18.

He sat down on the pavement behind the detention block, lit the cigarette with haste and took a long draw. As he exhaled the smoke slowly, he cast out his gaze far behind the fence, at the empty meadow and even further at the woods, wishing he was there, or anywhere else, as long as it was away from the prison and the people in it.

He took another long draw. He saved her, that's all that mattered. Telling his horrible secret was the only way Merle would let her go. Or that, or he'd had to kill him.

Half cigarette smoked, he heard her insecure steps. He hoped she'd go away, but after her hand found his shoulder, she sat down next to him. He couldn't look her in the face, afraid he'll see pity.

She licked the blood from her lips and adjusted the glasses. "Could I have one, please?"

He gave her a cigarette and lit it for her, begging her in silence to go away.

"I understand now," she said, after taking a couple of long draws on the cigarette. "I understand, why the two of us get along so well."

Not exactly how he'd put it, but yes, there was a natural affinity he felt for her.

"We are both damaged goods you and I. Each one in his own way, but just as badly."

The smoke curled and twirled beautifully from her lips. He was curious about her story, but could not bring himself to start any kind of conversation at that moment. The air was too heavy, pressing in on him from all sides.

"We might feel, or want to feel, like we belong with others, but it's just a wishful thinking, a temporary illusion. Eventually, we always end up walking our paths alone. It's just how it is, with people like us. Anyway, that took guts…"

He snorted and pulled on the cigarette. "You don't have to-"

"I don't pity you ….bad, shitty things happen to many people, that's nothing new. What matters to me is that you did this to save me-"

"Again…"

"Hmm?"

"I saved you…again."

"Yes, you're right. But this time was different. I said my goodbyes to this world for real. I felt your brother's determination and even when you were pleading him, I knew, I could feel it, nothing you say will deter him from slashing my throat. It turned out I was wrong, of course, but I'm aware how much it cost you. I'm pretty sure, 'cause of the way you are, you'd rather chose any kind of physical pain over revealing yourself like that, had it been a possibility."

Indeed, if there was any other option, he'd never tell Merle. That Frank abused him in his younger age was a secret he wanted to take to the grave. It wasn't for long and as soon as he got bigger, Frank wouldn't dare to touch him anymore. Cause that's the kind of man Frank was, going only after people, who were much weaker than him. He dealt with it long ago, and apart from deep mistrust and general aversion to emotional or physical closeness with other people, it was long gone from his system. He never thought of burdening anyone, especially not his brother, with this. But no pleading would help this time, not even telling Merle she saved his life. Frank was like a brother to Merle and to pardon his killer was not an option. So he told him about who Frank really was and what he did to him while Merle was away on the road or passed out drunk somewhere. He knew Merle would have no need to revenge after that. It was or the unpleasant truth or to kill him to save Niko, and he certainly didn't want to kill his brother.

He felt weak though, for the first time in a long time. He'd never forget the expression on Merle's face as he uttered the words. So much pain and guilt shot through his brother's eyes, he thought he was going to stab himself with the knife he held at Niko's throat. As soon as he let her go, he left too. He couldn't bear to take another look at his devastated brother. Something broke between them and it was beyond repair.

"That bastard Frank is lucky to be already dead. Your brother would…" Without finishing her sentence she drew on a cigarette once more and stubbed it out. She turned to him. "It means you really care about me."

Did he? He ruined the relationship between him and his brother forever to save her life. He'd do it again too. Yes, he cared about her.

"You barely know me, and ….well, nobody ever did so much for me. Thanks."

For once he felt like it matters whether he was on this world or not. She needed him, really needed him. And for that, he needed her. He suddenly wished for her touch, not the kind he received from her down in the corridor upon their first meeting, but for a different one, the kind he has so far avoided his entire life.

He kept the thoughts to himself and they sat in silence for the remaining time, smoking almost a full pack.

Thanks for reading and all your likes. Pls leave your commments, reviews, opinions...anything you want. Hopefully next chapter soon! :)