Elyse settled into her life over the years. She took care of her brother, Kei, when her parents needed the help. She spent time with her strange friends, Diane and Isamu. She visited Mitsuko to needle more stories out of the woman. She trained with her parents. Eri taught her weapon mastery and taijutsu. Haru taught her how to use her chakra to be stealthy. The Nintendo clan specialized in stealth and speed. It was important to have both to keep all their secrets hidden. Elyse was truly happy for the first time in what felt like forever.
At the physical age of eight, Elyse passed the graduation exam along with her two friends. Not even the lackluster congratulations from the sensei could drag her mood down. "You all pass," the teacher said tiredly to the kids left in the room after he kicked half of them out. "Grab a headband before you leave." He left without further ado leaving a class of fifteen stunned students.
"Come on. Let's go," Elyse said to her clanmates. They didn't need a headband. The Nintendo clan provided the headbands for their own members.
"Shouldn't he tell us what to do now? Like give us missions or something? What are we supposed to do after getting our headbands?" Diane asked excitement reverberating through her voice.
"I think we're on our own now," Elyse said. "The kids that can't figure out what to do aren't worthy of the genin title."
"Am I not worthy of the genin title?" Diane asked nervously.
"You're fine, Diane," Isamu reassured. "All we need to do is find a jonin instructor to take us on. Our clan always provides instructors for new genin."
"Oh, ok," Diane relaxed. "Who will be our instructor then?"
"Mr. Peterson," Isamu answered simply. Elyse spun towards him, mouth open.
"What!?" she shrieked. Mr. Peterson would not make a good jonin instructor at all. He liked to lecture, not teach. How did that even happen?
"Just kidding," Isamu said with a pleased smile for getting the reaction he wanted out of Elyse. Elyse smacked his arm lightly.
"Don't joke like that. I could just picture him sitting us down in front of him and describing the correct way to perform a replacement jutsu for the duration of our training. Besides, I'm pretty sure he still hates me."
"I had a teacher that hated me in sixth grade. Mrs. Navarez, her name was. She taught English. Sometimes, she taught art too. I only had her for English."
"Hey, isn't your dad a jonin?" Diane interrupted before Isamu could go on one of his tangents.
"Yes, he is." Elyse gladly grabbed onto the distraction Diane handed her. "I'm pretty sure he would have already offered if he wanted to be my jonin instructor, though."
"What about Mitsuko?"
Elyse snorted. "Diane, she's 56 years old. She doesn't want to go on anymore ninja missions."
"My friend, Ryan, was in the class too, but Mrs. Navarez liked him," Isamu persisted.
Elyse rounded on him and pointed an accusing finger at him. "You're telling your stories in the most boring way possible on purpose, aren't you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Isamu said with a blank expression.
"You are! Admit it. I've figured out your game, Isamu. Congratulations. You pranked the whole village. You can give it up now. You're caught."
"I didn't think my stories were that bad. What makes them so boring?" Isamu asked innocently.
"I'm not falling for it anymore," Elyse reaffirmed.
"Alright. Fine." Isamu sighed.
"Wait, were you really faking your poor storytelling?" Diane asked with a frown.
"Sort of," Isamu admitted. "I'm not great at it anyways. I really wasn't at all interesting in my old life, so I made my stories more boring than they needed to be in the hopes that people would stop asking about my life. It worked. And then it just became fun to annoy people."
"I knew it. You started to make yourself too obvious lately. Continuing a story when we interrupted you… Please, that's way too obvious." Elyse felt relief in finding out that her friend was not the worst in the world at something. "You know, there are easier ways to get people to stop asking you about your past life."
"I suppose I could just lie about it like you do," Isamu mused.
"What? I don't lie about my past life," Elyse denied.
"So you were really killed by a shot put throw to the head?" Isamu asked doubtfully. Elyse nodded vigorously.
"You told me it was a discus to the head," Diane accused.
Oops. Elyse shrugged her shoulders. "So I sometimes get my old school Olympian projectiles confused. It's still how I died."
"How? The discus or the shot put?"
The three newly minted genin put a halt to their conversation as they entered the clan compound. Diane's parents, Elyse's parents and brother, and the head of the clan stood by the entrance each holding a new headband. Elyse tried not to roll her eyes. She didn't want to do this ritual.
Diane stepped forward first. She bowed to the head of the clan, Juanita Molina. "I, Diane Fujiwara, accept my position as genin of the Nintendo clan of Sunagakure. I promise to uphold the clans secrets and above all else to join in the clan duty to preserve the sanctity of canon."
Juanita smiled. "You are accepted as genin of the Nintendo clan, Diane Fujiwara. Take your headband and await your assignment."
