Author's Note: Have two more possible ways the story could have unfolded! I'm enjoying writing these little "what-ifs", especially the possibility of GIR being behind it all and not NEARLY so insane as they thought he was...
Dib hadn't seen THIS coming. He'd expected Senior to hand over the keys to the last remaining Irken facilities on all those formerly-conquered planets. He'd foreseen Senior leaving Purple and Red unharmed and alive, just currently in some sugar mines below the capital. He'd even had an inkling that, deep down, Darth truly HAD been on their side all along, and hadn't been fully on board with Tak's ways, so even him stabbing her was more startling than shocking.
But what he'd never, EVER forseen happening...was the Massive being...absolutely untouched by everything. Everyone else had fallen to the rain, Senior giving Dib a final goodbye, admitting he had known, ALWAYS known what Dib and the others had been up to, had WANTED Dib to end the Irken race, so something better could be reborn from their failures. To see the Massive had just remained absolutely unharmed...
And then it happened. Then Dib felt a chill sink over him as it slowly, gently descended down, down, down onto the planet that had been struck with torrents of rain, and he shivered as the immense ramp sloooooowly lowered itself down from the Massive. Gaz felt a shudder stab into her spine as well and she gripped Dib tightly, eyes bulging in shock as THEY stepped out.
GIR. Minimoose. Zim's robotic servants looking so...satisfied and smug.
And Dib realized what was going on.
"You knew too?" He murmured, looking from Dib to Minimoose, as a quivering sensation filled his body and he nervously took a step back.
"Don't even bother running, "Mary"." GIR said cheerily. "Frankly, its insulting to think I've not anticipated your every move." He said, waving a small little metal hand in the air as Dib stopped backing up, and Gaz's eyes narrowed furiously at the little alien robot and his blue eyes. Blue. Not red, not...wild with dark fury, oh no. Calm, cool blue.
"NYEH." Minimoose squeaked out, Gaz growling at him.
"You'd ruined my plans for the Massive weeks in advance? How could you know what virus type I'd use? It was all on the roll of a dice, I was completely random in how I chose it!" She snapped at Minimoose as GIR shook his head back and forth, the little antannae atop his tiny, almost bowl-shaped skull flopping about.
"Oh, Gazzy, Gazzy, Gazzy! No organic's actions are ever of a truly random nature! With an advanced grasp of the mathematics of probability, which you then map onto a thorough apprehension of human psychology and the known dispositions of any given individual, why, that reduces the number of variables down to a very finite number! One of 34 techniques designed to refine randomly generated possibilities down to the smallest number of feasible variables!" GIR proclaimed.
Minimoose nodded in agreement, GIR then shrugging a bit. "Buuuuuut they're all really difficult and I wanted to focus on improving my baking so I just stuck a video camera on Dib's glasses." He added. "Microscopic, but it worked great!" He added, Minimoose turning on his belly, showing off a tiny little video screen that showed, sure enough, Dib looking in shock at himself. "It's on the far right hand side, a little crack you thought was caused by some falling debris in Australia and you didn't bother to replace the glasses, so it worked out fantastic for me!"
"What's all this about?" Dib wanted to know, looking confused as GIR cheekily grinned.
"Oh, that's easy! With all the Irkens gone, WE can take over everything and start gobblin' you up now, and usin' you as batteries!" GIR cheerily laughed.
"...we?" Gaz asked.
"HUPHUPHUPHUP!" Hordes upon hordes of SIR units stomping out of the massive, all gathering right behind GIR, hundreds upon hundreds of the things all saluting, all with mouths like GIR, grinning cheerily and toothily as they faced their glorious commander. "SIR!"
"Wow. Your idea was despicable, twisted and sick." Zim remarked as he stared in surprise at all of them, his tiny frame still in the capsule he'd been trapped in for so long as he looked from GIR to Minimoose to the SIR units. "...I clearly rubbed off on you more than I thought!"
