nodding his head. "That's understandable. So why was Gaz mad? Because your Mother didn't show up?"
"No, the...the rebound sliced into Gaz's arms. We had to do all this tissue work and you can still see the scars if you look real close, that's why she's ALWAYS wearing long-sleeves whenever she can." Dib said, sighing. "I didn't mean to-I just...we were just...we just wanted...I just wanted Mom back. Dad was burying himself in work, he couldn't cope, and Gaz isn't...touchy-feely. When I...I tried to put an arm around her shoulder after Mom died to-to comfort her, she-she just shoved me away." Dib mumbled quietly, as he closed his eyes and covered his face in his hands, the glasses sliding up. "I know she...she isn't good at expressing her feelings. I know she probably wasn't able to-to take what I had to offer and I KNOW it's selfish to expert her to be the same way I am. But...I can't help it. I needed a Mom, and I didn't have one. I needed a Dad, and I didn't really have one. I needed my sister, and she didn't want to be there for me. I wanted to be there for her, but she's always cared more about herself when I've been trying my whole life to just help people and protect them and that makes me mad!"
"Are you upset when people don't recognize what you do for them?" Dwicky inquired gently. "Tell me how it makes you feel."
"I wanted people for YEARS to believe me, and-and when I was helping them? Protecting them? I felt like...I felt like I belonged. Being able to protect people from alien threats like Zim allowed me to feel like I was really doing something with my life. I always felt that in stopping him...I could connect with people. I SO wanted that. For them to just like me." Dib admitted to Dwicky as he bit his lip. "I feel a lot like Superman, really."
"How so? Do you see yourself as an alien? An odd one out who doesn't belong?"
"Yeah, but...well, why does Superman do what he does? It's because he was raised right, sure, but also because, when he's saving people...they love him. It's only when he's using his great powers that he truly connects to people. That he truly belongs. And that's me. Or at least, how I see me." Dib admitted, putting a hand on his chest. "...geez. I must sound so...arrogant." he grunted. "Like Zim! I sound like Zim, don't I?!" He groaned, tugging on his hair.
"Oh, hell no. Zim's pure fuckin' evil." Dwicky said with a snort, Dib staring up at him. "I spent days in sessions with Zim before I got assigned to meet with you this month." Dwicky shuddered in disgust. "You would not believe what I heard."
"So, like, they didn't die all at once."
"...is that a fact?"
"No, no. It was HOURS before the screaming stopped. I almost didn't get to sleep that night. Well, I told myself, "That settles it. The last time I'd use crushed glass on my test subjects!"
"Zim...how would you feel if YOU were those children you fed those...special lik-a-maids to? I mean, if someone fed YOU one made of that material, pretending it was candy, how would you feel?"
"If I was a filthy HUUUUMAN?"
"Well, put yourself in their shoes."
"So Zim would be short and smelly and ugly?"
"Zim, do you know what "empathy" is?"
"No."
"Empathy is putting yourself in other people's shoes so you can feel the way they do. If you hurt someone, empathy makes you hurt too."
"You think I'd WANT that? HAVE YOU THE BRAIN WOOOORMS?!"
"Zim knows what he does is wrong. He literally doesn't care. He doesn't WANT to care." Dwicky grumbled darkly, his eyes flashing as Dib saw the psychologist was crushing the pencil he had in his hand. "I've never, ever met a more disgusting, pathetic, megalomaniacal little prick!"
"Wow. I'm sorry, it's just..." Dib scratched his head. "I never imagined hearing a psychologist making an objective statement like that."
"Not everything is black and white. But not everything is shades of grey. Everyone is the hero of their own story, but for Zim? He's clearly aware he's the villain, and it's what he wants." Dwicky admitted with a sigh. "So I told him what his biggest problem was...himself. He didn't take it well. Especially not after the mirror exercise."
"What's the mirror exercise involve?" Dib asked.
"If you think you're ready for it, I can do it with you. You'll have to take home this mirror, and I want you looking into it every time you wake up, and every time you go to bed, and to talk to yourself about who you are, and how you feel." Dwicky said, going over to a nearby desk, taking out a small, circular mirror about the size of a dinner plate, handing it to Dib, who held it in his hands, looking down at the eyes that blinked back at him.
And so, now, at the end of the day, about to get in bed, he was staring into it, and clearing his throat. "I'm Dib Membrane. I'm going to free the Earth from the Irkens, even if it means I'll feel guilty about it." He said, and as the words came out of his mouth, he flinched.
