She rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over.
Soft footsteps made her aware of his approach and she rolled over so her back was to the bedroom door. Each breath painstakingly inhaled and exhaled trying to mimic a sleep breathing pattern. Silently praying to herself that he didn't notice she was awake. She wasn't ready for this, couldn't face him. It should make her angry, jump up and lash out at him and leave him like she had been trying to do. So why was she forcing herself to remain silent. It's too much, just too much and try as she might the tears slipped from her eyes and ran down the side of her nose falling onto a pillow that was all too familiar with this routine.
The footsteps stopped on his side of the bed behind her. She could tell he was just standing there and looking at her. No one said a word, no further movements made for what seemed like hours..
"Kagome" he whispered. He could smell her tears and he knew she knew. He'd known he couldn't keep this charade going on forever. He had been torn with guilt for months over the women he loved not knowing who to really choose, but knowing it would have to all end at some point. He couldn't do this to her anymore. "Kagome I know you're awake."
The sound of a long suppressed sniffle was the only response he received
"I don't know how to choose Kagome. I can't lose you but I can't deny I love Kikyo either. I know how incredibly awful this must be for you.." Thank god! He said something stupid she now had fuel for her fire.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sitting straight up in bed and turning to him molten chocolate eyes locked with startled golden. "You seriously think you can just imagine how this feels? Tell me Inuyasha, do you have some former version of yourself marching down the streets that I'm running off to go meet behind your back? How can you possibly even imagine how this feels?"
Sitting down on his side of the bed all he could do was hang his head. "Look I'm not the best with words. I know I can't make this right. I know what I did was wrong, I won't ask you to stay, I don't deserve it."
"No you don't. But that's not the real reason you won't ask me to stay is it. Tell the truth Inuyasha!"
At that his ears flattened to his head. He hadn't been sure how this conversation was going to go when he decided to have it, but it was clear now that there was absolutely no way he could have prepared for it. He loved Kagome, deeply.. But this time with Kikyo showed him exactly what was in his heart and he didn't know how to leave Kagome. He wasn't making a choice, it wasn't a conscious decision. He couldn't pick between them. The fact was, his heart beat for Kikyo, but he would die to protect Kagome. He wanted a house with kids and long nights with the woman who he was never able to forget. They had history, when he had no one else – she was his. She had loved him and still loved him and he had never stopped wanting that future with her.
But as circumstances changed and opportunities became available he and Kikyo's lives took separate paths and years later he found himself with Kagome. The woman who so closely resembled his first love. She was everything he had thought he ever wanted. Regrettably even on their best days he couldn't help the nagging feeling that it just wasn't right. Something was missing. No matter how many times he kissed her and told her he loved her; it always felt like a lie. But the thought of losing this woman all over again was too great a pain to face. He had hoped with time his scars would heal and his love would grow to be true. He never anticipated Kikyo moving back to the city where they now lived.
He had been out at the market when he smelled her first. His mind told him it couldn't be her, but that scent had only ever belonged to one person. He dodged through the crowds until the scent was at its peak and then he spotted her – time stopped. She must have felt his presence as he approached. She looked up and in that moment there wasn't anyone else but them. He couldn't stop his heart from hammering in his chest and try as he might he couldn't suppress his grin. She was here, home, in his reach. Then just as quick as this discovery lit up his world, reality swiftly tore it down. What about Kagome?