AN.

This is literally the chapter I did not want to edit because the pacing here is so bad. It did not want to be edited at all. I tried saving it but...oh well. This is one of my worst chapters so be warned.

ALSO DON'T SEARCH OKTAVIA VON SECKENDORFF IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY WATCHING MADOKA MAGICA. THAT IS BIG SPOILERS! but there is no Madoka Magica spoilers here don't worry.

WARNING: Y'all remember how she killed herself in CH1? Yeah, it wasn't so she could make "I want to kill myself" jokes. Dark and sad chapter with a light beginning.

(I also forgot that last chapter was part of thawing ice arc so I ammended it. for those who wanted to know what last chapter's title was: it's My new shoe (laces) so yeah. enjoy)

I sat down in the familiar Training Ground 6 with a familiar friend and the two headed snake, practicing my Hidden Shadow Snake Hands. It always made me giddy using it because fucking snakes man! Akinosuke fluttered lazily on Hisa's head, watching with mild interest which was cute and I totally shipped them both. Something about summoning live rope makes me all happy inside. I should have signed this MONTHS ago. The problem was I couldn't use genjutsu with my Summoning Jutsu because: First of all, it gave me a major headache maintaining the two and second of all, maintaining genjutsu while doing ninjutsu also gave me a headache therefore doing it in the same time makes my head feel like it's being thrown about like a volley ball with dumbbells attached to it.

So that is what we were working on.

"Focus, Tokina-sama."

"Look at you, Hisa; calling this brat 'sama'." The feisty snake scoffed. The sister snake rolled her eyes at his disrespect

"Don't influence her, Tadoshi. At least she has an inkling of respect." I scolded her, cooing at the right head which I petted like a really scaly kitten. She purred while Tadoshi just scoffed and stayed silent while I continued manipulating the vipers on my wrist, mixing some butterflies when I got bored and wanted a headache.

Jesus, at least tailed beasts were perpetually quiet because they hate you. This bitch is such a narcissistic mother fucker.

Shoe-lace looking ass.

"Focus, Tokina-chan." Akinosuke the mentor said beside me "Now, combine your snakes with that new genjutsu you've been working on." With a sigh, I began my chakra control exercises before slowly melting the world to Octavia Von Seckendorff's labyrinth. Elsa Maria's was probably easier but I couldn't remember the parts of Decterum and besides…

The Concert Hall made me all reminiscent and giddy.

The world morphed into a strange pastel whatever. There wasn't any music yet so the world only had eerie silence. It only gets harder from here. I began summoning the snakes in conjunction with my illusion even though the labyrinth didn't call for snakes unlike Elsa Maria's. The multitasking making my brain hurt.

"Uuuuuugh-"

"Focus, Tokina-san." Akinosuke cheered me on.

I "summoned" one rolling wooden cartwheel out of thin air. It shuddered before disappearing again while I maintained keeping butterflies and snakes at the same time for an extended period. I can survive! I'll show this world that you don't need fucking hacks to live in Naruto! No Sharingan, no Jinchūriki, no bullshit other than summons and really good eyes!

"You're losing focus." My butterfly daddy scolded my labyrinth genjutsu began faltering. Fuck.

"Girlie, you need to step up your game." Tadashi assessed the situation of my ineptness. "If you can't even use the shit you have then what good are you?"

"Hey, this is harder than it looks." I pouted at the snake while I let one of the white ball pythons ball up and look cute in the palm of my hands. Such a cute danger noodle.

"Enough whinin'. If you wanna live in this world, you gotta be greater than the great and faster than the fast!" The left head puffed his non-existent chest out in pride. I rolled my eyes at the noodle while I played with the python in my hand.

Akinosuke metaphorically nodded in agreement. "No pressure, Tokina-san." He whispered to my ear encouragingly and a little bit cheekily. Ugh, no pressure. Sure, because being in a war is totally not pressuring.

