Author's Note: So, people are wondering what the heck happened to Alondra (aww, they care!). I find it important to illustrate that depression does not manifest itself in the same way for everyone, and that does not make it any less valid for one person or another. This was actually the second chunk of text I wrote for the story a long time ago but finally cleaned up and fit into place. Hopefully everyone can take a sigh of relief when this sorts itself out!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
She spoke so loudly everyone in the room could hear every word. "Kukui, I need your help. Do you know what happened to Alondra yesterday?" Her mom's voice was desperate, almost panicked.
"Huh?" the professor frowned. "I mean, I do, but what's the matter?"
"I don't know. I've never seen her this bad before. She had the warning signs and we got her on medication years ago but…she's having an attack of a magnitude I've never seen and I'm scared!"
"What kind of attack?"
"When she got home yesterday afternoon she ran into her room and slammed the door shut. She didn't lock the door, thank god, so I went in to check on her. She was wailing that she broke somebody named 'Guzma', declared that she was a horrible human being who should just disappear, and asked to be left alone. I was worried, so I took everything potentially dangerous out of her room: belts, shoes with strings, sharp objects, medication… She didn't try to stop me, she just kept sobbing. I tried to get her to talk but she won't say anything else. I've got Meowth posted at the window in case she tries to get out and I've been sitting in the living room watching her door. But she won't come out, and I've tried to get her to eat and drink and take her medication but she won't. I understand being upset for a little while, but it has been 24 hours! I've never seen her this bad, and I don't know what to do!"
Kukui's eyes widened. Clearly, her condition was lost in the chaos surrounding Guzma yesterday, and no one had noticed how hard she took the whole thing. No, 'taking it hard' didn't begin to cover it; the girl had a complete meltdown from what it sounded like, and not one of them had seen it. These last 24 hours were an absolute disaster that seemed to get worse and worse instead of better. "Okay, it's okay. One of us should probably come over there and talk to her. Something happened yesterday that set her off, and we didn't know that she reacted that way."
"Who in the world is Guzma?" her mother demanded, interrupting him. "That's all she'll say, that she's ruined his life, but I've never even heard of him!"
"I'll explain once we get there. Just, stay calm. We're in Hao'oli City and were just leaving the hospital. We can be there in twenty minutes. Will you be okay?"
There was deep breathing on the other side of the phone. "Yes. She doesn't seem desperate, just…lifeless. I don't think anything will happen."
"Okay. We'll be there soon. I'm hanging up now," he warned. When she didn't protest, he ended the call. With a sigh, he stared at it for a second. Turning to the other three standing around him, his shoulders slumped. "So, we've got a problem."
"We heard, Kukui." Guzma was boring a hole into the ground, fidgeting. "She's in a bad place."
Hala rubbed his head, having put aside his own guilt for the moment. "You know, Guzma, as much as I want to spare you the conversation, I don't think speaking to anyone else but you will help her."
"I know that too," he growled, kicking the ground. The one hand that still could was shoved into his pocket.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Plumeria interjected defensively. "Look at what happened last time when she…"
"Let's just go." In a huff, he pushed his way to the door even though he had no idea where exactly he was going. Hala was right, the two of them had business to reconcile, but that wasn't even all. There were flashes of a memory, of grabbing her roughly, of staring into her eyes as tears fell. Of a pale blue stone clenched in her hand. A wave of nausea gripped him, and he had to clench his jaw to keep it down. Now she was broken too, all because he couldn't control himself. Alondra had made him furious, but she didn't deserve that. Nobody deserved that feeling.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
When the group arrived at her house, her mother was there to immediately open the door. "Thank goodness you've arrived Professor. Hala. Plumeria. And…" She looked up at Guzma curiously. "I'm assuming you're Guzma?" She then looked down and saw how his hands were bandaged up, baffled by the sight.
"Yes, and I punched a wall and cut myself, because I know you are wondering," he responded sullenly. "I need to speak with Alondra."
