Hey, you guys! Thank you all for checking this story! I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Fairy Tail! (Though I wish I did!)
Lucy's POV
Stop caring. You don't need to. I don't give a fuck anymore. I should? Why? Why the fuck should I give any fucks? I'm alone. Whether you want to accept that or not. I'm. Not. Giving. Anymore. Fucks. For anyone or anything. Oh, you hate me? Cool. I don't care. Oh, you need me? I don't care. You didn't need me last week. So why do you need me now? You don't. So don't you dare tell me you do. Stop bothering me if that's how it's going to be. Don't talk to me. Look at me. Think of me. Or even say my name. Just don't. If you don't care about something, don't talk about it. If you don't like something, it should be the furthest thing from your mind. So fuck you! Fuck everything! Because you have no idea how done I am. Not just with you. Not just with people. I mean everything. Even life. Fucking life has fucking fucked me over so many fucking times. I refuse to deal with it. And I mean legit refuse.
What do you want me to do? Stay? Ha! You're funny… Stop telling me lies. I don't need them in my life… Better yet! How about I switch off my emotions and we keep talking to please your happy ass… Or you know. Just be like everyone else who has fucked me up emotionally and we could keep talking. It'll just fuck me up even more. If it makes you happy I'll go numb. I won't feel. For you… But then again… What's best for me? Oh wait! That's right! You don't care. Stop using me for you're own purposes. I'm not a doll. And I'm not yours. So leave me alone. Let me sit in my room. Let me blare my music. Let me cut. Let me bleed. Let me die. Let me be. Let me walk away. Let me be alone. That's what's best for me.
The blood. Oh the blood. I love watching it. I love watching it pour out of my leg. I love watching it stain. The way it falls on the floor. Bleeding… So much pain leaves me… Each cut representing something… I love it… The way my pain goes away as I cry on the floor. You don't understand… So why am I telling you? Because. The next time you meet someone as suicidal as me. Maybe you won't fuck up as much. Maybe you won't fuck them up as much as you fucked me up. I'm done with you people. You've hurt me enough. Can't you see that?! Can't you?! Why can't you see it?! You've fucked me up so much mentally to the point of where I ended up fucking myself up physically. You don't care though do you? No. Because you're too focused on you. You don't care about others and I'm done with it. You are one of the reasons I've given up on humanity. I've given up because of you.
You fucked me up. Mentally. I can't fucking sleep at night anymore… I just stare at the fucking ceiling hoping that sleep will take over and I won't have to cry myself to sleep anymore… That way I don't have to think about anything… But every time…. EVERY TIME I close my eyes I see everything you've ever done to me…. The beatings…. Lashes… Glass… The words…. All the yelling…. Just all of it is killing me… But you don't care so why am I bothering you by making you read this…?..
Physically. Beating me with anything you could get your hands on…. You threw books… Candles… Remotes… Shoes… I was fine with those… But as time moved on and I didn't even cry anymore when you did it… I got harder things… Empty picture frames… Pots… Pans… Chairs… And almost anything glass… I bled… I bled so much… So many times… Constantly begging you to stop… Knowing you wouldn't… Still trying… Why…?.. I want to know why you did this to me….?.. What did I do to you…?..
Emotionally. I don't know what to do because of you anymore. I just don't. I'm lost. I'm breaking. What do you want me to do? Is this what you wanted? Did you want to fuck me up? Because I think you did. And guess what? You got your wish… I'm as fucked up and a filing cabinet that had a sledge hammer taken to it. YOU GOT YOUR WISH!
I bet you're happy… With your new lover I mean… Boy, do I regret it so much now… I can't believe I let you in… Family or not… I can't believe I let you in and you treated me like shit… Do you want me dead? Because it really seems to me that you want me gone and out of your life… Forever… That is…
"Tell me the truth… Did you ever love me…?.."
I don't think you did to be one-hundred percent honest with you…
Family… You know… As family… We were supposed to stick together… Love each other… Stick up for each other… Not put each other down… Beat each other… Lie to each other… Manipulate each other… Family isn't about that… But… I guess I deserve all this and more… So much more… After all, I did ruin your life… I thought… When you saved me from my mistake… That everything would have been fine… Everyone was so happy… But now… I guess not… Just goes to show that I am a fuck up… Like everyone says…
"When the darkness falls… Pain is all… The Angel of Darkness… Will leave behind… But I will fight…"
I put my pain aside… For you…
I put myself in danger… For you…
I did things I never wanted to do… For you…
And what did I get in return…?..
Oh, yeah! I got treated like shit… But I withstood it… For you… Because I thought you cared about me… I thought we were family… I guess not… I was wrong…
Once again… But that doesn't matter to you…
I know that now…
Nothing matters to you… You only want to destroy things… You never worry about anyone… So shut the fuck up and get out… Get out of my life…
Actually… No… I'll get out of yours… I see no problem with that anymore… And I don't see why you would have a problem with it either… There is no issue with it whatsoever…
"I was at the top and now it's like I'm in the basement, number one spot and now he find him a replacement. I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby, and now you ain't around baby I can't think…"
That's what I feel like now… I thought I was at the top… With you… But you called me family… Then found a replacement… I cried… Then died inside…
I became an emotional wreck… I cried every night… I didn't know what to do… So… I cut everyone off… Then became something I'm not… Loud… Violent… Outspoken… Rude… Pissy… But I was still quiet… Many things I never thought I would be… And here I am… Being all of those… You all left me… You all ignore me… When you aren't ignoring me… You're putting me down… And I can't stand it anymore… I feel like I'm breaking… More… And more… As the days go on… I can't stand this… I can't…
"If I went out the back door nobody would stop me… But where would I go…?.. Cause I ain't ever had a real home, so what do I know…?.. So I could keep running hide until they find me… But what would that do…?.."
You wouldn't stop me… I know you wouldn't… You'd gladly open the door and kick me out yourself… Or am I wrong…?.. Hmm…? That's right… I'm not…
I'm not wrong about any of this… You could swear I am, but I know I'm not… You don't give a fuck… I know you don't… Don't lie to me… I hate that more than anything… But that's all you do… That's all you've ever done… You've always done it…
Lie…
That's all you can do, right?
Because that's all you've ever done with me… I might not be able to figure out why… But you've done it, and nothing can change that… Not anymore… I refuse to let anyone in anymore… I'm tired of being hurt… That's all you do… You hurt me…
Your memories hurt…
Being in the same room as you… Hurts…
Your voice…
Smell…
Everything about you… Hurts… Nothing is going to change it… I've learned that… I've dealt with it for I don't know how long… I give up…
Well! There you have it! A new story! Sorry if I get slow to update! Just let me know if you want me to update a specific one! I'll do my best!
Also, I would like to apologize for not updating very much... BUT! I PROMISE THAT NEXT CHAPTER WILL(!) BE MUCH LONGER!
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Love you guys!
Love,
E.C.