The Pawns Chapter 11, an invader zim fanfic

"As you know, our people have always been at odds with the Irken Empire. But my superiors felt that they were finally ready to launch an attack, after years and years of failed negotiations and small skirmishes. My squad and I were assigned to go undercover."

"…and once we have them weakened, we strike," Zevven finished, pointing to the hologram of the Massive. The other soldiers around the room collectively nodded their heads in agreement. The Massive was the newest addition the Irken Armada- and arguably, one of the most vulnerable ships.

The soldiers talked amongst themselves, all of them seemingly in agreement, when all the sudden a small voice broke the conversation. "Strike? With all due respect Commander Zevven, I don't believe that that's wise."

Zevven's eyes scanned around the room, searching for the owner of the voice. He finally settled on a young Meekrob soldier standing in the front row, politely raising her hand.

He narrowed his eyes at her, clearly annoyed but there was a hint of curiosity in his eyes. "And why not?"

She fidgeted awkwardly, as if unsure of how to word her concerns. "Because… would that not be the same as starting a war? We couldn't possibly do that! It goes against our principals. Surely you know, you took the Oath! We all did! During the Oath, we promise to never take the life of another creature."

"I understand," Zevven replied calmly. The Oath was something every Meekrob took seriously- it was a lifetime promise, after all. "But we're already at war, and the Oath is not of import in war. We do not have the option to be generous, to be kind. Irkens are ruthless monsters that wander around the universe, conquering for the sheer of amusement of it all. They don't care who gets caught in the crossfire. And at this point… we can't afford to care either."

She tilted her head in confusion. "Not… of import? What does that mean?"

Zevven rolled his eyes. What was he, a teacher? He cleared his throat, as if she had never raised her hand in the first place. "It means, I'm assigning you to lead your squad into the Empire, disguised as Irkens. You will be fitted with fake PAK's full of encrypted data- it won't last forever, but it will last long enough."

"What of the Tallests? Will they take notice?" another male solider asked.

Zevven shook his head. "No. The Tallests are, to put it bluntly- morons. They won't notice, especially if you're disguised."

"Zevven, please!" The young Meekrob blurted out, her tone frantic. "I looked- I know I'm not supposed to, but I… I looked, I used the Sight, and I saw… this plan… this plan will fail!"

"That's enough!" Zevven bellowed. "You know it's forbidden to use the Sight unless in times of dire emergencies!"

"But sir, this is a dire emergency!"

"You listen to me, private. You will lead your squad into the Empire, lay low, and send all of the data and intel you collect back here. And if you continue this nonsense, I won't hesitate to find someone more competent to replace you. Have I made myself clear?"

The soldier swallowed thickly, her face falling. "Y-Yes sir, crystal clear," she whispered lowly.

"So... you got shot down by your commander, huh?" Dib asked as he took a sip from the water bottle he'd grabbed earlier.

"To put it simply, yes," she replied. "My status at the time did not allow me to question my superiors. The fact that I spoke out made the others nervous to be around me. Even my own squad started to worry that I wasn't capable enough to lead them..."

Dib laughed bitterly. "I know how that feels."

"How what feels?"

"Being ostracized like that," he said, his expression hardening as he averted her stare. "It sucks."

"Yes, well..." she trailed off before suddenly forcing a smile. "I'd say you still turned out alright in the end."

"Barely," he said with a half-smile before his look of curiosity overtook his face again. "So uh... what is the 'Sight' exactly?"

"Oh, it's my future vision," Atra explained. "It's forbidden to use the Sight on Meekrob unless it's an emergency. I… I was worried about Zevven going against the Oath, so I used the Sight to see if this plan was destined to work… it wasn't. Almost all of the possible paths led to undesirable outcomes."

"Almost?"

"All but one," she said, raising up her index finger, "and in this path, I went on my own. I went against direct orders and rebelled."

"So that's what you did?"

She nodded. "Yes. I figured that… if that was the path where we win… then that was the path I should take. We were always taught to do everything for the mission, after all. But I would realize shortly after, that going on my own was a mistake."

She stared at her Irken reflection in the mirror, her expression contorting into one of disgust. She hated that she had to go around looking like one of those monsters. The green skin, the antennae- she despised it. She tugged awkwardly on the hem of her Irken uniform- but something still didn't seem right. What was it? Her faux PAK was adjusted and working properly, the uniform was that of an elite- so what was she missing?

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of her white labcoat sitting on the metal table. She had gotten rid of it in favor of the Irken uniform, but…

'It can't be that much of a change, right?'