Diane took her headband from her parents, hugged them, and then waited as Isamu stepped forward for his turn. Elyse hated herself as she repeated the stupid lines required for the ceremony, but it had to be done. She could take a shower to wash off the absurdity later.
After Elyse took her headband from her parents, Juanita cleared her throat. "Your jonin instructor will meet you at Carpaccio's tomorrow at noon." With that, she left the area.
"Our jonin instructor wants to meet at an Italian restaurant?" Elyse asked incredulously. She shook her head. "Sure. Why not?"
Noon the next day, Elyse stood outside Carpaccio's with her two new teammates. "He's late," Diane complained.
"I'm sure he'll show up soon," Isamu said yawning.
"How are you so tired? It's noon," Diane said placing her hands on her hips.
"I spent the night inventing a new game," Isamu said. "It's a card game where the goal is to cheat without anyone else noticing. I'm still hammering out all the details."
"Ah, ninja cards," Elyse said in understanding. "I'd kick your ass at that."
"Careful. Not around the kid," Isamu warned nodding his head towards Diane who scowled at him. "You know her dad hates when you cuss around her."
"Shut up, Isamu," Diane snapped. "I'm eleven. I'm old enough to hear the word 'ass'."
Elyse gasped and looked around while covering Diane's mouth with her hand. "Oh no. I've corrupted her. Isamu, what do we do?"
Diane twisted out of Elyse's grasp. "Ass," she called Elyse.
At that moment, a black haired gentleman around 30 years old exited the restaurant and stared curiously at the kids. "Aren't you three going to come inside?"
"We're waiting for our jonin sensei. He's late," Diane explained. The gentleman blinked.
"No, I'm not. What kind of sensei would I be if I couldn't show up at the time I set? I've been waiting inside the restaurant for the last 20 minutes. You three are late," he said. The three genin stared back at him in silence for a good ten seconds.
"Well, how were we supposed to know that?" Elyse muttered. She brushed past the guy that was to be her new jonin sensei.
The guy led them to a table and gestured for them to sit. "It's tradition amongst new teams for everyone to introduce themselves listing their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams for the future," he said once they were all sitting.
"Let's not," Elyse said immediately. "Introductions like that are always the most awkward things. Besides, we already know each other. Why don't you just tell us your name and we can get on with it?"
"Fine. I'm Ryuu Peterson," the man said. Elyse froze.
"Peterson? Like the guy that teaches Naruto history to children?"
"Yes. That's my father."
Elyse turned to Isamu angrily. "This is your fault. You jinxed us."
Isamu held up his hands in innocence. "Don't blame me. I don't assign jonin senseis."
"Is there a problem?" Ryuu asked.
"No, no. Of course not," Elyse reassured with a smile. Ryuu looked back at her doubtfully. "I just don't think your father likes me much."
"You must be Elyse," Ryuu said simply. "Dad said you were a handful, but they promised me double pay and less hours, so I figured it was worth it." He turned to the other two. "And I guess that makes you Diane and Isamu."
They both nodded. "Why are we in an Italian restaurant?" Diane burst out like she waited to ask that the whole time.
"Because I like Italian," Ryuu answered simply. Diane slumped in her seat. "And I heard the lobster ravioli here is to die for."
Isamu pointed to Diane. "She doesn't need the ravioli. She's Diane already."
Elyse erupted into giggles as Diane rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. Ryuu frowned at Isamu. "I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Because you said the ravioli was to die for," Elyse explained once she got a hold of herself. "And Diane sounds like dying. It was great."
"No, it wasn't, Elyse," Diane huffed in annoyance. "You're the only person that thinks Isamu's jokes are funny. Honestly, your four year old brother makes better jokes than Isamu."
"Yesterday, Kei asked me what a goat with three legs was called. The answer was a goat," Elyse said unimpressed with her brother's non joke.
"Exactly. A better joke than any Isamu makes," Diane maintained.
Elyse started to say something back when she heard Ryuu muttering to himself quietly about double pay. "I heard that Ryuu," she said.
In the end, Ryuu made an okay teacher all things considered. He didn't like teaching and he was only there for the perks of the job, but he never slacked. Under his tutelage, the three friends improved their strength, stamina, and basic ability all while starting their in depth stealth training. In six months time, they were able to move on from D ranks to C ranks.
Meanwhile, Haru started teaching Elyse his own secret technique. The technique wasn't nearly as cool as Elyse expected. In fact, she didn't understand the purpose of it at all. "This technique is like the replacement jutsu," Haru started. "But instead of replacing yourself with a nearby object, you replace yourself with nothing."
Elyse waited for Haru to expand on his explanation, but he just looked expectantly back at Elyse. "Um, I don't think I'm getting it. Can you show me an example?"
