"In the immortal words of the Great Confused One, 'When all else fails, scream!'"
Flim-Flam, The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby-Doo
Over the northeastern United States, five aircraft shot across the sky. Inside, the Rovers hunched in their seats – such as they were – and tried not to get giddy with the speed at which they were flying.
Well, most of them anyway.
"So, how's everyone's flight going?" asked Hunter over the radio.
"Let me put it this way," answered Colleen. "I've seen straightjackets roomier than this flyin' thingamabob."
"Ruh-ruhhh," groaned Shag, and through the cockpits of their planes the others could see his wobble.
Professor Shepherd's voice came over the radio. "Shag, I'm very sorry for the cramped flight, but please try not to move around. The stabilizers are running at maximum capacity to adjust for your weight as it is."
Shag groaned and let out a "Mimimimi" whining sound.
"So, what exactly are we supposed to do when we get there?" asked Hunter.
"The cano-mutants have stolen a powerful gene-splicing device and hijacked a train to get it to their master," Shepherd reported. "Unfortunately, the train is full of hostages; otherwise the military could just blow up the tracks and make them wreck."
None of the Rovers liked that bit of news. "So there are mutant bad guys we want hurt," Exile interpreted, "but also people we should not."
Shepherd nodded, though of course they couldn't see him through the radios. "I'm afraid that's the size of it. I'll guide you as close as I can to the train. Once you land you'll have to get on board, secure the hostages, and above all, get that device or destroy it at any cost."
"Why are they needing device-ski?" asked Exile. He would have scratched his head, but the cramped cockpit hindered him from moving.
"I believe the machine that made them isn't fully functional yet. If I'm right, the mutation only lasts for a certain amount of time. However, if their leader manages to get that genetic stabilizer, the mutants will stay mutants indefinitely. He could-"
His next words were drowned out as Shag howled in terror through the radio. Looking out, the others could see his jet pod just pulling out of a sharp drop. It gained altitude slowly and painfully, but a second later dropped again.
"Shag!" yelled Hunter.
"Oh no, his engines are overloading!" exclaimed the professor, checking his monitors. "His pod's not designed to take that much weight.
Shag whined something in a strange mix of human and dog. Hunter was pretty sure he was asking if Weight Watchers would help, but there was no time to worry about that. He could see the train up ahead, but it was pretty easy to guess Shag's pod wouldn't make it.
Hunter hastily sized up his options. "Colleen! Exile!" he barked (so to speak) when he saw that they were the closest. "Can you reach your controls?"
Inside their vehicles, both of them grunted and strained to shift around. "Dah!" Exile cried. "I have the happy stick!"
"Joystick," Colleen corrected.
"Rovers, this is very dangerous," Shepherd warned them. "If you turn off the autopilot you might crash too."
"Dat doesn't sound good," Blitz pointed out.
"And if we don't?" asked Colleen.
No answer on that one.
Hunter thought again, knowing that every second lost could mean deaths. Blitz was the furthest out of the group, and from the brief time at the base the retriever suspected that he would also be the least willing to pitch in. Instead, Hunter struggled to reach his own controls. "I'm coming with you. Master, how do you fly these things?"
"Forward is down, back is up."
Hunter grasped his joystick as Shag's pod bucked again. There was no knowing how long he had, but it couldn't be much time. He spotted the autopilot switch. "You guys ready?"
Exile's voice was grim. "Ready as will ever be."
"Colleen?"
"I hope the airbags work."
Hunter took that as a 'yes' and reached for his switch. "Autopilot off in three, two, one…!"
Click.
The effect was immediate as his plane nearly dropped from the sky. He yanked back on the joystick and flipped upward with all the grace and style of a dive-bombing pelican. Closer to Shag, Colleen and Exile were having similar trouble.
"This is not very fun-ski!" cried Exile.
"Small adjustments!" Shepherd cried. "You have to control it! Don't overcompensate!" They were losing precious minutes, and Shag's engines – already in the red – were approaching total failure.
Painstakingly, the three Rovers managed to get some semblance of control and guide their planes over to Shag's.
"Colleen, you take his right wing," Hunter ordered. "Exile, left. I'll bring up the middle."
"Roger, Huntie."
Huntie? Hunter wondered. What's up with that?
"Roo-hoo," Shag whined.
"Sit tight, buddy. We've got ya." Hunter tried to sound more confident than he felt. If they messed this up, they would all crash and burn – literally.
Colleen and Exile managed to bring their wings up under Shag's. The planes shook and wobbled as the wings scattered one another's air currents, but they managed to settle into a kind of power-glide headed for the train.
"Aaand, moving in," Hunter announced, coming in underneath.
Unfortunately, no one had taken the time to explain to Hunter just how airplanes stayed airborne; how the air moving over the wings created less pressure than the air under the wings, basically sucking the planes upward. That worked as long as there was enough air on both sides, but when you put a solid object in the way…
He got his physics lesson the hard way. As he tried to get into position, his plane suddenly fell like a rock.
"Hunter!" shouted Exile.
"Hunterrrrrr!" cried Colleen.
"Yaaaaaah!" yelled Hunter.
Far away, in a stretch of seldom-visited forest, a helicopter waited by the tracks. Inside sat two figures: the massive, forbidding General Parvo, and his shapely assistant. They were watching a secured transmission of events back at their base, where some of their earliest mutants – back from the front lines as their time was too close to up – reverted to canine form.
"Ah'm sorry, General," Groomer offered seriously. "There was much about the transfigurator Shepherd never even told me."
He rumbled in his throat for a moment before answering. "No matter," he assured her. "Soon enough we'll have that deficiency worked out. It's a pity we'll never have mutants as powerful or versatile as we could have with his help, but I still have the makings of an army such as Stalin, Nero, and even Ghengis Khan could never have dreamed." He turned off the feed and smiled sinisterly. "Soon, all the world will call me 'Master.'"