She briefly removed her fake PAK to slip on the labcoat, admiring her new appearance. The labcoat was fitting- it had been with her since day one, and without it, things felt… strange. After readjusting her PAK, she reached around to press the button on the side. A holoscreen appeared before her, presenting her with a wall of text and a picture of her Irken visage.

NAME: ATRA

STATUS: LIEUTENANT

POSITION: SCIENCE & ENGINEERING

Atra. The new her.

"Captain? Are you ready to begin phase one?"

Atra jumped at the sudden voice, the holoscreen vanishing. She took a brief moment to collect herself before she turned to face her fellow Meekrob companion. "It's not captain anymore, Zelria. It's just… Atra. No, actually, wait- Atrana Astralle."

Zelria frowned. "Miss, Irkens don't have surnames… is your PAK functioning properly?"

"No no, Atra was my assigned name, but… Atrana Astralle. Don't you think that sounds… nicer?"

"…If you think it does, captain, then of course I do!" Zelria chirped, beaming brightly.

Atra frowned at the response, her excitement fading. "…Ah. I see. Nevermind then. Just… Atra will do."

Dib couldn't stifle his chuckle in time, causing a brief frown of disapproval to flash across her face. "You certainly were, uh... quirky."

Atra giggled slightly, the sour look from earlier seemingly gone. "Y-Yes, you could say that. The more I did my job, the more I fell in love with the universe. I studied it, and the more I studied, the more I learned. And yet, even now, there's still so much I don't know. The concept of exploration has always interested me."

The more she talked about her love for the stars, the more he found that perhaps they weren't so different after all. Ever since Dib could walk all he'd ever wanted to do was go out and see all that space had to offer. If only he could go back and tell his two year old self everything he was going to do later on. "So… what happened after that?"

"That night, I decided that I was going to rebel completely… I believed my plan was just. I didn't think the Sight could possibly be wrong. I kept checking and checking, and our outcome hadn't changed- we were still destined to be victorious. So... I set my plan into motion."

"Captain, where are you going?!"

She didn't stop walking as her soldier struggled to catch up to her. "I told you not to call me that. My name is Atra now," she said, without so much as looking down at the other female.

"Miss Atra, please just wait a moment! We're supposed to-"

"No," Atra snapped, stopping abruptly in front of the younger Meekrob. "I used the Sight, and I saw the way things turn out if we go through with Zevven's plan. For once… I'm going to make my own future."

"Miss, please! If you stray from the paths of fate, we'll all be in danger!"

"Mikae."

"W-What?"

Atra smiled warmly, placing a calming hand on her shoulder. "Relax. Trust in me. No one on my crew is going to die."

"A virus? To take out the Control Brains?"

Atra nodded. "Yes. If we work with the other defective Irkens, gain their trust… we could fashion a chip that, once inserted into the Brains' main data port, would corrupt them beyond repair."

Jun shook his head, heaving a heavy sigh. "Even if such a thing were possible… how could we manage that without the Brains or the other Irkens finding out?"

"We'll have a coverup," Atra replied. "In my Sight, I saw… there's a defective Irken coming to the Massive shortly to atone for his crimes. He'll be the perfect coverup."

"Using a defective Irken… how could such a thing even be possible..?" Jun asked as his face contorted into a deep grimace.

"Easy. While you all work on the chip, I will propose it as a means of getting rid of this Irken to the Tallest. I did some digging in this Irken's records- apparently, he's immune to the Control Brains. They tried to kill him years ago and they failed."

"And you really think the Tallest will go for it?"

"Absolutely. They're desperate- and the Control Brains want this Irken dead."

"And what of this Irken? What about when the time comes for his execution?"

"For that, I've devised the plans for a faux chip that will merely knock him out for a few hours. It shouldn't take long to make- a day at most. As for the real chip, well… that will take longer."

"So let me get this straight," Jun began, "you want us to work undercover on a chip to destroy the Control Brains, and while they're distracted with this Irken, we just... what, attack? Atra, this plan is ridiculous! It won't work! Besides, you know that the Sight's paths constantly change!"

"It's risky," Atra admitted, "but with all of us there, the success rate is high."

"But there's no way they'd let us get close enough! Atra-"

"I-I think we should trust in Miss Atra!" Mikae declared boldy. It was surprising to hear her speak up- she was usually a quiet girl, after all. "She said she used the Sight, and legend has it that the Sight can never be wrong!"

"The Sight is almost always wrong, that's why we're forbidden to use it!" Jun shouted.

