A/N: oof, angst warning

Dib had to admit- the food wasn't great. But Lard Nar had mentioned that while this ship was large and accommodating it wasn't exactly luxury, as opposed to the Massive. But it was tolerable. The white stuff on his plate kinda tasted like mashed potatoes, so he could deal.

"Eww." Zim cringed, disgusted as he seated himself beside Dib. "Even here, the food is disgusting! I thought I'd finally find something I could enjoy now that I'm not on Earth."

Earth food. He hadn't even been in space that long and he was already starting to miss things from his home planet. "God, I'd kill for a cheeseburger right now," Dib replied with a small groan of annoyance, stirring around the thick, white substance on his plate. "I miss Earth food already and it's only day one."

"Get used to it, Dib-smell. There's no going back now."

No going back. Huh.

He got up, tossing the food on his plate into the trash. He placed the now empty plate on top of the trash can and returned to his spot next to Zim. "Look, Zim, this isn't exactly easy for me to say, but… thanks for coming with me. You didn't have to do this."

Zim looked up, meeting his eyes cautiously. "Zim can't allow the Dib to venture off into space by himself. There's no way I'm letting some other Irken get the pleasure of killing you."

Dib ducked his head, laughter coming naturally to him. It felt good to laugh like this. It had been a long time since he'd genuinely laughed at something Zim said. "Can't let that happen, can we?"

Zim shook his head, but didn't say anything more.

"I mean it though," Dib continued. He didn't know why he couldn't let this go, but the words kept coming out uncontrollably, slipping past his lips unbidden. "Thank you. You may not be doing this to save Earth, but you are technically going to save a lot of people by doing this. Not just humans, either. Millions of lives. We're going to be part of that. You and I."

An uncharacteristically bitter smile crossed alien lips. "Invader Zim, the joke of the universe, suddenly becoming its savior. When did that happen?"

He didn't need to ask. He knew exactly when things began to change.

The day I met you.

"But that makes it worth it to you, doesn't it?" Zim continued, before Dib could answer his question. "Just knowing that others will live on because of you."

Dib shrugged. "Well… yeah, I suppose."

"…I see."

You can never be like him.

Dib and these people save lives. You aren't one of them. You can't be.

You destroy. It's what you do best. You should be the very thing they're fighting against.

He closed his eyes, attempting to filter out the voices of insecurity filling his head, screaming at him that he could never change. He was a monster. That's what he started out as, and it's how he would inevitably end. A defective, yeah. The joke of his people, most definitely. A monster? He'd never entertained the thought. He hadn't been able to see it before, but lately, it was like he was coming to one realization after the other. His senses felt renewed, awakened… alive.

But these feelings…

He could handle fighting against his Empire, even if he was screaming at himself every waking minute of every day to stop. He couldn't deny that a part of himself wanted this fight too, to see the Tallest pay for the hell they put him through. But there was still one part of him that he couldn't run away from. No amount of PAK programming or human friendships could change this.

Who was he kidding? He was already too late, in too deep. But even so, he... he couldn't…

Zim abruptly stood up. "I'm going to my room. I'll see you at dinner."

"Wha- Zim, hey! Lunch isn't over yet!" Dib quickly followed after him. He managed to get close enough to grab Zim's wrist, effectively stopping him. "Zim, where are you going all the sudden?"

"To my room, to check on Gir." He yanked his wrist out of Dib's hold. "Why?"

"Cause you kind of walked out on our conversation?"

"I was under the impression our conversation was finished."

"What are you not telling me? Ever since I rescued you from the Massive something's been up with you. It's like you're Zim but you're… not, at the same time."

Zim's crimson gaze fell to the floor, as if something there had suddenly caught his attention. "Zim is fine."

Zim should know better by now. He should know that Dib had grown well accustomed to reading him and his expressions. "Zim, nothing is going to get solved if you keep walking away from this. I know you're new to emotions and stuff like that, but you um… don't have to take them on alone. I um…" He awkwardly cleared his throat. "I'm not good at this sort of thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm... here for you..?"

Zim was silent for a good thirty seconds, glaring heatedly up at Dib like he was going to reach up and claw his eyes out any second. When he finally spoke, his voice was dripping with malice. "If you're implying that I've become weak and soft like a pathetic human, then save it. I'm still the same Zim I've always been."

"Zim, we both know that's not true. And it's not… bad, to feel emotion. It's not a weakness."

"It's a distraction," Zim corrected, pointing a gloved finger up at Dib. "Why do you think defectives are frowned upon?"

"Frowned upon? For having emotion?" Dib laughed bitterly. "No offense, but that's bullshit."

