"Life is a waterfall,
We're one in the river,
And one again after the fall.
Swimming through the void
We hear the word,
We lose ourselves,
But we find it all"
It was dusk when the group settled into a small campsite. Not in any immediate danger, they all changed out of their armor. Nani helped Eshne set up their tent while Melia went to clean a few rabbits to make up in a stew. Nennet volunteered to take first watch with Nani, and they set off just after they put their tents up.
Out of pure exhaustion, Eshne had gone right to sleep, which suited everyone just fine. After they all settled, Leliana sat down with a few books, humming to herself as she read. Sten sat by the fire, nursing a few sips from his waterskin as he stared into the flames. Small hisses of rain dropping onto the campfire made his ears twitch.
Thackery sat with the wolves by his side. His nose scrunched and he sniffed the air.
"What's wrong?" Nicolai asked, looking up from his wood carving.
"Smells like a storm." Thackery told him.
"It's warm, thunder is on the way." Melia added, putting the chopped rabbit into the brew.
Thackery got up and set a cover over the pot, keeping the rain out. He looked at Melia's bloody hands.
"Go clean up I'll watch the food, old mum." He said.
Melia grumbled, but didn't protest. She went to a small stream outside of camp to wash the blood off. She got to her knees, watching the cool waters flow over her thin fingers and the blood run down the stream in red ribbons.
Her ears perked up when she heard a twig snap. She jumped up to her feet, her hands balling up into fists. Her eyes had adjusted to the night, glowing in the moonless dark.
She saw Alistair bent over, his hands on his knees as he tried to steady himself. One of his hands had flung up and was rubbing voraciously at his chin and cheeks.
Melia took a deep breath, quietly walking over to him. She could hear that he was struggling to breathe.
Carefully, she set a cold hand on his back, his white undershirt soaked with sweat. Her touch had startled him and he tried to speak. His eyes were watery from trying to hold back the tears.
"Come sit with me." Melia said quietly, helping Alistair lower himself to the ground.
"I'm sorry." Alistair choked out.
"No apologies," Melia said calmly, "Just try to breathe."
Alistair laid his head in her lap so that he could look up at the sky, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. Melia gently grazed her fingernails over his forehead.
Melia started to hum quietly, rubbing Alistair's temples with her thumbs. Alistair closed his eyes, trying to focus on the sounds of her humming, accompanied with the playful lapping of the spring. There was a gentle sprinkle of rain that fell through the canopy of trees.
They sat for a long while, the crickets had begun to chirp, and a raccoon or two were lumbering down from the trees to scavenge. A few fireflies had begun to light up the trees, illuminating the few flowers that only bloomed at night. In the distance, the two could hear the wolves letting out a slow howl.
Alistair's racing heart had begun to lessen its pace, his eyes still closed as he tried to take a few deep breaths.
"Can I get you anything?" Melia asked softly, still running her fingers over his forehead.
Alistair shook his head, "M-Melia, I'm-I'm sorry." He said.
"There is no reason to be," Melia said, massaging down Alistair's temples to behind his ears, "Much has happened, I will not judge you for being human."
"Isn't that what the elves do?" Alistair gave a weak smirk.
"Oh yes, when we are not kidnapping children and sacrificing them to our primal gods we often bitch about humans." Melia said.
Alistair laughed, his eyes still closed. Unthinking, his right hand went up to touch hers, holding it to his flushed cheek.
"Have you eaten?" Melia asked.
"Don't worry about me." Alistair said.
"It is a bit too late for that, yes?" Melia pointed out, "I will walk you back to camp, when you are ready."
Alistair opened his eyes, looking up at Melia.
"You don't have to stay." He said, his eyes still glazed over.
"What a ridiculous statement," Melia said, "What sort of Grey Warden would I be if I left you?"
"And what sort of Grey Warden am I that I can't control my emotions?"
Melia sighed, "You can't expect yourself to be resolute all of the time. Blaming yourself will do you no good in the end."
Alistair took in her words. Out of habit, Melia set the back of her hand on his forehead.
"Your hands are freezing." Alistair said.
"Is complaining considered a refined skill with you?" Melia raised her brow.
"I'm not complaining. It's-nice." Alistair said.
"Oh…" She felt her ears go hot, "Usually my son would cry if I did not warm my hands first."
"You never mentioned your son before."
Melia paused, considering her next words.
"I'm sorry-" Alistair looked as if he was going to vomit.