Haru went through a series of hand signs, paused a beat, and then turned triumphantly to Elyse. "There. You see, I successfully switched places with nothing."
"I-" Elyse found herself a bit lost for words. "This is the technique that got you promoted to jonin?"
"Yes." Haru smiled proudly.
"I see. Who is responsible for jonin promotions again?"
"The jonin commander."
"And that would be?" Elyse pressed.
Haru rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I don't know who it is now, but Kin Akagi was the jonin commander that promoted me."
"Right, right. And where can I find him?"
"He's in the Suna mental hospital right now."
"That… is not the least bit surprising," Elyse said. She looked backwards into their house. "You know what, I think Eri's going to need help with dinner tonight with everyone that's coming over." The family was throwing a small celebration for Kei's fifth birthday.
"Oh," Haru said widening his eyes in realization. "I'm sorry, Elyse. I'm absolutely terrible at explaining things. When I say I replace myself with nothing, I mean that briefly, literally nothing is in the spot where I just was."
"But I saw you standing there the whole time," Elyse pointed out.
"I did say briefly. You just missed when I disappeared. Watch more closely this time." Haru repeated the jutsu, Elyse noticed a very slight flicker.
"That's hardly long enough to matter."
"On the contrary. It's just the right amount of time for kunai, shuriken, senbon, or whatever people throw to fly right through me."
"That… actually sounds a little useful," Elyse allowed. She still thought a regular replacement jutsu would work just as well there, but she figured Haru's jutsu at least allowed him to keep on the same path and surprise the enemy. "But what happens to you when you switch places with nothing? Where do you go?"
"Nowhere. I just don't exist for that time." Elyse shivered. Maybe she didn't want to learn this technique, after all. "Don't worry. It doesn't last long enough for your mind to comprehend it."
"Ok. How do I do it?"
Haru squinted at Elyse noticing the hesitance on her face. "Tell you what, why don't you go help your mother with dinner and we'll pick this back up tomorrow?"
Elyse nodded and headed towards the door. A thought struck her, and she paused to turn back to Haru. "Hey, why is Kin Akagi in the mental hospital?"
"He's a doctor there," Haru answered simply.
"You really should mention these things sooner," Elyse said in exasperation. She went back inside the house.
The sort of replacement jutsu was not an easy jutsu to learn. It took a whole year for Elyse to use it the first time and three more years for her to completely master it. Elyse stared behind her at the barrage of senbon that had presumably passed through the area she stood in. She looked back at Haru.
"I think I've finally gotten the hang of this." Haru stepped forward and hugged Elyse.
"Congratulations. Carry on my legacy well."
Suddenly, the clan alarm went off throughout the compound. The clan alarm being a harried ninja running around screaming, "Someone's disrupting canon! Someone's disrupting canon!"
Haru released Elyse, horror etching across his face. "That's the most critical alarm we have. It's never been sounded before."
Elyse was practically bouncing on her toes, curiosity racing through her. Had it been done without her help? Was canon ruined? She could only hope. "Let's go to the town hall! That's what protocol says."
It took a while to get to the town hall due to the traffic. Everyone over the mental age of twelve headed over to hear what happened and what the clan response would be. "Quiet! Everyone!" Juanita spoke loudly over the crowd. "Let's hear what Mr. Peterson has to say."
The man that used to teach Elyse stood next to Juanita a little paler than usual. "I just received word from one of my spies in Konoha," he said with a grave tone. "She informed me that Sasuke Uchiha ate a full plate of breakfast the morning of the bell test."
Pandemonium broke out among the crowd. Someone started crying. Parents comforted their children although they themselves were on the verge of panicking. Beside Elyse, Eri moaned, "How could this have happened?" Elyse pondered the possibility that reincarnation made people go a little insane. Or, perhaps, only insane people got reincarnated.
"Everybody calm down," Juanita said gently to the crowd of chaos in front of her. "There is no need to panic. Yes, I know Sasuke Uchiha did not eat breakfast in the original version of the story, but this is a minor change. We need to keep calm in these crucial times and figure out a way to prevent anymore changes from happening."
"But he ate breakfast!" a voice called out despairingly. "What if Sakura or Naruto ate breakfast too?" Panicked murmurs rose up again at the possibility.
"They didn't," Mr. Peterson said before the crowd could rile itself up again. "My spy assures me that neither of them had so much as a grain of rice that morning."
The crowd relaxed a little bit at the news though remained wary due to the news about Sasuke. For her part, Elyse felt more than a little bit disappointed. Upon hearing the alarm, she imagined something much more significant like maybe Naruto failing the test or something. This breakfast nonsense didn't even matter. Not that the crowd agreed with that.
"Whoever caused this should be strung up and hung," a voice shouted.
"Yeah!" agreed the crowd.
