Mattsun looked at the stack of empty pizza boxes with stale grease stains soaked through the cardboard and plastic bags of smelly beer cans next to the door and let out yet another heavy sigh.

"Sorry, you had to be bothered like this. Did you get any sleep last night? What are you even doing staying here?"

"They had to do some emergency plumbing at my place. When I was away on the trip, a pipe had started leaking or something. I caught a couple hours of shut-eye, but don't worry, I doubt I would've slept much either way."

A shiver ran through Tooru and he wrapped the extra blanket the bartender had brought for him last night tighter around his shoulders. They had come out to the hallway to talk so Hajime wouldn't wake up.

"When did he move out?"

"Couple weeks ago."

"Do you think he's been drinking this whole time?

"Yeah, probably. To be honest, I had a feeling things might not go that smooth and I meant to come and check on him, but…" Mattsun rubbed his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "But then they said that there was something wrong with the baby, and…Everything else just kinda disappeared. And I forgot about him."

"How you guys doing?"

The morning was still young, and the only sounds were their quiet conversation and an early – or late – truck driving on the highway. Mattsun leaned on the rustic metal railing.

"All we can do is take it one day at a time."

"How bad is it? I mean, I'm not saying there's something wrong with – How much do they know?"

"They're still doing tests but it's more like…she has it, but they're trying to find out how severe it is."

"Sounds tough. My cousin has a Down kid. It was hard when all of their future plans were suddenly blown to pieces. I mean, they learned to live with it and of course still love him just the same, but naturally you want your kids to be healthy and able."

Mattsun cleared his throat and straightened himself up. "Yeah, well, it is what is. But what are we gonna do with him? I don't know if the motel will let him stay. Maybe I could talk him into going to a hospital or something."

"For what? The ER's not gonna take him, all he's been doing is drinking. Besides he'd never agree to that."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't feel comfortable leaving him by himself either."

"I can look after him," Tooru's heart made his mouth say before his head had a chance to catch up. "Help to sober him up at least. Maybe he'll be more cooperative with a clear head."

Mattsun shook his head and frowned. "No, I can't ask you a favor that big. You've already done loads. He's not your responsibility, I'll figure something."

"Like what? I think we just ran all the options through. Look, it's no trouble – well, it is, but I don't mind."

"You sure are eager to take care of a guy you barely know."

"Yeah, well, that's partly why I wanna do this."

"What, you like him or something?" Mattsun chuckled.

Tooru shrugged and Mattsun's laughter died. "I don't know, he's been on my mind lately."

"Oh." Mattsun blinked, suddenly out of words.

"I mean, I don't know what you – you know, if you think two guys is – "

"No, no! I'm fine it."

"'Cause you never know with the military guys, most of them are too macho to accept how others live their lives, and he's your best friend, and – "

"Calm down, I'm fine with it." Mattsun smiled a little at Tooru's defensiveness. "You sure picked a guy, but I'm fine with it."

"I do have one thing I wanna ask from you, though."

"Sure, anything."

"What happened to him? In the last tour?"

Mattsun's sneakers shuffled against the cement floor. "Look, I don't think it's really my place to tell."

"But you and all the other guys were there, right? So, it's not like it's a big secret, but still, everyone shuts up about it. Just tell me from your experience, you're allowed to tell your own story, right?"

A silence fell between them, and it stretched for so long Tooru thought he had pushed too much and pissed Mattsun off. Of course, he didn't have a right to poke his private memories, but as long as he was left in the dark his hands were tied.

"I'm sorry for asking but I can't help if – "

"I never really talked about it with Hajime," Mattsun said quietly while staring at the sun rising over the parking lot behind the skyline, "not properly anyway. We never sat down and really talked about it. He's been my best friend since we were little runts, but I never – I just always told him to snap out of it." He turned to look at Tooru, his face twisted in a painful frown. "Some friend am I, huh?"

"You couldn't have – "

"I had just gotten the news that Em was pregnant right before we left for the scouting assignment. Hajime was the first person I told. I asked him to be the baby's godfather – he's already a godfather to the twins, too, and we joked that he's collected the whole series now." Mattsun chuckled quietly. "He told me to stay at the camp, not come with the scouting team. Go and call your wife, he said. Tell her I said congrats and that it's time to close Mattsun's factory already. He knew we had been trying for another kid for a while, perhaps a boy this time, and that I'd resign if we got a bite. I had promised Em, I'd stay home if we got a third kid."

"But I was too jittery to stay put, I needed to take out the energy on something, and scoutings were always pretty smooth operations. I mean, there was a strict curfew in the area, so it was mostly just walking around the camp precinct. Nothing we hadn't done hundreds of times before."

Tooru nodded and hummed in the lulls of Mattsun's story. He was afraid to interrupt him and break the odd aura that had fell over him. It was as in he wasn't even Mattsun anymore, or that he had completely cut himself off the events he was telling Tooru about.