Zim shook his head, his antennae flattening against his skull. "It's logical. If Irkens rely on emotions, it will lead to impulsive decisions that could threaten the mission. An Irken must be kept free of any and all biases in order to make rational choices that will hopefully benefit the mission," he explained.

Dib was growing more and more frustrated. He absolutely hated when Zim talked down to him and treated him like he was a lesser being. Sure, that was the usual, but as of late, Dib had finally felt like Zim was starting to see him as more of an equal. He breathed out a heavy sigh. "Is that what your empire has taught you? God, Zim, when are you going to wake up?! You're not part of the empire anymore! You never have been!"

"Zim is awake!" he retorted. He stepped forward until he had Dib pressed against the wall, his hand fisted tightly in the fabric of Dib's shirt. "I am aware. But this isn't exactly something I can just forget- it's literally been ingrained, seared into my very being from the moment I was hatched. So forgive Zim if he is not exactly over his basic programming!

"That's not what I'm saying," Dib argued. "I'm not expecting you to get over it right away, but what I am saying is that you're not alone anymore. So if you're having trouble getting over it, then let me help! Maybe that goes against your basic programming too, but you're different now. You've changed."

"Wanna bet?" Zim challenged. "Do you think I still won't kill you here and now?"

Dib rolled his eyes. "Please, I know you won't."

Zim could fight and deny all he wanted, but even he knew it was true. He simply wasn't what he used to be. But that didn't have to be a bad thing. Zim just chose to see it that way because he hadn't ever been taught a better way.

Perhaps Dib could teach him that way.

"Please don't run from your feelings anymore, Zim. I don't know much about it myself, but I know that pushing them down like that can't be good…"

Zim sighed and released Dib from the wall, turning his back to him. "There is nothing I'm 'pushing down', I'm fine-"

Dib wasn't letting him get away. He had let Zim walk away too many goddamn times. Not again. He grabbed Zim by the shoulder and whirled him around so he was facing him. "God, no you're not! Zim, can you stop being stubborn for a minute and tell me how you honestly feel for once?!"

Zim hesitated for a moment, refusing to make eye contact at first, before he finally looked up to meet Dib's gaze. It was that same hateful look earlier, though now his eyes looked darkened with bitterness, spite, pure white hot anger. Zim's eyes reminded him of nebulae, they always had, but now that he was staring right into them, they resembled fire. Dark, passionate fire that Dib felt might burn him if he got any closer. "…You want to know how I honestly feel, Dib? I loathe you. I absolutely loathe you, for turning me into this. It's bad enough being a defective, but then you come along and you… you make it… worse! I hate you for making me second guess everything all the time, I hate you for always messing with my amazing Zim-head, I hate you for making me-"

Realizing he had said too much, Zim abruptly silenced himself. He met Dib's eyes with a heated glare of finality before he turned around and headed back towards his room, leaving a stunned Dib alone in the hallway.

The first thing Zim did when he entered his room was scream.

He fell face-first onto his bed and screamed into the provided pillow, as loud as he could. Even when he felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, he didn't stop. The tears didn't stop, either. They just kept coming, running down his face in thick streams. Damn it.

He meant everything he said. He wouldn't apologize for stating facts. He had always hated Dib, but this… this was a whole new level of hatred, one he never thought he'd reach. He hated Dib Membrane for being the first human to oppose him. He hated Dib Membrane for being the only constant in his life. He hated Dib Membrane for smiling at him, for showing him diner fries, for holding his hand that night under the stars, by Irk, he hated him.

"I hate you," he muttered out-loud, his voice raspy and wracked with sobs. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…"

"Don't cry Master!" Gir leapt out from underneath the bed. "It's gonna be alright! Look, I gots a friend!"

Turns out Gir's "friend" was a just a toy piggy. Nonetheless, Zim couldn't help but chuckle. Gir had a funny way of cheering him up, even if that wasn't the robot's intention. "Yeah," he replied, wiping at the corners of his eyes. "You do."

Gir smiled cheerily before jumping onto the bed next to Zim. His head suddenly slid open with a quiet hiss. He reached inside, as if searching for something, before pulling out a tissue. "Here Master! Blow your nose on this!"

"I don't have a nose Gir. But uh… thanks, I guess."

Surprisingly, after that, Gir was quiet, humming some random tune to himself as he played contentedly with his rubber piggy. He was seated on Zim's lap and appeared rather comfortable, so much so that Zim didn't want to move him.

Zim let out a shaky, unsteady breath, raising his head to look at the dark metal ceiling. What did the Dib do to him?

How could he make it stop?

Dib was absolutely livid.

Fuck him, if that's how he feels, then I'm not going to waste my time with him anymore.