"No one's going to be strung up and hung," Juanita said hurriedly. "Although they will need to answer some questions. We're going to come up with a plan to find the culprit, and we will execute that plan without delay. I'm going to need all jonin capable clan members to meet at the Hall of Justice."
Damn. Elyse really wanted to hear the plan. Haru turned to his wife and daughter putting a hand on each of their shoulders. "I'll be back," he said. "Don't worry. We'll ensure canon lives on."
Eri hugged her husband. "Be careful," she whispered to him.
"Yeah, um, go make plans about restoring canon. You can do it." Elyse gave Haru a thumbs up trying not to let her apathy show.
When Eri and Elyse got back to their house, Eri gathered Kei in her arms holding him tight. "Mom, what?" Kei looked at his sister for help.
"Sasuke ate breakfast before the bell test thus slightly changing canon," Elyse explained. When Kei's face continued to look bewildered, Elyse just shrugged at him with a feeling of pride. Unlike most members of the clan, Kei never understood the importance of canon. Elyse loved her brother.
The jonin of the clan finally settled on a plan months later. Elyse didn't learn of this until she, Diane, and Isamu stood in front of Juanita, Mr. Peterson, and Haru in the Hall of Justice. "You three will go to Konoha to take the chunin exam. The chunin exam lasts months, so you'll have time to observe everyone in Konoha. Focus primarily on team seven."
"Yes, Miss Suzuki?" Mr. Peterson called as Elyse raised her hand.
"Wouldn't having us take the chunin exam change canon more than Sasuke eating breakfast? I'm pretty sure we weren't at the chunin exams in the manga."
"Some of the other jonin had the same complaints. We've already discussed this ad nauseam," Juanita said with the soullessness of a person that couldn't bear to rehash the same points even just one more time.
"But we weren't here for the argument, so I don't understand," said Elyse.
Juanita turned to Haru tiredly. "Haru, please take this one."
Haru nodded. "Elyse, it is true that we put canon in danger by entering you into the chunin exams, but we have to take the risk in order to find out who caused the first change in canon. If we left it alone, who knows what could happen? You are to fail the first part of the exams anyway to minimize the risk."
Elyse thought the whole thing a disproportionate response to breakfast, but she forced herself to let reason go in favor of getting to go to the place that would offer her the most opportunities to really change canon. Diane stepped forward hesitantly. "Excuse me, but my dad says I'm not allowed to take the chunin exam until I'm sixteen."
Elyse nodded. That was the reason the whole team were still genin. Isamu and Elyse didn't want to take the test without Diane, and Diane's dad didn't want her taking on harder missions.
"We are aware of that, and we already got permission from your father to make an exception in this case," Juanita said. "He understands that you could play an important role in saving canon."
Diane looked down at the ground overcome with emotion. "You honor me," she whispered.
"Head up, Diane," Juanita coaxed. Diane looked up hesitantly. "There isn't another team of three I would pick for this mission. You are all exceptionally skilled for genin. And the other team I asked refused, but never mind that. Will you three accept this mission and the dangers that come with it?"
"Of course!" Diane answered immediately.
"Definitely," Elyse said firmly shortly after. She was already imagining all the canon events she could mess with.
"Eh, I guess I don't have anything better to do," Isamu said with a shrug. He glanced at Diane out of the corner of his eye and carried on. "I was genin a little tired of being a genin anyways."
Diane groaned and rolled her eyes, Elyse cackled, and Juanita kicked them out of the room. "How can you be laughing at that?" Diane complained to Elyse. "That was the worst one yet."
Elyse put an arm around Diane's shoulder. "Diane, my young non reincarnated friend, you still have a lot to learn. Haven't you realized yet that the joke isn't in the pun?"
Diane raised her brows suspiciously at Elyse while removing her arm from her shoulders. "What are you talking about? What else would the joke be?"
"The joke is in everyone's reaction to the puns," Isamu explained. "Your groans and eye rolls, the disappointed face everyone has when they finally realize a terrible pun has been made. That's humor."
Diane blinked at him. "You know what, I'm going to see if I can go to the chunin exams with a different team."
The day before Elyse left for Konoha, she visited Mitsuko to say goodbye. "Before you go, I have one last story for you," Mitsuko said. Elyse smiled. Mitsuko always had a story for her. "It's about how I lost my sharingan."
Elyse's smile disappeared in shock. "Are you sure you want to entrust me with that story?"
"Of course, I'm sure. I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't sure," Mitsuko snapped. "I'm telling you this because I know that you are like myself. You don't care two bits about canon."
Elyse gasped. "You don't care about canon either?" It was official. Mitsuko was her favorite person.
"Of course not. What happens happens. Who cares about some story from our first world?" Mitsuko said with a snort.