"No need to apologize," Melia said calmly, "I just miss him dearly." Melia shook her head, clearly wanting to say more but the words just wouldn't form. Instead she shrugged and said,, "I am sure they are both fine."
Once Alistair had stopped shaking, he got to his feet, offering his hand to help Melia up. Before they walked back to camp, Alistair took Melia's hand.
"Melia…" he started, looking at her with sad eyes, "I…I feel like I need to tell you something."
Melia cocked her head to the side, pretending she didn't feel a flutter when he took her hand.
"What is it?" She asked.
"I should have...well…" he shook his head, "I guess I just have to tell you…"
Alistair's hands began to sweat and he pulled away.
"Thank you." He said quickly, hurrying away.
Melia let her hand fall to her side.
"You're welcome."
Eshne woke with a start. Sweat was beading down her forehead and past her neck. Her nose started to throb with an irritating pain. It took her a moment to adjust to the dark of her tent, but she could see the orange and yellow flickering of the fire outside.
She rubbed her eyes and shook herself. Her fiery hair flying every which way. She wrangled it in and braided it to the side.
After she put her robes on, she slipped her silky boots on and went outside, leaving her staff in her tent.
She cracked her back as she looked around. Morrigan had made her own camp a ways from everyone else, which didn't surprise Eshne.
It was still very dark and Eshne wasn't really sure how long she had been asleep.
Nani had been sitting with Leliana, trying to regale the sister with tales of blasphemy.
Alistair looked up from watching the fire and gave a slight concerned smile, clearly tired.
"Are you alright?" He asked, causing Nani to look up.
"Shit dream." Eshne answered.
"You're going to get those a lot. I remember after my Joining I would get horrible nightmares. It's almost like really being there with the darkspawn…"
"Darkspawn?" Eshne scoffed, "No I was dreaming that I was back at the tower, I was naked, and everyone in my class was looking at me. Cullen was there...wait no that's a good dream."
Nani cackled to herself.
Alistair just gave her a disgusted look. Leliana had overheard and was trying not to laugh, Sten just turned away and scoffed.
Eshne sighed, "I'm shitting you, Alistair. Yeah I dreamt about darkspawn." She sat down by the fire, "But it's nice to know we're going to have more."
She perked up, "Where the…" She looked around, "Where's Mel? I thought for sure I'd come out to her bent over."
Alistair choked back a piece of cheese he had been eating, he hit his chest and winced in pain.
"She went into her tent right after she talked to the dwarf." Leliana answered, pointing over to the side where Eshne saw Bodahn and Sandal setting up supplies.
"Why?" Eshne asked.
"They came up the road a few hours ago. They told us Melia said they could camp with us." Alistair shrugged, "I wasn't about to question it."
"Smart man." Eshne said, she looked at Sten, "Hey, big guy. How are you?"
Sten just scowled.
"I love bonding with you. I can tell we're going to be best friends." Eshne smiled, then stood back up and cracked her knuckles, "Well. I'm hungry. And horny. Which is weird for me to be both at the same time. But I digress. I'm going to find Nennet, help with that stick that's up her ass, and then I'm gonna stuff my face. Maybe with her." She winked at Leliana, then perked up, "Or that berry pie I took from Lothering! The night is still young." She walked away with a slight skip to her step.
Alistair looked at Nani, his mouth slightly agape.
"Is she serious?"
Nani raised her brow, "You could always follow her and find out."
"Hello, lovely." Eshne found Nennet walking back to camp, her rapier sheathed as she looked to the trees.
Henley had been off searching for a stick that Nennet had thrown. Nennet had been on her tiptoes trying to look for him. Eshne saw a very defined frown on Nennets face, and she wasn't entirely sure that it was just because she couldn't see the dog.
"You were not asleep for long." Nennet commented, looking up at Eshne, "Have you eaten?"
"Not yet. And I was hoping that maybe you could help me with that. It really seems like you have a lot of pent up aggression that you haven't let out yet." Eshne said, giving Nennet a slight wink, "How about it? No strings attached. But I can't guarantee you won't fall in love with me."
Nennet gave a dry chuckle, "Are you being serious?"
"As serious as I can be."
Nennet scoffed, "I get paid for my transgressions. I could make an exception for you, red. But it all depends if you think you can handle me."
"I've handled a lot of things."
"As have I."
Before anything else was said, Henley came bounding back, but instead of a stick she dropped a dead bird at Nennets feet.
"Quail?" She looked at the bird, "I suppose I see why the shem love their mabari. Nicolai would be proud."
