My life decided to turn to garbage all at once. My very long term relationship broke up so I am working on moving. I was in the hospital. I am in physical therapy but they are now sending me for tests. I also had a biopsy done for a completely different medical reason. And my car broke down. And so did my hair straightener. (Btw the only thing I cried about was the hair straightener.) So anyway, that's why I have been too busy. If I haven't responded to you here, on Twitter or Tumblr I am sorry. I enjoy hearing from you. Love the reviews. I just haven't had the time. But I had this and a chapter of Manor ready so those two are getting updated today. Cash, When, Fog, and some of my one-shots aren't edited yet so idk when that will happen. Bear with me. And thanks for the support.

They walked into the office, the therapist was at the receptionist's desk. As soon as Luke walked in, the woman motioned for him to follow her. Before he went in, he gave Penelope a hug.

Penelope saw the other woman give her an odd glance before leading Luke away. She shrugged; she was thinking too much lately.

She sent off texts to the others, answering their questions about the charity dinner the next night. She gave Rossi and Derek an update. Derek was talking about making it down, that him and Savannah needed a break together. She attempted to call Nicky. It was usually a busy time of day for him, but she wanted him to know she made the effort. Glancing at the time, she still had another forty five minutes, so she told the receptionist she was going for coffee.

….

Luke was staring at his therapist as she asked again, "Is that fair to her?"

"I don't - I mean, she's my friend. She's there for me. All of them told me they would be, and she's - I mean, she was the only one here, but I think I would've called her anyway."

"It is good that you feel you have someone you can rely on so fully. What makes her different?"

"She's just different, just her. Who she is is different."

"We talked about changes recently in your life. You mentioned your caseload had been much the same, and your friends are the same, your house, your dog, but what changed is you went on a date. You said this woman doesn't matter much to you, not of her own doing, just because it's new, and you're not sure?"

Luke nodded, "Well yes, and I still don't see how a few dates would throw me this way."

"I don't either, unless there was a reason behind it. Dating one person means you aren't available for another. It means you're moving in one direction, and maybe it limits your options. Options you thought would always be open. Sometimes an episode can come on just from something triggering you to examine more about your own life than you really wanted to." Luke felt the frustration on his face, and he ran a hand over it as if he could swipe it and change it like Penelope's tablet screen.

"I guess, but I'm not... We're not exclusive. It's barely anything. I'm so busy, and it's... I mean, really nothing changed that much. If I never saw her again, I don't think I'd even care."

The nice woman with the fashionable grey streak in her hair gave him a discerning look before continuing, "I believe you, but, as you are going through this process, truly think about what feels different. Maybe the change isn't always about you." She waited for him to nod. "Let's talk about your medication." Luke carried on with the rest of the conversation, but he was distinctly confused the rest of the session.

….

"How'd it go?" Penelope handed him a tea while she drank her own. "I know you like coffee, but why fray our nerves when we don't even have to file paperwork today?" She sipped again as they left the building.

"Thanks. I have another appointment on Monday. Guess I'm worse than we thought." He ribbed.

Penelope shook her head. "Don't say that, Honey. You're going to be just fine." She grabbed his hand as they walked to the car as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Should we go by your place to get you a suit for tomorrow night? That way we don't have to rush around doing things before the big night?"

"Sure, makes sense."

"Are you bringing a date, or should I let Nicky know to give up the seat?" She asked as she drove towards his home.

"Actually, I forgot. She said JJ told her about it, but I didn't think to remind her."

Luke watched as Penelope absentmindedly patted his leg. "You've been generously preoccupied."

Luke laughed as she summed up his utter desolation so whimsically.

They grabbed his suit and some take out before heading back to her house for more games and movies and walks.

When he emerged from the shower shirtless again, she sighed, knowing that tonight would be just as intimate as the one before, but still utterly platonic. She never thought this was how he would see her nipples. She'd thought of a lot of ways it could happen, but this was never one of them.