"Yes. Exactly. Why is there all this fuss about keeping everything exactly the same as the Naruto story? I couldn't believe the chaos in the clan after the Sasuke incident."
Mitsuko shook her head. "Truth be told, that incident gave me great hope. See, I used to think it was impossible to change canon because I tried, Elyse. Oh, did I try. And that's the story I wanted to tell you today."
Elyse leaned in closer to Mitsuko to make sure she didn't miss anything.
"You asked me whether I had the Mangekyou sharingan. I did. I received my Mangekyou when I thought Hana Aburame committed suicide after I accidentally killed a few of her bugs. I later learned that her bugs could catch her in midair and fly her to safety, but I still received my Mangekyou in the few seconds that I thought I was responsible for her death. When I got my Mangekyou, I knew that I had to use it to save the Uchiha clan from it's fate. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it, I just knew that I was going to do it.
"An idea came to me one day as I went to Uchiha festival with my family. At the time, I remembered that someone killed the clan to prevent the coup, but I didn't remember who. I decided that I needed help to either stop the clan from planning a coup or to figure out who would massacre the clan. I told my family everything. I told them I was reincarnated, I told them about the story my grandson used to love about Konoha ninja. It took a while to get them to believe me, but eventually, they were convinced.
"After my revelations, my parents involved themselves more with clan politics taking a stand that the clan should work on improving relations with the village. They made a lot of enemies with Uchiha that were furious at the unfair treatment of the Uchiha by the village, but they managed to change the minds of a few.
"All their efforts went to waste when they turned up dead in the middle of the street in the Konoha market. I knew it was one of the clan members more vocally opposed to Konoha that had murdered my parents, but he succeeded at framing a Konoha council member as the murderer. I disposed of the real murderer without getting caught, but the damage was already done. My sister, Keiko, and I were left without parents, and the Uchiha's rage at the village was renewed. I knew then and there that I had to put all my efforts into making sure Keiko didn't die in the massacre.
"I pleaded and begged for Keiko to go with me to join the Nintendo clan, but she refused. She had a husband and child by that point. She wouldn't leave them, and she wouldn't force them to a new less safe village. I told her Konoha was the least safe village for an Uchiha, but she insisted she would leave if the Uchiha started pushing for a coup. Not until then, though, no matter what I said.
"I eventually relented under one condition, that Keiko take my Mangekyou sharingan so she could protect herself against the attacker. We had her husband, a medic, swap our eyes, and then I no longer had the sharingan. See, Keiko was a rare Uchiha kunoichi that never received her sharingan. I believe it was a genetic mutation.
"I left Konoha soon after I imparted Keiko with my eyes expecting her to join me when she realized her options were limited. Only days after taking my place in the Nintendo clan, I received notice from Konoha informing me that Keiko had died on a mission in Mist.
"I almost gave up on saving the Uchiha clan then. Keiko was the only Uchiha I still cared for. But then I remembered Keiko's child. I sent word to the Uchiha clan telling them all I knew about the massacre which was significantly more after I'd become part of the Nintendo clan. I never thought that my warnings would have no effect."
Elyse and Mitsuko sat in sorrowful silence at the end of her words. Elyse remembered Mitsuko being absolutely devastated for weeks after the Uchiha massacre. At the time, she thought it was just sadness for the death of her clan, but now Elyse realized Mitsuko hadn't expected a massacre to happen at all.
"Keiko's kid?" Elyse asked because she had to know. Mitsuko shook her head silently. "I'm sorry."
"Elyse, a lot of people I've loved have been taken from me through death. I miss them all, but I've learned to move passed it. I had to or I wouldn't be here right now."
Elyse suddenly felt like she had to share something with Mitsuko after Mitsuko had given Elyse her most personal story. "I committed suicide," Elyse admitted for the first time. "That's how I really died. I jumped off a cliff."
"I know," was all Mitsuko said. Elyse hugged the old woman goodbye.
The next day, Elyse got up early to set off for Konoha. Her mom, dad, and brother walked her to the gates of the village where Diane already stood with her family. "Where's Isamu?" Diane asked impatiently shifting from foot to foot clearly unable to keep still in the midst of her excitement.
"I don't know. It's still early," Elyse said.
"Are you excited?" Diane asked. "I'm excited. We'll get to meet all of the main characters!"
"Diane, you'll be there to preserve canon," Diane's father chastised.
Diane nodded, immediately contrite. "Yes, of course. I just can't believe I'll be seeing all of them."
Elyse sighed. She wished Diane weren't so obsessed with the Naruto story. It was an epidemic within the clan. Shortly afterwards, Isamu showed up to the gate with Ryuu Peterson in tow. Elyse hoped their jonin sensei didn't have to accompany them, but that was the rule.