I just wanted to hang with Obito and Rin. Hell, at least there were some people that got all happy with my existence. Even if one of them was gonna die and the other one turn evil. Whatever, it all turns better at the end. I'll be happy being a minor character. With a resigned sigh, I put on Octavia's labyrinth and summoned snakes again. I want to last for more than a minute before summoning another snake. I can so do this!

"Hiashi-sama...?" The dark chocolate haired girl bowed, her head on the floor, uncertainly to the clan elder. He nodded for her to take a seat. It's been two years since he had seen herthis close up; the last time was her unlocking her pride of the Hyūga. With a closer exception, he could make up the features she shared with her parents. The thin eyebrows and perfectly round face of her mother while inheriting the sharp nose, chin and her clear pure lavender with his distinct dark chocolate hair that was currently tied to a bun with the strange silver and white hair stick she got from Sora-ku. Her butterflies that seem to accompany her everywhere fluttered anxiously beside her.

Her face reeked of suspicion which he should have scolded

"Tokina, I have called you here for an urgent matter." He said, not following the conduct of greeting someone of the Branch Family

The girl visibly tensed before raising her head without any order to.

"Your mother is in a tight spot right now but she is being escorted to safety as we speak." He began the story he fabricated to lessen the blow. The girl looked worried but he saw as she tried with difficulty to remain calm and composed. She nodded absentmindedly to him. He poured the girl and himself tea before continuing.

"May I ask about my father, Hiashi-sama...?" She asked uncertainty yet her eyes piercing into his purely on the defensive.

"He got his eye stolen and died admirably in a fight to protect your pregnant mother. I'm sorry, Tokina, he's dead."

Her eyes widened as her hands tensed yet kept them in her lap to prevent herself from covering her mouth. She shook as she kept a strong face. Definitely Tomukazu's daughter, he thought reminiscently. "But that is not all." She took a sip from her teacup, her hands were shaking.

The young Clan Head waited a few moments for her to regain her composure before turning back into business

"Tokina, are you aware of the secret organization called ROOT?" He asked, anticipating the worst.

"I have..."

The clan leader narrowed his eyes at her. Has Danzō already approached her?

"...heard rumors about a secret organization called ROOT." She finished, sipping her tea. Hiashi wanted nothing more than to use his Byakugan to see if her statement was the truth. It was what he trained his birthright for, anyway. But he didn't want to make the girl feel like she was being interrogated, which made her close of from him. He knew how to deal with these types, after all.

"They aren't rumors, Tokina. They are the truth." The girl clenched the cloth of her cream Yukata in deep thought and a face that should not be in a six year old's face. "They are a legal organization, that is the truth, but I don't believe them for a second. They kidnap children who are deemed prodigious in Danzō's eyes. Inoichi, a friend of mine, informed me of ROOT kidnapping a child named Santa into their ranks. I do not want the Hyūga to be associated with them."

"I understand, Hiashi-sama. I will try my best to avoid them." She said.

He nodded, and dismissed her. When she left with a bow, he couldn't help but slump. He wasn't like his father, not one bit. His father was always so cold towards his brother, Hizashi just because he was destined to be a Branch Family. He divided the twins and forced Hiashi to become the ideal Hyūga, the Hyūga that the family and the clan needed. The tough decisions and the cold exterior, he had to inherit those if he wanted to succeed in leading the clan.

It was an honor and a pain at the same time.

I slid the door open, leaving my shoes behind. I turned on the lights and looked at the many scratches and marks the house had. It was never easy to lose a parent figure, my friends would always say. I wouldn't know, the past life I had, I left my parents when they were still alive. It was pretty selfish of me but that was the truth. But when you lose someone, and forgive me for sounding cliché, you remembered how my dad threw me up in the air when I was little; his strict yet controlled Jyūken stances as he beat those katas into me. He wasn't the perfect dad but he was my dad.

He was one of my dads.

