AN: This website is sometimes ridiculous, whenever I save the document, it doesn't save and undoes any progress I did since I last clicked save. Fortunately, I got into the habit copying everything I wrote in case it doesn't save. Not only that, the website would also say some sort of error, saying that no servers are not able
process my request. Anyways, in we go.
When Natsuki and I got out of the closet, I forgot that I still had the volume with me. So I went up to her, in hopes returning her favorite issue.
"Hey, Nat. Here's your book." I hand her the book.
"Huh? Oh. You're giving it back? But, don't you want to know what happens? You still don't know what happens to Minori!"
"I know, I know. But this is your favorite issue, is it not?"
"Yeah, and?"
"I don't want to ruin it in anyway..."
"You won't. Val, you're the type of guy that will take care things, both people and objects. It's what I admire about you."
"Thanks..." Wait, did she admire me on something?
"Look, that issue is also the longest. So just take it with you and read the rest of it at home. When we come back tomorrow, I'll let you borrow the whole set!"
"Uh... I don't think I can read a whole mango volume in one day... I'm pretty busy as is..."
"Well, make time for it then! I don't care!"
"Alright, fine..."
"Oh yeah, I know I said that you can take care of things... um..." Her cheeks became tinged with a adorable pink. "But! If this issue gets bent, I won't hesitate to kill you." She then leaned towards me with a scowl, a contrast to her behavior a few seconds ago.
"Got it?"
I was unfazed by her intimidation effort.
Besides what can a girl like her do to me?
...
I shouldn't bother lying to myself.
"Yes, ma'am. So uh... wanna trade poems?"
"Sorry, Val. You're too slow! I already traded mine with Sayori! All you can do is wait like an idiot! Haha!"
"Uh, not really. I can trade with Yuri right now..."
Natsuki cringed when she heard that name.
"Ugh! Do you even want to?"
"Yeah... why not? I don't want anyone to feel left out. Everyone deserves a chance to read my poem, right?"
"Whatever. Do what you want. I don't care!" Natsuki then stomps out the talking range and gets closer to Sayori.
They must really hate each other... Was it always like this?
I walk over to my bag and placed the book in.
They got along before I arrived in the club... All their arguments were centered around me... Is this all my fault? Is this the reason why this memory is repressed? No... It can't be... this memory is repressed because of Sayori I think... her personality matches up with the friend Tommy spoke about in the real world... Damn it. I need to keep an eye out on Sayori. But that doesn't explain the two girl's behavior around me. I don't know what goes on in their heads.
"Um... Valkyrie?"
"Hmm?" I turn to the voice behind me. It was Yuri. And she's a bit too close for my taste... "Oh hey! You want to trade poems?"
"Mhm. Please." Yuri gingerly hands me her poem.
It's called The Raccoon
Before I started reading, Yuri had this strange look on her face. Like she was mad... in a obsessed kind of way... those eyes meant bad news.
"Yuri...? Is there-"
"What were you doing in the closet? With... her?"
Her? Is Yuri talking about Natsuki?
"Wha-? With who?"
"With, Natsuki!"
"Why?"
"Answer me!"
The sudden forcefulness from Yuri, made me flinch a bit.
"Alright, alright! Jeez, we were reading her favorite title and issue of manga. Nothing more..."
"Really? Why was there laughter coming from inside the room? Hmm? Were you two having-"
Yuri, for the first time was getting on my nerves. She didn't know when to back off.
"No! God no! I would never do that, unless we were in love and also were married! Gosh!" I took a deep breath. "We were... laughing at a certain panel of the manga. It was something really funny that was building from the start of it. I don't get it! What's your deal, Yuri?!"
"I-I!" Her sharpened expression quickly evaporated and was now replaced by hurt look, all because of my yelling. Her lips were quivering and she was shaking. Yuri's eyes threatened to leak tears, so she hurriedly covered her face.
I just made Yuri cry! Great job, Val!
"No! No... don't cry, Yuri!"
She didn't respond, she was violently shaking, as if it was her way to cope and avoid crying.
I didn't use my mind on what I did next. I brought her into a hug. Her face was still being covered from her hands, she burrowed her head onto my chest.
"Yuri... I'm sorry for yelling at you. You had every right to question our strange motives..."