Her mother looked hesitant, studying the imposing young man before her. Only a nod from Kukui and Hala prodded her to agree. "Okay. And, while you're at it, could you try to get her to drink some water at least? Or take her medication?" He simply nodded with a grunt, prompting the woman to go fetch them for him. "Come inside and take a seat at the table."
As she worked to fill a glass and pull out the appropriate dose, the guests did as she requested sans Guzma, whose eyes darted around the house inspecting everything. Considering how much she had figured out about him, he knew next to nothing about her, and was trying to pull clues from the environment. He didn't have long before he was interrupted. "Hey, Guz," Plumeria hissed, reaching for his sleeve and pulling him closer. "You sure you're gonna be okay to talk to her?"
"No, I'm not. Does that make you feel better?"
"We're right here to help if something doesn't go well," Hala reminded, more for Plumeria than for Guzma. "This has to be."
"Here," Alondra's mother interrupted, holding out the items.
"We'll fill her in on everything while you two talk," Hala added meaningfully.
"Right." He grabbed the glass of water and the single pill Alondra had been rationed and slunk over to the door. He gave a sharp rap with his foot, being he didn't have a good hand to knock with. "Hey, Alondra, I'm comin' in, so I hope you're decent! I'm such a nice guy, I'm givin' ya more warning than ya gave me!" Of course, he quickly realized that with a glass of water in his one semi-decent hand, he couldn't open the door. He cleared his throat expectantly, and Kukui ran over to turn the doorknob for him. Nodding his thanks, he entered, with Kukui shutting it behind him.
He found that Alondra hadn't stirred from her spot on her bed, where she was planted on her stomach and facing the wall. Even in the hot weather, her covers were pulled up over her shoulders as if to hide her. Only the back of her head was visible, hair a tousled mess. Guzma crossed the room and set the water glass down on her desk, with the pill next to it, then folded his arms as best he could. "Hey, don't tell me you're sleepin'. I came all the way over here from the hospital just to talk with ya, so you'd better not ignore me! Especially considering you're the one so worried you ruined my life."
That last remark earned a whimper from the girl, who responded by turning onto her side still facing away from him and curling into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. Not the best way to have a conversation, but good enough he figured. "Well, I know you're listenin' at least. Okay, pay attention. About yesterday…I probably did feel like you ruined my life yesterday. And today, I'd still say you made it a hell of a lot more difficult."
"I'm sorry…" she sniffled in a thin, fragile voice so full of cracks it could shatter if he looked at her wrong. "I never wanted that to happen. I didn't think…"
"Yeah, ya didn't think. Ya didn't think about how I'd react to having my childhood abuse brought up. I spent every day of my life trying to hide it. It's how I survived all these years and you brought it out for people to see. I wanted to die."
He could see her visibly tremble under the blankets. "Please don't. I know I screwed up and I can't take it back, but please don't! I'm the one who's useless, a mess up, ruining things for everybody. I'm the one that should just disappear, not you."
Her response left Guzma floored. Were those words hers or his? But so different at the same time! When he thought them, he was filled with anger and wanted to hurt himself or other things to lash out. But when she thought them…she just looked like she wanted to curl into a ball and die, meek and quiet, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible as she suffered. "How do you do that?"
"Huh?" For the first time, she turned to face him, revealing red blood-shot eyes from crying all night.
Guzma pulled out a chair from her desk and sat with his legs spread, studying her unapologetically. "How do you hate yourself so quietly like that? I mean, I'm definitely not a subtle guy when I lose it, obviously. But you, I had no idea you had this in you. Has it always been this way, or did I just set you off that bad?"
Alondra swallowed, but her throat was so dry it did little good. "I've always been this way. I was the only one in my town that didn't get to go off and have a Pokémon adventure. All my friends left, and when they came back, they couldn't even relate to me. I was always alone, I was always the weird girl that was too sheltered to leave home. I'm awkward, timid, and I'd rather not battle my Pokémon even though everybody keeps telling me I should because I'm good at it."
"Ya don't like battling?!" Guzma stared, jaw agape.
"See? Everybody thinks I'm strange…" She buried her head under the covers. Guzma cursed himself for his initial reaction.