Except he knew deep down that that simply wasn't true, that no matter what he felt towards Zim he could never leave him alone. Not now. Zim's made himself essential to Dib, and he knew the feeling was mutual. And that's what made all of this so goddamn frustrating. That no matter how much Zim pissed him off, he knew he'd come crawling back like a kicked puppy because that's how fucking obsessed he was.

Why did it have to be Zim, of all the aliens in the universe? He could've gotten a friendly alien, or maybe an alien that was actually competent and could get the job done. But no, of all people, it had to be Zim.

"I loathe you."

Bullshit.

"I loathe you for turning me into this."

Bullshit.

It was fucking bullshit, all of it. Zim didn't hate him. He couldn't. He saw the way Zim looked at him- there certainly wasn't burning hatred in his eyes like there used to be. If he weren't so furious, he'd march up to Zim's room right now and demand a talk, but he was afraid that if he went while in such a foul mood he'd end up starting a fight, and the last thing he wanted was to get in trouble on his first day.

"Shit, I forgot! Training starts tomorrow!"

He knew he needed rest. It was going to take a while to adapt to the day and night simulator and he knew his sleep schedule was going to suffer a little bit until he figured this out. But it's difficult to slip into a tranquil state of mind when all you can think about is an annoying, short green alien that gets under your skin more than anyone else in this universe.

He slipped into the bed, wrapping the covers tightly around himself. Tomorrow would be his first real day as a soldier.

"Irkens are one of the most advanced races in the galaxy, and therefore, have some of the most dangerous weapons. Irken PAK's, while they're vulnerable in theory, are built with dangerous weapons inside them."

Dib hadn't imagined that weapons training would include presentations and lectures- it was like high school all over again.

"There are very few things that can combat Irken weaponry," Meosori continued, "thankfully for us; we have access to some of those weapons."

Dib snuck a quick glance over at Zim. He was wearing his usual pokerface, but his foot was tapping impatiently. God, he hoped they started doing something soon before Zim said something to get himself in trouble.

"While most of you are soldiers and have experience with firearms, it's important that we conduct training in a safe manner. Most of this technology is foreign to you, so you need to be patient and cautious when handling these weapons. In order to do so, I'll be taking you in groups of five to the indoor shooting range. I've assigned three groups based on your skill set and your history with firearms. The little slip of paper I gave you this morning will have your group number on it. Group one will be the most experienced, group two will be those with some experience, and group three will be those with no experience."

Great. This really was just like high school. Dib looked down at the slip of paper he'd folded and placed in his pocket at the beginning of class. A bold "2" was scrawled messily in the top left corner.

He couldn't help it. Curiosity was getting the best of him. Despite the fact that they weren't really on the best of terms, he had to know. "Zim, what group did you get?"

Zim jumped slightly, as if startled by Dib's sudden question, before smirking proudly and puffing out his chest. "The Meosori drone has rightfully deemed me number one."

"You got into the top group?!"

"But of course, Dib. You forget that I've been flying ships and using weapons far before you were ever born."

When had he forgotten that, despite Zim's incompetence, he was once a soldier? Sure, invaders weren't the highest class soldier in Irken society, but they were certainly among one of the most respected, most revered groups.

"Right. Well, good luck I guess."

Dib guessed that he couldn't complain- he was honestly expecting worse. The fact that Meosori deemed him somewhat competent with a weapon was surprising- he'd figured that as a human his skill set wouldn't really count.

"Group three, you're up first! You're the group I'll need to spend the most time with, after all. The rest of you will be called in intermittently throughout the day. You're free to leave if you want. You will be notified via intercom when your group is called. Every day, for the next two weeks, you will have a two hour long training session. Then, you will begin combat training with Vythani for the remainder of the month. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes sir!"

"Groups one and two, you're dismissed for lunch now! Group three, with me!"

Dib craned his neck to look over his shoulder, and was rather surprised to find Dei, the polite but awkward Vortian girl, in group three. Perhaps he had overestimated everyone else's skill sets. Even so, it didn't really make him feel like he fit in any more. He was still the only human on this ship- which wasn't something he was used to.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

Dib was surprised to find the snarky comment coming from none other than Atra. She seemed to have stopped wearing her Irken disguise- Dib was still getting used to seeing her as a being of pure energy. He could almost describe her appearance as ghostly.

"I didn't mean to gawk at her; this place is just so new to me. And uh, so are you… I'm still not used to… your um… true form." Dib imagined that she could make herself appear however she wanted, within reason of course.

"Would you prefer if I use my Irken disguise? I tend not to wear it here, as it makes people… uncomfortable."

Dib shook his head. "No, it's okay, it's just… a lot to take in, especially for a human. Um, how about this? Let's go to lunch."

