AN: GUYS. Have I told you you're amazing?! Seriously, cannot thank you enough for everyone who is reading. Those who have just stumbled across the story, and those who have been here from Day 1, you're all AMAZING. I appreciate y'all, and am so happy you're enjoying this little read! This is another filler chapter (sorrryyyy) but there WILL be some serious lemons in the near future. Keep your reviews and suggestions comin :)
Therapy.
It was the first part of my training I was loathe to admit I truly sucked at.
I had zero patience for it. I knew I asked for it, and I definitely knew I needed it, but I hated how it felt like I never made progress. Thalia would mention one thing, or poke a specific spot, and all my part traumas would come right back as if I was reliving them for the first time all over again.
I didn't want bunny hugs and whispered lullaby's but sometimes a girl just wants to be cooed at and told it'll all be okay. Even if it may be a bold-faced lie. I had to appreciate that about Thalia though. She was training me as she had been trained. In her hardest and darkest times, she was told to harbour her emotions to propel her forward, and to allow the pain and heartache to motivate her path to success.
And a lot of destruction in her case.
In the four months we had been in Sweden, I had learned how to wield a sword twice my size, fire automatic weapons, multiple martial arts take downs, and control my light at will. My light was very much associated to my energy (which I knew, and had now experimented with), and Thalia quickly noticed food, water intake and meditation effected the strength and duration of my light. In my first two months I greatly enjoyed throwing fireballs and the occasional blast, where I could send a wave of energy out from me, as I had done during my escape from Fairy. I was never one for cartoons, but it made me feel like that Dragon Ball Z character.
During my time, I explored Sweden somewhat. Being away from home, and in such a different part of Europe was exhilarating for me. Thalia appeased me by taking me to some tourist attractions, and the occasional restaurant, but I found that the more people I was around, the higher my anxiety became. I was fighting my own mind and the thoughts surrounding me. If my shields slipped, they would crash, plummeting me into panic and worry that this weakness would allow me to be taken again.
I entirely understood why Thalia had instigated regular therapy sessions. I knew it was a part of the deal I had requested. I also realized that this was likely one of the last stages of my training before I could return home to a more (dare I say) "normal" atmosphere. She was testing my mental state, as well as my emotional acceptance of what I had learned and what I still needed to overcome. She had
So as I sat down at the kitchen island to hear Thalia had cancelled our training for that evening (I switched to vampire hours quite early after arriving, for obvious reasons), I was both hesitant but determined. If I could communicate to Thalia that I was stable enough to continue training, and return home, I could start planning my vengeance. My training would never stop from now on, but it could adapt to my home setting, wherever I chose that to be.
Shreveport had held interest as of late (shocker). The thought of returning to Eric had my insides warming and my brain planning how our conversation would go later. Thalia's barking call returned me to my current setting.
"Yes Kyrios" I met her eyes, then bowed my head immediately. This showed her I understood my mistake of not keeping my attention focused on her, and demonstrated my willingness to obey. The first week of my arrival, Thalia had taught me some of what she had learned in her human years. I had learned in bits and pieces her background in hints she would drop. The term I called her was one she used in her training, her mentor was a strong warrior who thrived in the year 250. She had been turned around the age of 15, after her royal parents were killed in a great war. After witnessing their deaths, a soldier took her under his wing, having been a victim of war himself. She thrived under his tutelage and maintains his practices ever in the thousands of years she has been vampire.
"Tell me how you are feeling" she added emphasis to the words she had literally just asked before I reverted to my mental wandering. I sighed, she quirked her eyebrow (it was another "human trait" of mine she hated), and I quickly cleared my throat and answered in my training tone.
"I am rested and eager to train". If I thought Thalia was a vampire who would roll her eyes, she surely would have done so now.
"Sookie" my eyes snapped to hers as she used my name, a rare occurrence with her, and told me she really meant business. "Tell me how you are feeling about your training. Do you feel you have learned all there is to master?"
I reflected on her questions. She had taught me as a warrior that not knowing your weaknesses is providing yourself a death sentence. Know your weakness, master it, so when your enemy finds it, it will not kill you. She would tell me this regularly. I think it was a summary of the Art of War. Or perhaps The Art of War was a summary of Thalia…. Equally likely.
"I've learned so much from you Thalia. Physically I feel that I have mastered our training, but will maintain our routine to further my strength and improvement. I still feel … conflicted … about the trauma. I am scared and paranoid in public, I find myself constantly questioning if I could be taken at any moment. I don't want to live in fear mentally even if I am prepared for an attack physically." She nodded and we sat in silence, sipping our beverages before she finally asked me another question.