"I know, right?" GIR laughed happily, picking Zim up and bouncing him off his feet like a hacky-sack.
"OW-OW-OW-OW-I'veneverbeenprouderofyou-OWOWOW!"
"Wait a minute. Skoodge was supposed to be with you and all the smeets." Dib murmured, his face going pale.
"Oh, yes, he didn't much like the idea of me trying to raise an entire new generation of Irkens to be desserts for me and my new army." GIR admitted. "But, well..." He chuckled in delight, clapping his hands together. "That's a problem easily remedied."
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"I don't know what hurts more." Skoodge muttered, he, Gaz and Dib stuck in the kitchen on the Massive, coated in a fine white wine sauce, veggies stuffed into places that clearly were never meant to have veggies put in as one SIR unit nonchalantly began to get the oven preheated. "...the pain...or the humiliation." He grunted out, the cook giving him a glaring look.
"OY! Quiet, piggy-wiggy, or I put the apple in EARLY!"
"If only my PAK still had those robo-legs." Skoodge added with a sigh, hanging his tubby head as Dib and Gaz glanced nervously at each other.
"Uh, you don't really wanna eat us!" Dib spoke up. "We're, like...super stringy!"
"I dunno, I think your enormous head looks like it's got some great meat on it."
"MY HEAD'S! NOT! BIG!"
GLOMPGH. The cook stuffed an apple into his mouth, whacking Dib over the head with a wooden spoon, Dib grumbling darkly. "You get the apple FIRST, bigheadboy! Now shut up and stew in that fine marinade we've prepared for you!" the cook sniggered, the poor trio lying in their big metal pans. "Then you'll be roasted up at a fine 350 degrees for twenty minutes and served on a bed of greens for our glorious robotic overlord!"
"More like "Garbage-Infested-Robot"!" Gaz grunted.
GLOMPGH!
"YOU get the apple too!"
"Ha ha, I get the apple laaaaast!" Skoodge said, unable to resist getting out a bit of gloating at seeing Gaz having one stuffed into HER big mouth as well.
They would be the first, of course...but not the last. Oh no. Robot life would soon overwhelm Earth, and soon...the galaxy, using organics as a fuel source. Though GIR always had a hankering for humans.
"No species should be this delicious!" He insisted, Dib grunting in aggravation, stuck inside his stomach 10 years into the reign of the robot, a dark glower on his features, the shrunk-up human trapped inside GIR's tummy, stuffed down along with two dozen other unfortunates who were all cramped up in the robot's stomach, ball gags in their mouths to shut them up. "Oh, if only those delightful Wachowski siblings knew how close their vision of the future was to the truth!"
"I stopped enjoying the Matrix after Zim arrived on Earth anyway." Dib grumbled as Zim, meanwhile, being lubed up with butter and prepared to be served as a movie treat along with an Icee, grinned in delight as he was coated in the greasy stuff.
"Zim will take what victories he can get!" Zim proclaimed dramatically.
Dib knocked on the door of the new substitute teacher's office, grateful Ms. Bitters was finally, at long last, gone after all this time. Mostly because the longer he'd stared at her boyfriend the more he felt-
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
SMACK. He smacked his face a bit, shaking his head back and forth. Geez. So many tentacles in so many places. And why did the guy have to be half-naked? Still, at least he'd not gotten it as bad as Zim had. THAT moron had actually stared head-on at the teacher as soon as he'd entered the room and hadn't stopped staring and had actually run after the thing, trying to get it to join him in his quest for world domination.
Well, Zim was now eating paste in the School for Crazy Boys. For how long, Dib wasn't sure, but Dib figured he had at least a good month until Zim was calm enough to say something other than creepy phrases in a dead language. Other kids had been affected at various levels, himself included...well...
ONE kid hadn't. Nick, the kid in the back of their class who had undergone HORRIFIC experiments at Zim's hands, had just begun chuckling a bit and had nonchalantly walked by Zim in the hallway, saying "Amateur" as he headed off to gym class. Whatever Nick had seen when Zim had stuck that probe into his skull had done him wonders, evidently. Wonders too great and terrible for Dib to comprehend.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK.