I think, what made me super guilty and sad was the fact that I didn't even shed a tear for him, which made me feel like scum. I didn't even consider him a father, just a father figure. I mean, he is my dad in this world and I have good memories with him. I have a gut-wrenching feeling in my chest and my eyes burnt but I didn't cry nor did I feel the sadness when a parent died. Maybe this world was getting to me. What comforted and made me feel like the devil himself was that he died in the field, which meant that it was purely business. Nobody would be out to get me.

Jesus Christ, "me" "me" "me", it made me sound like a spoiled brat. Well, I think a spoiled brat would have killed herself just because nobody didn't really give two shits that she had the passion to be a musical conductor. How sad do you have to be to kill yourself over a goddamn job? Holy shit, there I go again and only thinking about myself when your parent figure literally lost an eye and died protecting your mom; your second mom. Maybe I really did deserve to go to Dante's Inferno. Maybe the whole reincarnation bullshit was a circle we didn't tackle in college.

Because, surprise, this fictional hell is your personal hell now.

I locked the door, Akinosuke's butterflies following me. I walked to me room and just lied down and began thinking. I didn't just lied down and think to myself in ages because this world forced you to become an adult. It forced you to make decisions that would affect you and the people around you. It was so hard to think for yourself when Konoha stabs the idea of teamwork into you, always worrying about the other party when you could barely take care of yourself.

Being melodramatic always left a bad taste in my mouth. It was so sappy to think of all this, to look into a mirror and see your eyes all bloodshot from crying while thinking of how sorry you are in situations where you aren't supposed to be sorry because it's not your damn fault. I never understood why the human brain always did these types of shit. The guilt, the sadness, the self-pity; it was all so tedious and irritating to deal with. I should know, when you have too much shit to worry about, you suddenly stop worrying about them.

Because you become too tired to deal with them,

And sadly, I think I'm becoming too tired to deal with mine as well.

I closed my eyes and just tried napping so I wouldn't have to deal with how empty my chest began feeling. My head snapped upwards. My dark home was replaced with a giant auditorium filled with crowds of people, all smiling and cheering the shrewd and timid girl walking up the stage. The spotlight flickered open on us. I watched as the girl sat down on her portable Electronic Keyboard because the school she was in was too cheap to at least provide a good set of ivories to tickle. She stretched her hands like how she saw those professional pianists do as she thought anxiously.

"Jesus Christ, why did I pick a song that used a bass guitar and wind instruments? And vocals! Evil, evil vocals."

That's when she remembered the most crucial aspect of her logic. She shrugged and chuckled to herself, remembering shamefully printing off the score sheet from some guy in Music Score.

"Oh right, for the memes." She thought with a tinge of regret because of her stupidity she adjusted the microphone. She began testing the keyboard if it played correctly, the ambience and the volume of the speaker. She winced when she tapped the microphone, the feedback causing a collective cringe from the audience. She dipped her head and muttered a small sorry that nobody heard because she was scared of the devilish thing known as the microphone. Yet, because of her mom and dad, she had to perform the piece she sang at their birthday for a birthday present because her forgetful ass forgot.

"Let's go in the garden. You'll find something waiting. Right there where you left it, lying upside down." She began with a slight quake in her voice. I watched her with wide eyes before snorting and cringing away at how her voice cracked at the chorus.

Jesus Christ, I was terrible.

"You have a terrific voice." Akinosuke called from amongst the faceless crowd, sitting on a plastic chair like he owned the place. It must be his genjutsu. I tried breaking out of it to save myself from cringing from the terrible pre-vocals me because I was that bad. Of course, it was expected that the man who taught me everything I knew from the Mangyekō Illusion tree of genjutsu would have a solid one. It was a pretty good genjutsu, of course.

You know; the genjutsu he's using with my chakra.

"Pre-puberty vocals is the worst vocals." I snorted, trying to save myself from the second-hand humiliation. "Are you going to keep me in here? I'm fine, Akinosuke-san."