"Look, hey, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just surprised, because you always end up kicking my ass in battle!" he attempted. Then, he sighed. "So, I can't even win against someone who doesn't like battling. What does that mean about me? I really am a failure…"
"No!" she cried, re-emerging from the covers. "You're like the strongest person I've ever battled against, except maybe Hau because he did legitimately beat me for Championship. Then again, he had six Pokémon and you have yet to fight me with a full team…"
"Well, that perked you up real fast," he observed with a smirk. Seeing what he had done, she huffed in annoyance and flopped her head back down on the pillow. "Now, back to my question. You're so quiet about all that self-loathing. Were you struggling with it lately while you were while you were runnin' around doing the Island Challenge?"
She shook her head. "Getting my Pokémon helped me. They made me feel more confident about myself. I got to thinking as I finished my Trials that maybe I wasn't such a screw-up. But now…" Her face fell. "I can see that hasn't changed at all. I want to help but I just make a mess. I'm lucky Hala and Kukui were there to clean up the mess I made yesterday. You must hate me so much…" She choked on the last words, and if she still had tears left to cry, they would have emerged.
There was silence for a moment. "Ya know, as I was sayin', ya made my life really really difficult. And it hurt like hell to the point where I wanted to die. But maybe that's how it had to be. I've heard people say that sometimes ya gotta break a bone to reset it right. Maybe ya had to expose me for me to heal the right way." When she risked a look at him, he was staring out the window, leaning his elbow on her desk and resting his chin on the heel of his hand. "I would never do it myself, and I needed someone with the guts to call me out. Up til now, nobody's even paid enough attention to notice. I wanted it to be a secret, but at the same time I held a grudge against all of them for not noticing. I know it doesn't make sense, but…"
"No, I get it. You're mind wants one thing and your heart won't stop wanting another." He turned to look at her, and when their eyes met, there was an understanding.
"Well, I pushed so many people away, this was probably the only way to build my bridges back and build a semi-decent life for myself, so in the end I may be thankin' ya. We'll see." He paused. Did he hate her? It would be simple to just tell her he didn't to get her to snap out of it, but as he contemplated, he realized all the fire of his initial rage had burned out, and nothing of hate remained in the ashes. How could he hate her when she was laid low in a way he was all too familiar with? Feeling a pain he was so used to carrying? And for what would he hate her, for trying to understand him? "But the point is, I do know that I don't hate ya, and believe me, if I did I would tell ya," he finished gruffly, slouching back in the chair.
She seemed to think about something. "Open the top drawer on the desk."
Puzzled, he raised an eyebrow and did as she asked. He found his lucky Dawnstone sitting right on top. He pulled it out, remembering the smooth, cool texture that had always been so calming. Of course, now he could hardly enjoy that with all the bandages covering his hands. "Ya need this?"
"You should take it back. Maybe you don't hate me, but you probably don't like me all that much. I know it means a lot to you, and I don't deserve to have it after what I put you through." Her face was downcast, and she bit her lip.
She was met with a long, hard stare. Alondra was grateful to be so buried under her covers… "I decide what you deserve from me, not you."
"G-Guzma?"
"I gave that to ya because I felt like you were someone who cared. That has not changed. In fact, few people have ever cared more than you have. Of course you ain't givin' it back! Now, hold out your hand." No way was she going to argue with Guzma, even if she didn't agree. Reaching out from under the sheets with shaky arms, she held out her hands only for him to press the Dawnstone into them just as he had the first time. However, unlike the first time, he curled her fingers around it, forming a tight grasp on it. "I'll tell ya something." Suddenly, the carpet was the most interesting thing in the room for Guzma. "When I was younger, hangin' onto that Dawnstone used to calm me down. But yesterday I found out seeing you hang onto it was even better." At that, he turned red and let go, swiveling the chair around so she couldn't see him. "And…I see the bruises I gave ya on your arms. I'm the one who should be thinkin' YOU would hate ME."
