Chapter 6

Summary: Patsy waits for news.

A/N: So, this is a bit of a short alternate perspective chapter to the previous chapter. Shelagh and the kids will arrive at the hospital in the next chapter. I was going to combine them, but this one really wanted to be on its own.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

She tried every trick in her book to go with him into the operating room, but the surgeon wasn't a friend of hers and it seemed there was a bit of a stigma against the highly qualified nurse who 'abandoned her prestigious hospital position for the grime of East End midwifery'. Instead of being handed scrubs, Patsy was sternly lead to the waiting area with hardly a 'thank you' for her services in the ambulance - even though the secondary EMT was arguably incompetent and if she hadn't intervened, Patrick would more than likely be dead from exsanguination. She wouldn't have even made it into the ambulance in time if the secondary hadn't fumbled with the stretcher. "Typical" Patsy muttered to herself. It was the pretentious culture that lead her away from hospital work in the first place.

Her anger had placated her for about an hour or so, but as the minutes passed and no news traveled through the operating doors, she felt herself falling deeper and deeper into feelings she didn't want to explore. She didn't want to think about the fact that someone she deeply respected could die at any moment, she didn't want to think about what everyone else in Nonnatus was doing or cleaning or feeling, and she certainly didn't want to think about the fact that it should've been her. Dr. Turner was fighting for his life, his family was terrified - Shelagh, god, Shelagh, and dammit, it should have been her in front of that gun. Logically, she knew there wasn't anything more she could've done for mother or baby, but she was the midwife; she was responsible. At the end of the day, she'd made the call that the baby was coming too quickly and too early to get Mrs. Cartwright to the hospital safely and it would be better to call Dr. Turner and the flying squad as backup. It was the right call, and she knew it was the right call, but at the moment, every choice she made felt amateurish and stupid. The baby was dead before she went into labor, Patience, you couldn't have saved it, and the mother was bleeding more than she should have been before you even arrived. It's not your fault they waited to call Nonnatus.

"It is my fault." Patsy whispered to herself. "Stupid girl."

"Pats?" Delia's voice called out from down the hall and Patsy looked up to see the Welsh nurse hurrying as professionally as she could towards the waiting benches. She had no idea if she knew what was happening and it felt selfish to want her girlfriend when Shelagh might never have her husband again, but Patsy couldn't help but feel relieved. She pushed down the urge to hug and kiss her and waited patiently on the bench. Delia sat beside her and grabbed her hand. "Pats, what happened? Why are you here?"

She hated that Delia's genuine compassion always cut to the core and she felt a few tears escape her well-trained eyes.

"It's Dr. Turner." she explained quietly. "He's in surgery. Gun-shot wound to the stomach."

"What?" Delia gasped. "How? When? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Patsy snapped harshly. Delia sighed, but didn't move. She wasn't a stranger to Patsy being overwhelmed by emotion and having it come out in anger. Surprisingly, though, Patsy's face soon fell and against propriety, Delia found herself holding her while she shook. "It's my fault, Delia. I'm responsible."

"Oh, Pats, you know that's not true." Delia whispered.

"But it is." Patsy argued. "I called Dr. Turner to the Cartwright birth, it was my fault he was ever there, and my fault for losing them." Delia paled as she pieced together what must have happened and what Patsy was actually saying.

"Don't." Delia spoke firmly. "Don't you dare start saying you wish it were you in that room because it isn't true."

"He doesn't deserve to be in there, Deels, he was just doing his job." Patsy cried. The 'because I couldn't do mine.' was left unsaid, but Delia heard it loud and clear.

"You did the best job you could." she insisted. "You needed help and you called for a doctor as soon as you realized he was needed. That's all that can be expected of you." Delia gently stroked Patsy's hand to ease the death grip on her uniform. Patsy would always blame herself before ever considering there was another option. Delia loved that Patsy was so responsible and so dedicated, but it broke her heart in times like this. Patsy would never be okay with the fact that she couldn't solve every problem through sheer determination. Delia didn't blame her, but it didn't make helping her any easier.

The doors to the waiting area burst open.

"Family of Patrick Turner?" a nurse called out. Patsy nearly sucked her tears back into her eyes. Another thing Delia would forever be impressed and horrified by. She stood with Patsy.

"They're on their way, but I'm here in their place." Patsy announced. "Patience Mount, SRN SCN of Nonnatus House and colleague of Dr. Turner." Were it not for the subtle, instinctive twitch of her fingers towards her love's hand, she would have been the picture of professionalism.

"Nurse Mount," the nurse sighed, "as you well know, I cannot give out any personal medical information on Dr. Turner to anyone except immediate family. You are free to alert staff when they arrive." She turned to see to other duties. Patsy nearly called out to her, but Delia put a hand on her arm, gaze asking for her trust. Patsy nodded and Delia disappeared through the doors. A few, agonizing moments later, Delia walked as quickly as she could back to Patsy without arousing suspicion with a smile on her face.

"He's out of surgery and it looks promising." she revealed. Patsy let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." Patsy cried. Her hands itched to cup her girlfriend's face and take comfort and solace in her lips, but she kept them to her sides with a practiced tension. "You should go before the Matron catches you."

"It's alright," Delia smiled, "I'm already far past my break." she, too, forced her hands into the pockets of her uniform. "I'll be back after my shift. Will you tell Shelagh I'm sorry?"

Patsy nodded sadly. She had a lot to say to Shelagh and Delia's condolences were small worries compared to the rest of the list.

"I will." Patsy promised. Delia reached out and with a final squeeze of her hand, hurried back to her assigned ward. Patsy took a moment to gather herself and moved to the phone. Her calls to Poplar 459 were normally of a much different sort and her muscles calmed at the familiar dialing.

"Nonnatus House, midwife speaking."

"Barbara, it's Patsy." she said. "He's out of surgery, he's going to be alright."

Thank you so much for reading! Hoping to have chapter 7 up soon! Your support is incredible. *hugz*