"Everything stays, right where you left it..." I ignored her and hummed along with the correct tempo. True, it might be because she was nervous. She never sang and played the piano before but it was still there.

"Do you really believe that?" He chuckled, blocking my view with his tall "body", arms crossed and a raised perfectly sculpted eyebrow because he's a narcissistic asshole like that to manifest himself as a dreamboat. I rolled my eyes at his immature display. He's not the one in the body of the five year old.

"Would I be saying it if I didn't believe it," I answered simply. "Now can you release me? I want to take a nap?"

"I am not going to release you until I am sure that you will not commit the same mistake you did in your past life." He said adamantly.

"Akinosuke, I'm fine." I said, opening my arms. "I have friends I can talk to, Akinosuke. And right now, you're preventing me from seeing them."

"That is what you kept on saying in the days of you being a pianist." He crossed his own arms. "Frankly, I don't believe that you would tell Rin-san and Obito-san your problems. What exactly is their friendship to you?"

"Is this supposed to be an impromptu guilt trip?" I clutched the fabric of my kimono shirt not in anger but annoyance. Something in my chest flared up that made me want to punch his smug face. I couldn't even stand just looking at him. Was it because he was right? I probably knew. What was my friendship dynamic? Was I using them or were they using me? I didn't fight some old dude to have my summon mother me around.

Of course that isn't what friendship is. I knew that. Friendship isn't a business contract. It isn't mutualism. It was having a general liking to the other party, wasn't it? That even if they had troubles, you would help them in because you cared about them,

"Well, I had real friends in my past life which you guys so rudely reminded me of."

And I left them.

"Well, maybe you need a wake-up call, Tokina-san."

"Oh please," I muttered. "A wake-up call to the real world would be great right about now."

What was he getting at? Isn't it already established that I was one of the scums of this Earth? It's like he wants me to kill myself which was sounding more and more appealing by the minute because of these terrible vocals. I knew what happened after death. I get reincarnated. Maybe killing myself over and over again would lead to the perfect world I want and not some place where you'd wish you'd want to be born in the fucking Great Depression. It wouldn't that be hard, instead of drowning, soldier pill overdose would be a real thing. I couldn't help but snort. Was any of this real? This is a world where I KNEW what's going to happen. This all seems just like a coma dream, fiction characters coming to life? What a concept that's been used over and over again.

"And this world is not real?" He waved away the stage, the world fluttering into something new and something familiar.

"Tokina-chan,"

"I thought we agreed on Tokuma?"

I stared wide eyed at the man clad in medical garbs, his hair tied into a fishnet as he pouted with his mask down to his satisfied wife who was holding their bundle of joy in their hands. She held the quiet baby and brushed the side of her cheek lovingly. They began muttering to each other as the faceless nurse aids began working on whatever they were doing.

"Of course this isn't real." My finger twitched as I stated a cold and cruel fact. It was a fact. "This is all created by a man who had a stroke of inspiration and great imagination and put the two in paper for us to read and enjoy."

The baby began crying suddenly. The two panicked while the amused an obviously experienced nurse aids came to the new parent's rescue. I couldn't help but snicker at the look at my dad's face. He looked absolutely flustered.

"Is it really?" He questioned genuinely surprised. Or mock. You can't really tell with his tone. "Pain is real and you're feeling it right now."

The world began transforming and shifting anew, this time not somewhere I was familiar with. It was a pleasant and homey house, a lady with a bulging stomach cooking eggs. She hummed a tune I wasn't familiar with. The door opened to see a man in an Iwagakure uniform, looking tired and badgered but displayed no signs of that when the two looked at each other lovingly. She left the eggs and favored the man who just entered as they embraced.

"They all have individual lives. This world is more than ink and paper." Akinsouke said gently.

I felt a tinge of guilt creep to my chest. That sounded pretentious. That sounded like Orochimaru.