"Except in the case of emergencies, and I think this clearly counts as an emergency," Atra corrected. "Please, I understand that this plan sounds crazy, but every cell in my body is telling me to do this. I believe we can win like this. If we follow the steps as they come to me, we cannot fail."

Atra looked around the room, her faux magenta eyes clashing with Jun's bright green ones- a rare color for an Irken, as she'd discovered. "…Very well," Jun muttered in a defeated tone. "Let's do it. Since Mikae believes in you… so will I."

"I see… it all makes sense now… you knew that Zim was going to be there, so you saw it as an opportunity… but then…"

"But then things went horribly wrong," Atra continued, her tone grave and low. "The Control Brains never found out what we were doing, but… they did find out that some of my comrades had fake PAK's... they were automatically deemed foreign spies and… they were killed. Mikae… Mikae died in my arms…"

Dib wanted to say something, to offer her some sort of comfort, but found that he was unable to say anything, as if his brain had just frozen. He never really had been good at the whole 'comforting' thing.

"…It should've been me," she said coldly, her face glowering almost dangerously, "not Mikae. Not any of them. I'm the one who came up with that idiotic plan, so… it should've been me who paid the price."

"Don't say that," Dib said softly. "You did the best you could. I'm sure the others would say the same thing if they were here today. They know you tried your best for them."

"No, I didn't. If I had… they'd still be alive. I didn't do what was best for them, I did what was best for me… I did what I wanted… and that was selfish of me."

"…Maybe," Dib admitted, "but you were stupid for the right reasons. And that's… that's okay. It's okay to make mistakes."

"Even if those mistakes costed people their lives?" she retorted.

To that, Dib had no response, his face falling.

"…How can you say that?" she asked lowly. "How can it just be okay?"

"It will," he said, taking her hand into his. "It's going to be okay, Atra. I promise. It'll all be okay."

For the first time in- well, forever, Atra felt tears brimming in her eyes. Is this what it was like to cry? She had never known such a sensation- her people had always said that there was no reason for tears. Not only were they meaningless, but they were a sign of weakness. But here, in this room, she felt oddly safe, safe with Dib, safe with this crew.

So, she let them fall, streaming down her cheek with an almost ghostly glimmer.

God, why was he dealing with so many crying people these days? Dib tossed the thought aside, pulling her to her feet and wrapping her in his arms. It felt strange hugging her, seeing as how she was technically not entirely physical. She radiated no body warmth, but he could feel her relief, her comfort as she returned his embrace.

"It's alright," he murmured soothingly, running his hand through strands of her silvery, wispy hair. It was so light to the touch that Dib wasn't even one hundred percent sure it was really there. "Everything's gonna be alright."

She fell apart in his arms, years and years of dormant anguish building up inside her until it finally erupted right in front of one of her only friends. She hated this, hated being so emotional and weak around someone she looked up to, but right now, she couldn't find it within herself to pull away. So just once, she allowed the weakness, welcomed it even.

If being weak meant being with her friends, then she would gladly be a weakling over a warrior.

Zim wasn't at the lunch or dinner periods.

It wasn't uncommon for Zim to skip these periods in favor of doing something else, but Dib had gotten so accustomed to sitting with him at lunch talking about nothing. Not to mention that he hadn't seen him around at all- and this was starting to concern Dib. Had he not left his room all day? It was probably nothing- Zim did that sometimes, disappeared for random periods of time before making a grandiose return. But there was a tight, nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't ignore- and it was telling him that something was wrong.

Well, when had his intuition ever been wrong?

With his mind made up, Dib made his way over to Zim's room and, after taking a moment to prepare, knocked on the door.

There was a response almost immediately, however, and rather than Zim answering like he'd expected, it was Gir- and the little robot was clearly panicked, coolant fluid leaking from his eyes in what Dib imagined were supposed to be tears.

"MARY!" Gir wailed before pointing frantically into the darkness of the room. "Master won't get up! He's been sleepin for hours now! HOURS!"

Dib knew that Gir had a tendency to exaggerate- but something had to have the little guy pretty spooked. "Okay, I'm gonna take a look Gir. Just… stay calm, okay?"

The SIR unit nodded, saluting respectfully like he'd salute his master, before scurrying off to the corner of the room in a fit of giggles, his concerns from mere seconds ago seemingly forgotten.