"No. I'm sorry for pushing you into saying something you find personal... Please forgive me!"
"Yuri, please! Just let me take the blame, okay?"
"Okay then... I-I forgive you then..."
What Yuri said sounded so foreign, it's as she never forgave and took the blame all the time...
Yuri then wraps her arms around me. I can feel her soft chest pressing against my toned, hard chest... It felt amazing! The warmth was soothing to the point that I can fall asleep to it!
I looked down and couldn't help but gaze at Yuri's majestic hair... It's calm purple color is a drastic contrast to Natsuki's vibrant and lively hair. It's as if I can get lost to her hair. Yuri's hair reflected the deep colors of the stars and space... making me feel at ease...
...
I didn't know what I was doing for a second. I didn't know why Yuri was giggling. I didn't know why I had my nose in her soft, silky smooth hair.
Oh.
I was nuzzling the crown of her head, marveling at how soft and easily my nose glides right through.
I inhale onto to her hair.
She smells like... lavender with a hint of cranberry. The aroma was a perfect coalescence of the two, it's as if she smelled like... well, purple...
Yuri, then followed suit. She burrowed herself onto my neck. I could feel her hot breath tickling my neck...
She went lower, creating a trail of warmth with her nose. She stopped at my chest and sniffed.
"Mmm... it's perfect..."
I tried to break the hug at this point, but she wouldn't comply. She continued to hold onto me.
"W-wait... Just a little longer, Valkyrie..."
I didn't have much of a choice anyway. She continued to smell and nuzzle me, purring all the while, until she reluctantly let go.
I started to read the poem.
It happened in the dead of night while I was slicing bread for a guilty snack.
My attention was caught by the scuttering of a raccoon outside my window.
That was, I believe, the first time I noticed my strange tendencies as an unordinary human.
I gave the raccoon a piece of bread, my subsconscious well aware of the consequences.
Well aware that a raccoon that is fed will always come back for more.
The enticing beauty of my cutting knife was the symptom.
The bread, my hungry curiousity.
The raccon, an urge.
The moon increments its phrase and reflects that much more light off of my cutting knife.
The very same light that glistens in the eyes of my raccoon friend.
I slice the bread, fresh and soft. The raccoon becomes excited.
Or perhaps I'm merely projecting my emotions onto the newly-satisfied anima;.
The raccoon has taken to following me.
You could say that we've gotten quite used to each other.
The raccoon becomes hungry more and more frequently, so my bread is always handy.
Every time I brandish my cutting knife, the raccoon shows me its excitement.
A rush of blood. Classic Pavlovian conditioning. I slice the bread.
And I feed myself again.
... I don't like the constant reference and detail of the knife... There's something up with this poem.
My mind dared to venture to a dark limit.
Oh my God. Is it... is it about cutting?! Everything about it suits it! The raccoon is a manifestation of the urge of cutting! The constant description of the knife and how often it's brought up... The person is obsessed with how the knife releases all the tension pent up in their body! No! No.. Maybe I'm taking this to an extreme level, there's no way in Hell, a sweet and quiet girl like Yuri would write this. Right?... I don't know about this... Does Yuri... cut? Damn! Now I need to keep an eye on Yuri as well...
"Hmm... This is quite exceptional!"
"Wha-?" I look up to Yuri.
"Err I mean... um... sorry!"
"Uh... it's okay?... Why are you even apologizing, in the first place?"
"Sorry!"
I rolled in my eyes from Yuri tendency to apologize in a such a redundant manner.
"It's just that... I'm not... used to all this..."
"What do you mean? What aren't you used to?" I was pushing it, the poem has me on edge right now. I needed to know more about her, anything to get a little snippet of information.
"I-I-I don't know!"
"Yuri, just take a deep breath. Take your time to collect your thoughts."
She starts to hyperventilate.
You've got to be kidding me.
I place my hand on her shoulder. Despite out hug prior to this, she flinches from the sudden contact, putting both her hands close to her chest, and gapes her a mouth for a bit. Thankfully, she relaxes afterwards.
"Breathe with me."
"O-okay..." She hides behind her hair, playing with it all the while.