The world showed bits and pieces of the show I grew with and played with. "It does not revolve Obito-san and Rin-san. There are more to them than what they might or might not do." Two of my friends held hand in hand as they walked a separate path looking absolutely happy with themselves as the old illusion all but forgotten. They fluttered into nonexistent in the genjutsu world, the butterflies with reflective wings fluttering nearby, perfectly showing my red-eyed face.

I didn't even know I was crying.

"For example, were you aware that Obito-san was telling you about that one time he helped this old man in the street who offered him a summoning scroll but he refused because he was going to be late for class."

I looked down and guiltily shake my head. Did he really pass up an opportunity to sign a summoning scroll? I don't recall that story.

"Or Rin-san and her dilemma with her parents. They wanted her to become a ninja and not a doctor to boost their already social-standing with the council."

Did she say that?

"I may not know everything inside that mind of yours but I know what's given to me. I find it how ironic how a woman who wants to avoid any bloodshed or uses other people memories, a proof of them living their lives, as her own weapon can't even connect with the people around with her who are supposedly supposed to be her friends and family." He chuckled humorously.

"That or you were just that callous."

I frowned genuinely at his assessment. I wasn't that callous. That...hurt.

"It should." He gave me a serious look. "People would be hurting if you died." Akinosuke said as he disappeared. "You know that more than I do." The genjutsu dropped as a blue butterfly fluttered away the cold and empty house.

He was right. This might have been some story in someone else's imagination but, goddamn, it's my reality now. These people weren't characters. These were people. I turned my focus on this house. There were nicks and tears around the walls, half ripped pillows I never noticed were stitched with red thread. Burns in the pots and pans that indicated my mom had to have had a start around the kitchen. My ears caught a soft scratching sound. With something heavy in my chest (and me feeling sight relief at the fact that there was weight in my chest.) I opened the door to a familiar white Ninnken.

"Eiji-san?" I said shocked the cat as he strolled right in.

"Tokina-san." He greeted me "Taizo-sama ordered me to tell you that you have a joint mission with him this week."

I stared blankly at the cat, giving me a squinted smile. "Hey, Eiji-san, don't you have a family?"

He hummed before lying down on the tatami mat. "Eh, I have three kittens. They can take care of themselves."

Connect with the world…?

"...Tell me about them."

AN.

You can tell I had an addiction to Rebecca Sugar.

Lapis and Peridot fusion when?

Tokina was supposed to be an SI but in the end all she inherited from me was my tastes and sense of humor. Honestly, it was super hard to write this chapter because how real it felt. I mean, I am perfectly fine I swear (even though the exams are on the corner uuugh) but if anyone of you are super sad, you don't even need to be depressed or anything, I found that talking is great. But when you don't have anyone to talk to (like me most of the time because I'm a shy mofo) I found that drawing what-fuckin'-ever works too.

Tokina needs this sort of character development because pushing someone down even deeper when it was proven that she had the last bits of strength to end her life is really bad for a reincarnation OC because when you think about it, people kill themselves to escape.

She didn't escape.

Of course, I'm not saying suicide is the right choice. Hell, it shouldn't even be a choice at all in my opinion but who am I to say how you should feel?

But people do have feelings and they would feel something if you died. It's up to you if you want to take those feelings into consideration.

MOVING ON.

It would be unrealistic if someone that killed themselves was fixed because of some magic butterfly voodoo fairy so all Aki did was lessen the urges for now. I love reading angst, I never knew how much I would hate writing it. Could someone give me pointers in writing angst and not melodrama? Y'all have no idea how much I googled on how to write angst when I wrote this chapter.

BUT LIKE ENJOY LIFE Y'ALL BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN! :)

(p.s. if someone could review how they thought the pacing of this story is, that would be great. 14 chapter and suddenly angst? Is that fine? idk, I would appreciate a review or a pm if y'all are shy, ty wish me luck in the exams)