Did he really want to do this? Was it honestly so bad being under Irken control? Sure, Tak could be kind of nasty. Yes, he had to worry sometimes about being swallowed up. But people believed and respected him now. There wasn't any real crime or disease. Irkens like Wiyn were a thing, but...still...
There it was. That question. "Was this better?" He didn't know the answer. He honestly didn't. What should he-
Wait. No. NO. He shook his head back and forth. "Stop making it about yourself!" He insisted to the mirror. "It isn't just about what you want! It's about what would be good for everyone and that's not just us humans. You need to spend some time with other races the Irkens had conquered. I should contact the Resisty! Yeah! Lard Nar and his pals!" He realized aloud. "Lard Nar's supposed to be coming to Earth, isn't he? Talk to him, Dib! Find out how the Vortians and the others are doing now that the Irkens aren't controlling them anymore."
He grinned a bit, looking into the mirror, then blinked stupidly. "Wow. I talk to myself way too much. I'd be doing this even if I didn't have the mirror, wouldn't I?" He inquired to himself, scratching at his head and putting the mirror down, beginning to take his clothes off. "I GOTTA stop talking to myself." Dib confessed to himself, shaking his head again.
THE NEXT DAY...
"Wow, this is some seriously sick work." Dib remarked, looking over the data files on the tablet computer Lard Nar was showing him, the two of them meeting in secret in the forest not far from the city. "All this from Skoodge? SKOODGE? He seems so...jolly and nice." Dib confessed, raising an eyebrow up at the Vortian, who nodded his horned head and cringed.
"Don't get me wrong, they were called the Slaughtering Rat People for a REASON. I mean, they ate every diplomat any race tried to send down." Lard Nar admitted with a cringe of disgust. "So it's hard to feel too sorry for them, the same way nobody really felt sorry about the Planet Jackers dying off after centuries of sacrificing other planets to keep their own alive. But...still...I have no idea how he could have botched a mind control drug so badly."
Evidently, Skoodge had introduced a virus into the water supply of the Slaughtering Rat People, and it had swiftly moved through the rivers and lakes of the planet Blorch, but instead of making them easily suggestible, it had turned huge swathes of the population's brains into swiss cheese.
"Even the nicer Irkens still have this kind of...paternalistic racism element about them. Even Senior, as you've noticed." Lard Nar confessed. "Like..." He waved his hands in the air. "Oh you poor, stupid little peoples, you don't know any better! We'll uplift you!"
"Total "white man's burden". Yeah, I get it." Dib realized softly. "It's just hard to see Senior as one of them. I keep thinking "He's one of the good ones" and even that sounds kinda bigoted in my head."
"He's different, sure, but even he's talked about how he thought the old empire deserved to die. Even Miyuki wasn't above being harsh. She was much nicer than most of the others, but that didn't mean she couldn't act just as cruelly as them if you got her mad. She's the one who started the war with the Meekrobians because of a dust-up that happened at a dinner. See, they're very, VERY bigoted towards non-corporeal beings. She finally got pissed at them insulting her and...well..." He tried to suppress a laugh. "She evidently beat one of the floor with a swordfish. It was "glorious", according to Irken historical records."
"That DOES sound kinda funny!" Dib admitted, trying to suppress his own snort of laughter. "So has Senior been having the Irkens honor their new agreements with your planets?"
"Oh yes, he has. The trading has gone well, they gave back all the prisoners of war, and Tak's reduced the size of the military...although she only agreed to do that if she could take half the ships that remained and give them the ability to turn into..." Lard Nar took a deep breath. "Giant robots." He said at last. "It was so ridiculous. But at least the knowledge of what they'll actually do cheered a lot of us up." The Vortian confessed. "Ka-booooom!"
"Hmm. Well, thanks for talking with me about this. So is the ship stuff the only reason you were here?" Dib wanted to know. "I'm glad you came here, made it easier to meet, but-"
"We wanted to ask Senior about those colony planets he said he was making. There's supposed to be about three or four, but he won't say where they are. I hope I'll be able to weasel out the locations from him." Lard Nar remarked. "With a little help from my sister. May always has a way of charming things out of him." He added with a chuckle, the two unaware that they were being watched from a tree branch quite some distance away, a pair of foul dark green eyes blazing furiously.
"...ohhh, this won't stand." Wiyn darkly growled out in a guttural hiss. "This will not stand, you filthy goaty-head. And YOU...big head brat..." She ground her teeth. "You will suffer for rejecting our ways and our rule."