Atra's face seemed to light up at the suggestion. "I don't eat, but sure." She looked over Dib's shoulder at where Zim was standing, eyeing him from his spot against the wall. "Zim, would you like to come along?"

Zim looked up, eyeing the two of them curiously, before waving them off with a dismissive hand. "I have other matters to attend to. Gir is probably starving. I should go take care of him."

Dib blinked, confused. "Oh, uh… okay. Go ahead, then…"

Zim straightened from his slouched position against the wall and made his way out of the room, his shoulder brushing Dib's arm as he pushed past him. Dib couldn't help but stare as he made his way out of the room, like he was in some sort of trance.

Atra awkwardly cleared her throat, breaking Dib free of his reverie. "I take it… something happened between you two?"

Dib rolled his eyes. "If he wants to act like that then whatever, that's his problem. I'm not gonna let it bother me." The sour expression was suddenly replaced with a soft smile. "So, you said something about lunch?"

"My body is an illusion of light and psychic energy," she explained. "I took on a humanoid form since it's something most people can comprehend."

Dib couldn't help it. He was intrigued- his love for the extraterrestrial hadn't ever died, had it? "So, um… is your body… physical? Can I touch you?"

She chuckled. "Semi-physical. It's not like a hologram."

He eagerly nodded as he took a bite out of… something that resembled chocolate pudding, but tasted more like gravy. Huh. "So, then what are your weaknesses? If you're pure energy, you can theoretically live forever, right?"

Atra fiddled with the hem of her sleeve- she had kept the labcoat from her Irken disguise, as Dib had come to notice. "We're not… pure energy, so to speak. Our energy is more like our life force- like the blood that flows through your veins. Although we have no physical needs, our energy is not eternal. Meekrobians can live for thousands of years- I'm barely seven hundred," she told him. "We're kind of like a hive-mind- we give life to each other, in a sense. We're all connected. But even we recognize that no one can live forever- it is one of our biggest principles."

"So, you mean... you could theoretically decide when you want to die?"

"We do not experience death. Rather, we experience... rebirth."

"What if someone decides they don't want to be reborn?"

"That wouldn't happen. It is the fate of every Meekrobian."

She sounded so oddly sure of herself- it only made Dib more curious. He would have to ask about all of that later- rebirth, and how it compared to death in the traditional sense. He had heard something about the Meekrob as a kid, but had never gotten the chance to study it. Dib suddenly pushed his tray aside, now disinterested in his food as he leaned closer to her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? How come Zim knew before I did? Why didn't you just tell me back then?"

"It wasn't safe for me to reveal myself to you yet. If anyone found out my secret too soon, I would've been in trouble. I told Zim because he was suspecting me and it was the perfect opportunity."

"So what, you were waiting for an "opportunity" with me too?"

Atra cocked her head, confused. Dib noted the way her large, pupil-less navy blue eyes bored into his. She genuinely didn't seem to understand why this was upsetting to him, and it was rather baffling. "Is that a bad thing? You'll have to forgive me, Dib, I'm not familiar with human customs-"

"It's not a human custom, it's being a decent person, and not hiding things!" Dib fired back, unsure of where his sudden anger came from.

She ducked her head, as if she were suddenly ashamed. "I… I see. I… didn't realize it was that important to you, but… Dib, you must understand… you're on a ship full of aliens, who know nothing about humans or Earth. Just because they're different doesn't mean they're not people too, but they're raised in all kinds of different societies, so… who knows how they'll react to certain things? But I realize I acted carelessly with your feelings, so for that, I suppose I… apologize."

He supposed that he couldn't fault her entirely- she was right. This ship was full of aliens with different cultures, customs, and values. Still though, it would've been nice to know ahead of time. But now that he knew her true form, it only made things that much more confusing.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have yelled, it's just... I'm really stressed, I guess. So Atra, tell me, how did you-"

"Attention, new recruits! Group 2, report to the weapons room for training immediately!"

Great. Of course. Had two hours really gone by that quickly?

"Looks like it's your turn," Atra said with a slight grin.

Dib rolled his eyes before grabbing his tray. "This conversation isn't over- there are still things I wanna ask you."

"My door is always open. Oh, and Dib?"

Dib paused just as he was about to dump his tray and head out the door. "Yeah?"

"You and Zim… chances are you're going to be on this ship together for a long while. I'm not knowledgeable on relationships, and I don't know what sort of hardship you're going through… but whatever it is must pass. For the sake of our mission. Remember that."

Dib could only nod slowly as he made his way out of the cafeteria. The way she talked about missions almost made her sound Irken. Perhaps Meekrob and Irk weren't so different after all.