"What is your biggest fear?"
It was asked in casual and light tone but I thought I recognized an underlying test.
"Inadequacy" I reply.
Thalia shakes her head. "No child, this is not a question for the warrior in training. This is a question for the woman in pieces".
She looks up and meets my eyes, now hazing over in a confused worry. It felt like a punch in the gut. She holds my gaze for a few moments, and then repeats her question more softly.
"What is your biggest fear Sookie?"
I take a deep breath and center myself, thinking of the calming techniques I have learned in my meditation. I could personify the answer with one, or many names, but that is not what I am truly fearful of. It is another moment before I answer.
"Not being in control". I raise my eyes to her to see the slight raise of her eyebrows, before she waves her hand at me and says "Please elaborate".
I fold my hands on the island in front of me softly.
"I can answer that question with many names, and many experiences that I fear, but they can all be summarized to the same theme. I was kidnapped against my will, I bled without my consent, and I was molested mentally and physically against my wishes. I do not need a name to summarize those attacks. I fear losing control of my will, control of my life, and control of emotional wellbeing."
Thalia nods. "That is a good answer, child… Now tell me, what do you want most?" She pushes her mug slightly away, and folds her hands like mine.
I fidget, a habit I had worked hard to break when we had begun training. Thalia said it provoked further distractions. But as I analyze my true wants right now I have two things equally tugging at me. So I sigh and respond "I do not know".
Thalia shakes her head and shocks me by putting one of her hands on my own. She has never touched me so personally before. We have sparred and fought against each other, but she has never verged the line of – well intimacy. Even if this was much more of a sisterly gesture.
"Sookie, I see that you are driven by your heart and your head. Your heart is bruised and still bleeding, and your head is finding ways to stop it from happening again. You train to attack your tormentors, and for that I give you my respect. We are similar that way. But you cannot attack when you are not fully healed." I had cast my gaze to the table upon her intimate act, and now shyly met her eyes again.
"I have trained you in all you need - for now. I believe your heart must heal, and that can only be done with those that make you feel safe. Do you know those people?" I did not hesitate with my yes.
"Then …. It is time to go home"
I feel my heart sing at her decision, and nod my head. I place my other hand on top of hers, and gave her a nod.
"Thank you Thalia" I whisper reverently. "I am in your debt"
She shakes her head sternly. "I will be by your side when you seek vengeance that is the only payment I require".
It was not a question but a statement. Thalia did not need the details of my trauma. She did not need descriptions. She understood pain. She urged me back towards my room and gave me a smirk that rivaled Eric's.
"Go tell the Master" I bounce out of my chair and head to my room to call Eric. Thalia provides a non-traceable phone every few weeks, and I grabbed it from my drawer. I dial the numbers quickly, and try not to bounce excitedly as it connects.
"If you are hoping to further distract me this evening I am afraid I will have to return your call … later" I did not miss the sin dripping from the last word in his lust filled voice.
"I wouldn't dare take you away from your duties. I only wish to discuss the conference"
Even though the line was secured, we never talked personal details. No names, just high level information usually (are you ok, do you need anything, etc.).
Conference was the word we had agreed meant home, so I knew the long pause I heard was pregnant with emotion.
"Have the details been approved?" Meaning, does Thalia know?
"Yes, encouraged immediately" Meaning, she suggested it.
Another long pause had my insides squirming. I loved these calls but they were always hard. The first time we had spoken I had almost spilled every detail about my training and how grateful I was that Godric and Eric had sent me here. I was a kid in a candy store who wanted to rave about her first vacation and every tid bit I had learned. I had gotten two rushed sentences out before Thalia broke through my door and crushed the phone, before dragging me to train, screaming the whole way.
I spent two hours sparring with her, and another in mediation, before she asked me what I had done wrong. The lesson was never to assume things are secure unless they are your home, even then, prepare for the worst.
Assuming you are safe is the worst thing you can do.
As that light bulb hit home I had a few self-loathing moments, understanding how naive I had been, and likely why I had been so easily taken. My Gran's home was always safe, yet I had been attacked by my ex-vampire boyfriend, kidnapped and let's not forget the fairy portal that lay right next door. Assuming that ground was safe, was the worst assumption I could have made, it's likely Niall had been spying on me for years … and who knows who else after Bill was involved.
The sound of a husky baritone voice broke me out of my internal musings.
"Understood. We will confirm reception" another long pause had my insides squirming before he added "We look forward to it".
Understatement of the year.