Groomer checked her watch. "The train should be here soon," she reported. "Shall we check the remote cameras?"
Parvo shrugged carelessly. "The hostages will ensure that no one tries to stop it," he said confidently, "but why not?"
A few clicks brought up a series of cameras planted on the train, pointing in all directions to monitor for ground or aerial approach. Nothing showed up to the front or sides, but when he clicked through the cameras on top of the train…
"What's that?" asked Groomer.
Parvo zoomed in on five approaching objects; four clustering tightly together and one off to the side, all closing in on the train. A casual observer might have mistaken them for alien spacecraft, but he recognized the outlines.
"Fools!" he snapped. "Who would be crazy enough to send unarmed aircraft to stop me?"
Groomer picked up a microphone. "Shall I order them to blast the planes down?" she asked. The mutants had brought a few bazookas onto the train as a precaution.
Parvo stroked his chin and watched as three of the planes tried to catch one which was visibly faltering – and as, almost instantly, one of them dropped and crashed.
"That was unexpected," he mused. "Tell the mutants to get ready, but only fire if I say. Those aren't military pilots; something else is going on here."
In answer, she saluted and began to relay his orders with a quick, "Aye, sir." General Parvo was not a man to be questioned.
The Rovers watched with a sick feeling as Hunter's plane crashed into the trees. "Hunter!" Colleen started to swerve towards where he had dropped, but a howl from Shag reminded her that if she broke formation, he'd be next.
"Hunter?" called Shepherd over the comm. "Hunter, come in!"
A crackling voice answered. "O-kay, glad I got that one right."
"Hunter!" cried Exile. "What happened?! Are you Dokey-okey?"
Down among the trees, Hunter grunted as he pulled himself onto the branch from which he'd been hanging. "I'm okay, Exile. Managed to nail the Eject button."
"Thank goodness," uttered Shepherd. "Rovers, proceed with the mission – and hurry!"
To call guiding Shag's crippled plane towards the railway 'difficult' would be like calling the Titanic 'unsuccessful.' With their reduced speed and mobility, it was no surprise that Blitz's pod auto-landed ahead of them.
"Alright, you ugly mutated girly-dogs!" he shouted, jumping out onto the top of the train. "Come out and surrender before I get cranky!"
After a moment, a mutant half again as tall as he was emerged onto the top of the train car. Then came another… and another… and another.
"Oh, you think you so tough?" Blitz called, taunting the mutants. "Well I'll show you tough."
Without knowing how he did it, he extended a set of claws as long as his fingers, as sharp as razors, and as hard as steel. "Say hello to my little friends," he growled.
One of the mutants reached down between the cars and pulled up a bazooka. Blitz cringed at the sight of it.
"Oh, um, hello dere."
"Okay Colleen," Exile said, doing his best to control his plane. "Now go a little forward, I think."
"Roger. Um, how exactly do I do that?"
Exile caught sight of a blinking red light on his control panel. "Oh no. I hope light does not mean what I think it-"
A bang sounded under his plane as one of the engines quit.
"April Day! April Day! I am going down!"
No one had time to correct him as he broke off and Shag's plane tipped sideways.
"Shag!" cried Colleen as the sheep dog's pod fell sideways.
With only seconds to act, Colleen nosed down and cut off the dropping craft, ramming it towards the roof of the plane. "Come on, just a little…!"
Shag's pod dropped onto the roof of the train, tumbling over as the cockpit popped open. The sheepdog flopped out and scrabbled at the roof as his ride, thoroughly totaled, tumbled off the other side. Colleen's, meanwhile, landed with a crunch on top of the train.
"Phew," sighed the collie, swiping a hand back over her face out of habit.
Suddenly a massive balloon of white fabric burst into her face.
"Aaand the airbags do work. Super."
Hunter reached the edge of the woods and saw Exile, with great effort, land his plane next to Colleen's as the whole kit and kaboodle disappeared into the distance.
"Master," he called, "can you hear me?"
"Yes, Hunter. You have a communication link in your collar."
"Oh, that's handy. So what am I supposed to do now?"
There was a pause. "I'm not sure if you're faster than that locomotive, but you'll have to try to catch up."
Hunter smacked himself in the forehead. "Oh, duh! Super-speed; right." He gathered himself, then paused. "Wait a second. Wasn't it some other guy who was faster than a locomotive?"
Professor Shepherd faltered. "No… well, yes, but that's not..."
"Uh, right. Duty calls. Here goes!"
Then he vanished in a cloud of dust.
As some of you older fans will see, I made a few tweaks in this version of the Rovers' approach to the train. Don't worry; the souped-up cars and jets will come along in good time. Let's just hope Hunter can get there in time, and find a way to deal with the added ante!
Parvo's reference to Stalin is a deliberate touch on my part. During World War II, the Communist leader Joseph Stalin attempted to artificially cross-breed humans and apes to produce an army of super-soldiers. Despite the involvement of the world's leading expert at the time in cross-fertilization, the effort was (thank God) a complete failure and never produced so much as one hybrid embryo. Parvo's mutants, apart from being canine, are virtually everything Stalin hoped to accomplish.
Guest: I have to admit that altering Blitz's personality that much wasn't an easy call to make. lol In all seriousness, I do want to develop their personalities and have them progress as these stories unfold. For the moment, having him go all Johnny Bravo (by the by, am I the only one here who just plain hated that show?) on Colleen felt like it would diverge too much from the plot. It's only fair to warn you that it will probably come up later, but at least in this version the others will probably cut him some slack at first before Colleen starts… well, you know the drill.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Keep 'em coming!