For the first time, Alondra studied the insides of her arms where he had grabbed her the day before, noticing there were indeed purple blotches, though still rather faint. "I trusted that you wouldn't hurt me, and I was right. This doesn't count."
"How do ya figure? You're covered in bruises!"
"I'm not COVERED in bruises. I have two light bruises that I didn't even notice I had."
"You weren't in your right mind to notice…"
"Guzma, I'm telling you I'm not mad about it!"
"Well I am!" She noticed his shoulders were shaking slightly as he attempted to grab his hair. He opted to ignore the pain in his left hand in favor of doing so. "I hurt you. I'm just like my old man getting mad and hurting people, and that thought is…" He shivered, fighting back tears.
Alondra panicked. All of a sudden, this conversation had taken a turn for the worse. How could she get him to.… Then, she recalled his words not a minute before. "Guzma, look at me." When he didn't, she repeated it again, even more forcefully and deliberately. "Guzma. Look. At. Me." This time, he grudgingly obeyed, and was greeted by the sight of her clutching onto his Dawnstone, eyes soft and worried. "You are NOT him. Back when I beat you in Po Town, you could have done anything to me, but you had the strength to walk out of that room. And yesterday, you didn't stop what you were doing because Hala and Kukui were there; you stopped because you had enough control over yourself to know it wasn't what you wanted. I believe you won't ever be like him."
He may have doubted those words, but not the conviction behind them. And what was it about seeing her hold onto his Dawnstone like that? Maybe…it was like she was clinging onto HIM and refusing to let go. He could feel the tension in his body dissipate. "I hope you're right." With a sigh, they fell into silence. When he looked down at the desk, he remembered the errand he had yet to do. Reaching out, he grasped the glass of water. "Thirsty?"
She looked hesitant even though her lips were clearly chapped. "I'm fine."
"You're not fine. I've pulled enough of that bullshit to recognize it when I see it. Now, lemme rephrase that. Drink."
"Why do you worry about me? I'm the one that hurt you…" she protested. Ah, back to this… Time to kill it once and for all.
He glared at her, unwilling to hold anything back. "You were nosy and annoying, but you did not hurt me. My old man hurt me. I hurt myself. You, however, did not hurt me. So stop punishing yourself for something I've told you will probably work out for the best in the long run and drink the damn water before I pour it down your throat."
Harsh, yes, but she realized that it was what she needed to hear. "Fine." Her voice cracked, betraying her parched throat. He stared knowingly, and she scowled, taking the glass from him and taking a long drink. She had nearly finished when he snatched it away from her. "What the heck?"
"You don't get to finish the rest unless you take this with it," he informed her, holding her pill in his other hand's fingers.
She studied his hand. "You broke it when you punched that wall, didn't you?"
"Yeah. Ya wanna sign it or somethin'?"
Calling his bluff, she threw the covers off and brushed past him to a drawer in her desk. She withdrew a sharpie and began scrawling her name to his shock, along with a giant, gaudy heart. He squinted at the writing, confused. "Luna?"
"My first name," she confessed. "I always thought it was silly to be called 'Moon' even if it is in another language, so I use my middle name. But this way no one will know who signed it."
He smiled, just a tiny one, then just as quickly buried it under his typical frown. "Fine, you signed the cast. Now you definitely owe me. Take this." She obeyed without complaint, popping it in her mouth and rinsing it down with the rest of the water. He wanted to ask exactly what the stuff was, but he figured by now it had something to do with her depression, and he wasn't going to ask.
"Now, it's time you got out of this room. Your mom is worried sick about ya."
Alondra looked embarrassed. "I've put her through a lot. I'm lucky I have someone that cares about me as much as she does." He knew what she implied.
"Not just your mom. Hala and Kukui, and even Plumeria are out there being worried about the BOTH of us. They're gonna need a vacation when this is done…" Guzma shook his head and made his way for the door. Stupid twist handle! He struggled with it, trying to find a way to open it without aggravating his wound when she gently smacked his hand away.
"Allow me."
As she opened the door, she found herself looking into his eyes again, and realized he was looking right back. Both flushed. Both were thinking 'What a pair we make'.