"Alright. Say your goodbyes," Ryuu said. "I want to leave before it gets any hotter. We'll be travelling across a desert, you know?"
Elyse hugged her parents and her brother goodbye. "We're so proud of you, Elyse," said Eri with a smile. "Don't forget to write back home."
"I won't," she promised.
"Can you steal one of the Inuzuka's dogs?" Kei asked. "I want a ninja dog."
"I'll see what I can do," Elyse lied. With that, Ryuu and the three genin set off for Konoha.
The journey to Konoha was long, arduous, and filled with annoyances. Ryuu escaped the annoyances by insisting on travelling far ahead of the genin claiming that he needed to scout the area. The other three practiced getting on each others' nerves. "Isamu, if you don't stop humming that song, I will literally break your arms," Elyse said after she felt a headache coming up.
Isamu stopped his humming abruptly and looked at Elyse quizzically. "When you say that, are you using literally to mean literally or to mean figuratively."
"To mean literally, of course," Elyse said. "No one uses literally to mean figuratively."
"So if I continued to hum, you would actually break my arms? That's a little harsh."
"No, I wouldn't break your arms. I was speaking figuratively."
"But you just said you were being literal."
"No. I said my use of literally was literal. There are two options for making that sentence mean that I won't break your arms. The first is the one I used where I used literally to mean literally to make a figurative statement. The second option is to use literally to mean figuratively to make a literal statement. If I used literally to mean figuratively to make a figurative statement, that would mean I was saying that I will, in fact, break your arms. It's like a double negative."
"How do I know you weren't following the second option, then?"
"Because that would be stupid. Literally doesn't mean figuratively. I wouldn't use it to mean something that it doesn't mean. In that case, I might as well just say 'I will figuratively break your arms' which sounds lame and completely destroys the bite in the sentence."
"Why even bother saying 'literally' though? It makes the word meaningless and adds nothing to the statement. There's no difference between saying 'I will break your arms' and 'I will literally break your arms' in a figurative way."
"Because it's habit."
"I still think you can use literally to mean figuratively."
"Actually, I changed my mind. I was using literally literally and the sentence was literal. It was just a lie and lying is different than being figurative." Elyse nodded to herself.
"That's great and all," Diane broke in insincerely. "But if this conversation is still going in the next minute, I will literally break your arm."
"Are you using literally to mean figuratively in a literal statement, or are you using literally to mean literally in a figurative statement?" Isamu piped up.
"Or were you just lying?" Elyse added.
"None of the above. I'm using literally to mean literally in a literal statement, and I mean it truthfully. Feel free to check that." Neither Isamu nor Elyse took Diane up on that offer. They toned down their irritating habits for the rest of the trip.
The team strolled slowly through Konoha after getting their papers checked by the guards at the gate. Slowly because Diane kept stopping to gawk at things she recognized from drawings. "Oh my God! Look at that!" she kept saying.
"Yes, yes. It's a building," Ryuu said absently without looking where Diane pointed.
"Actually, it's a person," said Isamu who did look where Diane pointed. All three spoke Japanese for it was mostly forbidden to speak another language outside of the clan compound. That helped to ensure other ninja didn't learn one of the Nintendo clan's languages.
Elyse followed Diane's finger and indeed, a girl with pink hair stood at an outdoor shop directly in line with Diane's fingers. "Diane, don't point," Elyse said pushing the girl's hand down. "Just because her hair is a strange color doesn't mean you can make a spectacle out of her."
"Oops. Sorry," said Diane with a blush at her slip. She really needed to do better at staying incognito. "Hey… we need bread, right?"
Elyse looked over to Sakura and saw that the shop she stood at was in fact a bakery. "No. We need to check into our hotel," Ryuu said sternly. He frowned at Diane. "No funny business. We're here to work."
Diane dragged her feet as they continued along. A plan formed into Elyse's mind. The first part of the chunin exams wasn't for another couple of days. She could probably convince Diane to bump into some main characters. It just depended on whether Diane's desire to meet her childhood heroes outweighed her devotion to canon.
"Hey," Elyse said slowly after they finished settling into their hotel room. Ryuu had his own room, of course. "We should check out that ramen place from the manga. Ichiraku or whatever."
From his spot on the bed, Isamu cracked an eye open to eye Elyse suspiciously. Diane's eyes lit up. "Yes! We definitely have to go there. Just as long as it's not during a canon moment."
"Are there any canon moments at Ichiraku around this time?" Elyse asked. Diane didn't answer as she ran out the door yelling for the other two to follow her. Elyse looked at Isamu and raised her brows at him in question. "You coming?"
"Nope. I want sleep." Isamu rolled over and snuggled into a pillow. Elyse shrugged to herself and ran off after Diane.
