Tell him
Take no more
She practices her speech as he opens the door
No she wasn't leaving, but she sure as hell wasn't going to stay here. Opting to tell him to his face that they were over instead of quietly fading into the night. She wasn't about to become the coward he was. She would deal with this head on. Make him watch her walk away and know she wasn't coming back.
The internal struggle was real. What he had done was the ultimate betrayal. She was confused because she was more hurt than mad and couldn't understand why she wasn't ready to chase him with a baseball bat in the streets. She did love him but there were never sparks when he touched. She never got excited when he called. Everything was lukewarm and content. Never passionate and intense.
Shit. Don't start doubting yourself now girl! Focus, you're pissed. Even if you aren't that mad –we are sticking with furious. Can't allow the pain in right now, can't try and figure out the confusion. Right now we are home alone at 4 fuckin a.m. and we are pissed!
"This indeed was a fine line, on one hand trying to keep her shit together and in check to keep the self-depreciating demons at bay. On the other hand keeping her anger boosted so she wouldn't lose her nerve when the time came to follow through. Having dealt with his antics for several weeks now, it wasn't hard to gather when he would be slithering through the front door again. Every tick of the second hand on the clock seemed to make her chest pulse with anxious anticipation. The time was now 4:46, any minute he would be coming through the front door, place his keys and wallet in the dish on the table in the foyer and sneak a quick shower in the down stairs bathroom. Slowly anger faded to anticipation which then dissolved into fear and anxiety.
"This is it Kagome, time to take control of your life again. This time you'll tell him, this time you won't let him guilt you into thinking it's nothing and you're overreacting. You were raised to know better than this. Raised to deserve more than this." She'd given herself this pep talk so many times but tonight was different
She dreamt of a love that set her soul on fire, where the twisting feeling in her stomach was from the butterflies that came with the excitement of being with someone who loved her the same way she loved him. Each passing day dream was of a different life. Surrounded by laughing and loving friends. It was up to her to go and make that life for herself. Stop settling for mediocre and grab what she wanted.
The sound of the front door slowly creaking open stops her heart and steals her breath. Feeling the hair raise on the back of her neck, the goosebumps trailing up her arms. The instant wave of nausea and anxiety hit like a tidal wave. She had been preparing herself for a fight, but her body was instinctively ready to take flight. In that moment time stood still and Kagome froze.