"Everyone seems to be coming and bringing their spouses. Derek and Savannah are flying in. They're bringing my Hank to see me since that didn't work out last time."

"Oh, right." He checked his phone and saw the confirmation. "Put me down as plus one it seems."

Penelope nodded and sent a text to Nicky. "I know this sounds odd, but playing Monopoly twice has me mentally drained. That's a once a day kind of game." Penelope's observation made him laugh.

He was under the covers in no time. He felt almost too comfortable at this point. He didn't ever want to feel like he couldn't live without something that might go away. It scared him momentarily, until he realized Penelope already told him she never would go away, and he believed her.

He watched her stand up from the bed as she plugged in her phone. The night before he had barely glimpsed her chest. He didn't want to take advantage of a situation when he was truly just trying to find some solace. But as he was settling in on his side, he was surprised she pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the floor, leaning over to shut off the lamp before crawling into bed. He might have been caught off guard, but he didn't try to look away as hard as he should've. He took a breath to calm his mind. Besides, she was comfortable too. She wouldn't have done that if she didn't trust him.

He watched as she scooted to her spot, his eyes darting to her chest a couple times as she moved towards him. He bit his lip. He really shouldn't have looked, but it was difficult not to since she wasn't even trying to hide.

Once she situated herself into her spot, he pulled her to his chest, just as he had the night before. This time, instead of the mild sensation and comfort, he felt an overwhelming sense of arousal. He pushed his hips back so she wouldn't feel him. He was not going to mess up the only thing keeping him grounded right now.

Unfortunately, she didn't recognize what he was doing, as she threw her leg over his hip the way she had been doing for three nights already. He knew the moment she felt it because her eyes shot up to his. "Sorry, umm, just, you know, you were moving around a lot, and you threw the shirt off before the light, uh, just - I was caught off guard and didn't give you a chance to have privacy the way I did last night."

She blinked slowly, letting him know she understood. "It's okay. It's a natural reaction, probably good, at least that's what I've read. Sexual desire means you're not as lost in depression or trauma. Your body has a harder time reacting when you are, so it's a good thing. Also, uh, even without actual sex, feeling sexual has the added benefit of boosting self esteem and confidence and releasing those good hormones and all." Penelope knew she was rambling, but she tried to keep her voice steady as she jumbled a few thrown together facts from various articles.

Luke nodded appreciatively, "I think that's true. I honestly feel a lot more normal right now than I have for almost two weeks. I guess it's the sense of connection."

Penelope smiled, "Probably something like that." She didn't want him to think she was offended or to scare him or that she was only saying it to make him feel better. So she sidled up to him like normal, ignoring her own arousal by feeling his pressed against her.

Luke relaxed. She wouldn't be mean about it, but she didn't have to be okay with it either. "I think I fell asleep before I heard the end of the story."

"Which one?"

"All of them." Both of them laughed. Her hand fell off his hip as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. He concluded she was entirely too comfortable because, whenever her chest wasn't flush with his, he could get a pretty good view of her.

She returned to her position, putting her hand back on his waist. "Well we're in bed a little early, so I can start from the beginning if you like."

"Sure but do you think we could just, just hug for, for a little while, you know without - just without thinking?"

She heard his low request, that voice that he used whenever he wanted something he wasn't sure that he should. She wasn't sure either. She was his friend, and she would do whatever he needed. He wasn't trying to use her, but she didn't know if he knew where his own line ended. Then again, it was her who had liked him, not the other way around, and she could do this without taking it too far. She may still react to him, but she had purposely moved past her infatuation with him. It was the only reason she could do this these past days and not dream constantly about it being more than it was.

She did what she had been doing a lot lately. She answered him with action. She came in close to him, and, instead of keeping eye contact and telling a story, she put her face right next to his while letting him hold onto her tightly.