"This ramen is… unimpressive," Diane decided halfway through her bowl of ramen.
"It taste quite rameny," Elyse said in agreement. "I don't know why you expected differently. It's ramen."
"But it's the ramen," Diane emphasized. "The one from you know."
Elyse sighed. She did know. "That doesn't stop it from being ramen. I mean it is quite good ramen, but what you can't expect more than this."
"Fine," Diane grumbled before continuing to stuff the ramen into her face. Suddenly, she stopped staring with wide eyes a distance away from the ramen shop. "Look who it is! The Kazekage's children!"
Sure enough, Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara stood by a tree seemingly staring at the ground next to it. "And? You've already seen them all before. We're from Suna, like them. Kankuro was in our class at the academy."
"Yeah, but they weren't in Konoha then," Diane said as if that changed everything. She tapped her finger on her lips thoughtfully. "We should probably greet them. It wouldn't do if our clan ignored our fellow Sunans and the Kazekage's children at that. Think about the political repercussions."
"The Suna government already accepts that we keep to ourselves. That's why we're not part of the invasion plan. They would probably be more freaked by us than anything." This was one part of canon Elyse did not want to venture into. Right now, Gaara loved hurting people, and Elyse loved not getting hurt. Staying away from Gaara was the best way to avoid such things.
"Did something happen?" Diane asked. "I think i can feel Gaara radiating killing intent from here."
"I think that's just Gaara's natural rate of killing intent," Elyse guessed.
"He has a natural rate of killing intent?"
Elyse nodded. "Every ninja has a natural rate of killing intent," Elyse said. "It's the part of you that wants to give off a threat to anyone that might consider attacking you. It's also the small part of you that's reacting to minor annoyances like the sun shining in your eyes, or your younger brother taking the last samosa even though he knows you love samosas and you only had one because you were too busy making the rest of dinner."
"Kei, I'm guessing," Diane said dryly.
"Yep. But moving on, a person's rate of killing intent can fluctuate depending on what happens throughout the day and their emotional response to it, but in the long term, the rate of killing intent will lean towards the natural rate of killing intent of around 4.5%. You won't even feel that low of killing intent. Gaara's natural rate of killing intent is much higher than a normal person's. That's why you can feel it from all the way over here," Elyse finished while Diane looked on with a flat stare.
"It's sounds like you're talking about the natural rate of unemployment which means you made the natural rate of killing intent up."
"No, no. It's real," Elyse lied. "It just shares a few similarities."
"And the natural rate of killing intent is about 4.5%?"
"Yes."
"4.5% of what?"
"Of the total amount of chakra that flows freely around your body."
"Damn it, Elyse. Just admit you're making this up," Diane said folding her arms.
"I can't admit something that's not true," Elyse said with a smirk.
"Whatever." Diane got up. "I'm going to pay the Kazekage's children the respects of the Nintendo clan."
Elyse reached out and grabbed Diane's arm before she could leave. "Are you crazy? You know what Gaara's like."
"Relax. He's not going to do anything in the middle of a foreign village." With that, Diane snatched her arm back and started towards the siblings. Elyse reluctantly joined her.
As Diane and Elyse got closer to the siblings, Elyse saw that they were staring at a sprinkler. Elyse could kind of understand the confusion. The sprinkler was a little too close to the tree for maximum optimization. She wondered who planned the sprinkler system for this area. That was the only sprinkler in the area and everything behind the tree was blocked off by the tree. Still, she didn't understand why that sprinkler caused killing intent to pour off of Gaara.
By Diane's horrified gasp, she understood perfectly. "What a waste of water!" Oh, right. Elyse had forgotten about the importance of water in Suna. Perhaps having grown up with plenty of water in her first life made her immune to the worship for water that native Sunans developed.
The other three turned to stare at Diane as she spoke. "Isn't it?" Temari said shaking her head. "We asked one of the villagers what was so special about this grass that they were willing to invest precious water into it, but she just looked at us like we were the strange ones."
"Half the water sprayed the side of the tree!" Kankuro waved an arm at the tree wildly in outrage.
"I want to find out who's responsible for this," Gaara said in a cold voice, his killing intent spiking shortly. Everyone there shivered as they felt icy fear resonating throughout their blood in response.
"Whoa, that was way above the natural rate of killing intent!" Elyse exclaimed before she could stop herself. Three gazes swung from Diane to her.
"What?" Temari asked with a furrowed brow.
"Don't ask," Diane interjected. "She's just blathering."
Temari suddenly frowned at the headband on Diane's head. On principle, Elyse refused to wear hers unless absolutely necessary. "The Nintendo clan. I heard you guys had a team in these exams. I hope you will represent the village well."
Elyse glanced askance at Gaara as he tore the sprinkler out of the ground with his sand. "We'll try. Someone needs to."
