Luke felt better coming into the office. He wasn't sure if the days off had helped or hindered him. Something told him that, if he'd been at work, he'd have been just as messed up lately. But Garcia didn't let him wallow. She always had something she needed done, and he realized just how much was on her shoulders when she was here alone. She was aware of the weirdness going on. She didn't coddle him, but she made it clear she was a sympathetic ear if he wanted.

He was glad he wasn't in the field. They were all the way in Washington state, and it was cold and gross. He didn't want anything to do with that, especially when he needed as much sun as possible to give him any energy at all.

It was four days in and the team had to call it an early night because of a snow storm. They couldn't examine crime scenes or hunt down witnesses until the worst of it blew over the next day.

Luke was laughing at Penelope's rambling as they rode the elevator down to the parking garage. "Hey, want to go watch a movie? I'd suggest the bar, but last time drinking made me feel awful." He posed the question to her right before the elevator doors opened.

"Aww I'd love to, but I'm going with Nicky to a benefit dinner tonight. It's for the same charity as the one over the weekend that I told all of you to come to. Since his firm bought three tables, there's room for all of us to have a fancy five course meal. Hope everyone is back so we can all dress up fancy together." She shimmied at the thought, making him laugh despite feeling decidedly disappointed.

When the elevator opened, he saw Nicky waiting for her in a car. "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess. Uh, have fun." He waved dismally to Nicky who was talking on a phone as he waited for Penelope.

Penelope noticed and took a step to follow him, grabbing his sleeve, "Hey, if something is wrong or if - look, you've been a little better the last couple days, and I know it can be up and down. I understand, but, if you need something, I want you to let me know."

She was so sincere, he found it hard to lie to her. "I think I'll just hang out with Roxie. I'll be fine alone." He nodded and gave her a half-hearted smile before leaving her in her spot.

"Ready to go honey?" Nicky asked as he opened the door for her. She hadn't even heard him get out of the car. She smiled and got in, sighing and hoping Luke knew she wouldn't mind if he called her.

….

It was hours later, around eleven. Luke had already taken some of the meds he was given. They were only for emergencies, to be taken as needed. He only kept the prescription up to date because his doctor insisted, and so did the FBI. Mental illness didn't disqualify you from being an agent, but you had to be monitored. Even with being cleared, he was given routine mental health examinations. All of which he had been happy to take because he worked so hard to put so much behind him. But for the first time in years, he took a couple pills to help calm his racing thoughts that were also somehow making him feel like he was trying to jog through quicksand.

It'd been a couple hours since he'd given in and taken them, but it only made him feel a little numb. It didn't make him calm or forget or anything remotely helpful. He knew Roxie was worried because she left her head in his lap or paced in front of him. "Okay, Rox. What do I do? If I call in for professional help at this time, it will be considered an emergency, and I will have to answer for it. If I call the team, I'll worry them, and they'll have to be caught between reporting it too." He sighed. "I can call her. She's only across town. It would be less worrisome. Or I could call - I mean, she's a doctor, but I also don't know her or trust her. I've got to call Penelope, don't I?" Roxie tipped her head.

Luke pulled out his phone and texted her. Calling her seemed to be too intrusive if she was still at dinner.

Penelope saw the text and excused herself from the intriguing and intelligent debates happening at their table. She heard the phone ring three times before he answered, "Where are you?" She asked before he even said a word.

"My house."

"Okay, do you want me to come over there, or do you want to meet me at mine?" She asked authoritatively.

He sighed. "Penelope if you're busy-"

"Answer the question, Luke."

"I guess I can meet you at yours." He didn't want to make her do more than she had to, and he also didn't really want to be in his bland house anymore.

"Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes, and you will be too." She waited for his affirmative answer before signalling to Nicky to come meet her by the coat check.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm sorry, Honey. I've gotta go. It's an emergency."

"I'm sorry. Please be careful though. In fact, I can drive you back to work if-"

She leaned in to kiss him. "You're too good for words, but, no, it's okay. I'm in no danger, and I just need to head out. I already had the valet call for a taxi."

"Someone on the team in trouble?" She nodded. "I'm sorry. I know you can't talk about it, but still, if you need something."

She leaned in to kiss him again. "Don't worry about me. There's been way worse trouble than this." She gave him a long hug and let him kiss her temple before darting out of the building and into a cab.

When she arrived at her building, she quickly jumped out of the taxi, only to see another taxi pull behind her. She watched as Luke got out of the car with Roxie in tow.

He came to stand near her with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. "Did you bring enough for tonight?" He nodded. She gave him a hug, and then led the way to her apartment, locking the door behind him.

"I'm sorry I ruined your evening." He gestured to her evening gown that she must've changed into at some point between the office and dinner.