He steadied his breath. He needed affection. He didn't realize how deprived of it he felt, and not just sex, but the feeling of having someone close. He didn't realize how much he needed it until he had it in his arms.

"Penelope, can you just rub my sides or my arm or something just so I can feel your hands moving?"

She had a serene smile on her face as she started moving her hand from his hip bone up his obliques and back. She alternated between that and rubbing from his forearm up to his shoulder and down.

He felt very calmed by the sensation and the repetitive motion. "Thank you. I guess it just feels so weird. I don't think I've touched someone in a long time, and I didn't realize how much I needed to feel real."

Penelope pulled back and squinted at him as her hand stilled. "I thought you and - aren't you?"

Luke shrugged. "We're seeing each other, I guess, but it's not easy. She's busy, I'm busier. It's slow moving. I've kissed her." He said informatively.

Penelope took a deep breath. She suddenly felt a huge sense of relief climb through her body, but she knew she shouldn't acknowledge why. Especially because it wouldn't always be that way. "I understand. It's tough to feel alone, and you just need to connect. That's difficult on its own, but coupled with other things, it can feel more than isolating." She studied him for a second before speaking again. "Do you - do you want to touch me? Do you need to feel that I'm real?"

His eyes shot to hers, searching for pity or for insincerity, maybe even obligation, but all he saw was genuine concern. The hand that was in the middle of her back, holding her close, slowly moved. He brought it to her side mimicking her movement, running it down her side dipping in at the waist and back down. He felt better than he had in a long time. He was affecting another human being on an intimate level, and that made him feel more alive than almost anything else.

She was distinctly aware that it was Luke, a man she had liked for a long time, touching her. She put it out of her head as much as she could and instead thought only of the physical touch and concentrating on his face and his needs. She could see the wonder and the reassurance crossing over his features.

The intimacy wasn't lost on her, and every time she felt him move upwards near her breast she felt it in her core, but that was inevitable. The skin there was so sensitive and underutilized.

Penelope had let him move on his own, but she wanted him to feel real in all ways so she returned to the path of her hand on his arm. They both continued their movements, never ceasing and never moving further out of range.

When she started to feel more relaxed, she quietly whispered, "Do you need anything else? Do you want me to hold you close now?"

"Yes, close, but touch me, my back or my chest, just touch me."

She did so as she formed her body into his, wrapping her leg around his thigh and pulling him close pushing her chest into his and using her fingertips to run up and down his back.

"Do you-uh do you think I'm using you?" He whispered.

She pulled back to look at his face, their noses almost touching, "No, why would you ask that?"

"Something my therapist said about not being fair to you, to not ask quite so much of you."

"I'm sure she's very good at her job, and she seems to care a lot, but that doesn't mean she can understand what happens between two people. I'm here for you any way I can be. It's who am, but also you mean something to me, and I think I could ask for your help too if I ever need it."

"Yes, I told you that." It was the most present thing he'd said in days.

"Okay then, I can understand you. I really can. I understand feeling like you're in the dark. Sometimes what you need doesn't sound or feel rational or logical. It just feels."

"Thank you." His voice low again.

She pressed her body against his and felt his hand run from her hip up and down and over again. He let his finger tips go higher, and then he stared into her eyes, asking for permission. She nodded and kept her fingertips slowly moving against his skin.

He watched her nod in acceptance, and then he let his finger tips touch the side of her breast ever so slightly, enough to make her center pulse with need, but she sent a signal to her body that it had been misinterpreted. He did it over and over all the way down and let his palm settle on the side of her breast before repeating the action.

"Luke, you're going to be fine, and I'll help you through anything. You have a lot of support, a lot of family." The words were barely coming out of her mouth. She was speaking them into his, only inches away.

He stared at her again, and she closed in on him, lightly pressing her lips to his in a delicate and swift kiss, his movements never stopping.

He nodded gratefully, eventually their comforting circles lulled them both to sleep in each other's arms.

….