I stopped caring of the consequences of what will happen if I do this. "No, no. You aren't hiding from this, Yuri. Look at me, while we do this." I clutch her soft chin and gently pull her and made look straight into my eyes. Her breathing is a lot more erratic than before.
"You're so close... Valkyrie..."
"I don't care. Now breath in." I used my other hand to show the motion of breathing in.
I take a deep breath, she reluctantly followed suit.
Yuri's galaxy purple eyes now locked onto me and will now obey my commands.
What's wrong with me? Argh. That can wait. I need to... interrogate this girl. By any means necessary if needed.
"Now. Breathe out."
I show the motion to breathe out with my hand. I close my eyes as we both exhale.
When I opened my eyes, I lock my eyes onto Yuri's. I wasn't surprised that she had that sharpened look on me. It was bound to happen. I was going to take advantage of her "yandere" state.
I had enough playing mister nice guy... All it does is bring me into a cesspool of traps and tricks. Time to be a little more... cunning, always be a step ahead and analyze everything.
I smirked.
"That was pretty fun, Valkyrie. Don't you think?"
"Perhaps. Now what were you going to say?"
She didn't let up from her state.
"I just... love being appreciated like this."
"What do you mean, Yuri?"
"It sounds pathetic but, seeing someone using a similar style and being motivated by my writing... Makes me feel... really, really euphoric."
"That's cute, Yuri. Very cute."
Yuri smiles in a manner that seems a bit off.
"Thank you."
"However, I'm sorry to play devil's advocate here, but I going to be honest with ya, my poem writing is unique. I didn't necessarily take inspiration from you, Yuri."
This breaks her trance almost immediately. "Wait... what?"
I straighten my posture a bit.
"My poem writing style combines the sophisticated nature of poems and the rudimentary elements of language, to ensure that all will be able to enjoy my poems; no matter the developed experience of those who are experts on this. Everyone deserves to understand poetry with meaning and elegance, it shouldn't matter how poem is written."
Yuri is taken aback from my mini-speech. Her eyes widened in compensating on what I said.
"Wow..." She says breathlessly. "You're right, Valkyrie... I... didn't see poetry like that at all..."
"It's fine. Literature is a learning experience for all. Now, let's talk about your poem, shall we?"
"Uwaa! Wha-wha-what are we going to be talking about exactly?"
"Why, your fascination with knives of course." I say in a matter of fact tone.
She starts squirming, she is visibly nervous about what I'm to say.
"I-I don't kn-know wha-what you'r-you're talking about!"
"Yuri..."
"Uuu! Okay! You caught me! I have a weird fascination with knives... you can taunt at me if you would like..."
"Why would I do that?"
Damn, looks like the conversation has taken a turn I didn't want. She lost her obsessive state and it looks like I'm not going to get much out of her, not like this. Okay, that's enough playing cunning and interrogative..
"I think being interested in knives is pretty lit actually."
"Lit?"
"It means awesome."
"Oh. That's lit!"
I cringed when she said that...
Gosh, I think it's best that these girls don't really say these sort of things...
I patted her arm.
"Yeah... don't say that. It doesn't fit your 'advanced' nature. Anyway, I get where you are coming from, there's no reason to feel ashamed!"
"Re-really?"
"Yeah! I think that knives are actually pretty cool, in a way... Hell, I had a wooden butterfly knife back home. I used to practice with that all the time!"
"Hoooh? A wooden butterfly knife? Tell me more!"
"Ah. Well, I was around 8 or 9 at the time, when I got into butterfly knives. I saw a video on a guy practicing his flipping skills. The quick and successive manner of his movements was so cool, that I begged my mom to buy me one. She obviously said no, because you know..."
I couldn't help but notice Yuri's attentiveness to what I'm saying. It made me feel... desired, in a way.
"After a while of convincing my mom, I was able to settle down with a wooden butterfly knife. I obviously had no idea how to use it, so I suffered small bruises and nicks from the damn thing! I looked up videos and practiced in my free time, until I was almost on par with those guys in the video. It took a while, but I offered to buy an actual butterfly knife, since my mom was somewhat impressed. I had to agree that I'll get it when I'm 16 and promise not to take it outside. Unfortunately... puberty hit a bit too hard... I gradually lost interest in the knife and the skills behind it."