"So, I insisted on going with them, and we got pretty far without any problems. But then, around one bank we heard something, and there's a kid – a little boy, couldn't have been older than a first-grader – in the ditch. He was sitting there in the mud and crying."

Tooru's guts lurched uncomfortably. "He was alone? How did he get there?"

"I don't know, I think they're still looking into it. But somehow, he had gotten separated from his parents. He was crying so hard it was difficult to have any kinda contact with him, not that he would've understood what we said anyway. But you know sometimes kids calm down a bit when you just keep talking to them. Or at them. Not this one though, I think he got even more scared when he saw us."

"We have a protocol how we approach the locals if we encounter them – I mean, you know all that stuff, right? Your dad's been in the military his whole life?"

Tooru nodded. "Yeah."

"But…he was just a little boy, and he was scared out of his mind. And for all we knew, he might have been hurt, too. I think we were all a bit thrown off by the situation, even Hajime even though he was the group leader and as seasoned as I. But he decided that one of us, who turned out to be him, I don't remember why, should take off their gear that could frighten the kid even more and go get him. Bring him to the camp with us and start figuring out what's going on."

Mattsun took a deep breath and was quiet for a long while before continuing. Tooru prayed no one would come to the hallway and shatter their moment.

"I think he got to hold the kid just a few seconds. He slowly walked to him, dropped down into the ditch, picked him up, and – the next moment the ground shook under our feet and there were a flash and a loud bang. Dirt and rock flew everywhere like the ground had sneezed. Hajime and the kid vanished."

"Was it a mine?"

"Yeah. God only knows how the kid hadn't set it off before we got there." Mattsun glanced at Tooru frowning to himself. "I know, I've thought about it, too. I'm sure Hajime as well. What if the kid had been left there as a bait? Because who wouldn't go help a little child, right, and forget to use their head. I've thought about it, but – I'd rather not."

"What happened to the kid?"

"He had no chance of surviving that. I mean, the way Hajime was carrying him, he was like a shield. I think he might've saved Hajime's life, and he only lost his leg. Sure, it's still a leg, but it could've been much worse."

Mattsun quickly wiped his face, and Tooru averted his eyes to give him privacy to collect himself. The sun had come out behind the skyline already, and it seemed like it was going be another beautiful day.

"I was the one who got to him first, and I've never seen anything like that before," Mattsun continued with a gruff voice. "I could hardly recognize his body, he was covered in blood from head to toe. Though much worse was all the – I mean, the kid had exploded in his arms." Mattsun pressed his lips together and swallowed. He looked a little pale.

"It's okay, you don't have tell me all the details."

"I'm gonna need a drink or ten after this."

"They'll be on me, then."

"I thought for sure he was dead because it all looked so gruesome, but when I leaned over to find his pulse or anything, really, his eyes suddenly flew wide open. I don't think he really saw me, he was in a massive shock, but at least he was hanging in there. Scared the crap out of me, though. In the middle of all that bloody mess, there are suddenly two white eyeballs staring." Mattsun frowned in confusion. "You know, I've never told that detail to anyone. Not even the therapist they had us go see."

"Did Hajime do therapy?"

"They tried, but I think it was just too much happening at the same time. The surgery, losing the leg, the physical therapy. And the harder they tried, the more he lashed out. After the hospital was done with him, I went to get him and moved him to our guest room even though he was against it at first. But his apartment was on the fourth floor, and there wasn't an elevator, so he didn't really have a choice."

"And here we are now?"

Mattsun glanced at the window of Hajime's room even though the ugly curtains had been drawn shut. "And here we are now. He drinks, he doesn't sleep until he's so tired he passes out, he has some kinda panic attack problem he thinks I don't know about, he's withdrawn, and he hasn't worn his prosthesis since they discharged him. You sure you still wanna do this?"

"Actually, it helps a lot to know all of that, so thanks for telling me. Let's just get him sober first, one step at a time."

"But are you really sure about this? What about your job?"

"I've had a pretty intense couple of days, so my hand could use some rest anyway. I just need to get him over the first hump and then I can bring him with me to the shop or something."

"He's not gonna like being treated like a kid."

"Good thing I'm not going do that, then"

A ringtone chimed in Mattsun's pocket and they both flinched. Mattson fished out his phone and looked at the screen. "It's Em, I should head back. You, keep me updated okay? And call if there are any problems or if you need anything. And I mean it." He waved the ringing phone at Tooru's face.

"Yeah, yeah, I've got it." Tooru shed the blanket and folded it neatly. "Now, answer that before she has a heart attack or something."

Mattsun accepted the call and headed down to the parking lot. "Hello? No, I'm on my way now, sorry. We'll make it, just be ready when I get there." He waved his silent goodbyes and mouthed his thank yous. "What? No, I'm fine."

When Tooru got back into the room, Hajime was still sound asleep. His deep breathing sounded like a perfect lullaby, and Tooru settled back on the little sofa he had slept in for a while in the small hours before calling Mattsun. The motel was starting to stir awake for a new day, but from now on, they'd have a rhythm of their own.