Dib slowly opened up the door, heading inside, seeing the very nice, green-eyed young twenty-something teacher at his desk as he nonchalantly licked on some Lik a Maid candy, turning to look at Dib. Dib was learning much, much more under the gentle tutelage of Senior than he ever had under Ms. Bitters. Plus, Mr. Senior gave out Pixie Stix candy and Lik-a-Maids if you got "A's" on your tests. Ms. Bitters would just give you a condescending look. And, on top of that, he had been putting in extra toilet paper into the bathrooms! And since the bathrooms were so grody, this bit of compassion was a godsend.
"Um, Mr. Senior? You said you wanted to see me?" Dib inquired.
"Absolutely!" Mr. Senior said, swallowing down the Lik-A-Maid and grinning toothily. "So listen up, Dib. Here's the thing." He pulled out a small grade book, holding it up. "You are getting the best grades in the class, without a doubt. You're one smart cookie. And I'd like you to help me with something now that Zim isn't going to be an issue anymore. And in return, I'll help you."
"What sort of something?" Dib asked, frowning a bit. He was a bit nervous about this. It sounded...sketchy.
"I know Torque's been trying to get you to do his homework for him. Would you like me to take care of that for you?"
"You mean give him detention?"
"No, I was thinking of eating him alive." His teacher said with a shrug, Dib's mouth gaped open as Senior then pressed the big belt buckle he had upon his belt...and with a shimmering shine, a veil seemed to lift from his form. Now he was human no more. Now he was an Irken, an Irken with spiky antannae, green eyes, the attire of an Irken communication's officer upon his frame as he nonchalantly took out a small ray gun, aiming it at Dib.
TSSSEWWW!
Dib gasped, looking down at himself, realizing his form was getting tinier and tinier, he was SHRINKING! Senior nonchalantly strolled over, plucking Dib up, grinning toothily at him...before seeing Dib was quivering, even crying a bit. Thankful the door behind Dib was closed, Senior laid down in the chair. "Dib, c'mon, d-don't cry. What's wrong?"
"Y-You're g-gonna...k-kill me, a-aren't you?"
"Noooo. I'd NEVER do that. You're innocent, Dib." Senior insisted. "And I like you. I want to do something nice for you. I would have gotten rid of Zim, but having to see that...thing that came into school fixed that problem for you for quite a while, so I want to help you with the bullies who pick on you. I don't much like people like Torque." He added with a frown. "...people who abuse their power to pick on those lower than them. People without integrity. Without morals. Well..." He sighed. "That's not true. EVERYONE has morals. Folks like Torque just shove them to the side whenever they feel like it. They treat them like...your species treats a fancy watch or shirt. You only really put it on for special occassions when you ought to have it with you far more often."
Dib wiped his eyes on his arm, Senior verrry gently reaching down, Dib feeling the black-gloved hand pat his head. "I'm not going to hurt you, Dib. I only want to hurt the people who deserve it. Do you want me to make sure Torque never hurts you?"
"But you wanna eat him!" Dib said, looking astounded. "That sounds like hurting!"
"It shan't hurt a bit." Senior insisted cheerily. "Here. I'll show you."
He lifted Dib up by his legs, holding him over his jaws, and then geeeently began easing the kid down, Dib shaking a bit in fear, the wormlike tongue slowly snaking up, tickling at Dib's face in a playful bit of licking. SLRRRP. He tasted over the cheeks and nose, and then Senior drew him down, down, deeper into the jaws.
Soon Senior's tongue was wrapped around Dib's head and upper body, the kid sliding down, down, onto the tongue. "Mmmmmmmmm." Senior softly moaned, closing his eyes. Dib was so sweet! And a bit spicy, too. His taste buds were dancing with joy at the lovely flavor the child had. His throat faintly undulated as Dib slid deeper, deeper down towards it, welcoming the kid inside it.