"It was almost over anyway, and we might get to do it all over again this weekend." She shrugged and grabbed the plastic tupperware from his hands putting it in her fridge. She knew about Roxie's special diet. Even when he wasn't taking care of himself, he took care of her. Roxie had followed them quietly and hadn't excitedly greeted Penelope, so she knew that the dog felt as helpless as she was starting to feel. "C'mon, let's put on comfy clothes and talk."

He followed her to her bathroom. She pointed at a hook and shelf where he could put his stuff. She brushed her teeth and then grabbed a makeup wipe, leaving him alone to change.

When he came out of the bathroom, he heard her moving around in what he assumed was her bedroom. He followed the sound and saw her putting a new comforter on and then changing the pillow cases. He was grateful. He didn't want to smell her boyfriend's cologne. He thought for a moment that he was being presumptuous, but he knew she'd insist on him staying the night, otherwise she'd follow him back to his house, but she had a couch.

"C'mon, Honey." She motioned for him to get on the bed as she plopped herself down as well.

He was going to protest, but he didn't have the energy, and also he knew he needed the support. He sat down and then swung his legs over, sitting back against the pillows. He felt exhausted from the small physical exertion.

"Have you eaten?" She watched as he shook his head. "Do you want to eat?"

He shrugged, "I probably should've before I took my pills, but I didn't, and now I just feel nauseous."

She got back up and was gone for a few minutes, coming back in with a bowl of soup, crackers, and ginger ale. "Here, we'll treat you like you're pregnant." She laughed and sat down on his side of the bed, next to him, setting the stuff on the nightstand. Then she disappeared momentarily, coming back in carrying his pills. He smirked. She had no boundaries; she would go through his whole house if she could. "You don't take these regularly, I assume. Do you need to take anymore, or how many have you had?"

"I think that's why I feel sick. I don't take them, and then I took too many. That's why I didn't want to drive myself."

"Okay, so how many did you have before?"

"It was a full prescription."

She narrowed her eyes at him and then dumped the small tablets into her hand, counting them. There were only twenty four. "You took six? Just today? That's double the maximum." She grabbed her tablet. "Okay it looks like as long as you're not feeling like you're going to pass out or that your blood pressure isn't too low-"

She disappeared again, coming back in with a portable blood pressure machine. "Why do you have that?" He chuckled.

"Ms. Berkowitz next door hoards, and she insisted I needed one. Along with an entire month's supply of fiber tablets, and an oxygen tube, with no oxygen tank by the way, and a bunch of diaper rash cream that apparently has many uses." She had already strapped the machine to his arm and was patiently waiting for a reading. When the machine beeped, she read the number and gave him a punishing look. "It's pretty low. I'm surprised you didn't pass out, especially without eating. But it's not low enough where you have to go in. Why did you take so many?"

"Honestly, I didn't really mean to. I've never taken anything except when they had me on a few meds when I first got back, but it's for emergencies. I've never looked at the dose. I don't even really know what they're supposed to do. I just needed something, and I know drinking is not a good idea either." He said it so apologetically that she couldn't even scold him.

"Okay, well you're going to eat, and then we're going to watch some tv, and then we'll check your blood pressure again." She picked up the soup and spoon and brought it to his lips.

He wanted to protest that it wasn't necessary to be babied this way, but he didn't have the energy, and honestly maybe he did need to be babied this way.

"Luke, Honey, can you tell me what's wrong? I mean you've been acting so different."

He shrugged, "I don't know, something must have set me off. I haven't needed regular monitoring in years. You know how I said - how I said that I got through it? Well I know it's ongoing, but I thought I'd always catch it before…" She brought the spoon up again letting him open and take it in before handing him a cracker.

She watched him mindlessly do whatever she prompted him to do. "So you're not really sure? I understand, sometimes you just can't figure out what's wrong, and, even if you think you know, it's too hard to put in words. It's okay." She kept feeding him as she spoke.

After the soup and crackers were gone, and he washed it down with ginger ale, she took his blood pressure again, and it was a little better but not where it should be. She had turned on the tv, and she observed him as he stared at it without really seeing it.

Penelope put all of the stuff back in the kitchen and brought a water bottle, setting it on the nightstand. She climbed back in bed pushing him slightly to get the blanket so she could cover him.

He seemed so far away, so she scooted towards him, pulling at his t-shirt so he would do the same. She could see him. He wasn't really there. She grabbed his shoulder and pushed him up, put his pillows as well as hers behind her so she was angled upwards, and then pulled him to lay on her chest.

While her body wanted to react, her mind quickly shut it down. She was too scared for the man in front of her, to think of anything else. "Luke, Baby, it's okay. Whatever is wrong, it will pass. You've been through worse, and we all lose our way sometimes."

She put her chin to his hair and almost gave his head a kiss, but instead she brought one hand up to the back of his head, scratching lightly at his scalp.