Henley just wagged her tail and relished in the attention.
"That's disgusting." Eshne wrinkled her nose.
"It is food," Nennet said, picking the bird up, "I think it would be a nice change from whatever Alistair made. Of course I would have to get Mel to pluck it…" She admired the brown and grey plumage.
"Okay I'm gone," Eshne gagged, "Have fun with the dead pigeon." She shuddered as she walked away, she turned around breifly before disappearing, "My tent is open after your patrol, should you wish to join me."
Nennet smiled, but didn't answer her.
She walked back to camp slowly, taking in the quietness of the cool night. She rubbed her neck, relieving herself of the ghost of a pain. She sighed deeply, knowing this was the only peace she would get once they started out on the road once more.
She walked back into camp, thinking maybe she should eat something before she switched watch with Sten.
"Melia mentioned she wanted to leave camp come sunrise." Alistair said as she came over to the fire.
"I'll make sure everyone's up when the skies turn grey." Nennet concluded.
Eshne sighed, "The sooner we get to Redcliffe the better. I'm too delicate to sleep on the ground."
"How's about a massage for the sweet little mage?" Nennet asked with a coquettish smile.
"That's for later, sweet lips." She winked, making Alistair gag on his food. "But really I was never allowed outside when I lived at the Circle. Never got used to sleeping on the ground." Eshne said.
"Why is that?" Leliana looked up from her things.
Eshne perked up, "I'm glad you asked, my fine fellow redhead. There was a time where mages could go outside for an hour or so. One time I went out my lungs seized and then Greagoir yelled at my Templar," She puffed up as she imitated the Knight Commander, "'Don't you idiots know that Miss Surana needs to wear the mouth mask so the pollen doesn't kill her and blah blah blah.' But then when all the Templars were trying to take care of me, one of the older kids escaped. Poof! No more outdoors time."
"Didn't help that Cullen mouthed off right back, whatever spine was left got pulled right back out when Redd got to him." Nani laughed, "Poor man."
"Should you even be outside now?" Leliana asked Eshne.
Eshne shrugged, "It's not as bad as when I was younger. And more often than not the dust from the bookshelves got a reaction out of me rather than the outside air." She smiled, "But it's exciting to be a Grey Warden. I can make up for all the lost years I spent in the Circle."
"So let's be clear, the fact you helped a maleficar had no bearings to your decision?" Alistair raised his brow.
"Hey, I was technically innocent." Eshne reminded him, "They're just bitter. And at least I had a choice."
"Wasn't much of a choice, wardens or Tranquility." Nani said bitterly.
"Come on, darling, let's not fight." Eshne said, kissing the air between she and Nani, who just rolled her eyes.
Melia and Thackery joined them by the fire, clearly not being able to fully fall asleep.
Eshne chuckled to herself, then looked at Alistair, "What about you, big guy?"
"Please don't." Alistair said, slightly worried that Eshne would turn the conversation into a perverted direction.
"That is actually a very good question," Melia said, receiving a shit-eating grin from Eshne, "You know more or less about us, how did you become a Warden?" She asked.
"Oh, you know," Alistair began, "Drank some blood, choked, blacked out. Did you not go through the same thing?" He smirked.
Melia frowned, "Do not be an idiot with me." She ignored Thackerys laughter.
"Oh no, my secret is out," Alistair snapped his fingers, "Well at least I can stop pretending, pardon the drooling."
"I suppose I am not shocked." Melia retorted, standing up to help Nennet pack away a few extra blankets.
"Don't tell anyone else," Alistair jested, "They'll just mock me, and I'm very sensitive." He laughed, "You know. You're cute when you're irritable. Your lips do that pout thing, and you get this little knot right between your...never mind." He coughed.
"So she's cute is she?" Thackery stared Alistair down.
Melia almost dropped her corner of the blanket, the tips of her ears turning red, she looked over to Nennet who was trying to stifle a cackle. Nennet shrugged and took the blanket from Melia.
"So the Wardens." Melia said quickly.
"Yes, yes," Alistair laughed nervously, "Let's see. I was in the Chantry, and for many years I was training to be a Templar. That's where I learned most of my skills."
"You don't seem very religious." Nani pointed out, "Most Templars are extremely devout."
"You're telling me," Alistair scoffed, "I think I was banished to the kitchens to scour the pots more times than I can count," He looked at Melia, "And that's a lot, I can count very high."
Melia scoffed.