The lower body of Dib was soon sinking into Senior's maw, the tongue lapping and lathering over Dib's frame as Senior kept happily moaning. "Yummy!" Senior laughed, tilting his head back, Dib sliding down, down, down! He sank through the throat, Senior's tongue lapping over the booted feet until, at last, Dib was deposited within the soft, fleshy chamber that was Senior's belly. It was so oddly...warm. So soft, so...welcoming. Being in here didn't seem so bad.
"Wait...y-you're trying to manipulate me, this...this isn't normal..."
"My PAK regulates my stomach, Dib. You'll be totally unharmed. I just want to help you. I think your race, and you, can do amazing things. And I want to HELP you do that." Senior insisted, Dib feeling him softly pat his belly, and heard him lick over his lips. "How about it?"
"What do you want in return?" Dib asked.
"Well...being the way I am, I could never, ever fit in with the current Empire. But there's a lot of us who feel this way, and well...Earth's got a lot more to offer. If you help us find a good home here, help us fit in, we'll give back to you." Senior offered. "You scratch our back, we'll scratch yours. Besides, Earth has all the artists I love." He added with a chuckle. "Especially ska. I'd never lived until I heard ska."
"Oh God, we've got IRKEN HIPSTERS now." Dib muttered.
"C'mon, admit it, you were a total No Doubt fan too." Senior insisted.
"Until 'Hey Baby', sure!"
"Well, that goes without saying. Oh, Gwen Stefani, taken from us too fast..." Senior sighed wistfully. "So then! Do we have a deal, Dib?"
"...okay." Dib admitted with a sigh. "I guess you're nicer than Zim. You promise you won't really hurt Torque or anyone else?"
"Nope!"
"What if I want them a LITTLE hurt?"
"Well...DO you?" Senior quietly asked, his tone becoming contemplative.
"...I don't know yet." Dib honestly confessed, rubbing over the back of his neck.
"Well...think about that." Senior said warmly. "And just relax. I'll let you out at your house soon." He added, Dib curling up within the confines of the Irken's belly, wondering if maybe he wanted Torque to be just...a little bit digested? Maybe just down to his briefs? And then unshrunk and left out in the hall before the bell rang for everyone to take the bus home? They'd NEVER BELIEVE HIM if he tried to tell them what happened. Hell, Dib barely would have believed it himself.
Meanwhile, on the Massive...
"AAAAHHH!"
Red was shaking Purple back and forth, eyes bulging, fire smoking up from the control consoles. The bathrooms had flooded, foul cess spilling out from the toilets into the hallways, people were howling and racing about in a panic, the communication panels sparking and hissing as Red's antannae quivered about.
"How did they get off the Massive and nobody noticed?! Where are the senior staff!?"
"I dunno, they went out to get me donuts and never came back!"
"Did nobody do their job in the week they've been gone?!" Red howled angrily. "Why has nobody picked up their slack?"
"It's not their job! They're not encoded to do that sort of thing on those levels!" Purple remarked with a shrug. "And on the top floor of the Massive where we are, we have our own personal servants to take care of the stuff we want, so it didn't matter that the lower levels weren't getting their bathrooms taken care of or the calls made or-"
"Nobody thought to CALL US?" Red asked, glancing about, people freezing as he glowered at them all. "Why did none of you call your Tallest to let them know the senior staff had just up and run away!?" He snarled angrily.
"Because you would have tossed us out of an airlock if we'd told you." One of them finally spoke up.
"I would NOT!" Red said, stamping his foot on the ground, pouting furiously...before he promptly ripped a chair right out of the ground, screws and all, and tossed it clear through the air at the random level 4 guard, who "eeped"...before he was embedded, the chair included, in the wall opposite Red. "Now then! NOBODY leaves this level of the Massive until all this is fixed! And where's the friggin' TOILET PAPER?!"