"Zim, you in here? Jeez, why do you have it so dark in here? Where's the light switch…"

After feeling around on the wall for a bit, he found the button and pressed it, the small but cozy room lighting up in response. He looked around for Zim and was starting to think that perhaps Gir was lying, but when he saw the blanketed heap lying on the bed, he realized that the dysfunctional robot really hadn't been lying- Zim was asleep, at least, he hoped he was. Oh God, he wasn't-

"Zim?!" Dib exclaimed before rushing over to the bed, peeling the blanket off Zim's shivering body. "Zim, wake up!"

The Irken groaned softly, almost as if he were disappointed from the loss of his heat source, but didn't open his eyes.

Okay, so he was definitely alive- which was a good sign. But that definitely didn't explain the excessive sleeping. "Zim!" Dib shouted again. "Come on, get up!"

Zim's antennae twitched in response. He then proceeded to let out a giggle- an honest to God giggle. "Dib, stop that…"

Dib cocked a brow, confused. "I'm not doing any- oh."

It occurred to Dib then that Zim was dreaming. Strange- he didn't think Irkens were capable of dreams. They shouldn't sleep in the first place, being part computer and all, so how was Zim dreaming?

His previous conversation with Zim on this topic suddenly sprang up in his head unbidden at the thought.

"I believe my PAK is treating my emotions like an illness, and is doing its best to correct them."

He shook his head. Zim had made his decision- and so long as it wasn't endangering his life at the moment, Dib didn't have the right to stand in his way.

"Inferior human worm…" Zim mumbled dreamily, drawing his legs up closer to his chest as if to preserve warmth.

"When he isn't busy being an annoying little shit, he's actually… kind of adorable," Dib thought to himself with an endearing smile. "Alien freak," he taunted back, wondering if he could get Zim to respond.

"You're the freak… stupid… Dib-love…"

Dib-love.

Dib-love.

After a brief recovery period for his mini heart attack, the cogs started turning once more and Dib's brain suddenly began working again. Zim had called him "Dib-love". Did he hear that correctly? Maybe he didn't hear right- Zim was talking with slurred speech, after all, he had to have misheard! Yeah. That's right- there's no way Zim would say-

"Dib-love…"

Twice. He'd heard it twice now. There's no way he could've misheard twice in a row- right?

Fuck.

Shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of the fluttery feeling in his chest, Dib grabbed both of the alien's shoulders and shook him roughly. "Zim, get up!"

Zim's eyes suddenly snapped open. He abruptly sat up, tiredly rubbing at his eyes. "Dib?" he murmured sleepily. "What are you doing here? Were you watching Zim sleep?!"

"Wha- no! I came to check on you 'cause you hadn't left your room all day, and then Gir answered the door screaming. The little guy was worried sick…"

As if on cue, the SIR unit leaped into his master's lap, sobbing uncontrollably. "MASTER! I was so worried about you!" Surprisingly, Zim only looked mildly uncomfortable, and allowed Gir to hug and squeeze and sob as he pleased.

"You two are adorable," Dib teased as the robot finally jumped off his lap to go entertain himself.

"Shut up," Zim snapped as he straightened his crooked uniform. "As you can see, Zim is fine, so you can go now."

As Zim should've figured, it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of him. "Zim, do you not remember what you said while you were dreaming?"

Zim's antennae perked, as if in recognition, before his cheeks flushed and he looked away, folding his arms across his chest. "Irkens don't dream you fool."

"Well, you were just a minute ago," Dib pointed out. "Must've been a good dream too, you were all… giggly."

"Zim was no such thing!"

"Yes you were, it was kinda cute, actually."

Fuckfuckfuck. He hadn't meant to say that out-loud- really, he hadn't. God, what would Zim say? Would he castrate him or something?

Surprisingly, Zim's reaction was rather… mild, compared to what Dib was expecting. "…Shut up, you inferior human worm. Zim is not cute."

He couldn't help but grin. "Funny. That's what you called me in your dream," Dib noted- and that's when it clicked. "Wait a minute- you do remember, don't you?" he prompted, inching closer to the Irken.

Zim immediately backed away, scooting further onto the bed. "Zim remembers nothing! You speak nonsense, Dib! NONSENSE!"

"Zim-"

"Zim has no idea what the Dib is talking about! As if I would ever subject myself to such a disgusting human concept! Now stop spouting ridiculous ideas from your pitiful noise tube!"

Dib didn't know why he did it, not really, but there was one thing he knew for sure in that moment, and it was that he really wanted Zim to just shut up. So, he did the only thing he could think of doing.

He grabbed both of Zim's hands with his, effectively silencing the ranting Irken. As soon as Dib's hands made contact with his gloved ones, every word died in his throat, his body tensing as he slowly met Dib's eyes.