"Aw... that's a shame... Can you... show me your skills? Your knife skills, obviously! Haha..."
I raised an eyebrow to what the so called other skill was, but I let it slide.
"Sure... do you have a pencil or something?"
"I-uh have a..."
"Oh! Never mind, I have one in my pocket."
"Ah. Okay."
Yuri then turned her attention to my hand.
I started flipping and flicking the pencil, all in memory of my butterfly knife. I even tossed in some mid-air grabs just to rake in the "wow" factor. I glimpsed at Yuri's attentive gaze. Her eyes were sharpened again, and she was breathing somewhat heavily. I didn't know what was going inside her mind...
To end the show I put up, I flipped the knife and performed a fake out towards Yuri.
"Eeek!"
"Haha! Gotcha there."
We both laughed it off.
"Argh! Are you two done?!" A new voice and annoyed voice called.
Natsuki.
I didn't want Yuri to seize the opportunity to make me do more or keep me prisoner, I answered first.
"Yeah. I just finished." I turned towards Yuri. "I'll talk to you later, Yuri."
She didn't respond, instead she looked irritated and had a glare set on Natsuki. I turned to her and she was following suit.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
I had to something unexpected to break this never ending standoff. So I walked towards Natsuki and picked her up.
"Hehe! Val! What are you doing?! Put me down!"
I ignored her and continued my trail. She started punching my back and kicking me just so I could let go.
"Put me down! Put me down! Put. Me. Down!"
I placed her down next to the closet room, again. Her tone suggested she enjoyed being picked up by me, despite her saying the contrary.
"Who do you think you are?!"
I smirked. "Valkyrie Jones."
"Argh! Shut up! Do you think I'm a sack of potatoes?! You think you can carry me around anywhere and place me whenever you feel like it?! Huh?!"
"No I don't think you are a sack of potatoes. And hey, it's my bad. Someone had to break you two up, it seemed as if the confrontation would go on forever."
"Oh." Natsuki falls uncharacteristically silent.
"Never mind that, let's trade poems."
We exchange poems and read what we got.
Natsuki's poem is called Amy Likes Spiders
You know what I heard about Amy?
Amy likes spiders.
Icky, wriggly, hairy, ugly spiders!
That's why I'm not friends with her.
Amy has a cute singing voice.
I heard her singing my favorite love song.
Every time she sang the chorus, my heart would pound to the rhythm of the words.
But she likes spiders.
That's why I'm not friends with her.
One time, I hurt my leg really bad.
Amy helped me up and took me to the nurse.
I tried not to let her touch me.
She likes spider, so her hands are probably gross.
That's why I'm not friends with her.
Amy has a lot of friends.
I always see her talking to people.
She probably talks about spiders.
What if her friends start to like spiders too?
That's why I'm not friends with her.
It doesn't matter if she has other hobbies.
It doesn't matter if she keeps it private.
It doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone.
It's gross.
She's gross.
The world is better off without spider lovers.
And I'm gonna tell everyone.
Hmm... what's the hidden message here...? Amy loves spiders, and the poem's narrator hates Amy because of that... Natsuki currently hates Yuri because of the... disagreements over who gets to hang out with me. Does Natsuki know about Yuri's interest on knives?
I gulped and braced myself for the response on the question I'm about to ask.
"Nat... I like this poem and all but... is this geared towards anyone?"
"Well, to be honest, at first no. Now, yes. You could probably tell who I'm calling out here."
Natsuki glared across the classroom, towards Yuri. Yuri who was reading Tommy's poem, returned the glare as well.
These girls can't let up about an argument, Jesus.
"Do you hate something about Yuri? Besides the whole thing that's going on?"
"Besides that she's a bitch? No, I don't think so."
Whoa! That's overboard!
"Ah. Okay."
"Anyways, I love your poem Val. It's so "sophisticated" and at the same time... simple like mine! I'm starting to think that you're copying my style..."
"Hah! You know, Yuri said the same exact thing!"
"She did? Bah, whatever."
"Yep, but the thing is, I combine both complex and simple so that all can enjoy my poems."
"Oh... so that's why your poems are so cute-!"
Cute?
"I mean... adorable, no wait! Uh..."
I raised in eyebrow in confusion.