She felt him relax. Luke also was aware of how intimate a position this could be, but it was not sexual at all. He always thought, if he was ever this close to her cleavage, there would be very little that could keep him from losing his mind. But he felt her presence comforting him. Her other hand was over the blankets in front of him. He grabbed it in his, holding onto her fingers.

"I'm not sure what I did P. It just hit me like a train, and it's like I - I don't know."

She let her face nuzzle his hair, the small curls loosening as she did. "Sometimes it's nothing you do. Sometimes it's something that happened, and you didn't even see it. Sometimes there's no reason. You don't have to have all the answers; you just have to want to ask the questions."

He nodded and felt her body react. She took off her bra when she threw on the t-shirt and shorts. He could see her nipples harden from the physical contact, but he also knew she wasn't turned on so much as unable to control the reaction to contact, but it affected him too. He almost laughed thinking that this was not how he ever thought he'd end up in bed with Penelope. He sighed, admitting internally that he had thought about it a few too many times.

"I just want to feel okay again. I want to know if I did something or could've done something different."

"Mental health is not an exact science. It doesn't always give the right answer the first time around. Can we get you into your therapist?" She questioned.

"I made an appointment next week. I knew I needed to go back before my monthly check up, but I didn't think it would be this bad before then."

She nodded and pulled her hand away from his to grab her tablet. She went to his doctor's website, and she might've done something a little bit wrong by checking the open appointments. There was one at noon. She slipped his name in there before sending off a text to Rossi. He had already told her that he thought Luke was going into a depressive state and to be there if he needed. Then she sent a text to Kevin, telling him it was in fact an emergency and not for Derek and to please cover for her tomorrow.

Rossi replied almost immediately. She forgot it was three hours earlier over there. Of course he wasn't asleep before ten. She wrote back, explaining she sent a text to Lynch, but that he should sort that out.

She set an alarm and then put the tiny computer down. "There, you have an appointment at noon, and we both have tomorrow off." She replaced her hand on his where he had it before.

She felt him chuckle. "You're too much. You did that one handed in less than three minutes. Ridiculous."

"Well I am the best."

"Yeah, I know."

A ridiculous part of her wanted to ask him that if he thought she was the best, why he didn't want to - she put that thought away. It didn't matter. Her friend needed her. She also had a very loving, doting boyfriend. Past ideas of possible romance with the man she was holding in her arms were gone, and it never really was. Derek had told her that much. He understood what she felt, and understood that it didn't just go away. All he said was that maybe she was sending the wrong signal, or maybe Luke was, but it didn't matter because it never came to fruition, and she can't cry over something she never had. It was tough love and not as simple as all that, but the night before they left Vegas he told her to call the guy she'd been putting off. She hadn't dated when she was holding out for Luke. Luke was dating. She didn't know if it was serious or not, but Derek told her it didn't matter. She couldn't watch someone else lead their life while she didn't.

She didn't know how long she'd been been quiet when she felt him move his head back to look at her. "Can you come down here?"

She nodded, slid down into the cover, and put his pillows back on his side, both of them adjusting to the regular position on the bed. Luke grabbed her hand again, both of them only inches apart from each other but in the space between, he set their intertwined hands.

Penelope brought her other hand up to his forehead lovingly pushing a curl out of the way. They were close as they gazed at each other. "Why do I - why do I feel okay here with you?" He asked innocently.

She wanted to tear up at the words that made her stomach do flips, but this wasn't about her and what she did and didn't want to hear. "I think we mean a lot to each other, Luke. I don't think we're ever not going to be close. We're part of a team that's a family, the only family I really have, and you're a piece of that. I'd be more worried if you didn't feel comfortable with me."

He smiled, "So even though you still give me the attitude, you do want me around?"

She giggled, "Don't push your luck, buddy." She took their intertwined hands and poked his chest with her finger.

"Do you promise to stay with me until I'm not scared again?" He didn't know exactly what he meant except that he was scared to be alone with his thoughts until he had a better handle on them.

"I can do that. You'll be okay again. But until you are, if you need to have someone there, I will be there."

He nodded. She could see his eyes were present sometimes, and then they would glaze over, and he was gone. She reached behind her, shutting off the lamp, but she left the light from her diffuser on with the lavender oil she put in it. Luke took her hand again as soon as she brought it back to him.

"We can talk until we fall asleep," she told him.

"Can you just tell me about something funny?"

She told him about the last time her and the other ladies of the BAU went out, and how they each lost a shoe and an earring, and how nobody ever figured out the mystery thanks to some strong sangria. He fell asleep, and, as soon as she heard his breathing even out, she snuggled into the blanket, falling asleep as well.

….

Thank you all for the reviews, favs, follows and PM's. Every single one of them is appreciated, especially when this season of CM has me drained.

My shoulder/arm/back is better, but I'm still cautious. Thanks to those of you who've asked. So sweet!

Thanks to Bookdragon2013 for fixing this up for me.