"The Grand Cleric didn't even want me to go. Duncan eventually was forced to conscript me, and boy the Grand Cleric was absolutely livid. I thought we were going to be arrested." Alistair said.
"Why was she fighting so hard to keep you?" Eshne asked.
"I wondered that myself. It's not as if she valued me very highly. I think maybe she just didn't want to give anything up to the Grey Wardens." He shrugged, "The Chantry didn't lose much. And I think I can do more fighting the Blight than sitting somewhere bored in a temple." He sighed, "I'll always be thankful to Duncan for recruiting me. If it hadn't been for him...you know. I never...I wouldn't have..."
"I am sorry." Melia said quietly.
"No," Alistair shook his head, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't...it's fine. He died a hero. They all did." He cleared his throat, "Let's just get going." He turned away and went to his tent.
The sun had barely begun to turn the sky into a brilliant pink and purple when Melia and Nennet led the others back onto the road. Eshne and Nani had hung back with Morrigan to ask her about her time in the Wilds. Shapeshifting was absolutely fascinating to Eshne, and Nani just stuck close to Eshne as much as she could.
Melia could hear the wheels of Bodhan's carriage creaking far behind the rest. Supposedly he would meet back up with them in Redcliffe after he ventured into a few villages, but they had yet to see him leave.
They were taking the Imperial Highway through the Northern part of the Hinterlands, and it had been relatively quiet save for a few rams passing by. More than once, Henley had gone off after a fennec, slobbering and huffing as she came back to Nicolai after she lost them. The wolves stuck close to Thackery and Melia, growling at anyone who gave them a strange glance.
Melia had closed her eyes, feeling the soft earth beneath her feet. She knew this weather wouldn't last long, so she took in the sweet smells of the trees and the grass. Occasionally her fingers would brush past a few tall weeds or flowers, the sound of her leather armor swinging back and forth.
"Hey, Melia."
Her eyes snapped open, her peaceful trance broken. She looked to her left, seeing Alistair looking quite sheepish. She felt the air around Thackery tense up.
"Is something wrong?" She asked.
"No, no…" Alistair began, "Well. I guess I wanted to apologize for being so-I don't know. But-back at the camp." He seemed wary of Thackerys glances.
"I do not need apologies, Alistair." Melia said.
"Well it's just...I feel like I've done all this complaining…"
"Alistair," Melia stopped him, "You miss Duncan, I understand. I know he was very much a…" She tried to find the word, she bit her lip in frustration, cracking her knuckles in thought. Alistair watched her think, amused by her determined expressions.
"Babae? No...B-No!" She stopped herself and looked at Thackery.
"Father." Thackery corrected her, though not happily.
Alistair was so caught up in watching Melia, that he had nearly drowned out what Thackery had said. He collected himself, giving a curt nod.
"Yes," He said, "Something like that."
Melia repeated the word 'father' to herself before she finally nodded.
"Right," She began, "I was trying to make a point." She frowned.
"I appreciate it." Alistair said, "But I'll try and keep the complaining and crying to my diary from now on."
Thackery gave an amused smirk, "Do not let Morrigan know you have a diary."
"The horror!" Alistair laughed.
"But in all seriousness," Melia said, "If you do need to...or want to...talk. I will listen."
"Thank you…" Alistair said, "I think maybe when this is over, I'll do something for Duncan. I remember he was from Highever, or at least that's what he said to me. I'd like to have a proper funeral for him. I don't think he had any family to speak of."
"He had you," Melia suggested, "And I could go with you, if you would like."
"I would...and I think Duncan would like it too. I know you didn't know him as long as I did. But I still appreciate the gesture…" Alistair paused, "What do the Dalish do? You don't practice cremation do you?"
Thackery cleared his throat, warning Melia not to keep the conversation, but Melia waved him away. Thackery broke off to find Eshne.
Melia sighed, "Well," She thought, "We do many things." She wrung her hands together, "When a clan member dies, we take the-the body. And our Hahren, along with the spouse, clean it up. Afterwards, they set the body gently upon a bed of hand picked wildflowers. They sprinkle many fine aromas onto the body...that way when a few of the hunters carry the body you can smell the lavender and rosewater as they pass you. The heads of daisy's floating up with the wind so that they land at your feet…" Melia felt a lump grow in her throat, she swallowed it and took a deep sigh.