"What's with your face?! I'm giving you a compliment! You should be proud!"
"I am! At least I think I am... I just have no idea what you are talking about now."
"Ergh! Your poem. Is. Cute! You freaking moron!"
"Oh. Sooo... you like cute things? Like the poem I have right now?"
"Yeah...? Wait a minute. I know what you are trying pull off, it won't work!"
What?
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You're trying to impress me! You think I like this stuff, don't you! Well I don't! I'm not that type of girl that's into all that..." She was flushing a deep red.
That statement just added even more confusion. Doesn't Natsuki like cute things?
"Nat, I have no idea what you are trying to say, and I think it's best that you stop talking about it..."
"Yeah, that probably the best thing to do..."
I back away slowly.
"I'm gonna show my poem to Sayori now..."
"Okay..."
I leave the awkward scene and tried to find Sayori. Instead I bump into her...
Monika.
"Aaah! Hey! Watch where you're going Val!"
"My bad." I meekly say to avoid her. I know we are in good terms right now, or at least I think we are. So I don't want to taint our friendship in anyway.
"Hey... where do you think you're going?"
"Um... I was going to show my poem to Sayori, so I can-"
"Uh! Uh! I didn't see your poem yet!"
"B-but-"
"No buts! Come with me!" She takes my hand and drags me across the classroom back to the closet, yet again. Natsuki wasn't here anymore, as she was exchanging her poem with Sayori.
I don't like the looks of this.
She closes the door and locks it.
"So." Monika said with faux joy and while looking down at the lock.
"Umm..."
"You think I forgot all you did, today?" Her voice rose in anger. "You really don't know when it's enough don't you?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Jones. I've seen you 'flirting' with those two girls."
"Flirt? What? I don't even know how to flirt!"
"Oh really? You didn't flirt when you were around Yuri? How you two were hugging and cuddling while reading?! And when you two were smelling each other? Or maybe when picked up Natsuki and placed her near here? Should I dare ask what you two did the utility room, earlier today?!"
"You make me sick, Jones. You're such a womanizer."
My jaw was hanging, the hurricane that Monika unleashed almost broke me. The last bastion of hope almost shattered in me. I locked my jaw and cleared my throat. I wasn't irritated, pissed, nor mad. I was infuriated, I wasn't going to let some girl insult me and my motives to help these girls.
"First off, me and Natsuki weren't having sex in that room, that's an awful misconception, even from you Monika. Second, I didn't even have choice what goes on! It's as if something causing all this to happen! I don't know how to speak with women. So I don't know how to comfort them in the best way possible, when they get hurt by me! Third, I am NOT A WOMANIZER! How dare you accuse of me of such travesty?! I respect and treasure the woman's heart! It's the most tender part of their soul, and it breaks them when broken! Besides, I have no romantic intentions with any of them, they are my friends! And finally, you should back off! What goes on with those girls and everyone stays with them and me, so you should bite your tongue!"
Monika's self confidence shattered from my verbal diarrhea. Tears were streaking down her cheeks and was whimpering from it. She was shaking from the recoil of my words. Her legs couldn't support her weight and she dropped onto her knees, and holding her face, shielding it from my hard glare. She starting wailing audibly.
You dodged a bullet with Yuri, but now Monika? You're a lost cause Val. There's no coming out of this now. You've permanently destroyed the friendship between you and Monika.
I felt nauseous to what I just said to her.
I attacked her relentlessly and I know I've said things I shouldn't have. What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I should've convinced Tommy to join another damn club, I should've told Tommy to keep an out on Sayori and be closer to her! I... shouldn't volunteered to help... Gabe and James... they could do much better job than me. I'm just a fuckup. I always make things worse here. What should I do? I don't know what to do!
"Monika... please stop crying..."
She obviously didn't care to what I had to say.
"Monika... please! I'm sorry!"
"..."
"Monika!"
"..."
Damn it!
I picked her up from the floor and pulled her hands from her face. Her face was all red, her eyes were flooded with tears and wouldn't stop any time soon. She had a quivering frown that grew worse at the sight of me. I took her arms and pinned her against the wall.
I don't know what to do...
We are so close...
Actions speak loud than words. And this will be louder than any apologies.
I close my eyes and cover the distance between us.