Diane kicked Elyse in the leg before giving out a forced laugh and smiling at Temari. "Don't listen to her. She's twelve. You know how kids are."
Temari briefly glanced over to where Gaara wrapped sand around the sprinkler and crushed it. "My experience with twelve year olds is kind of specific to one twelve year old. I don't think he quite represents the mean."
"Shh. What if he hears you?" Kankuro hissed to his sister. She paled slightly.
"I meant that he's obviously better than the average twelve year old," Temari covered.
"Indeed," Elyse said quietly as Gaara turned his back on the sprinkler having been satisfied by its demise. "Well, I think we better go now. Our sensei wants us back for training soon."
"We didn't get your names," Gaara said meeting Elyse's gaze. She gulped. His sand still danced around him.
"I'm Elyse. That's Diane."
"Gaara," Gaara said succinctly. He glared pointedly at his siblings.
"I'm Temari," Temari said hastily.
Kankuro followed right afterwards with the same amount of haste even though he'd already met Diane and Elyse. "I'm Kankuro."
"I'm interested to see how the Nintendo clan performs in the exams," Gaara continued. "Maybe I'll meet one of you in the finals."
"Yup. Maybe," Diane squeaked out as she backed away from Gaara and his restless sand. Pleased that Diane was finally seeing the danger, Elyse took the opportunity to drag her away quickly.
"Oh my God. That was amazing!" Diane said as they reached a safe enough distance away from Gaara.
"Amazing?" Elyse asked incredibly. "Just one more sprinkler and Gaara would have been in a bad enough mood to tear our heads off whether we were in the middle of Konoha or not."
"I know, right?" Diane said enthusiastically. "I can't wait to tell my parents about this!" She thought for a second and shook her head. "On second thought, I won't tell them about this. I don't want them freaking out over nothing."
"I wouldn't exactly call it nothing," Elyse muttered.
"Oh my God," Diane breathed for probably the 50th time that day.
"What?" Elyse asked perking up as she tried to figure out what Diane was looking at now. Hopefully, it would be a canon character that hadn't taken up murder as a hobby. She still wanted to do something to mess up canon by the end of the day.
"Hot guy," Diane said and disappeared. Elyse jerked her head around frantically to try to see where Diane went. She finally spotted her talking to a boy working at a takoyaki stand. Elyse grimaced. The poor boy looked like a civilian which meant Diane's usual flirting methods would probably scare him half to death. Elyse slowly made her way to the stand trying not to interfere because she didn't want Diane to get mad at her.
"Breaking their arm is almost always a sure fire way to stop your everyday petty criminal," Diane was saying as Elyse drew closer. The boy running the stand had a strained smile plastered on his face as he listened to Diane. "With ninja, it's a little harder, but I'm sort of a master at crushing all the bones in an enemy ninja's hand. They can't perform hand seals with crushed hands."
Diane pulled out a heavy chain and showed it off to the boy. "I just wrap this around their hands and then pull it tight until the bones crack. I haven't yet met a ninja that didn't end up out for the count after being on the receiving end of my bone pulverizer."
The civilian kept his smile constant as Diane bragged about her brutal prowess. "That's very impressive," he said politely. He clearly had experience talking to ninja.
"Thank you." Diane smiled sweetly at her target. "What time do you get off work?"
"I have the night shift today. I don't get off of work until six tomorrow morning," the boy said hurriedly.
"But it's only four," Diane protested. "And who buys takoyaki after midnight?"
"My boss hates me, and ninjas have strange schedules," the boy explained. Elyse admired the poise he kept throughout the whole interaction even though he was clearly nervous.
"Ah, well. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow." Diane left the boy alone. He watched her warily until she was a safe enough distance away.
"Maybe you should stick to non civilian boys," Elyse suggested when Diane reached her.
Diane frowned at her. "Why?"
Elyse sighed. "You know what, never mind. Keep scaring all the civilian boys. It's kind of amusing."
"What's scary about what I said? I'm just showing that I can protect us from enemy ninja if the need should ever arise. Do civilians want a girl that runs screaming at the sight of an attacker?"
"Some of them, probably, but I think you just have to stop being so graphic. It makes civilians think about their own bones getting crushed when you talk about crushing enemies' bones."
"Whatever. I don't want some guy that's going to chicken out over a bit of pain," Diane scoffed.
"That's why I said you should give up on civilian boys," Elyse said.
"But civilian boys are so innocent. It's cute."
"That's completely contradictory to what you just said!" Diane stared back at her blankly. "Never mind. Let's go back to the hotel room. I don't think I'm going to get anything else out of this day." Elyse had a better plan for disrupting canon anyways. She just had to wait for the first part of the chunin exams.