"Early in the morning, after the body is taken through the camp, it is led to its resting place. We dig a hole in the ground, the soil is dark and soft, like a warm bed. As we cover the body with dirt, the clan sings songs of sorrow, songs that we only remember because they were passed down to us. And when the body is buried, it is usually the spouse who plants a sapling above the buried corpse." She stopped, sniffling once.
"That sounds incredibly beautiful…" Alistair remarked, "Life springing from death."
Melia nodded, "It is...it is a very somber thing. Afterwards, the clan mourns until nightfall." Melia gave a dry laugh, "Then we all go into the center of the camp, where the Hahren has built a large pyre. And there is music...and dancing."
"Music?" Alistair asked.
"Yes," Melia said, "We dance through the night, singing songs and prayers to the Creators to help the soul cross peacefully. The Dalish believe that the soul walks around for a few days after death, the music helps them to leave happily, feeling that they were loved and cared for by the clan. The singing is meant to confuse Fen'Harel so that he may not find the souls crossing." She cleared her throat, "It may seem very ridiculous to those who are not Dalish…"
"Not at all," Alistair said, "I think it's beautiful...You sound like you miss your clan very much."
"I do." Melia nodded, "But my Keeper wished for me to go, and I would not go against her will." Then she added, "Even if it has broken my family."
"You were very ill when I first saw you." Alistair said, "She probably tried to do what's best."
"I suppose." Melia said quietly, "I was very lucky to come across Duncan when I did."
The two were quiet for a time. Occasionally they could hear Leliana bothering Sten about his people, or Nani and Thackery laughing at something Eshne said, but for the most part the trek was made in silence. When the sun was fully up, and the stars had gone away from the blue morning sky, they settled down to eat before they continued on to Redcliffe.
Melia had taken the liberty to pluck the quail, giving it to Nani so she could season and cook it over a small fire.
When Melia had turned her back to ask Thackery to help her clean up the feathers, Henley had run past her, knocking over the small table Nicolai had set up for her.
Henley had let out a loud yelp, which was followed by Alistair's groaning. The whole camp had looked over, seeing that Henley had knocked all of the feathers over onto not only himself, but an unsuspecting Alistair who had been trying to eat a slice of cheese. Henley and Alistair started at each other, covered in quail feathers.
Eshne had a large grin on her face, Leliana with her hands covering her mouth. Morrigan put her hands on her hips, amused that Alistair couldn't move with the mabari on top of him. Even Sten had a slight crease to his usual frown.
To everyone's surprise, Eshne wasn't the first one who had begun to laugh, but rather it was Melia.
Melia had her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her uproarious guffaws. Tears had begun to stream down her face, and she held her stomach. She had been laughing so hard that she had started to snort, which made Thackery cackle.
Alistair watched Melia laughing, and it made him smile. He shrugged, still on the ground, gleaming while Henley licked his face.
It was a rare moment of pure mirth. Melia couldn't help but giggle to herself while they sat and ate.
"You looked like a large chicken." She snorted.
"Tis an accurate look for him is it not?" Morrigan asked.
Alistair coughed out a quail feather, "Beware the fearsome Grey Chickens, right?"
"Can that be our new name?" Nani asked, "Alistair can be our new symbol."
Even after they had set out again on the road, Melia found herself smiling at the thought of Alistair covered in all of that plumage.
Eshne hung back, walking between Alistair and Nani.
"She's got a nice laugh doesn't she?" Eshne asked.
"Yeah." Alistair smiled, looking up ahead at Melia, "She really does."
Both Eshne and Nani turned to him, varying degrees of grinning crossing their faces. Eshne held out her hand to Nani, who put two silver pieces in her palm while shaking her head.
Alistair hadn't noticed, sighing to himself.
"And, I mean, that-that view is just to die for, right? The way it just swings back and forth." Eshne asked, Nani snickered.
Alistair smiled, "It is really nice."
Nani handed Eshne two more silvers.
"I bet you'd really like to hold her hand." Eshne said, Nani counted the silver in her purse.
Alistair shrugged, "Her hands are really soft…" He blushed.
"You know I think her trousers would look nice on the floor of your tent." Eshne said.
"Y-Wait," Alistair shook his head and looked at Eshne, "What're you doing?"
"I told you." Nani said.
"Damnit, Alistair!" Eshne frowned, "Momma needed some new robes." She handed two silver back to Nani.
"I can't believe you two." Alistair huffed.
"You just make it so easy." Nani laughed.
Alistair frowned, walking ahead of them to try and get away. Eshne sighed and looked at her sister.
"What should we bet on next?"