"Zim. Shut up."

"Dib-"

"Just- be quiet for a minute, okay?"

"Why should I?"

"Just. Please. Shut up. For one minute."

"…Fine. But only for one minute exactly, you hear me?! One minute!"

Dib knew he literally only had a minute- Zim would count down every second in his head. But he would make this minute count- he wouldn't let this rare opportunity to go to waste. Zim being quiet for more than ten seconds wasn't something he could just pass up, after all.

Dib slowly let their hands sink to his lap. Ever so gently, he allowed their fingers to lock together. It was a bit of an awkward fit, seeing as how Zim only had six fingers and Dib had ten- but they made it work. Just like everything else in their relationship, really. They made it work.

Zim didn't move, didn't speak, didn't so much as breathe. He kept most of his focus on counting each second. Every second was one second closer to his freedom. He didn't even allow himself to question why he was doing this, why he was allowing Dib to just stare at him like a weirdo. But a minute was a minute- and it was all he was getting. Otherwise, he feared he may do something he'd regret later. And Zim did not have regrets- that was the scariest part of it all.

Fuck, he didn't have long now and he knew it. The clock that Zim had ticking in his head was counting down and he only had about a half a minute left to do something. What was the point of this anyway? He thought he'd enjoy the silence without Zim's grating voice, but now the room just felt empty, tense.

Do something Dib. Say something. Anything.

Twenty seconds. Nineteen seconds. Eighteen seconds.

What was the Dib doing? And why did he look so pained? Their hands were still awkwardly intertwined atop Dib's lap. Funnily enough, the thought to move them hadn't ever occurred to him. Dib's hands were warm.

Something was wrong with him. The room suddenly felt like it was far too small and way too hot- had Gir turned up the heat or something?

Zim looked unfazed sitting across from him, his hands squeezing Dib's every now and then. Without even realizing it, Dib had been squeezing back. Why was he bothering with reassuring the alien, when he was the one that needed to be reassured right now?

Zim was getting antsy now. Time was almost up- but he dare not move. Maybe the Dib wasn't aware that he'd been counting this whole time.

Dib's eyes briefly flickered over to the window. They were passing by a star, light spilling into the room. It bathed the alien before him in a luminous glow. When his ruby eyes caught the light just right Dib could've sworn he saw a hint of a sparkle.

Zim felt what could almost be described as an itch deep in the pit of his squeedlyspooch. Dib was looking at him more intently now, staring right into his eyes without any of his usual hesitation or nervousness. This sudden confidence stoked an anxious fire deep within him.

Relax, Zim. Time's almost up.

If Zim weren't such an annoying little shit, Dib would almost think of him as cosmic. An almost celestial being in this endless universe. Zim was far from celestial- and from his experience; aliens were nowhere near the wise creatures he'd expected them to be. In fact, aside from appearance, they weren't that much different from humans. Zim wouldn't let him hear the end of it, if Dib had ever told him that he was anything like a human.

But damn, if he didn't look like a celestial being right now…

Dib had five seconds left, and Zim's squeedlyspooch was on fire. Since when had he gotten so close? Why did the faint glow from the stars make his eyes glitter?

Dib thought back to their days in school, back when he used to call Zim a hideous space monster. If he could only go back in time to laugh at his past self- if only his past self knew what he would have waiting for him in the future. This moment, right here, with an Irken. The very same Irken who tried to destroy his planet.

The fire had spread. From his squeedlyspooch to the tips of his antennae, then all the way down to the very ends of his feet. He was shaking again- and visibly so.

Focus, damn you! Focus, Zim!

Dib was going to run out of time.

He thought back again to his old journals, full of notes that he would scribble down whenever he learned something new about Zim, whether it be his base, his species, or his home planet. He could only imagine what he would've written in them now.

He shines in the starlight.

His antennae twitch when he hears things.

He blushes purple.

He snorts when he laughs genuinely, which is weird- Irkens don't even have noses?

His smiles are genuine sometimes- without a hint of any sort of malice in them. Those are my favorite.

…He gets lonely a lot.

His feelings get hurt really easily- but he never shows it.

He's the only friend I've ever had.

He's…

Fuck.

That one second felt like an eternity- like time had slowed down even inside Zim's head. And when it finally did pass, Zim's reaction was delayed. He barely managed to escape the heat of his own body long enough to take a breath to speak. "Your minute is up Dib! Now surr-"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence.

Because Dib's mouth was on his.